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_handjob_ (7301664)

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Handjob's Sweaty Clubhouse
New? Kewl, but read this Profile page first

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Handjob

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handjob

sbcglobal.net

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_handjob_

livejournal.com (Jabber)

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handjob@sbcglobal.net (Add User, Send Message)

Bio:

Okay, so right outa the gate they want a bio?

*gets nervous*

Hmm. Grew up in a SoCal surfing town, where yes, I surfed my ass off. Did my "uni thing" at UCLA where I was Phi Beta Kappa (and where I were a englush majer). After that, did the grad school endurance test at Berkeley (though good times with the fratboys there kept it easily endurable). Back in Orange County now but still kinda miss living up there. Lemme see.... Favorite sports: surfing, swimming, skiing, backpacking, baseball. Gay, the masculine type and like the same. Um, what else -- sheeeeet. Uh, lite brown/blue/5'9"/150/7+ cut/yadayadayada just turned 85. The eyes get the most compliments, and plenty. The hair is thinning though (dammit), but the face still turns heads (yay).

Hey wait, this ain't no pickup joint. And please lighten up on the heavy personal questions, guys. lol ---> Not looking for the perfect bf in less than 24 hours, and not planning to meet ya in the nearest motel to beat you off tonight. heh. Best way to get to know me? Share yourself 'n let me bust out with stuff on my own. Kewl? Thanksabunch, and now on to the basics ~~

*takes deep breath*

Oh yeah, sorry for the length on this page, but I can't create multiple pages for info like you'd get if I had a full-blown website. And thanks for taking the time to read this page first. Treat it like a "Letter to the Newbie" :) Now then. . . .

Why this place is here:

Lotsa emails about my first Nifty stories included requests for updates on new ones. Which is fuckin' awesome. But after like a hundred of the dudes who wrote were also asking for updates, I couldn't figure out how I'd remember every single one of those out of the rest--or find time to shoot that many emails at once since I can't blind cc to protect your email address, and I would never fuck with your identity, bro.

So, this is a spot for the Nifty boiz to see wuzzup. If all you wanna know is a story update, you'll be able to check for new titles by looking through the "(S)tories and Links" box, where the stories will have that "(S)" in front. And for everyone else, since doing a site in addition to writing wasn't part of the plan, just know I'm making up shit as I go, and suggestions would be real cool. So far, you can find the following:

Giving you all the faqs:

I've gotten lotsa repeating questions, so I'll put that kind of info here in topics for anyone else who might be wondering the same thing. Just search for entries beginning with "FAQ" in the message archives. I might come up with other search terms, so keep an eye out.

Pen clicks, dick pics & word trips:

You may get stuff about writing, which is something I way enjoy talking about with my buds. One feature I know I can do is a set of "behind the scenes" entries with a little inside info on stories you've read.

Some pics. Don't have lots, but I keep an eye out. I look for stuff like photos that go with the characters or stories (plus "after the story" pictorial fantasies), pics of other hot faces that get to me (fratboys, surfers 'n sk8rs mainly), photos of hot boys doing those elusive "handjob action scenes," and shots of favorite candidates in my eternal search for the perfect boners. In addition to single pics, I hope to create some "photo ramble" picture essays. And you can send me stuff to put up in our galleries, too. We get a gig of space for pics here on LJ, so there's room for ya, Boiz.

Heh, here's something sorta strange. Sometimes when I'm going crazy-horny over some hot-faced boiz and whackin' dick, I will write dirty talk to myself. It can be fun for blowing my tubes clean, ya know? heh So, maybe some of you guys might be into popping a bone off reading my sexed out "jack rambles" about stiff cock and squirting loads. They won't be like the stories though--no craft, just boned. Unedited, mistakes and all (the hornier, the messier, most likely). Often it looks like "stream of consciousness." Ahem.

Oh, and if you post some 'useable' dirty stuff for us to read about, I'm sure we'd all appreciate it, buddy.

Other suggestions? Lemme know.

How to post on here (and why you don't have to):

To make this easy for ya, I set the thing so you don't have to get a Live Journal account to post in our place, even though they're free. But if we get blasted with garbage, you may need a free account if I have to remove anonymous posting to get rid of spam.

Dammit, you can't post messages of yer own exactly like a real board works, which totally sux, but we can conquor, right? If you don't get an LJ account, you'll appear anonymous, but you can put yer name or nick in parenthesis at the front of the subject line if you wanna build an identity in replies [e.g., "(Yournamehere) Gonna talk about what this pic does to me, too"]. That way, we'll all start recognizing your name. Make sense? And if you wanna start a topic of yer own, lemme know and I'll open a thread that'll be all yours.

Your privacy's important to me, so feel free to post anonymously. This isn't meant to be a blog, but although I'd fucking love some company from those who can join in on the board, lurkers have an equal home here, too, got it? If anyone knows gettin' the queezies over identity, yer lookin' at him, and I also get just as pissed as you do about being badgered to post things on sites or groups when I don't happen to have anything to say at the moment or no new pics to send. You don't hafta ever post for me to think of you. I most definitely think of you. Feel free to stick with email and to open up on here only when ya want, if ever.

A quick note about email:

Emails are awesome. Never feel like yer not worth my time. But there's lots of ya, and I try for a complete and thoughtful reply to what you say, so sometimes it can take a little while--but you will get an answer to emails, and most of the time pretty fast. And all those thank-you's for the stories, man? You each hear from me, but right here in front of everyone: they mean worlds, bud, and I'll save them for posterity (whoever she is. ---> this Posterity lady sure gets a lotta shit saved for her, huh? But then the bitch never comes by to pick the stuff up. What gives?).

*saves the best for last* --

Since this is about adult porn, I finally get to do one of those disclaimer things of my very own. Don't worry, I'll ty to make it interesting. Ha, this should be fun to write. Wow, just like the pro's. Okay, okay, lessee:

Get outa here unless all of the following are true:

(1) you are age 18 or over AND over the gay age of consent in your state or country (not that you're gay -- lotsa bi's and str8s have written to me);

(2) you want to read this adult material of your own free will;

(3) you won't show any of this to a minor or let them find it;

(4) you made sure it's legal for you to read this in your area, and both you and any neighbors in the community don't think it's offensive one bit;

(5) you agree that I own the copyright to my schizzle and won't copy or distribute anything without my express permission (yeah, right -- like I'm really gonna go sell it or something, but thou shalt not steal);

(6) you accept all responsibility for whatever happens, and you hereby release me (and LiveJournal, too, for that matter) of any and all liability -- just as if we had our lawyers standing here making sure you agreed and signed this thing with a freakin' ballpoint pen in advance;

(7) you are not a U.S. Postal Service official, government agent or a member of any law-enforcement agency (no, not even a big, hunky, hot looking one), or working as an agent for any of them -- or anyone else wanting to screw the rest of us over;

(8) you assume nothing (unless it's total straightness) about the sexual orientation of any guys in pics here unless they personally tell you otherwise (yeah, no matter how much you want 'em to go all queer for ya);

(9) you remember all the other porno website disclaimers that I can't think of right now and unconditionally agree to all those damn things, too;

(10) you were annoyed at having to read this whole fucking page but did it anyway cuz yer just 2kewl; and

(11) you are not one of the lying one-percent of guys who say they never masturbated.

Okay, you can skip that last one if you can't face the truth about yourself, but all the rest better damn well be true, bro. Agreed? If so, quewel. Click my name up there, and c'mon in.

[and hey, thanks for plowing thru all this. You guys are My Boiz, man. "The Management thanks you for your patience."]

And as the Nifty Archivist says:

“All of the characters in these stories are portrayed by adults 18 years of age or older. So there.”