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[Oct. 5th, 2008|07:17 pm] |
i is not so emo.
i just have midterms.. lots of fun eh? i get to study excise and profit taxes tonight cause thats what i know the least about in my economics class. were doing micro if you were wondering.
im also listening to lots of older american "folk" music, more specifically african american blues/religious/early music; anglo american traditional/religious, the folk revival (my favorite along with anglo american ballads and classic blues) and other such stuff.
this weekend i didnt really do much but i did get some work done which is nice. me and carrie didnt really get to have sustained conversations but she was out there making friends and aserting herself which is good for her even if it means i get neglected a little, cause it wahts she wants to do as an independent person and i try as hard as i can to respect that. its hard sometimes and ive definitely taken it out on her..
so here i am alone in my dorm, studying, wating for carrie to come back and such. ECON ECON ECON! hooray, its necessary i do well on this final cause i need an A in this class to help get me into the business school. if i get in that would be great. Haas is #3 in the nation in undergrad. 95% are hired 3 months out of school, but i figure if i want to take a year off after college OR do that and then grad studies ill still be able to get a job. (and average starting salary is 57,000 not bad although with this economy who knows what the future is.. luckily i have a supportive family and so does carrie, as in they will be able to support us not only in what we each decidet do but help us survive haha, and im sure thats going to be harder for her to do in ohio haha.)
anyway this week after my midterms are done (monday and tuesday) i get a reprive from school stuff, but only after i write the first draft of a history paper that is suppose to be 5 to 6 pages long.. luckily i have no MusicAC class thursday and no econ section monday so that lets me study and work on the paper. i also need a visual collage to my MusicAC paper which i did in about 3 hours haha. I barely fit it in the 2/3 pages we were allowed, I nEEDED MORE!! haha.
anyway, i just gotta stay on track this week and i should be fine. I HAVE to stay on track causeim tabling a show tuseday night and doing training at the radio station thursday night and i DONT want to be up till 4 or 5 AM like my roommate was for his first big project of the year.. fuck you history papers. this is a bit harder than a vargish paper though so im not too worried.
hop everyone is doing well in college or at high school, i hear your getting weird weather in the south? hahah, its pretty consistent and comfortable up here. its sweater and pants weather which is nice. it also means i can wear Tshit/vest/sweaterorhoodie combo which i love. and when i dont have Tshirts i can wear my long sleeve plaid ones!! (but i need to wash them all hahah along with my bedsheets and such.)
love |
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| omg i is so emo |
[Sep. 29th, 2008|12:21 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | dorm in foothill | ] |
| [ | music |
| | good vibrations (backing track, no vocals)- beach boys, the petsounds sessions | ] |
lyke for serious.
does anyone really read these things? that seems to be the common theme thats stuck through the years with me, does anyone really have an applied care besides carrie in the last few years (an applied and sustained care..)
i hardly think so.
anyway might as well update:
me and carrie are on better terms, great terms really. only thing that could be better is if we were together and in the same geogrpahical location but that isnt possible now. im going to visit her in december and neither of us can wait. we had a good talk tonight, and decided on some important things:
Alex
theres always going to be problems
its how we handle them and if we can solve problems together.
relationships arent perfect.
but if your personalities and intersts match up enough to be able to
work together well and help each other and understand each other and
solve problems together we'll stay together
Smileybrunette
11:23
i think all of those will be able to apply to us, if we work at it.
Alex
11:24
i think they will to
Smileybrunette
11:24
thank you for being willing to help me.
Alex
11:24
thats how we'll know if we'll be able to marry each other
Smileybrunette
11:24
ok
there is always hope for the future. hope is everyones fuel, its what we run on (emotionally).
i got into BMUN here at berkeley which is awesome. its like a social organization that cares about international issues/outreach and puts on a cool conference every year haha. we had a BBQ today and played football and drank sangria and it was really fun and awesome.
im also volenteering athte radio station alot, especially helping out with the live band stuff on satruday nights. im not really a partier so its not that big a deal for me.
my classes are pretty good, but man, you take one week or one class off and not care and you get behind and its hard to catch up. im still playing catch up from taking a few classes off for econ and history and music in american culture. BLAH, luckily MiAmer Culture is easy. and i understand the econ stuff. my problem set hasnt taken me long to do at all this week (although writing this post has cut into that time to finish it)
my roommate is really cool. bennett is really chill and nice and smart etc.. but he puts up with me, jokes with me and is generally an intersting person and open minded to stuff (and to my encentricities) as are some of our otehr suite mates which is great. i like going to dinner with those guys and stuff. its a shame that i dont eat as much anymore, i eat like summertime: maybe one big meal a day with smaller stuff and snacking. i dunno if its healthy (i get all my food groups a dinner for sure) but hopefully this along with the walking i have to do (because of foothills distance/hilly location) i will avoid the freshman 15 and stay the same, or ideally loose a bit of weight (or at least fat, i dont mind if it goes to muscles in my legs from all the walking).
carrie is trying to bulk up which is cool, i cant wait to feel her fat when i go to ohio hahaha. shes gotten so skinny from staying up and her slight depression but i think its all starting and going to change. im really happy for her, and i guess this break is working for her, even if its not completely for me. at least she is happy and progressing to where she wants to go and be in her life, and shes still taking me on for the ride, and we still have the same love and the pact we made above. i really cant wait to see her in december/january.
anyway, i have to get back to econ, we have a midterm next week! EEEKK! i did well on my first midterm (music.. sight singing) so hopefully i cant keep it going!
hopefully someone reads this, whatever, i know carrie will. thats why im not going to make it private.
did i mention im obsessed with the beach boys right now? |
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| i just wont have a future anymore |
[Sep. 13th, 2008|11:23 pm] |
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... well people have been asking for an update on my life so i might as well update now, since its better than never, but carrie broke up with me around 8pm today. i guess thats all there is to say about that. i dont know what to do anymore.. |
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[Jun. 14th, 2008|01:23 am] |
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maybe its just cause i dont want it to end, or because i know when it does carrie has to leave, but id rather go bck to school monday than disneyland. it doesnt really feel like its over.. |
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[May. 6th, 2008|09:23 pm] |
i wonder what im even doing with my life.
i have so many things i could/should/want to do, but i just dont.
i feel like everyone is growing away from me and its definitely my fault.
i want this testing to stop and the school year to end.
i need to stop saying i this and that. no wonder people are growing away from me/dont really like me/arent really my friend. |
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[Apr. 30th, 2008|10:45 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | the explorers club | ] |
i think im depressed. i honestly think i might be and its cause of college and stress and carrie leaving. no one seems to understand that shes basically one of the only sources of stability for me and shes going to be 1000's of miles away in ohio, not just for college but for this whole summer. i feel so selfish for wanting to take her away from everyone and just spend time with her, and i feel so angery and mad at her and everyone else that in the week and a half she'll have after graduation she cant be all mine cause everyone is gonna want their time with her and to say goodbye and all that crap. i mean there are times when not only do i feel apathetic about most things and frustrated about most things (and not do anyting about it) i feel apathetic and frustrated about her/toward her. and (as i read its characteristic of men) ive just sat around making music and gone back to making chainmaille. basically getting deep into doing work to escape. there are so many times when i dont even feel inspired to make happy music anymore or anything that doesnt convey some intensity of sad or epmty or hopeful/hopeless emotions. everything lately. key baords, hollowed electronic beats, lots of echo-y and languid music. i dont even feel inspired to write good lyrics anymore. just something that fits, or somethng about sadness and distance.
i dont know how im going to handle this. i feel like i cant. |
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[Apr. 13th, 2008|10:30 pm] |
i hate to express all my fear and anxiety and worry about college and leaving some people behind and being separated from others especially carrie (by thousands of miles no less..) and my brother (only a couple hundred...) and other amazing people ive met in high school: (read elaine, stephen, ethan and others)
algjkasjfgaskjfl;asf
am i making the right choice going to berkeley? its the only one that feels sorta right. i dont even wanna go to college any more.. |
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| reasons to come se my band sunday night! |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|10:16 pm] |
If you are thinking about coming, you really really should here are some great reasons:
1. Chain Reaction is a really cool venue and one of the best all ages venues in orange county (if not THE BEST)
2. Ethan is playing with us on drums for the first time since last may!
3. We have a freaking horn section! YES a HORN SECTION!
4. The show is EARLY @ 7:30 pm so you can make it home around 9 ifyou leave after our set
5. We're prolly going to leave early into the show and go to yogurtland or dennys or something for an after show party and you can come along!
6. If you talk to us early we can possibly organize a big carpool to the show!
7. its going to be fun, were playing some great Paper Orchestra standards with some awesome jamming and some dancy stuff too!
8. WHO DOESNT WANT TO DANCE to a live band playing super fun UNQIUE music?
9. We Love You
10. You get a free CD with purchase of ticket from us (if you dont already have one heh)
The show is SUNDAY APRIL 6th @ 7:30pm (this sunday!)
So please find either Alex, Ethan, Tim, Stephen, Carrie at school or around town and get your ticket for 10 bucks (plus a free CD)
We can also hold tickets for you and you pay us at the door so instead of your money going to the venue and promoter (who doesnt honestly need the money) if can go to support friendly fun DIY musicians!
Hope to see you there, and hope you messge us back, find us at school etc...
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[Mar. 2nd, 2008|10:52 pm] |
most days i wonder what the fuck am i doing.
sometimes i wonder if i have any friends. i dont think i do. its probably my fault anyway. |
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[Feb. 24th, 2008|12:38 pm] |
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relief |
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| holy shit |
[Feb. 13th, 2008|11:12 pm] |
longest paper of my life (that wasnt written stream of conscious)
and im done. and that its. huge load will be GONE tomorrow morning.
3660 words on the influence of the french in early california. (pre civil war) |
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[Feb. 11th, 2008|09:14 pm] |
fuckbubbles.
homework... |
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[Jan. 16th, 2008|09:23 pm] |
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it feels good to be passionate again |
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[Jan. 14th, 2008|05:10 pm] |
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youre such a liar. why do you feel compulsed to put everyone before yourself but yet wont even indulge in them or their presence but wait for them to do it to you. take some initiative. |
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[Jan. 9th, 2008|11:02 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | dustin and the furniture | ] |
its so weird to wake up pitch black in the morning. |
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[Jan. 1st, 2008|03:12 pm] |
why is it so much to ship from australia and new zeland!
and now im sitting here bored again. |
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| to the sellouts of mvhs 2007-2008 |
[Dec. 29th, 2007|12:40 am] |
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"Don't dance when you're supposed to be posing, don't speak when you're supposed to be dancing, don't mess with the genre or the moves. Make sure you have enough money to participate in the various rituals. To keep your identity intact, make it clear which subcultures and styles you're aligned to, which bands and fashions and politics you want to be associated with." |
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[Dec. 28th, 2007|11:45 am] |
the one day i have off ugh.
i mean cmon saturday? the mall will be packed..
they seriously do NOT know how to make plans. no wonder katy left. they are bores and cant plan, no wonder.. |
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[Dec. 28th, 2007|11:34 am] |
ive been wanting to see juno so bad but once it came out in a lot of theaters i didnt see it yet.
i was so excited on december 4th. then stupid orange county theaters didnt have it for like 2 more weeks.
and i still ahvent seen it. now everyone else has seen it and is raving about it. ive been so excited for months (i fist saw the trailer over the summer and ten subsequently discovered kimya dawson whose ont he sound track and such a nice lo-fi popper at heart! she played with watercolor paintings at a hosue show in laguna beach!)
i sorta feel like everyones stolen my secret cause no one payed attention to it and people thought it wasnt gonna be that good before it got a wide release.
hopefully ill see it saturday along with lots of other movies ive been waiting to see. |
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[Dec. 27th, 2007|12:01 am] |
i dont know what to say about myself anymore besides im mediocre but think i could/should/would do great but in the end i dont think i really will.
i wish i just had the opportunity to go do stuff. just have some slush fund to travel around and be with who i want, where i want and meet new people and jsut do basic simple stuff that will be enough to get by. at this point of how i live my life it seems thats what ill be doing. |
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