| at this point i really feel like writing in this is pointless but, |
[27 Feb 2010|11:10pm] |
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i feel like such a ghost lately. like i cant reach out or speak for myself or move without being moved. or more like two completely different people fighting each other tooth and nail for every conscious thought i approve. is anyone still out there? its like theres nothing left to get used to.
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[08 Apr 2009|02:38pm] |
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anxiety_attacks.
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| i dont care how bipolar this journal depicts us. |
[02 Feb 2009|12:28am] |
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i have never been so in love with any individual in my entire life. i would do absolutely anything for you and i never want to lie to you or hurt you ever again. i feel what you feel. but i cant do this separate city sleeping arrangement much longer.
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| so |
[14 Jan 2009|02:08pm] |
EVERYTHING BLEW UP IN MY FUCKING FACE ONCE AGAIN, who woulda thought.
moving back to cleburne i guess? need another job. my car died. stephen keeps "breaking up with me".
kidnap me?
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| my life rules |
[10 Jan 2009|03:09am] |
i finally moved out
have two jobs AGAIN
one of which is at a head shop that carries roors
ive made a lot of really cool friends lately
the dress im wearing is awesome
me and stephen can sleep in the same bed now
i just wish he knew i loved him
i miss my family.
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| im |
[13 May 2008|01:16pm] |
happier than ive ever been.
lucky, lucky stars.
(words cant describe.)
i do miss some of my old friends though. it seems like everything got washed away with the summer storms. i didnt really try to save any of it.
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[22 Feb 2008|03:19pm] |
so im happy. and. i have the best boyfriend in the world.
and yeah. happy. look.
:)
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| new years resolution realized: |
[03 Feb 2008|01:55pm] |
dont put ANYONE before yourself. maybe family, but above all do what will make ME happy. no more prioritizing for friends, dudes, anybody. im so sick of doing everything i can for the people that i love and then getting walked all the fuck over for no fucking reason. did i do something wrong? why is it that absolutely every single one of my friends do this to me? i guess people really do just like assholes. fuck it.
me and stephen and some other people smoked a lot of salvia last night. the first bowl i smoked was awesome. good clean high just a skewed perspective, my brain felt like it turned to mush and that felt good. the next few bowls we smoked felt good for about 20 minutes then i started feeling like shit, THEN i had to drive back to dads. i probably spent about half an hour outside with stephen next to my car with my head buried in his chest or my mouth on his neck. you shouldve just come with me. i forgot to ask you.
now im gonna take a shower and change but probably not, go get my eyebrows done and pick up stephen so we can go get lunch somewhere and actually see each other before i go to work the shift that could kill me. last night was the cutest thing ever. nikki dropped stephen off at tys while we were working and not even two hours into my shift stephen longboarded to pizza hut and walked up to the counter to kiss me on the forehead and asked me how my day was and if i could come smoke a cigarette with him. i dont believe it when you call me beautiful but it sounds good so i kiss you anyway, and sometimes i even smile.
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[20 Nov 2007|02:24pm] |
listen to the damnwells. i wish i could post every lyric theyve ever written in here. then all this bullshit i write would finally make sense to somebody. im bad at making it easy for people to listen. fuck it.
( heres one:Collapse )
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[19 Nov 2007|11:07am] |
oh yeah and my hair is dark now
its gettin long again. im starting to think im getting too skinny and my boobs wont stop itching. everyone says that means theyre growing. fuck yeah. too bad i smoked the rest of my dank today, this lunch breaks gonna go by way too fast
holla allah playa
holla allah playa
holla allah playa
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[14 Nov 2007|10:45am] |
step 1: think of everything and everyone that you love.
step 2: let it go.
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[13 Nov 2007|11:50am] |
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just floatin along, the clouds get blurrier, just floatin in the midnight haze, eyes slammed shut and ready to fall. ready to listen but theres no one to call.
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[12 Nov 2007|02:31pm] |
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my lifes full of waiting these days and im not really sure what im even waiting on anymore. everyone and everything is a fucking letdown and from here on out im not putting myself out there again for the same goddamn outcome. ill be around.
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[22 Oct 2007|09:50am] |
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its been a really weird weekend, but i guess i feel okay.
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[05 Oct 2007|09:46am] |
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:) and the call always comes when i need it the most, when i least expect it. im running away for the weekend. something like that.
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| i need a boyfriend |
[03 Oct 2007|04:02pm] |
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mood |
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ijustwantsomeonetotakecareof. |
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so all i have to do is call and he'll come over with a backpack full of beer and we can drink from frosty mugs from my freezer and lay on the couch and watch old movies and since i dont smoke anymore we can take j breaks on my back porch and he'd kiss my neck while i sat in his lap and we'd talk about everything and make fun of everything and nothing would ever matter. id show him my pill box and we'd take whatever color looked best for the night and fall asleep in my bed with the christmas lights on listening to explosions in the sky and id light the nag champa and we'd fall asleep with my face in his chest and his arms around my waist. and whenever i woke up in the middle of the night and tossed and turned he'd kiss my forehead and id kiss his ears. he'd be the pillow for my head and id be the blanket on his bed. watch me like a clock baby, you can always count on me. "the people youve been before that you dont want around anymore that push and shove and wont bend to your will, ill keep them still."
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| update. |
[02 Oct 2007|12:12pm] |
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so i have another upper respiratory infection. i really thought i was going to die yesterday and tim telling me about nicks ex-girlfriend almost dying from it definitely did not help. ever since i took that hit this morning though i feel a lot better and i can actually breathe alright even though my heart feels like its about to stop. i had nothing to do at work so i just read a bunch of my old livejournal entries and its crazy how different i am and i dont know if its for better or for worse. id like to think its the former, but who am i to know that. i really think im done smoking cigarettes for good now. as much as i love them, i cant keep having these fucking infections and they really do cost too much money when it comes down to it. my life is pretty nonexistent these days, and its depressing probably because i have no idea if its even going anywhere, and its probably not. i wake up feeling like shit, smoke as much weed as i can, which lately, is little to none, work in front of a computer for nine hours, eat fast food, hang out with erin ricketts, get tired, and go home. why am i still here? everyone else has moved on, what am i waiting for? i have so many reasons to leave but nowhere else to go. i miss my best friend. i miss everyone.
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| JK |
[27 Sep 2007|04:31am] |
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everything in my life is just fine. just bring him to me cause i dont know where to go from here. i wish i could fucking sleep and i dont wanna sleep alone anymore. im ready for something good to happen, and it will. i deserve it.
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