Journal of Charles Gunn

For wes_hamilton

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 17:26:59 GMT

You’d think that when a guy comes back from Hell there’s be more of a welcome. Where the fuck is everyone? Angel aint in his office, Blue stalked off, didn’t see Spike. Did see Lorne when I wanted to go and check Wes’ office. Warned me not to go in there. Somthin’ bout the guy beein’ bitten by the crazy bug. No worries there, wasn’t gonna enter there. Kinda weary since I got that sharp stab in the gut. Not that I blame him, not really.

Did peer ‘round the corner of the door. Wasn’t open but it was kinda quiet. But he wasn’t there, so I guess that’s what the quiet was ‘bout. Lock to his secret shower was up though, guess the man is takin’ a shower. State of his office was very unWes like. And why were his shoes by the door? And his clothes on the floor? I so don’t wanna know.

Quickly got out again and went toward the trainin’ room. Maybe I’d find ‘blondie bear’ there. Sure enough, there he was. With Illyria. Beratin’ here about some clipboard. Raisin’ my eyebrow, I stepped through the door and coughed. “She ate your clipboard?” Spike blinked and then I witnessed somet I never thought I’d see. He was speechless for all of five point two seconds.

“Charlie? When the bloody hell did you get back?” He bounced on his heels and grinned at me. Couldn’t help but grin back at him. “You sure picked a great time to come back. Wait, *how* did you get back?”

He looked at me confused for a moment and I shrugged. “Somethin’ blue came by and dragged my sorry ass outta there.”

Spike’s eyes narrow and he turned to glare at Illyria. “You didn’t think this was new you’d share with the rest of the class, Blue?”

Illyria huffed and looked down at him. Not that this was difficult with Spike, he’s kinda small, but Illyria had a way to *really* look down on you. “You do not concern me, halfbreed. I refuse to abide your will. I got bored watching Wesley revel in his misery and went to seek entertainment elsewhere. You will now cease this pointless talk and return to spar with me. I was not done slapping you around.”

Spike looked at her indigent and growled. “You aint slappin’ me ‘round pet! You was breakin’ me clipboard. I hate to have to ask Captain Forehead for a new one. So, don’t. Touch. My. Clipboard.”

Illyria just reached out, grabbed the clipboard Spike was clutchin’ and effortly snapped it in two. With one hand. “Fuck,” Spike muttered, look’ at the remains of his clipboard with dismay. “What in the sodding hell did you do that for? You aint got no bleeding respect for my things!”

Before I knew it, Spike flew through the air and Illyria stalked over to him. “I am Illyria, I do not need to show you respect. You will show me respect. Or I will remove your organs with Wesley’s tea spoon.”

“Right then,” Spike said, jumpin’ up again. “Playin’ it like that eh? Wes aint gonna like you touchin’ his tea spoon. And I don’t like you touchin’ my clipboard!” Narrowin’ his eyes, he glared at her and then glanced briefly at me. “Be seein’ you later, mate. We gotta go out for a drink yeah?”

Waving him off to play with the goddess I nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’m gonna go see if Angel’s back yet.” As I walked off, I could hear somet beein’ thrown into the wall again. I’m guessin’ that aint Illyria.

When I got to Angel’s office, he weren’t there. Where is that man? Sighin’ I stepped out of his office, just in time to see Harmony walkin’ over to her desk. Well, looks like most of the vamps are accounted for. Except the boss vamp. “Hey, Harmony,” I said, pushin’ my hands in my pockets as I walked over to her desk. “Where’s the boss? He downs enterogatin' our prisoner?”

[Open for Harmony]

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 21:49:29 GMT

As battle plans go? This one really sucked. And I don't mean just suck. I mean *Suck*, with a capital S, yo. Not like we had any other choice though. Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Or a vampire in some cases. Former blue smurf goddesses. After the lickin' she got from this Hamilton dude, I'm guessen' she's ready to rumble. Sure she's one of those to meet in the alley. Fang boys too. Wes and me? Not so sure.

No matter. I'm gonna fight till the bitter end. Was born to do so. Owed it to Allona. Owed it to my parents. Owed to Cordelia and Fred. We was gonna take them *down*, if that was the last thing we did. Might actually be the last thing, but who's countin'? Sure as hell gonna miss Anne, just got to know her a little better. Things that mighta been, things that coulda been. What did that blonde chick say? The one with the movies Wes forced me to watch? Que sera sera or sumat.

Dunno what that means, but damn straight.

You take out the senator, Gunn, he said. My pleasure, big guy, I said. 'Cause, didn't think there was gonna be that many 'security guard's' 'round her. Miss High and Mighty political bitch sure actin' like she's all big an important. She's gonna be big and importantly bleeding' to death in 'bout two seconds. Oh yeah. Go in, take out the babe and the rest? Don't care 's long as I make it to the alley. And I will.

Grippin' my axe, I boldly walk into the 'center'. Big fancy buildin', got Wolfram and Hart written' all over it. "So this is where the evil white people put their side branch of Mecca!" I yelled as I loudly entered the room. Several men and woman stood up, eyes flashin' yellow. Crap, that's not good. But then the person I was looken' for stood up from her desk with that overly serene smile. Bitch.

"Mister Gunn? Can I help you?"

"Oh yeah," I grinned back and let the axe fly. She didn't even have time to make so much as a sound as her eyes went dead and she folded over forward onto her desk. Alright. Mission accomplished! But as I turned 'round, I saw the rest of the crowd had kinda gathered close. Way to close. Wrinklin' my nose, I flicked my wrist and two stakes landed in my palms. Remind me to thank Wes later. "You boys and gals wanna party?" I grinned at them like the idiot I was .

Oh yeah, they wanted to party alright, I thought as they moved in on me an mass.

"Shit."

[Open to Faith]

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 20:37:56 GMT

Was half expectin' to find that slime Hamilton in the basement again. With his lifetime offer for a 'get out of hell free' card. Don't he know there aint nothin' for free? Least of all in hell. But when I descended the stairs to my own private hell, there was on one but my old bud The Wrath. Check out the capitals, yo.

I was scared, yeah. To death even. And even though I kinda deserved it, it was gettin' a little too much. The big guy can come spring me outta here any day now. I was ready for it. Was gonna jump through the fire for him. Had gone through the fire for him. Yeah, was more then ready to leave now.

Please?

Of course there aint no big guy. There aint not even a blonde little guy. No Wes and his guns either, not that I was 'spectin' him. Still, man's gotta hope. What I had so not expected was her blue majesty herself to show up. That was kinda surreal and gotta a say a shock. I blinked, sat up on the table and watched as she was just there suddenly. Swattin' The Wrath away like a fly.

"I have come to get you," she announced, lookin' at me in that creepy ass way that in no way resembled Fred. "I seek enjoyment."

"What?" I looked at her confused, shakin' my head. "What the fuck?"

"I do not know the ritual of fucking'," she said in that monotone voice. "I will command Wesley to explain this once we get back. However I have grown bored with him as he continues to empty brown poison into his weak and fragile body. Yet he refuses to whither and die. "

"Hey girl, I got the same kinda body y'know." Kinda insultin'. I rose and eyebrow at her and then flinched when she suddenly leaped forward. She ripped the medallion of my neck, whirled around and put it around The Wraths' neck. Next thing I knew *I* was bein' grabbed by the neck and hurled through some kinda freak ass portal. "Jesus! We better not end up in Pylea again!"

I fell to the floor hard, and when I carefully pried an eye open, I saw we was in my office. The hell? "What the....?" Quickly pushin' myself up from the floor, I blinked over at Illyria. Who was sneering at me. She capable of any other faces? Man, don't think so.

"I have besieged upon you a new chance, Charles Gunn. The great Illyria, rules or worlds, she who made them all tremble, does not give these at random. Use it wisely." She tilted her head and gave me that cold stare makin' me shiver. "If not I will rip your eyeballs out and make you watch as I use your skin to make a new body Armour, while I feast upon your entrails."

"Huh, you guys sure knew how to have fun." You blue body snatchin' bitch.

"This we did," she nodded sagely. "This world bores and confuses me. Yet, it is strangely fascinating." She stepped over to the door, somehow makin' those five steps seem like two, and yanked it open. "Wesley will now explain the ritual of shoeless feet to me. I will no longer take his insubordination. Or I will..."

"Yeah yeah. Rip apart, entails, eyeballs, gotcha." Jesus, violent much?

"You are strange Charles Gunn. Do not anger me." She lifted her chin, turned around on the balls of her feet and was one.

"Man, freaky."

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 19:39:06 GMT

"Good mornin', Trish" I smiled at my wife, leanin' in to kiss her. Didn't get far though. That whirlwind of a son of mine bounces up the bed shriekin' about that's how he gets sisters. Shakin' my head amused, I ruffled his hair. "Don't ya want sister, Zach?"

"Ewww, no way dad!" Zach wrinkled his nose and made a face of disgust. Scootin' out of bed, I shared a look with my lovely, beautiful wife before throwin' on some clothes. Time to get the day started. Yup. First I'll go get the newspaper. Gotta stay informed 'bout everything.

It's nice and sunny out, just like every day. Gotta love this town. Gotta love my neighbors. Grabbin' the paper from the law, I smiled and waved at O'Dawing's from 'cross the street. Gotta get together for our weekly game of bridge real soon again. Takin' in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and smiled even broader. Damn, I love this place. Movin' here was definitely the best thing we done. Hummin' under my breath I walked back to the house.

Pickin' up the boy's skateboard, I shake my head amused. How many times did I tell him not to leave it out like that. Someone might trip over it and get a bruise. That be nasty and not very fittin' for our new home. I'm gonna have a talk with the boy again. He's still so young and full of live. Ah, to be that young again.

Once back in the kitchen, I smiled at Trish as I sat down. Breakfast smelled good as usual. She's a fine woman, my Trish is. I leaned over to check out Zach's homework. Hey, science. Somehow that's familiar. Takin' the book, I smiled at him and started to quiz him to see if he's got it right. He's so gonna ace that test, my boy is. "Kay, from the top. The earth's outer layer is called?"

"The crust," Zach beams at me.

Noddin' I smiled at him. "And underneath that?"

"The mantle."

"And under that?" He looks a bit unsure. "C'mon y'know this."

"The outer core?" Zach says hesitantly.

"And under that?"

"The inner core," he says, more certain now.

"And under that?"

He seems to think that over before answerin'. "Under that...Nothing?"

Smillin' I nodded at him. "Nothin' but the soft chewy center."

"Hon? The light bulb from the oven just went out. I need a new one from the cellar.'

Suddenly feelin' uneasy, I glanced at her and shifted in my chair. "There should be some in the hall closet."

Tish smiled at with a shake of her head. "Just regular ones. Little ones are downstairs."

"But Zach was just 'bout to tell me 'bout the lithosphere."

Still smilin', she puts her hand on my shoulder. "I kinda need it now."

I sighed, gettin' up with a nod. "Kay, I'll be right back then." There's a sense of dread fillin' me as I walk to the door of the cellar. I dunno why, but I really don't wanna go down those stairs. An uneasy smile went over my face as Trish called out we kept them on the shelf where we kept the thingies. Takin' a deep breath, I opened the door and suddenly remembered.

"Then it's still Fred right? That thing is just controlin'--"

"She's gone."

"I've been unreasonable because I lost all reason. But I should't be taking it out on you. I know you've done everything you can. I'm sorry."

"You know a way. You have to!"

"The deal was that you released the sarcophagus from custom for an upgrade, Mister Gunn."

"Then take it back! Everything that's in my head. The law, the knowledge. Take it back! Everything! Take more. Leave me a vegetable, I don't care. Just bring her back...please. "

"Nothing left to bring back. Ms. Burkles soul was consumed by the fires of resurrection. Everything she was is gone. Forever."

"Is there something you'd like to tell me, Charles?"

"Listen Gunn. I know you feel bad about your part in what happened to Fred, and ou should. For the rest of your life, it should wake you up in the middle of the night. And it will, because you're a good man. You just signed a piece of paper, that's all."

"I...I didn't think it would be one of us! I didn't think it would be Fred!"

"You know, the thing about atonement is, you never run out of chanced. But you gotta take 'em. You can't hide in some hospital room and pretend it's all gonna go away. 'Cause it never will."

"I understand not wanting to go back. Not wanting to be who we were. I understand it and I can forgive it. But you knew what was happening to her. You knew who was responsible and you didn't say anything. You let her die...I'm less forgiving about that."

The knife piercing my skin, my chest, cuttin' out my heart hurt like a son offa bitch. But it didn't hurt a much as the looks in my friends eyes when they found out what I did. It didn't hurt as much as the scalpel Wes plunged into me. I deserved that.

Just as I deserve this.