![[icon]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/94865989/8441996) |
in bloom
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| 「어느 날 물고기가 꿈 속에 나타났다」
one day in the middle of a dream fish appear
it comes towards me
opens its mouth
blue and red
like the fishes my brother draws
and swallows me whole
this belly of the fish is skyless windless airless
and outside the water is heavy with sunlight
and the sunlight is heavier than sadness | whispers: 1 echo of the wind or whisper to me   |
| "stay happy"
trinh says this to me
the most beautiful and loving thing
the most sincerest wish
so
to you i say
"please be happy"
love,
amy | | whispers: whisper to me |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | Desire | | Time: | 01:29 am |
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Serious question but is it just me, or do any of you guys (especially those of you guys are Asian!) get offended or at least just kinda uncomfortable, when you hear people say stuff like "Ohmygod, those Asians are so fucking skinny/smart/insert-compliment-that-does-not-sound-like-a-compliment."
I don't know, I just feel so uncomfortable hearing that kind of stuff... I mean, am I being too sensitive or something? I definitely don't think it's one of those things that should be like, "Well it's a compliment! They're envious!" 'Cause to me, it feels more like the envy is a warped mix of desire and repulsion framed as a "compliment"... Like, "Oh well, can't be like them, so I'll just feel cheated and callously compliment them and make it based on race so I don't have to feel envious or bad about myself since I'm a different race and can't ever change that anyway!"
Not to mention the obvious stereotyping and using race/ethnicity as a framework to discuss a certain physical characteristic. Instead of "oh those fucking skinny people" the target focuses on the race of the skinny people. Obviously no ethnic group will have ALL its members be skinny/smart/tall/short/insert-physical-characteristic-here, etc etc etc. And I can't believe I have to say this, but not all Asians are skinny or smart or good at martial arts or whatever. These kind of stereotypes are so harmful especially because they are often internalized and it's very harmful actually...
I think the worst thing about it is how it's just said as a passing comment. That it can be just so lightly said. It's really not right. | | whispers: whisper to me |
| Something I realized lately: I am a workaholic!!! Or something that makes me unable to just be okay chillaxing at home instead of out every day studying/doing club stuff or hanging out with friends or working out or a combination of the three. It really hit me today when I realized my day was done at 7pm instead of like, 12am and I could just go home and RELAX. But I couldn't even make myself go home at 7pm and dallied until almost 9 doing barely anything. And even when I go home to relax I'm worrying about the emails I have to send or the replies I have to reply to or little errands I should attend to and blah blah blah so on. And then whenever I have one *real* day of relaxation I completely just lose it and do completely nothing except read books or go on the computer and barely eat or move and then feel like crap because I didn't get stuff done and I broke my schedule and I broke promises to myself to FOLLOW THE SCHEDULE . And do IMPORTANT STUFF. EMAILS. WORK. PROJECTS. SEEING PEOPLE. WORKING OUT. EATING RIGHT.
Wow. I really need to learn how to RELAX!!! I'm worrying about all the stuff I have to do even when I'm supposed to be relaxing.
Another problem of mine is that I make too many plans with people and also don't know how to say no to people who want to hang out and put time aside just for ME TIME and for my roommates. No wonder my roommates were getting mad at me for never being at home.
No wonder I can't write any good poetry these days. I'm just so filled with anxiety over everything and not taking time to slow down and reflect. And this week two different sets of friends are coming up from SD and LA to hang out over the weekend among presentations and planning a fundraiser and midterms and essays and YEAH.
WOW. Hahaha finally writing all this out makes me realize how much of an obsessed maniac I am over things hahaah. Wow. Um. Yes! So I think that's why there's been such a shortage of actual real-life or long thoughtful updates from me. Apologies guys! ;___;
UM!!! Stuff that's been going on! Uhhhhhh... I'm getting stressed thinking about all the things I wanna talk about so I'll skip that LOLOLOL.
UMMMMMMMMMM simple thing! I saw a girl with a great outfit today! I don't know why I loved it so much but I do--something about that mustard yellow bag with her cool olive army jacket and brown shorts and grey-black tights and boots. LOVE! :) Also I wore green sparkly makeup today! SPRING!! YAY! :D (Though I like fall more, sorry HAHAH. It's only because summer follows spring and I hate summer T___T fall is lovely and cool and beautiful and I can wear lots of scarves and it's the farthest season from summer TAKE THAT SUMMER! >:D) | | whispers: whisper to me |
| | Tags: | poetry | | Security: | | | Time: | 05:07 pm |
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| there's a flashbulb on the empty floor
bits of underwear flecked with dust
maybe unused
lying like
floppy dog ears waiting
for someone to
come home. | | whispers: whisper to me |
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저녁을 먹고 나면 허물없이 찾아가 차 한잔을 마시고 싶다고 말할 수 있는 친구가 있었으면 좋겠다. 입은 옷을 갈아입지 않고, 김치 냄새가 좀 나더라도 보지 않을 친구가 우리집 가까이에 살았으면 좋겠다.
비 오는 오후나, 눈 내리는 밤에도 고무신을 끌고 찾아가도 좋을 친구, 밤 늦도록 공허한 마음도 마음놓고 열어 보일 수 있고 악의없이 남의 얘기를 주고 받고 나서도 말이 날까 걱정되지 않는 친구가...사람이 자기 아내나 남편, 제 형제나 제 자식하고만 사랑을 나눈다면 어찌 행복해질 수 있을까. 영원이없을수록 영원을 꿈꾸도록 서로 돕는 진실한 친구가 필요하리라.
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in bloom
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_happy_as_rain_
