in bloom

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-07-26T00:08:00

2008-07-26T07:12:07Z

I.

My brother has
technicolor
dreams of fish in
fantasy blue and white.
This

was the best of times.

He is happy, he is sad
he is scratched-up, broken:
My mother, my father,
My poor baby brother.

II.

My dreams are more sinuous,
more nightmarish.
It is grey, it is Cain and Abel,
it is black-and-white.
I've become obsessed with it:
cruelty, cruelty.

The delicate science, its subtle
mystery.
An alchemist, burdened with
its trappings.

III.

And I
dream cities, tall buildings,
walls battered and unclean.

She says to me
I think your mother
loves me more than
you.

And I
dream seascapes, jagged rocks,
a boat departing from shore.

IV.

Today I am Cain
tomorrow I am Abel
I am Eve, I am Adam
I am Son of Man and
Progenitor of Sin.

Then I wake up and
tell my dreams to
piss off because I like being
female thank you very much.

(Eve does not count because she
is dumb and stereotypical like Jezebel
who is another dumb and stupid
woman made up by dumb and stupid
sexists who all happened to
write the Bible.)

Maybe this is why Sidney tells me
I am going to hell.

Fuck you Sidney, atheist Sidney.
I will play God and
let you go to purgatory
and I'll go to hell because
I'd rather not be stuck in Hell
forever with you. That is,
if I believed in Hell.
(Which I don't.)

V.

So maybe she doesn't use
the word, love. So maybe it's
another word, taped up and
boxed away in dusty
attics marked
HERE I AM FOR THE TAKING.

I don't know if I should've posted this poem. What do you think because I don't know what to think either.

THE DARK KNIGHT x YUNJAE ROFLMAO XD

2008-07-18T02:28:33Z

I couldn't bear to desecrate Jaejoong's ~~doll~~face, so Yunho, it had to be you. I do this out of love~ (◕ ◡ ◕) / ♥

I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE DARK KNIGHT!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO GET ME SOME ~~BATMAN X JOKER~~ HARVEY DENT X BRUCE WAYNE!!!!! HAHAHAHHAHA

Soo I'm off to pilates class then going off to wait in line for the midnight showing~ It's been so long since I've done this. Last time was... Pirates of the Caribbean 3 ~~which went on for way too long ugh~~ which was way too long ago and I'm totally missing the excitement of doing midnight showings!

For those of you who are not understanding why Yunho's face was defiled in such a manner, here: Why so serious?

P.S. I went on to the DBSG comm to check their Oricon ranking and come upon entries upon entries and pictures and downloads of their KBS 30th Anniversary performance, more magazine articles & pictures & fancams and ugh DYING!!! ;____; My brain can't keep up with it all the 20109238192 things they do every single day. ~~When the photobook comes out I'll be truly dead.~~ I need to find like a weekend to get caught up on all that's going on. And flist! I'm so sorry I haven't been checking on you guys either~ ;___; I swear I will soon. I've been busy and kinda sick lately so bear with me pls? ;___;

EDIT: The movie was so crazy intense. I hope I don't get nightmares...!

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-07-08T22:00:00

2008-07-09T05:08:41Z

Original pic here at yunnieaday.

ilusm you dorkus. ❤

I wish I could've known you like this, before you became so famous, so handsome, so old beyond your years.

DORK!YUNHO ~~armed with stuffed animal!Bambi~~ NEEDS TO MAKE A COMEBACK! T____T

[TRANSLATIONS] DBSK in July Issue of Hanako West magazine

2008-06-29T07:21:06Z

I wasn't planning on translating the Hanako West magazine article since I don't have a lot of patience for translating, but someone asked, so here it is.

All of the interviews are really interesting & insightful: Junsu and God, Jaejoong and learning how to sing, Yunho with a never before revealed fact (I never ever, even heard about this), Yoochun with his childhood dream, and Changmin on being an artist. Several parts were also rather ROFLMAO hahah. Enjoy.☺

NOTE: I tried to give detailed summaries of the interviews & translated several parts of the interview of the interview I thought were especially interesting. The italicized is the line above their lines, and the " " without bold is the bolded blue print in the article.

Yoochun:

From the center of his eyes, (you can see) his talent for sexy... (meaning: Yoochun's helplessly sleazy down to the bone HAHA)
"If it was for the sake of being an artist, I'd endure any hardship."

The article starts off with how, during the photoshoot, Yoochun's expressions were the ones to change the quickest & experiment, more than anyone else's, even though they were supposed to be set out already/coordinated. The article, strangely, says that Yoochun is the leader of nonchalantly deciding what to talk about (I thought Yoochun was really quiet during interviews? Maybe he was really playful that day...). It also says his songs/singing is really cool, from his dark/depressing songs to amazing rap, that his approach is really sexy & R&B-influenced. Goes on to mention more about Yoochun's R&B influence, especially since he grew up for six years in a place called Virginia in America HAHAHAHA. At that time, his music was Ray Charles. Yoochun said, "ever since I was little, I really admired Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder. No matter if I sold a lot of albums, or sold nothing, I truly wanted to become an entertainer. If it was for the sake of being an artist, I'd endure any hardship." T___T

Then it goes on to say that three years earlier, he started composing songs and that it really made his heart feel at peace. It continues by saying how Yoochun's a really emotional person, how he's "both a crybaby, and a smile prince." Yoochun then talks about how much he loves taking walks with his Alaskan husky and also how he likes drinking coffee in a cafe and having a good view of the town. The town that he likes doing this in is Odaiba (a resort area in Tokyo Bay known for having a hugeeee ferris wheel :D), especially since "being in the middle of the city with the view of the sea and the ocean breeze is wonderful."

The writer mentions that "since Yoochun has a fear of heights, riding on the ferris wheel (in Odaiba) is No Go (NG). Pity?" AHHAHAH & thanks to everyone who clarified for me!

Yoochunnie's interview was... really moving. ;_________; My love & fangirling of sentimental!composer!Chun multiplied so much after reading it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yunho:
To his fingertips, the conspiracy of love. (LOL WTF?!?! Can anyone explain to me what this means?!)
"I realized when I was dancing. This (dancing) I have loved since childhood."

Yunho's interview was... really amusing, in more ways than one. So first the writer of the article's all like, describing how nonchalant & casual he was in his jeans & T-shirt and also how "unexpectedly cool" he was, how sexy he was XD, how tall he was, how small his face was... on & on lol. ~~Must've been one of his many, many ajumma fans.~~ Anyway, so he talks about how he danced since he was young & how much he loved it but despite how much he wanted to sing and become a singer... "when I was young, I had throat surgery... so yes, practicing singing was a little painful." Ohmygod Yunho ;___________;

Then they go on and talk about Beautiful You and how masculine Yunho is (the way she writes it is like saying he's almost too masculine), so much so, that the author wonders what kind of (strong masculine) aura/feeling Yunho's hero/the person he looks up to, has. ROFLMAO the author is really caking it on ~~there's no doubt now it's an ajumma fan~~. Immediately after Yunho says, "I want to be a good father in the way my own father is. Even now, I am learning from my father, by doing volunteer work. My father has a big heart and he is the one I really respect." Oh Yunho... ;____;

Then Yunho says some super roflmao things like "as a man among men, I must bring out the coolness of my members..." The article goes on to praise Yunho's manliness some more, like how his sense of duty is so strong and then the article ends with "even though there's no doubt that Yunho will someday make a great father, of course we would like him to stay OUR YUNHO." AHHAHAHAHAH ~~Yunho's ajumma army, RISE UP!!~~

Did anyone know about his throat surgery?!?! :O I have never ever heard about it before!! EDIT: emma_sky provided some pictures of Yunho's throat scars.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Changmin:

Shyness. The prince of the star of the east.
"When I'm standing on the stage, I feel in that instant that I am truly living."

"Should I say that it's like I'm setting myself up when I don't even fully know myself? When I'm with an acquaintance or even a good friend, I (we?) don't talk much, in a way where we can't even say a joke." The article goes on to say how he patiently waits his turn for the photoshoot and wears his glasses and quietly goes on his laptop, and that even when everyone (I'm assuming it's the members) was gathered around him during his interview he said incredibly little. However, Jaejoong butt in and said, "Changmin is a person with great sense." Jaejoong also something about how he was the best one since the beginning at doing something but I couldn't read the kanji. Bigger scans pls!! ;___; Then it goes on to say, however, in front of the camera Changmin changes and has a variety of poses and expressions, that the shy & youngest (magnae) will also change immediately when on stage. Goes on to talk about how this 186 cm soaring vocalist with the remarkably powerful voice looks really cute when he looks bewildered. (LOL so trueee).

Then he talks about how his father opposed him becoming a singer and at first he also was very troubled (about becoming a singer). But then he says, "At that time, standing on the stage there and singing - that was when I first realized how happy I was. Now, from the bottom of my heart, I love my job. When I'm standing on the stage singing and dancing, I feel in that instant that I am truly living." Then talks about how even when the stress really builds up, as long as he listens to his music he can relax. The writer then says how she looks forward to seeing on stage Changmin's wild & strong performance on stage.

I'm really glad Changmin loves performing on stage (even though he still thinks of it as a job hahah)? I remember lots of interviews before where he said that in the beginning standing on the stage felt like a mistake & how he beats himself up over mistakes. ;____;

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaejoong:
The beautiful voice that heals even goddesses.
"When I came to Japan I changed my style of singing. I practiced a lot to get to this voice I have now."

HAHAHAH the writer starts off by describing Jaejoong as... "with a pale complexion, and praised for his face that exudes an androgynous aura, he is certainly aesthetically pleasing. Furthermore, his vocals seem as if delicately and transparently surrounding the listener. Certainly it was a gift from God, the heavenly timber of that voice. Thus, in that beautiful voice, Jaejoong talked about other episodes relating to music." ~~LMAOOO, this writer seriously does not hold back, hahaha.~~

Jaejoong talks about how when he first heard the composer of Rising Sun's CD Yoo Youngjin, he was in a daze. He said, "when I tried singing it though, it was as if I was tone-deaf. So much so that it seemed that I could never become a vocalist. However, I listened to music a lot and practiced a lot - that's how I became this Jaejoong you see today. When I came to Japan also, I listened to a lot of J-pop and changed my style of singing. You like my voice now, right?" ...Jaejoongie always needing praise lol

Then they talk about fashion, and Jaejoong's trademark boots & accessories. Jaejoong says how he's obsessed with current fashion trends, loves shopping, and has a huge interest in Japanese fashion. Why do I find this very amusing? Also says that he "easily becomes lonely and that he's a demon at sending text messages with a lot of emoticons to the members."

Then they talk about Jaejoong's cooking and how he's good at it, especially jjigae. Says specifically, "I love to make and serve the members warm jjigae." ~~Umma!Jae~~ Mentions that if he has time he will try to cook Japanese food more. Then it says, "even though he's visual kei (NOT the jrock style lol), he is very much home-oriented."

...Omg, I translated like almost the entire thing. WHAT HAPPENED TO SUMMARIZING?! Anyway, Jaejoong is such a band mommy here. XDDDDD ~~*is a huge Yunjae fan*~~

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Junsu:
The real singing angel upon Earth.
"I am able to sing now because God has granted my prayers."

The article immediately starts off with starts saying how Junsu, on television, always barrels into his oyaji gags, and is a boke (half of a comedian pair, the one who gets hit on the head by the tsukkomi - think Heyx3!) all by himself. The writer says that figure of Junsu is unexplainably lovable, especially Junsu's big fan Sekine Tsutomu-san (the famous comedian who was with them on Music Japan XDDD) who does imitations of Junsu.

Then they talk about how, once Junsu arrives on stage, he shows his high-toned, super vocals. The interviewer/writer writes, "whether husky or hyper, it all came from an angelic throat; I was able to hear the true talent of the owner of that voice who sang such songs. But that treasure was not easily given to him in the palm of his hand. When he was working towards his dream of becoming a singer, his voice started cracking due to puberty. In that condition, he couldn't continue singing for three years."

Junsu said, "When I was told by my doctor that he wanted me to stop singing, I thought it was all over. But everyday with my mother, I cried and I prayed. I am able to sing now because God has granted my prayers. I don't know when this will happen, but I want to come to the point when DBSK are called 'artists who have musically surpassed the label of J-pop.' That is the kind of artist I want to become."

Then it talks about before following his dream of becoming a singer, he wanted to be a soccer player, and still loves soccer. Junsu ends by saying, "I watch soccer games on TV, play soccer video games, and sometimes, I even play soccer together with all the Toho backup dancers!!"

Ohmygod Junsu, your interview...;______;

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One last thing - thoughts on Yunho & DBSK's way of speaking in Japanese:

Anyway, one thing I find ;___; about Yunho is that, while this article portrays him as beyond manly man, but immediately after, when they quote him speaking, his way of speaking in Japanese is... kinda weird. Like kinda feminine. I know he's trying to go for the soft, I'm so gentlemanly & polite manner, but instead it's.. yeah. Lol. Like using "boku" (which gives off a "momma's boy" kinda feeling) and "ne" T___T All of DBSK usually say "boku" and I do a collective cringe for them because it's so... unnatural & just so aughhhhh!! I find it kinda amusing though because like, Yunho's speech is kinda overly polite/feminine but Jae is the one that slips up the most in using "impolite"- read normal guy speech - by saying "ore" and "na" all the time. I have no doubts they don't speak like this in Korean but just...man, awkward for DBSK ;___;.

EDIT: oh yeah, there's a little blurb on their stats (height, etc) & also their favorite song but it's past 5 am in the morning and I'm really tired & do not want to translate why they choose that song. Sorry. I'll just name the song for each person. Junsu: Forever Love. Jaejoong: Sky. Yunho: Begin. Changmin: Heart, Mind, and Soul. Yoochun: Love in the Ice (that sap). ~~Omg I just realized the titles are all in English. It's past five am and I really need to sleep. I might come back & translate the little blurbs on their songs when I'm more coherent.~~

Favorite artists, their own songs & why:

Changmin: Likes Stevie Wonder and Donny Hathaway (thanks sodapony!). The song I like has a beautiful ensemble, so that when I listen it, my chest constricts - "Heart, Mind, and Soul."

Yunho: Favorite artist is Michael Bolton. The favorite of song of mine is the song that compliments all the members perfectly - "Begin."

Yoochun: Favorite type of music is R&B. Since middle school, I self-taught myself piano & keyboard satisfactorily. The DBSK song I like is clearly composed/done by (name of a person I can't figure out how to read ;__;) - DBSK's "Love in the Ice." I'm not sure if I translated the piano part right. The words are tiny! Aughh >:O

Junsu: Favorite artist is Brian McKnight. My favorite DBSK song is one that makes one feel both melancholy yet uplifted - "Forever Love."

Jaejoong: My favorite DBSK song is one with a strong beat, so that immediately when you first hear it, it makes you pumped up and feel/visualize a light color - "Sky." Also on the new album, Yoochun and I composed two songs together. Whutttt?! They composed TWO songs?!

※ I translated this really late at night; I did go over them again but please tell me if there are any discrepancies or stuff I missed. Also, I'm pretty sure the author of these articles is not only a HUGEEE DBSK fan, but also a really big Korean Wave ~~ajumma Yunho~~ fan, lol, because of the way she (I'm pretty sure it's a she...) writes & the stuff she knows about them.

♣ Please credit or link back to _happy_as_rain_! ♡

♨ Any thoughts on this interview? I spent so long translating this... ;________;

nihilism

2008-06-20T06:01:44Z

I don't know how to write poetry
without
being specific.

I could say, she/he (specify Person, identity
indicate gender, Existence or
lack thereof) did _______ (specify Event, time) to
____(who? You?) but then
I am saying
too much.

I can't write poetry without giving
bits
of myself away.
I could
paint my portrait done in
da Vinci oils, with
all that I have
given away.

I could say, I am
drowning
in despair and un
happy,
all that
melodramatic
crap but
what's the point of poetry
then?

So instead I
say,
islands twirl a single
north star sways in the
wind airplanes
and trees roar
high above my head and I am
meaning,
goddammit god
dammit I

like to play
guessing games so
here is
the challenge -
translate for me,
this:

Sand and stone
as you thunder on, and
I did not sleep at home
that night.

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-06-12T02:57:00

2008-06-12T09:59:24Z

In the Midwest, fields of corn are in love
with a scarecrow, his potato-sack head
and straw body, hanging out among the dog-eared stalks
like a farm-Christ full of love.

-excerpt from "Love," by Matthew Dickman

pilgrimage

2008-06-12T07:09:11Z

half-stilted and wandering
unnamed vagrant:
your shoulder blades
the canvas of your back
is a canyon
is a georgia o'keefe painting.

these fingers sink into
untouched snow
and your bare skin
is a steady heartbeat
don't dare breathe
don't dare linger like a thief

I come crashing down

and the dream that awakens me
can hardly staunch
the memory of your easy leaving.

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-06-08T03:42:00

2008-06-08T11:01:28Z

I'm away from DBSK news for one day and I miss the early stirrings of reports from the Dream Concert? Sigh. Anyway, my first thought when I saw this picture was...

DOUBLE THE ARMPIT HAIR, DOUBLE THE MANLY MAN!!!!

...Oh Yunho, I love your ~~divided~~ grand, two-part armpit hair. ♡ And bb, we know you are intense, but never forget that you are also intensely LMAO. Also? I love your scar. Also? This. ;____;

EDIT: YUNHO. OMFGLAKJSF;lskdfjaj ;___; he even ripped off the necklaces. And the cincher? Introducing his UKNOW JUNIOR and touching himself! Oh, Yunho.

P.S. Jaejoong ~~ Your muscle is multiplying faster than a yeast specimen. Please stop~ T____________T Your waist and legs are so thin & tiny and your chest & arms are like this huge upside-down triangle...Jaejoong, your body looks really disproportionate, strange and unnatural!! D:
P.S.S. Sorry. I will heap love on the Yoosumin later T___T I love you guys too~~
P.S.S.S. Poor SNSD~ You guys really didn't deserve that from ~~Cassiopeia & ELF~~ all the fangroups. Why so much drama? T__T EDIT: Actually the SNSD fanboys were really scary too! Why did you knife the Suju banners!! T____T

Thoughts

2008-06-05T01:41:27Z

"It's not the same. I don't care how close you are to your adopted son or beloved stepdaughter, the love you have for your non-biological child isn't the same as the love you have for your own flesh and blood."
-Rebecca Walker

Do you believe that? Can you believe that?

And that, if you change the "adopted son/daughter" part to "best friend you consider a brother/sister," is it still true? That the love for biological family cannot be the same as love for best friends?

What do you think? Any opinions from someone who is adopted, or knows someone who is adopted?

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-05-18T02:51:00

2008-05-18T09:52:06Z

Okay REALLY messy long & unedited for grammar errors fan account about the concert because I'm really tired & have to write a huge research paper tomorrow and will have to be MIA. Maybeeee more pictures sometime over the week when I have time to try to crop & enlarge the DBSK part of the picture.

was really really hot T_T I just came back from the Bay only experiencing minimal heat. The afternoon today was seriously like utter DEATH. Mon-Lai & I hung around Sunset & other parts of Hollywood for a while. Stayed in Zen Zoo for a bit too (aw memories). Finally found the shuttle to HB & then mostly sat down ate and had fun people watching. Lots of interesting people to see hahaha. Fangirls, fanboys lol, ajummas, entire families, oh & a Korean drumming group. Very crowded, festive & hot.
sat in row 11, section E. Pretty good spot. Was really really envious of the people in the garden section though, not only because they had AMAZING views but also because the sun setting over the treetops did not reach them T_T

OPENING:

African-American gospel groups sings the American National Anthem. I really felt shivers along my whole body. Amazing. I really understand now when Jaejoong said in the Yahoo 2008 interview about how when a song is good you just feel it in your body
THEN XIAH JUNSU COMES OUT & SINGS THE KOREAN NATIONAL ANTHEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At first when they were saying he was coming out I was sure I heard "chaegeowe inki group" or something like that that they ALWAYS say when they introduce DBSK so I was like, no way it can't be! And when Junsu comes out, I was like oh that must be Brian NO WAIT IT'S JUNSU TT__TT
The gospel group sings a lot more. I only realized they were singing in Korean after I heard one guy who was doing a solo saying "yongwonhi" like 10 times over. Then they sang Arirang & some other songs in English.
Brian & Ock Ju Hyun come out & MC. It's all in Korean. -____- I can only understand random words here & there.

SUPER JUNIOR T

Wore really cute green jacket uniforms with random bits of yellow fur (a yellow boa thing in Leeteuk's case ♡). They all looked really cute & adorable.
Heechul was SO Heechul, lmao. He was all snarky & confident & egged the pool area people on by getting close to them & almost letting them touch & yeah. LOL later he took off his jacket, threw it to the side & camwhored & then ran & put the jacket on hahaha.
SJ T formed this can can line & Heechul kinda just stood there looking out of place in his flowery black & white gigolo shirt without his green jacket & being whatever & not can-caning until like one minute later when he got it LOL
Eunhyuk & Shindong had little dance solos/dance offs. It was cute ☆
Performed Rokkuguh, a song I didn't know, and Haengbok after they brought it Yehsungggg (solves the mystery of why he was at the airport :D). I think they lipsynced though? I kinda wasn't sure cus Yehsung had this beautiful solo where he just carried this really long note but Heechul was singing Ryeowook's really recognizable part in the song & it sounded just like Ryeowook & not like Heechul at all (not that I really even know how Heechul sings cus he doesn't really...sing LOL sorry Heechul).
Overall it was a cute performance. Maybe it was the "cute" atmosphere of it that made me kinda disappointed? :/ Like it was kinda as if they were just goofing off & not so serious ~charisma~ & stage presence. But man, Kangin & Leeteuk looked good. T_T

Chae Yeon

Sang that popular song of hers that went La, lalala, la la lalala but didn't know the other two songs. The last song included dancing with glowsticks
Her dancing & personality was really exactly what I saw of her from X-Man & those shows. :D

Moon Hee Jun

Omg I loved his first song ♥ (Please someone tell me the name of it? ;_;)
One of the other songs was ratheramusing? I think he was screaming "I want to dieeeeeeeeeeee dieeeeeeeee dieeeeeeeeeeee" LMAO
Great performance. Good rock songs. Included violin & piano & all that. I think he composed them himself so wow. ♬

SNSD

They only performed two songs, lol. That one with the lollipops & Girl's Generation.
Some ~~weird-looking~~ guy kept roaring Tiffany's name LOL.

A whole bunch of adult gasoo that I don't remember the name of:

The female gasoo sang beautiful love songs but I was coming back from the bathroom at the time so I didn't really hear much. Later she sang with Taeyeon (?) of SNSD & they were hand in hand. It was really sweet. ♡
Then another old folk singer. Beautiful songs & guitarwork.
Then I think it was Choi Baek Ho? LOL he was seriously old man hot lol. And his songs were very beautiful & diverse, going from slow folk rock to upbeat rock.
Then fricking another rock/folk singer but his performance went on for soooooooooooooooooooooooo long. T_T It seriously felt like his performance was thirty minutes! After like the third song we'd be like, okay it's finally over one more song closer to DBSK but noooo it went on for like two more (really long) songs. By then I was pretty tired & hungry.
Finally the first part is over & they give away a new Hyundai Genesis & a break for everyone.

Second half starts & Mon-Lai & I miss the first half of Minwoo's song because we came back late from getting food but dudeeee Minwoo was crazyyyy on stage. Everyone was standing up & he was going batshit on stage with his mad dance skillz & jumping all around.
LMAO MINWOO IS SUCH A MANSLUT!! He had on this white wifebeater & tiny cropped jacket (that didn't cover anything). So first he teases by sliding the jacket off his shoulders & putting it back on. Then later on he takes it off & everyone's just going crazy by this point, thinking oh man, that's hot AND THEN HE RIPS OPEN HIS WIFEBEATER!!! Me & Mon-Lai were like, LOLLLLL Seriously way too much manliness & XXX for me hahahaha. No wonder his concert in Japan was 18+ only hahahahahahahah.
But yeah dude, Minwoo is sooo amazing on stage. That's what I call stage presence. Lots of breaking, lifts, running around, teasing the audience, and amazing amazing singing & dancing. He's really... sexual also. Even though I love to make fun of Minwoo for being short he really um... yeah he very manly & sexual on stage. Kinda like Bi but even more provocative?

Fly to the Sky

Lol sorry FTTS, I wasn't paying too much attention cus my feet hurt from standing up during Minwoo's performance.
Brian & Hwanhee egged the pool section on a lot & went reallly really close to them & lots of girls grabbed his ass LOLLLLLLLL
amazinggggg singers live, seriously. They can really bust it out.

Some other old rock singer I can't really remember much of

SG Wannabe:

Lol seriously ever since FTTS I was just waiting for DBSK, so I didn't pay attention as much (ie not standing up but just listening to the music).
Greattttttttt singers live, seriously. *_* the guy on the right (sorry dunno his name) has an AMAZING falsetto. It's SO high; I bet it can break glass if he went a little higher haha.
Recognizable style, as always: big framed glasses & hats.
Last song was a song with Ock Ju Hyun.

Son Ho Young

I was kinda confused as to why Son Ho Young was second to last (penultimate LOL I love that word) because I didn't he was that famous in Korea; it didn't seem like he was releasing anything recently.
But dude, once he started performing, I totally knew why. That's guy's got AMAZING STAGE PRESENCE. He sang ballads, dance songs, rap, mid-tempo songs, he did them all. & that was with egging on the audience, getting close enough so that girls were pawing his ass LOL, sitting & crouching on the floor, dancing with pimp hats, getting everyone to sing along to his last song.
Also he's really handsome and got a really distinct amazing voice haha I'm totally using the word "amazing" left & right but I just... seem to have lost all my vocab.
Didn't pay much attention at the very end of his song because I was getting for DBSK

DONG BANG SHIN KI

omg they were amazing. TT___________TT
I don't think it needs to even be mentioned, but everything was sung live, no ad lib (like how I thought Haengbok might've been...hm)
they came out & stood in a line & then went straight into RISING SUN!!!!! I totally was NOT expecting that. I definitely would've thought "O"
That jump when they leap out from behind the dancers was SO BEAUTIFUL TT_______TT
Yunho was SO HOT TT___TT his rap, his dance, his egging on the audience, his sexy face on the big screen... his jacket that he kinda slid off his shoulders & snapped back on in a really sexy way.... TT____TT
Changmin was AMAZING in the song! :O He really did his screams & high notes awesome. Changmin really shone here too.
JUNSU. Oh my god, why did the stylist dress Junsu & Jaejoong so slutty? LOL Junsu was wearing that same shirt that he wore for the Inkigayo performance of Purple Line where his tummy & chest completely showed & he also did he jump kick thing *_*
LOL Jaejoong. The bearing the most skin. My two friends (both of whom only have surface knowledge of DBSK) thought JJ was realllyy girly & skinny because of his hips & tiny waist HAHAHHAHA. I was highly, highly amused. (Considering how I ~~hate~~ really don't like his new "muscular" stage T_T)
Yoochun really didn't stand out much for me in the song except for mostly his rap. Yoochunnie why~ TT_TT
Introduced themselves & lots of close ups of leader-sshi who looked SO HOT TT_TT
Talked for a bit but I didn't even try to see if I could understand any words because I was frantically trying to take pictures
Then went & sang Tonight. Did notttt expect that either. Really really well sung live though. AMAZING harmonization, as expected. Especially from Jaejoongie & Changminnie who were amazing in the chorus/bridge part.
Poor Changmin! When he first started singing his part the mike was really crappy & didn't put out the sound well at all & he kinda kept singing just looking lost & awww TT_TT Changminnie~~~
A really hardcore Yoosu moment with Junsu & Yoochun really close up singing & facing each other singing for a few lines lol
Backup dancers come back and they immediately move into PURPLE LINE!!!!
It was... SO GOOD LIVE. TT______TT
JJ's voice was sooo high for this heheh I almost laughed. With love, of course.
Junsu was SMOKING HOT. TT_TT Just like that first performance of Purple Line in Korea--the same aggressiveness, ~charisma~, & sexiness TT_TT JUNSU YOU WERE AMAZING
& then Junsu & JJ do their part together & WOWWWWWWWWWWWW. Can I say AGGRESSIVE? They got in each other's faces for seriousssss. Sooo great. So much charisma & presence & NO MESS WIF ME BIATCHHHH-like aggressiveness. Seriously might've been the first time I feel sparks of ~Jaesu~ ~~sexual tension~~ love
Again, Changmin with his AMAZING high notes & scream part which he held the note for SO. LONG. Seriously like twenty seconds that he held on. It was MAGNIFICENT. Which then immediately led to... YUNHO'S RAP TT_TT HE WAS SO AMAZING & HOT. HIS DANCE! HIS AGGRESSIVENESS! TT_____TT
THEN THEY LEAVE. AFTER THREE SONGS. >:O
Brian then tells us to scream encore & we're screaming encore for like one minute when they come back & sing Balloons. Then SNSD & SJ-T come out & dance & sing with them. Yunho's all ~~touchy feely~~ buddy-buddy with Brian & they're up wayy up front singing along. I think Yunho had his arm over Brian's shoulders for a long time. Poor Brian looks really short next to Yunho LOL
THEN DBSK'S PERFORMANCE IS OVER. >:O I was really upset considering fricking long some of those rock singers' performance went (they felt like FOREVER!!!) when I spent so much money for DBSK (who was the last act).. I thought it was pretty unfair they limited it to song number not performance time because Son Ho Young performed four songs but the last song was sooooooooooo long & DBSK's songs are very choreographed & not ab-libbed, especially for the dance songs so it wasn't very long at all...probably was around 15 minutes... Yeah. :<

Ending

DBSK come out with all the rest of the performers & they sing lots of ending songs together. Junsu is kinda near middle by himself, next to Moon Hee Jun. Yunho is near him, next to Sungmin & Brian (who he's still being really hardcore ~~touchy feely~~ buddy-buddy with) & is really out there, yelling & shouting out stuff & yeah. XDDDD I heard his voice pretty prominently.
YooMinJae are on the very very side; Jae is on the furtherest edge on the right TT_TT
All the meanwhile they're exploding these spectacular fireworks & these one set exploded onto this metal set thingy on top of the Bowl & created a dragon with the words "HARMONY" underneath! It was so cool.

Holy shit that was long. Lol if you read all of this, then you're a trooper. All in all, it was really hot, long, but fun. The second half was really really AMAZING. The singing, the dancing, the performances--spectacular. I basically lost my voice screaming in this half (especially over DBSK... I really lost it then lol)

DBSK... TT_TT was so amazing live. omg I'm just playing over & over in my head leader-sshi's... amazingness. Yunho~~~ TT_TT

DBSK~~ I will never forget your performance for as long as I live~

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-05-16T23:29:00

2008-05-17T06:31:25Z

So I'm back in LA now & am missing the Bay extremely. Still have to do my 15 page research paper due Monday. But...

DONG BANG SHIN GI TOMORROW TT,.TT

I'm so excited I can't even think.

9:15, the sunday that ends

2008-05-12T04:14:47Z

There again, is the sound of ships
in the bay.
Night comes late these past months
so I delude myself into
thinking there is the freedom
of abstract time.

There again, is the disconnect.
Wires, pills, a body separated from mind,
like the red scar on my knee,
shiny pieces of skin, wired by nerves
and dissolved by invading flesh;
it refuses to heal.

Mingling and dancing like sunspots on water,
my thoughts, too, fly away from me.
Balloons in the air, trees on the rooftop,
it comes to me in flashes of dizziness,
pixellated lights, screens blurry with black
and white. My eyes, those traitors,
they too, refuse me.

Don't say it. If you say it the spell
will break. More than anything,
it is that which keeps me
tipping forward, leaning by a draw.

Hover, and I will say the words.
Say them across a universe.
And I will breathe for you, swim
to you past a narrowing strait.

Like the wind who howls,
ever narrowing, ever receding,
and still I am in a room
that hears nothing.

Why are you so hot Yunho? T_T

2008-05-11T20:04:21Z

That's the way I like my Yunho: stubbly, pissed off, and wearing green-orange tracksuit thingies.
I know when he's really tired he looks pissed off, but I can't help but think it's really hot
...especially with the stubble T_T

Yunho~~~ I wish I was old enough to be called your nuna T_T

....AUGH NO MORE DISTRACTIONS! SO MANY ESSAYS TO WRITEE!!!

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-05-08T13:46:00

2008-05-08T20:10:53Z

PRAISE BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YUNHO YOU FINALLY CUT YOUR HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am thanking your stylist like NO TOMORROW. The long hair was making you look about 35 years old and like a host/pimp/gigolo at that, too (especially in airport pics with your five o'clock shadow + pimp hat and/or shades). Seriously, with your pimp hat + flipped hair in Beautiful You you looked like just the hosts I saw walking around the streets at night in Tokyo. The shaggy old man look was kinda hot for a while (especially the Yamaha CF ponytail & before you dyed it) but now just... no.

....AUGHHHHH FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! T_T

Not to mention, your arms... Yunho why are you so hot? Why are you so dangerously close to being the perfect man? T_T

LMAO and with that, my finals are starting tomorrow wheeee.

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-05-06T23:59:00

2008-05-07T06:57:34Z

Because I just watched the Saitama Super Arena fancam of Love in the Ice. Because then I started listening to the Soul Power live version and searched for the lyrics. Because Junsu cries out 切ないほど美しい愛だから, every time, in a voice about to cry, and I remember why I love and hope and put my heart into this band.

A quick, spur-of-the-moment translation.

The entire reason I decided to translate were for these two sentences alone: 切ないほど美しい愛だから, 儚いほど麗しいこの時を— when Junsu sings those two sentences, every time, I'm so moved. English does not do those two sentences justice; neither did the other translation I read, which, although very accurately translated, was very literal & mangled those two amazing lines. :|

If you haven't already heard it, please do. This is live, and it's beautiful and heartbreaking. Junsu's part starts at 3:18. This is my favorite live ballad performance of DBSK, ever. (Though I'm can't wait until the T concert DVD comes out & I can watch them perform Kiss shita mama, sayonara. EDIT: OMFG I JUST HEARD LIVE RIP OF KISS SHITA MAMA SAYONARA T_T IT'S AMAZING I'M SO MOVED RIGHT NOW THIS IS MAKING ME CRY.)

If you want to use these translations, please direct them to this entry or credit me at _happy_as_rain_ ☆彡

東方神起 - Love in the Ice

It's not your fault those hands are cold.
You nurse the wounds of your childhood days,
afraid to love someone
and turning away from the hidden meaning of words.

Like ice,
gently
this heart you embrace
melts.

For the sake of anyone being loved by someone,
In this way we can light our lives.

If it was me,
with eternal gentleness,
I would warm your heart again.

Even if the fickleness of fate
breaks your heart,
before those tears come,
a beam of light shines down from
the darkness,
and we will realize--

Holding on so strongly
it is painful,
to those feelings of
a person's warmth.

We are all searching for the place
that will heal us from
sadness and loneliness.

That place for you is right here.
Don't be afraid. Don't waver.
I will protect you.

Because love is as beautiful as it is sad,
and our time as beautiful as it is fleeting.

For the sake of anyone being loved by someone,
In this way we can light our lives.

If it was me,
with eternal gentleness,
I would warm your heart again.

Please help spread the word about the situation here @ UC Berkeley

2008-05-02T05:35:55Z

As those of you from California may or may not know, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger AKA "The Governator" has made a series of budget cuts to education. At my university, UC Berkeley, the budget cuts were especially severe on the East Asian Languages & Cultures Department. The budget cuts were so severe that each department (Korean, Japanese, Chinese) in EALC will be cut approximately 50 percent, and the Korean minor will be removed. The breakdown as follows:

Korean: 66% cut
Chinese: 54% cut
Japanese: 40% cut

5 out of 11 Japanese teachers fired
5 out of 10 Chinese teachers fired
4 out of 6 Korean teachers fired

Not only is this shocking because the demand for East Asian Languages is growing, but a 45% majority of our 40,000+ students are ethnic Asians, and from the 3200 students taking an EALC class, especially native speaker/heritage classes this year, 1500 students will cut from next year. For example, all non-L&S (Haas, Architecture, Chem, Natural Resources, Engineering, etc) students and most grad students will be cut immediately.

Also, many of the lecturers fired were on work visas and will probably have to go back to their country of origin. I personally know which of my teachers in both my Japanese and Chinese classes are going to cut; it's brutal & sad to see this happening. I was especially close to my Japanese teachers: they were my mentors, aunts, true "senseis" in every sense of the word.

The lack of transparency in these budget cuts are also worth noting. Not only has it been extremely difficult to find out who is responsible for these specific cuts, but the higher ups have also been completely unavailable for contact and completely disrespectful to the students by releasing this information last week, when I know for a fact the budget cut talks have been in the works for at least a month already.

If anyone knows anyone from any of the Bay Area newspapers, please contact them and ask them to come to the press conference on Wednesday May 7, 11am, 2223 Fulton 6th floor.

If anyone has connections to businesses willing to sponser or donate to the EALC, please ask them to donate.

The school administrators released this information right before finals for a reason: they didn't want students taking action. But we are trying. Please, please help out if you know anything. Anyone who goes to any of the other UCs, please ask around about your school's budget cuts (specifically on East Asian Languages). Any information would be helpful.

For information, flyers, and articles, go to the website or the Facebook.Though the focus is on saving the Korean minor at UC Berkeley, this is also to help save the entire EALC department from being slashed in half.

Please, please help get the word out. If you live in California, especially the Bay Area, we need this information to spread out.

EDIT: Please help sign the online petition! The due date has been changed to May 12, 2008. Non-Berkeley students/alumni can sign as well! And visit the news blog for updates!

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-04-29T01:44:00

2008-04-29T08:55:48Z

You guys, I really like Super Junior M. ♥

I honestly don't know why people can hate SJM so much. I can see why it's divisive & makes fans upset & scared for the future of SJ but not enough for all the hate stuff going on... :/ Eh whatever. Zhou Mi has a Korean fansite! So happy. That boy deserves it so much. Henry too. ☆彡

Was watching 越策越开心 & lol-ed all over the place (especially at Siwon's Chinese & prince complex!!! LMAO). Zhou Mi & Kyuhyun are really growing on me. All of them, really. All of them, so endearing. Let's love, not hate okay? :D

Watch it!! Links + trans here.

Now I'm listening to 至少還有你 on repeat. Augh, amazing song (amazing pronounciation too :O).

SJM, 加油!

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-04-27T12:21:00

2008-04-27T21:06:08Z

When did I
become used to being left behind.

Strange how I
can't say goodbye

.

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-04-21T18:10:00

2008-04-22T01:15:18Z

hey guys,
happiness is contagious
infect someone! rawrr
♥♥♥

we truly don't know how wealthy we are in terms of love, safety, comfort, material possessions, education, friendship, family (and more). i think i've been forgetting lately, but today i was reminded. so please, make everyone's collective misery a little less. unburden them with a smile! lmao a little! forgive someone! think positively!

right now i have so much hope. ♥

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-04-05T22:16:00

2008-04-06T04:27:28Z

Yu Guang Zhong (余光中) is an older generation Taiwanese poet, (I think?) born in China but left for Taiwan at a very early age (like me, to America). This poem is not about the mess that is the China-Taiwan issue, nor am I striving for any PC message or advocacy. For me I just see it as something very emotional, this yearning for the birth country.

I was actually debating whether to translate this poem or not, because this poem is very rhythmic and minimalist. I just don't feel it's possible for me to translate this in a way generally accepted as "poetic" without giving up some of that atmospheric aspect of the poem. So if any of you can read Chinese, please do read the original (I posted it in the entry before this). Grammar and style-wise, it's not hard at all. I just don't think translations can do this poem justice, not at all. The lyrical and singsong quality of this in Chinese that was just utterly lost in English.

"鄉愁," 余光中
"Homesickness," Yu Guang Zhong

When I was young,
Homesickness was a modest little stamp,
There I was, at that end.
At the other, my mother.

When I grew older,
Homesickness was a thin little boat ticket,
There I was, at that end.
At the other, my bride.

Then, afterwards,
Homesickness was a low confining grave,
There I was, on the outside.
On the inside, my mother.

And now,
Homesickness is the bay of a shallow strait,
Here I am, at this end.
At the other, Mainland.

Notes:

*Homesickness (鄉愁) was the literal meaning of the word ( 鄉, "native town" and 愁, "nostalgia, yearning, melancholy") but it was not the most... poetic? Maybe translate it as "longing"--longing for home, if you will.

*the word "bay" (灣) implies Taiwan (臺灣). The strait (海峽) is also what they refer to when they mean the strait between China & Taiwan.

* Mainland (大陸): Mainland China. Literal meaning is "continent" but is often used to refer to mainland China (by mainland Chinese). My parents always referred to China this way. To me, there's a lot of emotion in this word, full of love, full of longing.

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-04-05T12:49:00

2008-04-05T20:10:55Z

鄉愁
余光中

小時侯
鄉愁是一枚小小的郵票
我在這頭
母親在那頭

長大後
鄉愁是一張窄窄的船票
我在這頭
新娘在那頭

後來啊
鄉愁是一方矮矮的墳墓
我在外頭
母親在裏頭

而現在
鄉愁是一灣淺淺的海峽
我在這頭
大陸在那頭

I miss Mainland.

BEST FUCKING BIRTHDAY PRESENT OF MY LIFE

2008-03-26T20:19:54Z

DONG BANG SHIN KI IS COMING TO HOLLYWOOD BOWL.

holysHISTSEFJA;LFKJASFJA;SLDJFASLDJFALSDFJA;SLJFA;LDJFAF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_happy_as_rain_ @ 2008-03-16T15:44:00

2008-03-16T23:10:16Z

さだまさし『案山子』
Sada Masashi - Scarecrow

The song evokes an incredibly Japanese feeling: stylistically―the pattern and words used are very lyrical and melancholy, and atmospherically―the feeling of the countryside, of the place where many parents live without their children who have left for the big cities.

My translation of the beautiful song.

[Chorus 1]
How are you doing? Have you gotten used to the town yet?
Have you made friends?
You’re not lonely right? Do you have money?
When are you coming back home?

If you look down from the castle remains,
A thin cerulean river flows
And close to the bridge,
The smoke from the beer-brewer's clay chimney
Streams like cotton candy
across this town.
When the snow that dyes away color disappears,
You leave this place,
In the first of spring

[Chorus 2]
If a letter is too much to ask for,
Then a telephone call is fine,
Even just to ask for money.
We’re waiting impatiently
to see your smiling face,
to let your mother
Hear your voice.

[Chorus 1]

Fumes gather at the base of the mountain
Where a train is passing
The winter current sweeps the tree groves
And rice paddies dusted with a blanket of mist
Are abandoned.
There is snow poured over
a lone scarecrow.

In the city, in the center
Of its snowy landscape,
You are exactly like that scarecrow.
You’re not thinking any lonesome thoughts, right?
You’re not tired or hurt anywhere, right?

[Chorus 2]

[Chorus 1]

To read:
The original Japanese lyrics.

To hear:
The original version
The Music Fair feat. Sada Masashi & DBSK version.

I also posted this as well as a translation of Music Fair 3rd week feat. DBSK on the
DBSG comm, along with some comments about DBSK in Japan here.

Please credit me at _happy_as_rain_ if you want to share the translations.

LOVE. ♥ ♥

2008-03-11T07:37:06Z

Yunjae is really popular in Japan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

To backtrack:

I've been spending these past few hours reading Japanese DBSK fansites & blogs and it's so cute and funny how they use random Korean everywhere: "mianhae," "noona," and "saengil chukhahaeyo," etc. And I seriously love their love for DBSK. They have all these cute names for them, like the usual Changminah, Junsuyah, Yoochunnie, Yunhogun, but also Tohoshoki LOL, Tonban (katakana-ized version of Dong Bang), Jaeju or Juju (for Jaejoong).

It's so wonderful, their love and worry for them: the way it's written is so Japanese in a way I don't know how to explain but also just so mature and loving and I was tearing up reading some of their entries on their reactions/thoughts on Jaejoong's foster parents/real parents situation, Yunho's back injury, Micky crying at MKMF 2006, etc. It's so touching and beautiful, their love. ☆

BUT YES. TO THE YUNJAE. ♥ ♥

SOOO.

Reading through these entries, I see LOTS and LOTS of subtle hints everywhere, from references to "Jaejoongmama" & "Yuhnopapa," to the apron Yunho gave Jaejoong as a present, to calling their Paris photoshoot their wedding/honeymoon (IT'S UNIVERSAL. WE SHOULD JUST DECLARE IT'S REAL. ☆ )

link ※click link on top right that says Jaejoong Happy Birthday, then pictures fifth row, right

Word for word translation:

Happy Birthday Jaejoong!
How was your vacation for two with your beloved Yunho?
Thank you for being born.
Thank you for being a Dong Bang member.
Thank you for loving Yunho. (blush)
Without injury or sickness,
I hope you will have a wonderful year.
Also, please support Yunho
and stay by his side.
To the airheaded, caring Jaejoong: I love you--- (*^_^*)

By Yuki-san

(It's so cute how Jaejoong is known as an airhead in Japan too. ♥ )

link

ダイニングテーブルでスプーン片手に「腹へった～」っと騒ぐ
子供達３人(ユチョン、ジュンス、チャンミン)。

そんな３人に「もう少し待って～」っとカレーを作る、
料理上手だが辛さの味覚がおかしいジェジュンママ

そして、自分の誕生日プレゼントのエプロンを使ってくれたのが嬉しくて、
ママを手伝おうと「どれどれ」とキッチンに登場したが、
全く役に立たず「邪魔だからあっち行ってて」と
追い払われてしまうユノパパ

そして「出来た～」っとカレーが完成し、
５人で食卓を囲んで「いただきま～す」と食べ始めるが・・・
あまりの辛さに変な表情の４人と、

そんな事はお構いなしの満足げなママ

ママ「激辛でも美味しい、大人の○○カレー」
パパ＆子供達３人「子供用もあるよ」

※I'm too lazy to translate word for word but basically a scenario that was influenced (I suppose) from the couple talks in All About DBSK 2 where Jaejoong talks about how Yunho messes up the beautiful soup he makes, and how they have roles as mommy & daddy in the group, etc. It's sooo cute, especially the way "Jaejoong mama" says to Yunho to "go over there!"--it's said so cutely & like such a nagging wife.

The scenario:

At the dining table, the three children who are hungry (Junsu, Yoochun, Changmin).

"Wait a bit longer~" while making curry, Jaejoong mama who is crazy about making spicy food.

Also, the one who is happy that his present of an apron is being worn, Yunho papa who enters the kitchen happily whistling thinking to help mama with the food. But he is completely unhelpful and is driven away by the mama who giggles, "You're a bother, go over there!"

And then, "It's done~ (grin)," when the curry is cooked, and the five sit at the table, say "Itadakimasu~Knife and fork please!" and start eating BUT...

The four suffering from the deathly spicy curry--mama ignores those sullen, horrified expressions and is satisfied and grins.

The mama who says, "Even though it's deathly spicy, it's still delicious, and sparkles of an adult level curry~"

The papa and 3 kids who reply, "But it needs to be edible for kids too!!"

link

チョン次長話題を話していた矢先の、この出張ルック
もう、ユノぐんがチョン次長にしか見えないです

でも、優しすぎて、不利益な取引先にも、強いことは言えない
チョン次長ですが、昨日の次長は颯爽と、
超仕事が出来そうなリーマン風ですね
素敵～～～

※And a Yunho fangirling entry just because. This was part of an entry fangirling on "Vice-director Jung" (this was right after the Arena 37 interview where they said Yunho would be like a vice-director?) and how hot he looked in glasses and business attire but also how he's so gentle to the members and responsible and salaryman-like he was >ω<

If you want to share, please direct others to this entry or credit me at _happy_as_rain_ please! ☆

If you can read Japanese, I honestly suggest you try reading some of the sites:

http://ameblo.jp/mkytvxq/page-1.html
※My favorite one so far. ♪
http://tvxq-pipin.seesaa.net/
※Pipin doesn't update anymore but I love this one! Easy to read, full of love & pictures. ♥
http://uknowno1.blog51.fc2.com/
※It's really long but I definitely suggest reading the Bigeast fan report. ☆

Manual

2008-03-03T06:58:26Z

If anything, torture manuals are
the least subtle of written script.
Break here, hold fifteen, these
are words universal. It hits with
the impact of a fist on launch,
clear, explicit with meaning, the
violence and broken passion.

Poetry, they tell me,
is about subtlety. You don't ever say
what you mean. You hide it,
suppress and oppress it, a slave
public to ambiguity, instead. "Find your own
meaning."
That is
your job. Understated, terse,
loop and circumvention,
the message is to waver unclear: Take it for
what you will. (Be an enigma.)
This, I have heard
a hundred, thousand,
thousand
times.

It is
what they tell me. I pretend I understand the
masters
and clumsily hide my own
message in twenty-
two uncertain
lines.