urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_ Futuaris nisi irrisus ridebis _grimtales_ 2008-05-04T09:04:25Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:206104 2008-05-04T09:03:39Z 2008-05-04T09:04:25Z <a name="cutid1"></a><table width="100%" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2" border="0" align="left" summary=""><tbody><tr><td><font size="2">As you may - or may not - remember, I went to France the other week. Now, I hate travelling at the best of times, I was born was no sense of direction worth speaking of and I can get disoriented simply getting out of bed. Throw in air travel and a foreign language and that's pretty much it for me, panic sets in. Fortunately I had Donna along to bully me and to confidently take all the travel arrangements in her stride, leaving me all the necessary time to concentrate on panicking rather than dealing with anything. Much more efficient. <br /><br />We were on EasyJet, which truly gives one an appreciation for what created veal calves have to go through, there's EasyJet ORANGE (it has to be all in caps) everywhere and not only does this render the stewardesses ugly but it induces eye strain even when you're not focussing on anything.</font></td><td align="center"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00013qcz/"><img width="320" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00013qcz/s320x240" /></a><br /><font size="1">Jesus was a bad sport when it came to the birthday bumps.</font></td></tr><tr><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00014h6t/"><img width="180" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00014h6t/s320x240" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Gamer + Carcassone = Squee</font></div></td><td><font size="2">The trip over wasn't too bad in and of itself though the cloud cover pretty much prevented us from seeing anything at all until we landed in Toulouse (From the English - 'To Surrender, To be Beaten).<br /><br />I should probably take a moment to explain my problem with flying. I understand the science, I know how it all works so it's no a superstitious fear of 'magic' or anything, it's just this - OK, so planes rarely crash, but when they do, you're pretty much fucked. People walk away from train and car wrecks, they don't really from plane crashes. I demand that Zeppelins get brought back, they're civilised and they have the decency to crash SLOWLY. People survived the Hindenburg, they don't survive jets ploughing into the ground at 300 miles an hour.<br /><br />As to Toulouse? We only really drove through it and didn't see much of it, basically it seemed like 'Le Basingsoke' with an airport tacked on.</font></td></tr><tr><td><font size="2">The other part about foreign travel in particular that chokes me up is all the security and checkpoints. I look like a hippy and travel terrifies me, so I always look suspicious. This is not good, especially since nearly being cavity searched entering the USA. Fortunately the trip out was not marred by anally fixated security monkeys. Indeed the passport control guy in Toulouse was slumped right back in his chair as though taking a nap. The word 'languorous' was invented for this guy.<br /><br />My dad picked us up at the airport and then we were off, driving through the - presumably - lovely French countryside at night. Of course, we couldn't see a thing. When we arrived at the old huntsman's house him and his new missus have taken over we could hear the countryside though, specifically a pond full of frogs on the property which were croaking, and laughing, at deafening volume. As well as the frogs there's a very loud woodpecker, three cats, two dogs and two donkeys to contend with. We gawped at the house for a bit and then ate ALL the cheese - which was to be a recurring theme.<br /></font></td><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00015czq/"><img width="320" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00015czq/s320x240" /></a></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Caution! Do not visit Carcassone after playing Assassin's Creed. The urge to jump out of the windows and engage in Le Parkour are almost overwhelming.</font></div></td></tr><tr><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/000164cq/"><img width="180" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/000164cq/s320x240" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Yet another goddamn beautiful view at Carcassone.</font><font size="1"></font></div></td><td><font size="2">The following day we got to take a look around the place and go for a drive to see some French villages. My dad's house is a bit of a surprise really, but also not at the same time. It's very rural but has a nice office space with a quite muscular computer in it, it's decorated in a sort of rural-ish, minimalist style with lots of art posters and books and it has a lot of land around it with lots of trees. I never took my dad for much of a gardener, much more of a tech-head like me I thought, but here he is with lots of green grass and fruit trees, it's a bit disorienting.<br /><br />As to the countryside, which we finally got to see, it's a lot like the countryside around me except a lot drier and the soil is a lot more like clay. It's also a bigger distance between hills with a lot more flat open spaces and the crops are very different, a lot of fruit trees and bushes and not the more traditional grains and rape seed plants that we have around here. Everything's also a lot more spaced out, big gaps between the houses, no hedges, lacking the crowding of even farmland in England.<br /></font></td></tr><tr><td><font size="2">The French villages were very nice, but they do all tend to become something of a blur after a while, the same pale, leafless trees forming avenues over the roads, the same 'L'Hotel de Ville' with the same dirty French flag hanging out front, the same pale yellow, tumbledown buildings, one after another and the same wisteria rambling over everything. When I say tumbledown I really mean it, half of these buildings looked like they were about ready to fall over. The French don't seem to be particularly houseproud and if you saw a building that wasn't leaning and about ready to collapse, odds are it was owned by a British or Dutch family that had emigrated to the area and fixed it up.<br /><br />Every other town or village also had fortifications, a legacy of the Cathar heresy, the Napoleonic Wars and the Hundred Years War, during all of which villages changed hands faster than Mr Igoe. One thing that still has us in stitches was passing through a little wooded area called 'Poupas', which is pronounced 'Poop-ass'. Yes, yes, I know, childish...</font></td><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/000178re/"><img width="320" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/000178re/s320x240" /></a></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Look, I like castles, alright?</font></div></td></tr><tr><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00018x84/"><img width="187" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00018x84/s320x240" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">An ultramodern French privy.</font></div></td><td><font size="2">The following day we went on a road trip to see Carcassone. Carcassone is a fancifully restored fortified town, sitting next to the newer, proper town of Carcassone. The place itself is great, high walls, fortifications, a tastefully done tour that makes language concessions for 'Le Rosbeefs' which was welcome. French is a lovely language and all but it makes their crowd noise peculiarly quiet, they assign genders to inanimate objects and you can't swear as satisfyingly in French as you can in good ol' robust Anglo-Saxon.<br /><br />Carcassone treads a pretty fine line though, it is occupied by a lot of fine shops but amongst them there is a lot of tat and kitsch, which I'm told is gradually increasing year on year. It's not quite as bad as Mont Saint Michel and it's nice to see the medieval as a working and operating location but it does feel like it's fighting a losing battle against the tat. So if you're going to go see it, the sooner the better and go just off season if you can.</font></td></tr><tr><td><font size="2">While we were in Carcassone we ate at 'The Round Table', purely for reasons of irony, and ate 'sausage and chips' though, of course, this being France the sausage was of delicious high quality and the chips were actually thin slivers of oven baked potato, and it was delicious, as was the starter of fish soup and the pudding of proper creme caramel. England's getting a lot better on the food stakes but for a quick, tourist-trap meal that was pretty good and not too screamingly expensive either.</font></td><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00019ggb/"><img width="180" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00019ggb/s320x240" /></a></div><div align="center"><font size="1">The ultimate British tourist destination, a place full of dead French.</font></div></td></tr><tr><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001asw8/"><img width="320" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001asw8/s320x240" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Lizards. Nature's GameBoys.</font></div></td><td><font size="2">On our last proper day we went to visit a French market in one of the neighbouring towns to Lavit (the closest village to where we were staying). It was a little disappointing in that most of what was on sale seemed to be American and while the market was overrun by Moroccans selling interesting things there wasn't a great deal of French people selling interesting things. The indoor market however was more French and sold seafood and local produce, including what amounted to pork scratchings, but made with duck, which were delicious, curse them for not being on sale over here.<br /><br />Overall it seemed like every other person at the market wasn't French, English, Dutch, German, Moroccan, but not French, a lot of Spaniards too, particularly visiting the rather ostentatious Catholic church that dominated that part of the town. I'm more used to the austere CoE and Protestant churches so the sheer gaudy kitsch of the Catholic churches was a bit of a shock.<br /></font></td></tr><tr><td><font size="2">After visiting the market we went to a rather nice restaurant, run at least in part by a lady from New Zealand, but serving traditional French cuisine. I'd had snails before, somewhen, and recall them tasting like garlic chewing gum, so I went for that other stereotypical French dish, frogs' legs, for my starter.<br /><br />Frog's legs are... interesting. The texture isn't like much else I've ever eaten and they don't taste like chicken, more like pike if anything. A delicate, earthy, slightly fishy flavour that is easily overwhelmed by a sauce if you're not careful. For my main course, to compensate for the Frenchness of the starter I had roast beef and when it comes to main courses the French need to learn a little about proper portions, still, it tasted pretty good. I finished up with a nougat ice cream, which was delicious, but the nuts acted rather like aggregates in concrete, making it a bit tricky to carve up into bite-size pieces.<br /></font></td><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001bs0t/"><img width="180" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001bs0t/s320x240" /></a></div><div align="center"><font size="1">People actually use Carcassone, which brings it to life.</font></div></td></tr><tr><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001ct5y/"><img width="180" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001ct5y/s320x240" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Yet more windy, medieval streets.</font></div></td><td><font size="2">Then the next day it was finally time to head home. We said goodbye to the cat that had adopted us during our stay (Pastisse) and took a final look around before heading to the airport. Here's where we finally got some trouble with security, probably because we were going early, the airport was quiet and the security people had nothing better to do. <br /><br />We'd been given some jam and cheese as a parting gift, seeing as how we had eaten so much of both while we were there. The cheese they didn't seem to give a toss about but the liquids issue seemed to cause problems for the jam.<br /><br />Is jam a liquid? Where does one draw the line? How does a pot of home made jam pose a security risk exactly? Did we plan to force feed it to the pilot perhaps, give him a sugar rush so he would foul up the landing?</font></td></tr><tr><td><font size="2">We could have had a very interesting discussion I'm sure if the language barrier and authority problem hadn't been in the way. A jam, or jelly, isn't really a liquid is it? Not as the dictionary defines such substances. Where does one draw the line precisely? By some definitions glass is a liquid, where do the security services stand on<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oobleck"> oobleck</a>? Is cheese a solid or a liquid? If you can take blocks of cheese through, how about fondue? What about brie? Enquiring minds want to know!<br /><br />Alas my French isn't good enough to engage in such discussions and I have no desire to have my bottom probed by French customs so we were forced to leave behind the jam and the bastards didn't even have the decency to eat it themselves which you'd think they might have, I'd rather somebody enjoyed it than it go to waste, but what can you do?</font></td><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001d17p/"><img width="180" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001d17p/s320x240" /></a></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Here be hippies and new agers.</font></div></td></tr><tr><td><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001e5zx/"><img width="180" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001e5zx/s320x240" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">No people!</font></div></td><td><font size="2">We snagged some duck foie gras in the duty free (foie gras? What the fuck's wrong with jam then you continental cumrags!) and some nice chocolates in a metal egg for mum and then sat around twiddling our thumbs until the plane was ready to board. The stewardesses were even lazier on this flight, not even really bothering to go through the safety protocol. Once we hit the UK again our rapid progress hit a grinding halt with inadequate train platform signage and long delays between connections. I console myself with the knowledge that we actually have a public transport system that can get you there in the end, unlike America. Concentrating on problems with the US helps get over the English/French animosity.<br /><br />And that's it really! It was nice, but I still hate travel and foreign countries are strange and frightening!</font></td></tr><tr><td><div align="left"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001fqww/"><img width="186" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001fqww/s320x240" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Yet more Carcassone. Did I mention I like castles?</font></div></div> </td><td align="right"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001g23t/"><img width="320" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001g23t/s320x240" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Frog's legs. Tastier than you might think.</font></div></td></tr><tr><td><div align="left"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001hfa1/"><img width="320" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001hfa1/s320x240" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Roast beef. May as well live up to the stereotype eh?</font></div></div> </td><td align="right"><div style="text-align: center;"><font size="1"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001kpr9/"><img width="320" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/0001kpr9/s320x240" /></a></font><br /></div><div align="center"><font size="1">Nougat ice cream. Very yummy concrete.</font></div></td></tr></tbody></table> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:205856 2008-05-03T00:34:49Z 2008-05-03T00:34:49Z Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:205689 2008-05-02T16:44:51Z 2008-05-02T16:44:51Z You sorry bunch of wankers, only 35% of you bother to turn out and then you vote Tory?!? They're not the only alternative you know and they've arseraped the country far worse than Labour's managed to in the past.<br /><br />For the love of the fuck, not Boris at least, spare us that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:205314 2008-05-01T21:27:56Z 2008-05-01T21:27:56Z Did an RPG lottery syndicate win or something? I've made 1/3 of a typical month's sales in half a day on RPGnow and 100 Dark Places is top of the hottest items list.<br /><br />Wonder what I did right this time around. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:205117 2008-05-01T18:36:10Z 2008-05-01T18:36:10Z Normally I upbraid people for not voting but this time around I kind of see their point. I have no faith in the system, never have had really, but I've always thought one should exercise their vote. This time around though? The problem is that we're being governed by the collected compliment of the 'B' Ark, Labour have sacrificed their core values for electability and have pretty much wasted their time in power, engaging in pointless, bitty policy making when we needed more of a restoration, of course, they'd never have gotten elected if they'd pursued that... the conservatives seem to be trying for a Blair 2.0, misreading the country really badly and STILL being the same Tory fuckmuppets under the glitz, and the Lib Dems, who were in a strong position have spectacularly imploded recently to the point where it's distasteful to vote for them, even as the lesser evil.<br /><br />If it wasn't local election I don't know if I could have mustered the energy to do anything more than spoil my ballot.<br /><br />Ah well, maybe we'll get a hung parliament come the general, then we might get some electoral reform through deal making. Roll on PR. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:204943 2008-04-28T15:18:05Z 2008-04-28T15:18:05Z <div align="center"><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00012bg7/"><img width="252" height="240" border="0" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/pic/00012bg7" /></a></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:204655 2008-04-24T08:22:52Z 2008-04-24T08:22:52Z OK, so I'm off soon (I hate travelling). I should be able to check LJ while over there but am going to try and take a break from the net. If any news breaks could someone post a summary as a reply to this message?<br /><br />Cheers! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:204475 2008-04-23T15:43:34Z 2008-04-23T15:43:34Z I am seriously hacked off now by the delay in clarifying the GSL and the problems surrounding it and now I'm off for a few days to the South of France to visit my dad so will likely be away and off proper net contact when something does surface. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:204241 2008-04-17T21:19:15Z 2008-04-17T21:19:15Z X-Posted to <span class='ljuser' lj:user='apresvie' style='white-space: nowrap;'><a href='http://apresvie.livejournal.com/profile'><img src='http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /></a><a href='http://apresvie.livejournal.com/'><b>apresvie</b></a></span><p><i>Wizards of the Coast is pleased to announce that third-party publishers will be allowed to publish products compatible with the <b>Dungeons &amp; Dragons</b> 4th Edition game system under the new <b>Dungeons &amp; Dragons</b> 4E Game System License (<b>D&amp;D</b> 4E GSL). This royalty-free license will replace the former d20 System Trademark License (STL), and will have a System Reference Document (SRD) available for referencing permissible content. </i></p> <p><i>The <b>D&amp;D</b> 4E GSL will allow third-party publishers to create roleplaying game products in fantasy settings with the <b>D&amp;D</b> 4th Edition rules, and publishers who register with WotC will be granted the right to use a version of the <b>D&amp;D</b> logo that denotes the product as compatible with the <b>D&amp;D</b> 4th Edition Roleplaying Game, in accordance with WotC’s terms and conditions. The effective start date for sales of <b>D&amp;D</b> 4E GSL publications will be October 1, 2008.</i></p> <p><i>The license associated SRD will be available on June 6, 2008, at no cost. A small group of publishers received advanced notice and will receive these documents prior to June 6, at no cost, in order to prepare for publication of compatible materials by the effective start date. If you haven’t already been contacted by WotC, you will be able to access the documents on the Wizards website beginning on June 6, 2008.</i></p> <p><i>Wizards is also working on the details of a second royalty-free license, the d20 Game System License (d20 GSL). This license will allow third-party publishers to create roleplaying game products in non-fantasy settings with the 4E rules. The exact details for the d20 GSL will be released as they become available.</i></p>************<br /> <br /> This seems slightly woolly to me since 'Fantasy Setting' is a rather subjective term, would Iron Kingdoms be a fantasy setting? What about Bas Lag? Some people consider Star Wars to be fantasy. Plus this doesn't tell us that much about the constrictions of the new licence but I'd hazard a guess and say it's going to be about as restrictive as the old D20 license, so you may not be able to do complete settings with character creation etc in them. This may be a bit of a mistake as the leeway with the old OGL lead to efforts like True20 and Mutants &amp; Masterminds that pushed things forward a bit. Still, we'll see, I'm sure I can knock something up whatever the restrictions. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:203630 2008-04-11T15:20:03Z 2008-04-11T15:20:03Z Boy do I hate tax returns, even online, but they owe me money again, so 'yay'.<br />I would be doing quite well indeed, well enough to indulge the crazier part of my brain if I wasn't having to help cover the heating bill for the house.<br /><br />Ah well.<br /><br />Hopefully things I've written that are in Limbo will be published this year and thus I shall get more moolah. <br /><br />More! <br /><br />MORE I TELLS YA! <br /><br /><font size="4"><i>BWAHAHAHAHHAHA!</i></font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:203309 2008-04-11T13:47:35Z 2008-04-11T13:47:35Z No comments? I really liked my&nbsp;<span class='ljuser' lj:user='apresvie' style='white-space: nowrap;'><a href='http://apresvie.livejournal.com/profile'><img src='http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /></a><a href='http://apresvie.livejournal.com/'><b>apresvie</b></a></span> cartoon today :P urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:203209 2008-04-11T06:28:39Z 2008-04-11T06:28:39Z Been looking after my mum's highly strung siamese cat while she's been away on holiday. The cat is a bit delicate and requires asthma medicine nightly but you wouldn't know it given the run-around it's given me and the nightly struggle involving closed doors and blankets to get the damn thing to hold still to have the medicine.<br /><br />Thankfully she's back today, so I only need to give it food this morning. <br /><br />Phew! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:202972 2008-04-10T14:18:06Z 2008-04-10T14:18:06Z Rackham are doing pre-painted figs for Confrontation now as well! *tears hair out*<br />I'm dooooomed! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:202734 2008-04-10T08:16:12Z 2008-04-10T08:16:12Z I know some of you are out there, I lost your card thingy from the last con but want to get involved with you, and there's no real contact info on your website. So how do I join the collective? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:202100 2008-04-07T15:32:38Z 2008-04-07T15:32:38Z New reviews for <i>Scion Companion: Tuatha Dé Danann </i>and the new version of <i>Suzerain </i>over on&nbsp;<span class='ljuser' lj:user='apresvie' style='white-space: nowrap;'><a href='http://apresvie.livejournal.com/profile'><img src='http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /></a><a href='http://apresvie.livejournal.com/'><b>apresvie</b></a></span>. They should also appear later on on <a href="http://www.flamesrising.com/">Flames Rising</a>, which is the other place you can read my reviews besides my journal and which is great for horror, RPG and other reviews, news and discussion. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:201931 2008-03-27T22:57:38Z 2008-03-27T22:57:38Z <a style="left: 0px ! important; top: 12px ! important;" title="Block this object with Adblock Plus" class="abp-objtab-05507521454013563 visible" href="http://www.youtube.com/v/n0JpTthRpmI&amp;hl=en"></a><lj-embed id="6" /><br /><br /><a style="left: 0px ! important; top: 12px ! important;" title="Block this object with Adblock Plus" class="abp-objtab-05507521454013563 visible ontop" href="http://www.youtube.com/v/XDMNQ6A68Ns&amp;hl=en"></a><lj-embed id="7" /><br /><br /><a style="left: 0px ! important; top: 12px ! important;" title="Block this object with Adblock Plus" class="abp-objtab-05507521454013563 visible ontop" href="http://www.youtube.com/v/6E1vlwMBugY&amp;hl=en"></a><lj-embed id="8" /><br /><br /><a style="left: 0px ! important; top: 0px ! important;" title="Block this object with Adblock Plus" class="abp-objtab-05507521454013563 visible ontop" href="http://www.youtube.com/v/wfawNa1FVpk&amp;hl=en"></a><lj-embed id="9" /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:201604 2008-03-27T00:58:01Z 2008-03-27T00:58:01Z Much as it's nice not to be punched for snoring, or have the light on too bright, it's damned hard to get to sleep when you're no longer used to sleeping in a bed alone. Plus the cat is being a TOTAL arsehole, Donna always says he's MY cat but the way he's been mooning around, curling on her chair all day and trying to entice me into fights (he usually fights with her) I think he's equally her cat.<br /><br />It's going to be an interesting year I think. It seems like nobody has much idea what's going on with 4th Edition and its OGL, but I should be getting free books when they do come out and trying to work out my strategy for that. The French version of Cloak of Steel is out, Secret Sexy Project 1 is now just awaiting final legal and logistical wranglings and I seem to be able to work at a relatively normal pace again - which was nice - just as well since it appears - if the first 1/4 of the year has been anything to go by - that I'll be getting a lot of varied freelancing this year too.<br /><br />Of course, on the downside the dollar's continuing to be worth... fuck all and that directly impacts my income, I may have to raise my PDF prices a bit to compensate, but I don't relish doing that. It's always a bit of a gamble weighing what people will pay. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:201239 2008-03-22T12:52:58Z 2008-03-22T12:52:58Z <b>Review</b><br />Of course, this is an old film, so a review isn't necessarily very informative but it can be worthwhile to visit old films now and again to subject them to a modern perspective. The Bible isn't the first, or last, film to follow these themes being part remake part sequel to Ingmar Bergman's critically acclaimed, intellectual, disturbing but commercially unappealing 'The Torah' (1952). The Bible lacks the critical authenticity of that work while also lacking the trendy (but also confusing) Tarantinoesque jump-cuts of 2006's 'Islam' by Robert Rodriguez or the sheer surreality of Salvador Dali's arthouse masterpiece 'Mormonism'.<br /><br />The Bible, then, stands somewhere in the middle, Roland Emmerich - as director - is given a huge budget to both re-tell The Torah for a popular audience and to tell the story of the sequel, 'Messiah', which was so heavily hinted at in the earlier work but never came to fruition. Unfortunately as with many Hollywood 'epic' summer movies of the nineties and noughties the high budget drove a confused, sprawling, over-long, monster of a film that paid far more attention to special effects set pieces than to consistent plotting, characterisation or even sense.<br /><br />Jeremy Irons chews the scenery as the character 'God', a supernatural entity of enormous intelligence and power that dominates the first half of the film before fading into the background during the second half. Clearly we're supposed to sympathise with the God character and, while Irons' English accent does lend an element of credibility to the God character's authority the plotting and actions of the character make no sense and the film would have hung together more with the God character cast as the villain, rather than the vastly more sympathetic Serpent/Devil character, depicted with sensitivity and sympathy by Jude Law. As it stands the audience is left confused as the character we're supposed to be empathising with visits misery and destruction upon humanity much like the aliens in Emmerich's other big blockbuster, Independence Day.<br /><br />The effects are astonishing of course, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, the flooding of the Earth, old men being mauled by bears (which guaranteed the director's cut a hard R rating in the US) but while there's plenty of impressive eye candy the whole thing starts to fall apart in the plotting and narrative. God saves Noah (Donald Sutherland) as he's supposed to be a man of virtue but after the flooding of the Earth the first thing he does is get drunk and doink his own daughters.<br /><br />The Egyptian section of the film has received the most plaudits from critics and audiences alike but this is largely down to the tour-de-force performance by Brian Blessed as Moses, with audiences barely able to help themselves shouting along with his bravado delivery reminiscent of his role as Prince Vultan in Flash Gordon (1980). His scene of confrontation with Pharaoh's sorcerors provides his most memorable line 'YOU CALL THOSE _SNAKES_? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!' but also demonstrates the weakness in plotting that even Brian Blessed cannot save, the God character being supposed to be the only true supernatural force in the world, yet these sorcerors capable of producing magic themselves. True, it makes for a more effective scene but this really is a goof up in the plotting.<br /><br />In America of course, The Bible was released as a four hour epic movie and did reasonably well at the box office during its early weeks but in response to testing the film was split into two sections. The Old Testament and The New Testament since testing had shown that The New Testament tested better as an independent movie in focus groups. Now many people don't even know that the two films were one 'The Bible' and many fans of The New Testament completely disregard Part One, preferring to focus on Part Two.<br /><br />Part Two, however, cannot really be understood without having watched Part One and while it is a better plotted movie it lacks the same, grand, set-piece battles and special effects that redeemed Part One for the popcorn chewing hoi-polloi. There's just too much dialogue, much of it repetitious, really trying to hammer home the film's moral message in a crude fashion that becomes annoying about half an hour into the second half. The use of Jude Law to play the Jesus character - as well as the devil - was somewhat inspired but as soft featured and feminine as he is he fails to bring across either the supposed stoicism of the Jesus character or the malice of The devil in much the same way his lack of macho credentials damaged 2004's Sky Captain.<br /><br />While the message of the second half is a positive one it loses its impact because of the poor plotting, particularly when the two halves of the film are viewed as a whole. The first half spends all its time setting up the god character as this all powerful arsehole in the sky (perhaps Bruce Willis with his background of playing morally questionable antiheroes would have been a better choice) only to then have him settle on, perhaps, the most baroque and overly complex plan for the 'redemption' of mankind ever conceived, which leaves the cinemagoer - even Joe sixpack - feeling he could have come up with a better solution. The impact of the Jesus character's sacrifice is further undermined by his popping back up again three days later, perfectly fine and then floating off to paradise. The film, therefore, lacks any real conclusion, the world hasn't changed, nothing is different and the whole thing is left extremely anticlimactic.<br /><br />The proposed sequel 'Revelation' has been stuck in development hell since the release of The Bible in the mid nineties but Emmerich has expressed a desire to return to the topic and to return to the eye candy of the first half of The Bible with an effects laden destruction of the world that will make The Day After Tomorrow look like Steamboat Willie. Michael Wincott is attached to the latest attempt to bring this film to the cinema, taking over for Jeremy Irons as God while Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have also expressed interest in interviews in the parts of Jesus and The Whore of Babylon respectively. Nothing concrete has settled yet though, so it seems that Revelation will remain in development hell for the near future.<br /><br /><b>Summary<br /></b>A confused film, half effects laden, no-brain blockbuster, half cinema-verite talking-heads, lacking a conclusion or climax to justify the budget. Poor plotting and characterisation lead the audience to sympathise with the villains rather than the out-of-control God character or the whiny Jesus<br /><br /><b>Scores<br />Style: 3<br />Substance: 1</b> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:201132 2008-03-14T17:14:26Z 2008-03-14T17:14:26Z I want to open a pub called 'Here be Flagons'. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:200711 2008-03-14T07:14:38Z 2008-03-14T07:14:38Z <a style="left: 0px ! important; top: 0px ! important;" title="Block this object with Adblock Plus" class="abp-objtab-06462514423221273 visible" href="http://www.youtube.com/v/mcAq9bmCeR0&amp;rel=1&amp;border=0"></a><lj-embed id="5" /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:200507 2008-02-12T15:41:56Z 2008-02-12T15:41:56Z <b>Q:</b> Hey what's up?<br /><b>A: </b>A direction normally designated as being opposite to the strongest local pull of gravity, why?<br /><br /><b>Q: </b>How are you?<br /><b>A: </b>The physical laws of the universe allow a conflation of matter and energy into a persistent physical matrix and my consciousness is an emergent property of complex neurological interactions in my brain. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:200194 2008-02-07T22:46:25Z 2008-02-07T22:46:25Z You can't cure <a href="http://www.coloradoconfidential.com/showDiary.do?diaryId=3422"><b>'The Gay'.</b></a> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:200177 2008-02-05T22:39:35Z 2008-02-05T22:39:35Z <a href="http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dufe/20071121a">Squeeeeee!</a><br /><br />That'll teach me to dash off an idea and then forget all about it.<br /><div style="width: 580px; visibility: visible;"><h4><a name="cutid1"></a><div class="ljcut" text="The Best Adventure I Never Wrote"><h4>Cross City Race</h4> <p>The adventure begins upon the adventurer’s arrival within a sizeable city or metropolis. The city is alive with talk about a special race across the city; one held every year or two, to deliver a letter from one side of the city to the other as quickly as possible. While it started out as a simple competition between message carriers to settle a dispute, it is now open to anyone to enter; though no magical transportation or killing is allowed, the race is otherwise a glorious free-for-all of sneakiness, athleticism and brute force, all to claim the prize: a sizeable money pot and magical item donated by the city treasury to encourage the competition.</p> <p><b>Adventure in a Nutshell:</b> The adventure itself is the race, made up of an interlinked series of encounters along the route: including sabotage, traps, ambushes and other underhanded and sneaky obstacles, as well as the terrain and daily life of the city itself getting in the way. The intended theme would almost be that of a car chase in a modern cop show, complete with exploding melons, cardboard boxes and chicken cages getting devastated en route. The adventurers may spring their own traps and obstacles for the other racers, and the various Skill and Ability checks—as well as the conditions and the route taken—add or subtract to the time taken to try and claim the prize.</p> <p>The various encounters interlock with each other in a similar fashion to the old <a target="_blank" href="http://www.wizards.com/leaving.asp?url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_Your_Own_Adventure&amp;origin=dnd_dufe_20071121a"><i>Choose Your Own Adventure</i></a> books and could, conceivably, be run through by a single player. Failing to jump a roof-gap in one encounter, for example, might drop you down into an encounter on a ground route.</p> <p>The final goal of the competition is the guardhouse atop the gate on the opposite side of the city, but the door is locked and the climax is a death-defying climb to deliver the letter and claim the prize. A failure in this could lead to a nasty fall, especially with other competitors trying to push you off, pouring oil over the stones, or otherwise doing things to get in the way.</p> <p>The city treasury may have put up the prize for a reason. A proven, capable and ruthless messenger may be just what they need to take a letter or item securely, safely and swiftly from their city to another. What the package is may not be clear, but it may well be important enough for other people to pursue. With that as a hook, this adventure may act as a springboard to other adventures and a way to get the adventurers in the good graces of the ruling powers in several cities.</p></div><p> </p></h4></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:199777 2008-01-17T07:01:06Z 2008-01-17T07:01:06Z And I was doing so well too, then last night my graphics card went 'phut' and today I don't feel well.<br />Back to bed I think. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_grimtales_:199607 2008-01-15T12:16:34Z 2008-01-15T12:16:34Z 52k words done on the C7 project, not far to go now until that's finished.<br />Got to take it easy though and not overdo it. Variety seems to work to stave off brain-burn.