i feel really strongly about zombie movies.

i dont care.
i dont want to care.
crap i care.
i dont want to!

i dont want to care.
i dont want to want anything.
from anyone.
crap.
yes i do.

fuck.
what do i do?
i forget, and stop caring.

forget.
stop caring.

ok.

ok.



ok.


i can do this.
i can forget and stop caring.

sure.
sure i can.

no i cant!

yes i can.

and i will.

i dont need that.
him.

i dont need it.
so ill forget.
and not care.

im watching the show ill be working on for co op.

im scared shitless, scccaaaarrrrreeeeddddd shit less.


scary scary scary.

ah gawd.

So i got my tarot cards read today... it was really freaky stuff.
I beleive in the whole psychic thing so that made beleiving this easier.
But she said some really interesting sutff about my love life, and my parents and that im going to travel soon.
Also to be open to new experiences and to follow my gut and watch out for conflict with chris.

obviously this is just good life advice but she was more specific.
she also said that there will be some new dudes coming into my life....
id got get yours read if your into that sort of thing or are even curious
its really neat.

you cant marry a one night stand.

and everytime i do.
i lose a little bit of me.

or become a little bit more of what im supposed to become.

i was at school three hours and it was awful.

i went to sheridan becuase i wanted to be a camera operator or an editor.
im not being an art director and next year im going to york to get my degree in case i want to teach.

being an art director and going to university are the easy way for me to do something in my life that i might be some what satisfied with.

i wanted to be a fucking DOP or an editor....thats what I wanted to do but i never got signed onto projects for any of those roles.

so i could be missing my calling, or fulfilling it and i dont really have a way of knowing either.

my program doesnt teach art direction either, so getting an art direction co-op is just that much harder becuase i dont go to ocad.
because i dont go to art school.

i AM an art director....right?
i work on projects as a set dresser and art diretor and art directors assistant which is alot more i can say for my peers who work as art directors.

ill be fine, i always am.

so i worked on a shoot this weekend and sunday was a 15 hour day.
and then i came home and ssllllllleeeeeeeppppppptttt and had this awful, horrible, confusing bad dream.
ah!

so my first class was at 3.
i spent some time getting my outfit together and then spilt my LATTE ALL OVER MY SELF.
lame.

but other than that things went well.
yay.

i want kraft dinner.

heres my consolation prize:

im not a total scum bag for life.

im really going into some hard core cottage withdrawl.
i havent been in like a month, and it sucks balls becuase i love that place more than any other place in the world.

wolfe island- its the only place i ever wanted to be!

but its not going anywhere.

and im going up with chris soon so itll be ok.
my parents just left for a week!!

balls!!

on wednesday my van got broken into.
some shit fucker smashed the drivers seat window and stole Chris's laptop bag with his PSP, a government gst cheque some other things, and they stole all of my C.D.s.
All for an empty prop suit case, everything else was hidden.
We were in a paid parking lot on Queens Quay and Yonge and we had gone to the Toronto Islands to ride our bikes and fly a kite.
We had a really good time until we got backed to my smashed up mini van.
WHAT THE FUCK!?

It was in the middle of the day, broad mother fucking day light!
Fuckers!
I feel so violated!
SHIT!

Chris thinks it was some fucking drug addict. But what the fuck! It was in a paid parking zone!

I'm so angry!

Long story short?
It doesnt matter where you hide your shit, they're going to break in anyways.

be careful.

Dan and I made a pact.
If were not married by the time were 32, in 12 years. Then on this day April 17th we will find eachother and get engaged.

Good to always have a good plan B!

so im sitting here sifting through my itunes and i decide to play some of the really old fullblast.
this weather and this band....jesus my head nearly exploded from all the nostalgia that came flooding in my direction.

now i love nostalgia...but now that the blast has broken up- this is almost depressing!
only now their memory shall be saved forever and we'll never have to say 'they're old stuff was better.'
not that we ever would...becuase it isnt, but...you know....that whole idea.


why are you so far away? why are you so far away from ME!?

hot!

so i scratched my dads buick pretty hard core.
i mean, some might say its not that bad, but i freak out alot... so the fact that its scratched at all....is kind of awful and reason enough for hysterics.

hopefully he wont freak out too badly.
Chris said its an easy enough fix after we pop out the dent.
Yes, dent, and then replace the two bottom pannels. Yes, replace.

Other than that, last night was pretty goood. Chris and his room mates had a potluck house warming party.
It was good, i made brownies and cookies and there was lots of pizza.
There were some sketch bags, but thats just how things roll.
Chris's older brother Jakob and his girlfriend Natalie came, Nat and I get along splendidly, it is nice.
Its funny, if we all get married, they'll be my siblings in law- to me thats cool becuase ive never had siblings.

We all went to break fast this afternoon too, on bloor, it was nice, Nats room mate came too and were all from Oakville.
We were trying to figure out if there was anyone we all knew but im like 5 years younger than them.

Now its reading week for the next week.
That will be nice.

Today was my fourth month with Chris.

And I went Ice skating at Nathan Phillips Square with Dan.


Think what you will.

So they're putting Boomer down.
My fifteen yearold yorkie. Shes been sick for a while but now its really bad.
Shes had a good run. A really good one.

Its really sad, shes been around for so long. We got her after my Great Grandmother started suffering a similar fate of dimentia and was placed in a home. Boomie came to us and weve had her for a long time since then, probably seven years.

I know that this is better for her and that she wont suffer anymore.
My moms taking her tomorrow at 2:30 and i wont be there.

My poor little Boomie.

Red Neck--
[] Do you have a couch in your front yard or porch?
[] Do you drive a truck?
[] Do you ride four-wheelers?
[] Do you like to get dirty?
[x] Do you like country music?
[] Do you have a broken car in your back yard?
[x] Do you own a cowboy hat?
[] Do you live on more then 2 acres?
[] Do you have more then 4 different animals at your home?
X Total : [2]

Goth--
[] Do you wear black eyeliner?
[] Is most of your clothing dark?
[] Do you think about death often?
[] Do you want to die?
[] Are you a social outcast?
[x] Are you pale?
[x] Do you enjoy Tim Burton movies?
[x] Are you mean?
X Total : [3]


Punk--
[x] Can you skateboard?
[x] Do you wear vans?
[] Have you gotten in trouble with the Cops?
[] Do you watch the X-games?
[X] Do you have any piercings ?
[x] Do you (like)/wear mohawks?
[x] Do you wear Band t-shirts
[] Have you called someone a poser recently?
X Total : [4]

Prep--
[] Do you say the word "like"?
[X] Do you shop at Hollister/Abercrombie & Fitch/Aero?
[X] Do you pop the collar?
[] Do the people in Hot topic scare you?
[] Is the only nerd you like Seth Cohen?
[] Do you watch LAGUNA BEACH?
[] Do you like pop music?
[X] Do you want/have a little dog?
X total : [3]

Hippie--
[] Is your hair long?
[] Do you own a tye-dye shirt?
[x] Do you want to save the animals?
[X] Do you think war is unnecessary?
[] Do you like classic rock and trippy music?
[] Have you ever participated in a protest?
[x] Have you ever been overcome with a desire to hug a tree?
[x] Do you love Lentils?
X Total : [1]

Gangsta--
[] Do you act ghetto? - on occasion
[] Do you wear do-rags?
[] Do you like hip-hop?
[] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?
[x] Do you like afros?
[X] Have you ever said "Fo Shizzle"?
[X] Do you like to dance?
[] Do you own any Baby Phat or G-Unit?
X Total : [3]

Emo-
[] Do you cry often?
[X] Do you wear hoodies?
[x] Do people not understand you? (haha)
[] Do you write your own poems?
[X] Ever dyed your hair red, black or dark?
[x] Do you cut your own hair?
[] Are you lonely?
[] Is "Ohio for lovers" by Hawthorne Heights, a good song?
X Total : [2]

Surfer--
[] Do you know how to surf?
[] Do you know which is better, onshore or offshore?
[] Do you wear flip flops year-round?
[x] Do you wake up before 6 every morning?...and the go back to sleep
[X] Do you own any pairs of shorts?
[] Are you tan?
[X] Do you want to be at the beach right now?
[X] Do you hate tourists?
X Total : [4]

Geek-
[X] Do you wear glasses?
[] Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets?
[] Does your mom pick out your clothes?
[X] Are you on the computer often?
[x] Do you ever get picked on?
[] Do you look forward to going to school?
[] Are you shy around the opposite sex ?
[X] Do you play video games?
X Total : [3]

Suburban--
[x] Do you remember trash day before hearing the truck approach?
[] Do you hang out with your neighbors?
[X] Are you suspicious of strangers in your 'hood?
[X] Do you get trick or treaters?
[] Have you borrowed coffee, milk or eggs?
[X] Do you own a lawnmower?
[X] Do you get a newspaper delivered to your house?
[] Do you know your home's square footage by heart?
X Total : [5]

mmm the quest for the perfect cuppa o hot chocolate.
mmmm and spending most of the day in bed with someone awesome.

only sleeping too much ...ugh

out of things to say.

lame.

happy happy new year.

i sit inside an empty studio classroom waiting for Chris to clear out his equipment so i can think of what next to do with my night.
its stupid.
i have things to do and i've run out of steam to do them with.

i need to edit my bolex footage that i havent even picked up yet.
i need to make my digital effects assignment.
i need to finish boogaloo.
i need to make a pitch for producing.
i need to finish my editing assignment and study for the editing test.

i've started feeling things more.
like feeling them...absorbing them.
emotions, physical things, my presence, those things you dont normally notice, how clothes stick to your body.
how your shoes feel on the bottom of your feet when you walk.

i want to be done school becuase its sucking it all out of me.