| Sometimes I think this cycle never ends, we slide from top to bottom then we turn and climb again. |
[24 Jan 2007|05:48pm] |
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I am really proud of myself. I have been hardcore on top of my homework/studio work, AND I'm getting the recommended amounts of sleep! I mean, you know my personal life's a mess, but woot academia! Also, Maurya got me into this ridiculous habit of having a beer/glass of wine (either, or, not both) when I start my homework, and I'm pretty sure that's not healthy. Oh well. Hooray academia!
Soooo my new studio group. Yeahhhh. I'm pretty sure everyone hates everyone. I seriously just had a terrible messy breakdown about this. I realize I was in the "really close group" last semester, and that's going to take time, but no one even wants to try! I suggested a New Group A bonding date, and Molly was like, "Ummm, I'd rather just hang out with my old group, you know, people I enjoy." And I know she wasn't talking about me, but I almost started crying! I cannot be in a loveless group! I cannot be in a group where they're like, oh this is just people I have class with. NO! Unacceptable! I fucking spend 24 hours a week with you! More, if we have a scene together. WE ARE GOING TO BE A MOTHERFUCKING FAMILY GODDAMMIT! Or they're going to be shy and awkward and my soul will wither up and die. You know. Whichever.
A New Years Eve, Chicago birthday, and New York birthday update will happen soon, je promets. Even though, when I talk about those events together, it makes me sound like an alcoholic slut.
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| My heart needs to lie down. |
[23 Dec 2006|09:18pm] |
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Ugh, doesn't it creep you out when you read year old posts and realize a year later that those posts have all these little universal truths housed in them?
For once, reading about the happy didn't make me want to kill myself like it usually does. I actually reminisced in a healthy manner. My patterns of obsessive/destructive behavior are so predictable. I'm a ridiculous fake person. I've decided that entirely too much harsh reality was packed into this year. I mean, yes, I've learned a lot about myself and the ones I love, but whoooooa, it was really overwhelming to have it all at once.
I'm feeling better. I still hate it at home, but I'm feeling better. Like I'm going to rock NYC/U when I get back. May have something to do with the fact that I did really well in studio this semester. Well, not really well, but well enough to confirm that I'm not wasting my time. And that is the best feeling EVER right now. It may also have something to do with the fact that I've got Deathcab on repeat, and it's making me realize that at least I'm not THAT emo...
Ships have sailed. And by sailed, I mean they fled the armada and were torpedoed by German U-boats. But it's okay. Because it's not my fault. And I did the best I could, and there are way too many things that are/were out of my control. There was too much I didn't know about, and too much I couldn't change. And it wasn't my job to fix it. I'm a big girl, and I knew what was best for me, and I didn't do it. I caved because I was selfish. So I'm doing that whole learning thing.
My head and my heart were always in New York. My soul was here. It took me three trips home to retrieve it, but this time, I'm taking it back with me.
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[21 Dec 2006|05:27pm] |
I can't come home anymore. It's too hard. I'm miserable. I just want to go back to New York, where my real life is. Not my stupid leftover adolescent life.
Plus, it's kind of an obnoxiously painful reminder of unresolved baggage.
I never thought I'd be so unhappy here.
I'm so ready leave and not come back until May.
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| AAAAAAAH! |
[19 Dec 2006|04:46pm] |
I HATE her. HATRED. She fills my body with rage every time I have a passing fucking thought about her! I'm really angry with myself for opting not to have it out yelling style when I told her we're not friends anymore. Granted I didn't have all the information I have now, but still. Sweet jesus, I cannot even stand it.
When I die, I want someone to creamate me, pour my ashes down her throat until it fills her windpipe and she chokes, and then set her vagina on fire. With napalm. It better happen, or my soul will haunt you for the rest of your natural life. Yes. You.
PS. Rachel got into U of I. (sorry to put that in this post, Rach)
PPS. I am about to go see Motion City Soundtrack with Shane, Walt, and Jeff...what?!
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| A shadow past, a shadow past, yearning, yearning, for the fool it called a home. |
[15 Dec 2006|01:40pm] |
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Whoa, not a fan of the new gigantic font in the text box you post in.
Anyway. I flew in around 10pm Wednesday night, went to sleep, and woke up at 7PM THURSDAY NIGHT. Didn't wake up to go to the bathroom. Didn't wake up to get a glass of water. Didn't wake up to roll over. PASSED OUT for 21 hours. Pretty sure that means I'm broken. Granted I'm really sick and have slept no more than 3 hours any night for the past three weeks. But still, 21 hours at once can't be good. Oh, and most importantly, I didn't clean the piercing for 21 hours. NOT GOOD. I was all proud of myself because I've been compulsively taking care of it, and it's not pusy or crusty or gross. Well NOW it is. And because I didn't change the bandage for a day, I now have a sweet band-aid shaped red itchy irritated spot that is really kind of uncomfortable because of the nature of the area. So I figured I'd let it freeball for a day and go band-aidless to let it breathe, but it's not ready, and it's tugging and hurting and I'm really upset with her right now. Yes, her. Because I talk to it so much that I decided to name it. Orlaugh. In case you were wondering. Or Orla. I'm not sure of how Gaelic-ly I wanna spell it.
And I bought the Spring Awakening soundtrack within five minutes of getting home the day it came out, and I'm legit in love. Although I'm a little confused as to how a show with some of the most beautiful music/lyrics can simultaneously have some of the most predictable music/cheesy lyrics. Seriously:
Our hearts will murmur the blues from on high.
VS
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.
Yeeeah. Oh well. Rachel gets her acceptance/rejection from U of I today, so I'm gonna run over there and attempt to keep her sane until they post it. I'm really scared for what's going to happen when college is over, because I genuinely have no idea. Don't tell my mom, but I really don't wanna go to law school. Practical, necessary, backup, blah blah, but seriously? It doesn't feed my soul. The end. Unfortunately, it feeds my stomach. Aaaaargh. Stupid college making me really happy but the real world sucking!
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[10 Dec 2006|01:27pm] |
I had my first drunken college body art excursion last night. It was Nastassia's birthday, so she and Liz came up, went to a drag show, met up with me, got drunker, got a little more sober, went to a tattoo parlor, and we mutilated our bodies.
Nastassia got a fleur-de-lis on her hip.
Liz got her nose pierced.
And Mariella. Well, she's a lot ballsier than previously thought. I'm promising myself I won't take it out till I get home for Christmas break. So hopefully I'll get my show off on.
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| I don't do sadness, not even a little bit |
[07 Dec 2006|12:09am] |
Ummmm, I just rediscovered Spring Awakening, and am creaming myself. I can't believe I didn't fall for this show the first time I saw it. What's wrong with me?! The cast recording doesn't come out till December 12th and I may die waiting. I love New York. I'm so fucking cutting edge on musicals, I find them before they even put out the recordings. Granted I saw it 4th night after opening. But still. I'm too tired for a fangirly rant, but if you come and visit me, this is the show I'm gonna take you to.
My show is fantastic. My director is hot. My cast is flirty. My headset conversation is inappropriate. I am having so much fun and there are only four days left.
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[30 Nov 2006|01:19am] |
RULES: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!
I'm breaking the rules, because I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore. No one's getting tagged. Do it if you want. If not, then don't.
1 - Sometimes I have tiny pangs of wanting to be in tech track with SMing as my concentration.
2 - Making me a mix CD will automatically get you sex.
3 - I just learned that I don't have to know everything about what love is to love someone. It's okay if I only know a part of it. And that's still love.
4 - I had my eyebrows done for the first time in my life two weeks ago. My roommate Cat did them. They look amazing.
5 - I hate feeling like people don't know me.
6 - My biggest fear is that I'll never have a king size bed. I'm afraid I'm going to live in studio apartments alone for the rest of my life, and always have a twin bed, and never ever get to have a king size.
7 - My second biggest fear is falling down the stairs and knocking out my front teeth. And spiders.
8 - My biggest frustration is when I don't know what's going on.
9 - I don't miss Chicago home. I just miss Rachel.
10 - I am incapable of cuddling with someone for longer that 15 minutes without jumping them. I just can't do it.
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| The past is only the future with the lights on |
[28 Nov 2006|12:59am] |
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Okay, new rule. I'm not going home for weekends anymore. It's just too stressful, and all everyone does is whine about how I'm not spending enough time with them. Thanksgiving is supposed to be nice and restful and catching up with friends and loving the fam, and mine entailed little of any of that! I was all stressed and freaking out about when I was going to see people, and my mom was yelling at me for not being home, and Kira was SUPER clingy, and the only person I needed to spend hardcore time with was Rachel, and I barely saw her for an hour and a half alone. The other night I was bonding with the shiny new boyfriend that we determined I have to be friends with. At first, I wasn't going to hang out with them ever because I didn't feel like being the awkward, slightly annoying third wheel, but we're best friends, so I have to like her boyfriend, I suppose. Plus this is karma getting me back for all the times I made Dorothy hang out with me and Tj. But that was fun. Or so I tell myself. But it's okay. I can be the Dorothy of Rachel and Colm. And anyway, I like him.
Everyone keeps saying, "Well, I don't know what to tell you." I don't even know what it is I want to hear. Luckily I have Hecuba every night from now until December 9th until 11pm, so I'll be too tired to have emotions! Hooray for ignoring problems!
Chicago home is nice. But I need to be at New York home for a long time. 10 years minimum. This is just where I need to be. There's too much stuff at Chicago home, and I just freak out and can't handle it when everything here is relatively baggage-free. I do need to establish my adult life here though. I meant it about deserving a grown-up. I have paid my shitty fake high school dues and I have learned and grown and matured, goddammit! I want real. Please. It's time.
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| Standing in line to see the show tonight, and there's a light on, heavy glow |
[17 Nov 2006|01:21am] |
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I completely misjudged Hecuba. It's really fucking cool. And twisty and dark and wonderful. Plus there's dismemberment of babies! Hooray Greeks! I didn't realize, but the director they brought in for it, Magdelena, is from Cypress and did her undergrad at Oxford and she's totally hot. And my SM is amazing, and she said I'm the good assistant! And I'm really enjoying it! But only because I get to hang out backstage with the actors and order run crew/props/wardrobe around and make sure things are in place. I think I would hate it if I was stuck up in the booth calling cues. Figures. Yeah, I wanna study acting the rest of my life, oh but not musical theater where the money is. No no, straight acting. I'm in love with stage managing, and would love to do it professionally, oh but not stage managing where the money is, assistant stage managing. I'm just going to have to deal with the fact that I will never have money. Ever.
We had a Group C photoshoot in Madison Square Park during lunch today, and it was the most amazing day of my life. Until we got kicked out of the fountain by park security. It left me in such a good mood all day, and I wasn't tired and a zombie during V&S, OR stamina, OR ballet like I usually am. I know I say this all the time, but I'm going to spiral into manic depression next semester when they break us apart. Seriously. I will not be able to handle it. NONE of the other groups are the way we are. And supposedly there's all this twittering going on about how tight Group C is, and how we hang out all the time, and how we bond (via mass drunken makeout sessions...shut up! we're actors!), and everyone wishes their group was like ours. And it's just really nice to be like that.
Evelyn comes tomorrow! And we're going to see Spring Awakening! A new Broadway alt-rock musical about sexual awakening! It workshopped at Atlantic and there's a shitload of NYU people in it/involved in it, so we get a sweet discount. Based on the description, it's either gonna rock the house or suck a lot. I'll let you know. Also, in March, "Edward Scissorhands: the Musical Ballet" is coming to Broadway. Also excited about that one. Legit.
My poem is going up tomorrow and I'm mildly terrified at my first intense Voice and Speech endeavor. I'm going to go channel Marge Piercy for awhile.
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| Fake update. |
[14 Nov 2006|01:52am] |
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I saw The Santaland Diaries at my studio the other night, and it was HYSTERICAL! Afterwards we went out for Kristina's birthday, who turned 20, because she's OLD and I discovered a love for Strawberry Mohitos.
I saw Deathcab For Cutie at Madison Square Garden last week, and I'm pretty sure it changed my life.
I saw Plain White T's, Jack's Mannequin, and Panic! at the Disco tonight at MSG, and it was pretty entertaining despite the fact that there were 12 year olds with their moms running around, and Panic did a cover of Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles I'm not too sure about.
My paper is finally turned in, so maybe I can get some sleep again.
I'm going home in a week and a day.
I met my therapist today and she's really really sweet. But I don't know if it's going to last.
I'm going to Florence for Spring Break with Group C and stayng at Gaja's summer home, and it's NOT going to be one of those things we keep talking about and then never doing!
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| people staring, they know you've been broken |
[01 Nov 2006|06:11pm] |
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Let's talk about the insanity that is the Spenser Kimbrough Outreach Benefit, shall we? Well, actually, we won't because there's too much, but I will say that my NYC stage debut rocked the house. And tech wasn't even so bad. Except for the part where we changed huge chunks of choreography at 11:45pm the night before the show went up. Mmhm. My mom and my sister came up for the weekend and got to see it, which was nice. Kira and I had a sleepover in my dorm one night, and the next night I got to sleep in the hotel, in an actual bed, in a room with CARPET and awesome water pressure. I took 2 showers in the span of 8 hours. It was glorious. And then there was a meet&greet with my studio teachers since it was parents' weekend, so my mom got to see my teachers and what they're about and what we do, which was nice. I think they finally convinced her of the whole growth of an actor is synonymous with growth as a human being thing I've been trying to expain to her. I think that now she realizes even if it doesn't work out, it wasn't a waste, because I'm learning how to be a person. I'm really excited to go home for a month, but I'm really not excited to live in my house again. It's just gonna be that awkward, I'm an adult, but she's not gonna treat me as such business. I really hope she doesn't pull you have the car so you have to be home at a certain time bullshit, because that's nooot gonna fly.
So now, I'm assistant stage managing a show for the Experimental Theater Wing for my mandatory crew assignment, and we got to pick the projects we wanted to do, but we couldn't pick the shows. So I wanted an ETW show, but no one told me one of the possible shows was going to be Hecuba! Now I'm stuck sitting through 3 hour a night, 8 hours a day on weekends Greek fucking tragedy and I wanna kill myself! What's even worse is that in the space next door to the space we rehearse in, they're in rehearsal for Into the Woods! It's SO distracting, and I just wanna do that one! I don't know. I'm just really bored by Classical. But the stage manager is really good. She got a BFA in Technical Theater from Indiana State, and this is like, a professional gig for her. She's super organized and really interested in training me since I am an ASMing virgin, other than the class I'm taking, so I'm really excited to work with her. But still. Hecuba. Puke.
I was walking home last night and I heard someone call my name really timidly, and it didn't really register, so I kept walking. Then someone comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder and says my name again. I turn around and WHO is standing behind me? Who? MR. SMITH! Because we go to the same school like that. He's in the Graduate Musical Theater Writing program! So we chatted and caught up. I can't believe he recognized me, but I guess Kevin (yes, Kevin Long, who I am perfectly allowed to call Kevin now) told him I was at Tisch, so he kind of knew. He asked if I ever saw Emily. Um, no. But I said it was because she was in Steinhardt, and we weren't really in the same program, so we didn't see each other. She's singing this piece he composed for him for one of his classes. Isn't that nice. Anyway, Mr. Smith! That's all.
Halloween in New York kicks Halloween in Chicago's ASS. First of all, I guess Greenwich has the biggest Halloween parade in the country, which I missed because I had rehearsal, but I was looking at pictures from my roommates and it looked so fun. This one guy was pushing his son around in a baby carriage, and his son was dressed like a pirate, and the dad had tricked out the baby carriage to look like a pirate ship! It was SO cute. The parade ended in Union Square, so I caught up with everyone there (after coming home and making up a costume in 20 minutes...I ended up being a trenchcoat flasher), and it was insane! There was this big scary group of punks and the biggest, scariest, punkiest one of them all had this huge pole with a red flag on top with a big anarchy symbol on it. They were running around scaring people. And then there was this group of dads and their sons, and most of the dads and all the kids were desert-storm-type marine guys. Like they had the lighter camo with the floppy desert camo hats. And then two of them were Osama Bin Laden. Not the funny haha cartoon Bin Laden masks. ACTUAL real looking ones. And then white robes and turbans and big scary fake machine guns. So they're crossing the big intersection in Union Square, and it's really really bright because there are lights everywhere, and stop in the middle of the street and start pointing machine guns at the cabs and the people and the buildings! For one second, my heart dropped. And then I saw the whole group and was like, oh, okay, that's kinda funny, I guess. But the visual of them and the soldiers looked so real. It was a little terrifying. Still, it was fun, and I got a little taste of Greenwich Halloween, even if I missed the parade.
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| you're so lovely, are you lonely? giving up on the innocence you left behind |
[23 Oct 2006|05:54pm] |
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impressed |
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Oh man. I just got my hair cut for free by a student, and it's HOT! And free. I think hot and free has only happened at the same time like once in my life.
And "The House of Yes" is the most incredible play ever written. New dream show, definitely. Blood + sex + incest = good theater.
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[22 Oct 2006|04:37pm] |
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A year ago today, I built a house of cards. It has since fallen, but I haven't cleaned them up yet. They're still scattered on the floor.
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| and I would give anything just to feel like I belong |
[16 Oct 2006|01:27am] |
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No, I'm actually not dead. I think this is the longest I've ever gone not posting. Stupid Facebook.
I got to go to Boston and molest visit Evelyn which was SO GOOD for me. I love it here and it's wonderful and where I want to be and challenging but sometimes it feels like I'm drowning. But I'm okay. It just feels like that sometimes. And it was nice to be in Boston where it's quiet and picturesque and there are sailboats outside her bedroom window on the river. It was beautiful. And her friends are fantastic. I don't quite know how this happens, but I live in Greenwich and have zero lesbian friends to speak of, and she lives in Boston and knows 38457306 hot stoner lesbians! How is that fair?! I clearly made the wrong choice in university. They're really fun though. And I'm glad she's happy and adjusted and has friends she likes.
So I've never really hung out with my studio group before, not outside of going to the occassional Adler show with a few people and scene study, anyway. However, this weekend there was this HUGE Adler rooftop party at this apt building in the East Village, and beforehand I went to dinner with some people and we just talked for like 2 hours and COMPLETELY bonded. It was so nice. I was really giddy the whole weekend because I have official friends now. And then after dinner we met up at the party, proceeded to get superbly drunk, and all make out with each other! Because that's how studo groups bond - making out and movement class orgies. My class's movement project is a story for another post, but we're so blatantly sexual, it's ridiculous. And then last night to chill ourselves out from the party, we all got together and watched The Royal Tennenbaums (yes, it was my first time seeing it because I'm lame, and I'm pretty sure it changed my life), and it was so nice. I love my group. Even the people I didn't like in the beginning, I totally misjudged/misunderstood and it's really good now. I'm gonna kill myself second semester when they switch us up.
We had to do these character exercises for Betsey where we kind of broke down and studied similes, and this kid Rafa...well first, I have to explain. He's this acid-tripping, pot-smoking, meditating-nature-granola-hippie-buddhist kinda guy, and he's so out of the box it's hilarious. And he always says these really deep profound things (which I am compiling in a book entitled "The Tao of Rafael Miguel"). Anyway, for one of his similes, he picks "naked as a baby" and starts enumerating a list of deeply personal confessions to demonstrate his emotional nakedness, and along with that, STARTS TAKING A PIECE OF CLOTHING OFF WITH EVERY CONFESSION. Apparently, he couldn't wait till the time we get naked as a class, and really felt the need to start stripping. Which is fine. Except in Betsey's class. She's the 86 year old Elaine Stritcht-esque teacher I have, and she's the only teacher from Stella's original group that's still alive, so she's this fantastic old school broad, and of all the teachers we have, she is DEFINITELY NOT the one to get naked for. And then in his confessions, he was like, "and I'm addicted to masturbation...and black people scare me," and we were like WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! It was insane. So he gets down to his boxers, and he slides his fingertips under the waistband and starts to push and Betsey puts up her hands and yells "STOP!" It was hilarious. And then she told him he missed the point and he ruined it because instead of paying attention, we were all wondering how far he would go, and he wasn't supposed to get physically naked, and yadda yadda. And then we all felt really bad because you could tell he was just baring his soul. Oh man. That was an intense day. Yay studio.
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| don't be so scared to take a second for reflection/take a leave of absence/see what you're made of |
[05 Oct 2006|05:58pm] |
I know, two rambly posts in two days, too much, but I can't help it.
I had THE BEST day in studio today. Our Ballet teacher was gone, and we had a sub who didn't really like teaching ballet, SO SHE TAUGHT US THE ARGENTINE TANGO INSTEAD, AND IT WAS THE HOTTEST THING I'VE EVER MADE MY BODY DO. EVER. Period. And Ron had to leave to catch a plane to LA for a funeral, so we just got out an hour early. And in Movement, Joanne asked us to physicalize our scene study scenes, and I had a really good clicking into place subtext moment yesterday when we were rehearsing, and Caroline and I started physicalizing (basically, doing your scene as a movement piece), and I LOST IT and started SOBBING exactly the way it would be fantastic for me to do in a scene (not that I can't cry, but I really want it to be from subtext, not just because I'm a crier). But I think that may have been a little fake. Because remember how I start crying now when people hug me? Well Caroline hugged me. That helped the crying along a lot. But it was because of thoughts, I swear!
On another note, I'm really glad I'm not in high school anymore.
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| This song just makes me wanna bellydance |
[04 Oct 2006|04:46pm] |
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I'm going to stop running around bragging about my teachers being on Broadway, because Playwrights Horizons Studio has a teacher that kicks every other famous person at NYU's ass! I have a Playwrights friend in a couple of my regualar school classes and THE MOM FROM "CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL" IS HIS ACTING TEACHER! Elizabeth Hess, I think is her name? Apparently she swears like a sailor, and everyone's like, Janet Darling, what?! Awesome. I love my school.
I saw The History Boys, and it was PHENOMINAL. British boys + boarding school + homoerotic undertones/blatant overtones = good theater. And it's hot. There was an iiiiitty bitty language gap, but the main plots were easy to follow. I just felt like there was all this little stuff I missed because of accents and whatnot. And the scene changes were really cool. There was this big screen they played video clips on while the stage was blacked out and they were moving sets. So like, if the scene was shifting from the classroom to the teacher's lounge, the clip would be of the teacher walking from the classroom to the lounge, and stuff like that. The show is set in the mid 80s too, which you wouldn't know except for this sweet Brit punk that played in the background of the video clips. Pretty much the coolest thing ever. And not only was the actor who played Uncle Vernon in the Harry Potter movies in it, so was the actress who played Madame Maxime in GOF. It was a big Harry Potter reunion. The only bad thing - I made the stupidest fucking shoe decision EVER and my feet almost died. I almost didn't make it home, because I was seriously about to sit down in the middle of the street and not move.
The day I went to the show, I came out of the subway from studio, and Union Square up to my apartment was blocked off, traffic is crazy and there are swarms of people, so I go to a Police officer, and ask if 12th and 3rd is blocked off, and he goes yeah, you know that crane that was the next block over at that construction site? It fell into the street and we have to wait for FDNY to clear it. So I was freaking out because I thought I wasn't going to be able to get home to change, but I was able to, I just had to walk about 17 blocks out of my way. Apparently this HUGE crane fell into the street, and crushed a cab, and people died, and they were afraid it was going to tip all the way and hit this other NYU dorm building, so everyone that lived there had to evacuate and sleep on the floor of Palladium's Gym (an NYU gym/dining hall) that night. It was craziness. There were a million news trucks and helicopters. I actually came out of the shower greeted by a helicopter outside my bedroom window, which was AWESOME, you know, because I was naked.
I got 12 hours of sleep last night. Delicious.
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| I hate college (socially). |
[29 Sep 2006|12:09am] |
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frustrated |
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Wow. Well. I made a very ballsy move today. I decided to skip Project 24 and rearrange my schedule so I could go be retarded and say stupid awkward things and make dumb smalltalk and leave no lasting impression whatsoever. Because I'm awesome. I know EXACTLY where this is going to go.
Mariella = crushing from afar until, I'm betting, second semester of second year
The Object (what book is that from? where they just refer to the person they like as "the object?") = going to take a cute fun mentor figure position in my life, eventually leading to me crying on a fairly regular basis because I have an inappropriate never-going-to-happen-if-the-world-were-to-implode-tomorrow crush
And I was thinking, okay, maybe this isn't so bad, and doesn't mean I'm a bad person, it's just complicated, but everyone I talk to is like, no, this is really actually bad, and you're crazy. Except Evelyn. Which is why she's my favorite right now. Fuck everyone else.
Incidentally, we watched "But I'm a Cheerleader" in the coffeehouse with a small handful of people. That was the activity I skipped out on the show for, in which I was generally lame and unimpressive.
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