based on a true story

ta ta for now.

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 05:16:09 GMT

recent new life altering developments should be celebrated with a new blog methinks.

shecantdraw

add me as a friend if you'd like to continue reading :)

i dont think i'd delete this journal, just because there's no need to. most importantly, because there's no regret.

and with the shiny new blog, expect this art director's random declarations of whatever. add a touch of deadpan-ness (deadpanity?) and mix everything in a huge bowl. voila! it's same, but different.

i am afterall, still the same new me. if that makes any sense?

oh well, at least it does in my head :)

displacement versus the right fit.

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 22:37:16 GMT

this morning i woke up at six.

and for the first time in a long while, i didn't have to be up that early on a weekday. but i couldn't sleep.

i kept seeing my previously semi-perfect life disintegrate before me. and questioned every single decision made during the last fortnight.

i tried to force the tears, so at least there'd be some kind of an emotional release. and foolishly thought that maybe i'd tire out and eventually fall asleep. but the tears didn't come. so.

this morning was a long time ago - seven hours to be extact.

in that time, i've figured it out in my head. and i fully intend to stick to it, so help me god.

fuck you.

the last goodbye.

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 07:33:06 GMT

in 5 days, it will be over.

there will be tears, if not physical ones, certainly ones inside my heart.

i'll miss you (and everyone else) so much. believe me when i say i really didn't want it to end like this.

i don't know whether we'll meet again, i really hope we do. but for now, i'm choosing to believe that this is the last goodbye, so that at least there'll be no false hopes and dissappointment.

and if i'm wrong, there will be nothing but joy.

a letter.

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 21:47:59 GMT

Dear Mr. O,

I am a young art director burdened with affairs of the heart.

You see, I've had a long-standing crush on Advertising for nearly 2 years now. The first year, we were merely acquaintances, meeting by accident every once in a while. At that time, I was in a 3-year relationship with Graphic Design, but it ended shortly after graduating from art school.

By coincidence or not, Advertising and I were re-introduced. This time we hit it off instantly and began seeing each other almost every day (5 days out of a week), sometimes even sharing lunch breaks and dinners. There were many occasions where we'd hang out till wee hours of the night and all weekend too.

Many people have mentioned how compatible we are. I'd laugh and tell them that we're just friends or joke that I'd rather run away with Accounting or something. The truth is I desperately want to become more than "just a friend". But the problem seems to be that my sentiment is not shared :( I can't help but feel rejected, confused and helpless - like I'm a nobody.

More and more recently, I've asked myself if I'm a fool to have fallen head over heels. And whether it'd ever be more than a one-sided love affair, that maybe we're simply not cut out for each other. Should I walk away while my heart and integrity are still intact? I'm still young and can afford to explore my options. Or should I be patient, persevere and give this unpredictable relationship more time to come into its own? Will all the sleepless nights and hard work pay off, and eventually blossom into a beautiful and rewarding experience?

Please help me! This isn't just another passing phase - this is true love.

I've never felt so complete and vulnerable at the same time.

Sincerely,

Employee no. 1548

an analogy.

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 16:21:26 GMT

it's a familiar scene out of a movie.

the protagonist stands solo in a darkened corner of a trendy nightclub - choice of poison in his hand, and cigarette on his pale lips. he's the understated kind of cool. the kind of guy women don't usually want to fuck until they "got to know him better" and realised what a "nice guy" he was.

in the foreground, strobe lights hit a multitude of twosomes, threesomes, and moresomes on the dance floor - it's a frenzy of green, pink and red human silhouettes. a group of people wave but our guy in the back ignores his friends. he takes another sip from his glass, and lets the alcohol roll down his throat.

at this moment, a dramatic time lapse takes over.

the pulse drops suddenly. grinding bodies and flashing lights melt slowly into one another while our hero inhales deeply, and takes the final drag of his cigarette. he's the only one moving in real time at 24 frames per second. all around him, it becomes more and more indistinguishable and he doesn't know where he is anymore.

his lone figure however, becomes increasingly obvious.

so he closes his eyes, tilts his head back against the concrete wall, and exhales. smoke leaks from his lips and disappears into the strange, slow-motioned landscape before him.

as the cigarette stub falls from his fingers, his eyes open, and for the millionth time, his heart sinks. he is faced with a solitude he knows, but is unable to cope with.

an angry ginseng post.

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 14:28:35 GMT

today at a certain beach bar (starts with a k, ends with a m8), i was told that i could not sit in a certain area because i'm not white. by a waiter who is chinese, like myself.

to which i retorted "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" yes, that wasn't a question.

he must have been really stupid because when the inevitable "WHY?" came, he said that his manager had instructed him to "reserve this area for the *angmohs." the area in question is located right at the front, on the edge of the beach and next to the pool - in other words, prime real estate.

save for eight or so staff twiddling their thumbs behind the bar, three local girls having after-suntan drinks by the side and a dyke dragging on her cigarette while reading the sunday papers sitting in a far corner, there isn't anyone else.

obviously, the scene isn't as "shit-hot" as it used to be, seeing as how cafe del mar recently set up shop a little further up. and have been extremely successful in poaching their entire clientele - the models, rich playboys, **spgs and spg-loving expats. two weeks ago, they would've been crawling all over this place, exchanging bodily fluids in the pool.

the last i recalled, our national pledge (which has been drummed into our minds after years of repeating it every. single. fucking. morning. at school) says something about errrr... one united people... blah-blah... regardless of race, language or religion... blah-blah... a democratic society based on justice and equality...

someone needs to hand me a nobel peace prize for resisting the urge to kill him until he died from it.

what is this? racial segregation in our goody-two-shoes island of joy??? sacre bleu! oh my god, is it because i'm black?? why don't we all sit on the floor and scrub it while we're down there too?? no, surely it must be because i look like someone who would've taken this goddamn CRAP and obediently head for the area that said "YELLOWS/OTHERS."

i apologise, i didn't get the memo!! i wasn't aware that your marketing people think they can get by with a half-ass strategy like "local folks are like soooooo two seasons ago! put all the rich/beautiful/white people in the front, so we can be aspirational!" omg you guys are so clever, tee-hee!

i think i threw up in my mouth.

friends who've moved abroad say the truth is you're only a second-class citizen unless you're back home. in the meantime, do your own thing, put up with the occasional drunken GO-HOME-(insert derogatory word here) and pwn everyone at school. but hold on, i AM back home, i even paid 2 bucks to enter our ***wonderful man-made tourist trap island. so.

i am no racist. diversity is great. it's been pretty sweet these 2 years, working with people from all around the world - blond, black, brown, ginger... pink. it's like that friggin michael jackson song from when his nose was okay and he wasn't molesting kids. in fact, make it your "most played song" on your itunes, clever marketing people of beach bar (starts with a k, ends with a m8).

there's nothing else to say except that this has left a fucking bad taste in my mouth.

and no, it isn't the horrid cough mixture i've had to endure for the past two weeks.

--

*caucasians, white people, mostly expats/tourists.
** sarong party girls, local women who prefer white meat.
***sentosa, popular island resort off mainland singapore.

2007.

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:48:55 GMT

in 2006, i wished that it would get easier with every goodbye.

now it just makes me miss you so much more.

why. whywhywhy.

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 16:07:45 GMT

my head is spinning, my heart is pounding so hard and i feel the words implode inside my mouth.

and then i remember what was brought up during a brainstorm for kotex, paraphrased from the pop-psych book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. – "women constantly experience ups and downs in their lives (aka emotional rollercoaster)... for a woman to reach the highs, she must first go through the lowest lows."

no. fucking. shit.

now is one of those times i wish i had an instruction manual to this thing i call my life.

why.

why.

why.

another one bites the dust.

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 13:57:58 GMT

funny how there's an inherent tendency to want to fuck up your life – but when circumstances don't allow it, the disappointment is unavoidable.

what up 'yo.

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 16:49:20 GMT

first and foremost y'alls, happy meh-day daniel! :D i make emo mix-tape for you! i'm seven hours early, from where you are. hope london treats you kind today, cos i miss you 'foo.

anyway, just a quickie recap of what's happening in la-la-lauren land:

1. to make up for loss of hand, i've been insanely busy at work. i've even made "employee of the hour" on the company screensaver, which you can see if you squint real hard. i'm number 3. can't really remember what my caption reads, but pretty sure it's utter shite.

2. despite the crapload of work i've been doing, there's always time for some penis cake. it was "very yummy!" in the most bimbotic sense of the word.

3. above and beyond all that, i am completely obsessed with prison break. with nothing to do on weekends primarily, i am fully commited to watching wentworth miller do his sexy brood thang. yesss... i likeee... have i mentioned how i'm obsessed with prison break? (if you want to have a separate conversation about the show or him, please do so. i wait with bated breath.)

until later!

i hate eating my own words.

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 08:23:39 GMT

yes. i do. hate to say this. but yes.

masterclass (training program at work) wasn't so bad afterall.

i know the team and i really wanted to win. it's funny when people suddenly become so competitive and actually have fun at the same time. but it's alright, we had such a great time together, i daresay we were the most balanced team.

will definitely miss hanging out on fridays and saturdays, i'm actually sad :(

so sad i feel like a

you know we're cool.

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 16:12:06 GMT

some people can be so goddamn tedious. especially when their writing is delibrately semi-abstract, constantly post rationalising, thoroughly self indulgent bullshit designed to make oneself look/feel, cooler/smarter/better than everyone one else who uses words like "cool".

for fuck's sake, get over yourself already.

how did i ever think you were cool?

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 21:04:15 GMT

tonight was spent with nine guys and one (in my opinion, very) pretty girl.

we had beer, jaegermeisters, chicken wings, lots of laughter and those who knew the words (most of us did) sang along really loudly to bohemian rhapsody.

and still i felt so terribly out of place.

midget slaves

Thu, 25 May 2006 17:45:36 GMT

unlike many people, i actually prefer work over school. in retrospect, school although fun at times, was for the most part shite. art school is very self-indulgent, and ultimately a very big waste of energy and money. best of all, it produces wankers (yours truly included). however i can't quite put the blame on any one thing, or any one person. not that i want to anyway. i had a great three years. so what the hell is my point? i dont know.

anyway. i digress.

last friday, i oversaw my first tv shoot. it was awesome because i had five to six minions at any one time seiving out three tonnes of industrial grade powder-like sand into red plastic buckets. at the same time, the crew scurries about trying to recreate desert sand dunes in a 10ft by 10ft big sandbox, while i sort of look on half dazed half trying to look like i'm in control. (see above picture)

hmm... maybe that's why i like work so much.

(real work + minions) > (school work + ownself do)

night!

eno fruit salt face-off

Thu, 18 May 2006 17:37:48 GMT

it's one-ish in the morning and all i want to do is collapse on my bed and sleep.

there's still 14 minutes to go before the damn washing machine completes its cycle and another 10 before i finally finish up part three of my laundry routine for this week.

on top of my struggle to keep awake, the two beers i had at dinner has not gone down very well and indigestion is being a bitch.

i suddenly remember the bottle of eno i purchased while out with danielle one afternoon several months ago. it was a lovely day up to the point where i practically passed out from pain.

anyway, after digging out the afore-mentioned product, i remembered how in my frenzied state on that seemingly lovely day, i had ripped off the entire label leaving me now with no correct dosage to follow. being the smart ass, i decide to skip checking it out first on the internet (because i am secretly a huge nerd) and proceed on to guessing the ratio of eno to water. it's definitely either two or three teaspoons, i'm fucking positive, i tell myself.

one... two... hmm... better make that a half teaspoon more... just to be safe... three may be too much, two and a half it is.

i pile it all into my jesus mug and fill it with water. to my horror (imagine the face i make), a toxic waste like green foam immediately starts to form and at this point my cup literally runneth over. green foam is everywhere before i could yell out "fuckkkkkk" and i stand speechless with green foam on my toes.

and this is the story of lauren vs eno. final score: eno 1, lauren zero.

it's time to hang up the laundry.

Sat, 13 May 2006 07:35:07 GMT

just 12 hours ago, i told myself i'd complain less and start feeling more fortunate. i transcribed my mental checklist so that it'd be set in stone metaphorically speaking, on the internet for all to see.

12 hours is a long time.

this is turning out to be a pretty shit weekend.

not to worry, i'll spare you the details.

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 04:26:46 GMT

12 pm, sunday, and way too early for me to be feeling this way.

this is so fucking stupid and unnecessary, i can't begin to comprehend i could even be fucking bothered.

there should be a price tag or indication of value about how much time and emotion you invest in anything, anything. you make it a point and then, nothing.

i have nothing, absolutely nothing to say.

see you soon. yeah okay. bye.

let's take this conversation offline.

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 15:52:53 GMT

the past week or so has been rather exciting.

as i relate my recent holiday to a dear friend, i told him to imagine living in a place so overwhelming, anything you desired (food, clothes, lifestyles), you had access to. note how i said "access" - you probably need some sort of a decent bank account to survive a city like new york but i digress. imagine the options, the opportunities. now i really feel like my eyes have been opened.

at this point, i've won my petty little victory over jetlag and went about as routine would have it. my thoughts are clearer than they most certainly were yesterday especially while i desperately tried to sleep on the plane. god, i hate plane rides. i kept thinking to myself that i should've walked down to the pharmacy on 75th street and gotten a bottle of cough mixture to tide me over. or at least fuss about the audio that wasn't working properly on my personal in-flight entertainment set and get them to upgrade me. sometimes i think i greatly enjoy being a bitch and ask myself whether that makes me a bad person. i usually end not giving a fuck.

the issues i had to sideline for my trip have resurfaced as i predicted. in fact, i was reminded by a text message at 4am on the morning of my 5th day. and subsequently the following day in the subway while trying to dodge the piss and alcohol of bums. this annoyed me greatly. for once i really wanted to just get the fuck out of the country and be left alone without having to deal with making decisions. at times i really wish i had someone else to make these decisions for me and just tell me what the best thing to do is. and bloody hell they better be right.

i have so many questions running through my head now that i am sad knowing that somehow i am the catalyst to my own crappy problems. does that make any sense? there is only so much you can describe and frankly there aren't many shoulders to cry on, the rest is really your shit to clean up.

i guess sometimes having options isn't that great a deal. to stay or leave. to be patient or demanding. london or new york. to risk nothing or risk everything.

i think i need a drink.

big apple: checked

Sat, 08 Apr 2006 06:01:24 GMT

we're baaack.

some highlights: shopping - too much. food - pricey but nothing short of fantastique. walking really fast. visiting O&M NY - the mothership. meeting new people, and one or two old ones too. freakish weather - snow in the morning, sunshine in the afternoon.

lowlights (if any): the subway and it's "map" sucks. painful feet. almost stepping onto dog shit.

more pics to follow.

the start of a fucking fantastic week.

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 16:15:19 GMT

#1 placebo this thursday.

thanks to our good fortune, we managed to grab the last pair giveaway tickets at HMV. also to the wonderful people at mtv who sent me tix because i'm a client haha. who knew attending that somewhat boring meeting last week was well worth it. "give uz your biznez, we heart agency people, let us work togetherz pleaze" YAY, I'M GOING TO WATCH PLACEBO. FOR FREE. AND WITHOUT HAVING TO BEG ANYONE.

#2 new york this saturday.

i'm going mega-insane. we are going to do many bad things. i am going to have to file for bankruptcy when we get back. gorillaz? flaming lips? blue man group?! i am hyperventilating! to all the gorgeous garments, bags and accesories: mommy is coming to get you.

--

alright going to sleep now.

coolies!

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 16:29:56 GMT

song meme :)

1. A song by a Beatle: "Strawberry Fields", "Hide Your Love Away"

2. A song featuring piano as the main instrument: "Spinning Plates (live)" - Radiohead, "Kissing A Fool" - George Michael

3. A song with a woman's name in the title: "Nancy Boy" - Placebo, "Jenny From The Block" - J.Lo

4. A song with a man's name in the title: "Personal Jesus" - Depeche Mode, "What's The Frequency, Kenneth?" - REM

5. A song about money: "I Want Money (That's What I Want)" - Flying Lizards, "Money Money Money" - ABBA

6. A song with weather in the title: "Stormy Weather" - Billie Holiday, "Under The Weather" - Feeder

7. A song with parentheses in the title (these are parentheses): "Stay (Far Away So Close)" - U2, "Exit Music (For A Film) - Radiohead

8. A song made by a punk band: "Walking Contradiction" - Greenday, "God Save The Queen" - The Sex Pistols

9. A song with the word "song" in the title: "Girl/Boy Song" - Aphex Twin, "Song 2" - Blur

10. A song you love so much you stop and listen whenever you hear it/ put it on repeat mode and never get sick of it: "Rebel Rebel" - David Bowie, "With Or Without You" - U2, "Ceremony" - Joy Division

elton john is a...

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 17:21:27 GMT

victim of the H5N1 virus.

In your best interest

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 16:41:33 GMT

seriously, this is weee-ird.

--

Root of all evil?

Shanghaiist occasionally heads to the Bund for a night of entertainment. (No, not Bar Rouge. Preferably a burger and a couple of beers at Noah’s). To get there, we take the metro and get off at Henan Zhong Lu, walking the rest of the way to the Huangpu. And every single time as we ride the escalator from Exit 3 of the station up to the street, we can’t help but notice the city’s most bizarre billboard (pictured).

This, friends, is a distinctly R-rated piece of perennial herbaceous herb. At first we thought we were the only ones to notice something a bit … revealing … about the ginseng in this advertisement. But a little judicious Googling reveals that the offending root has caught the eye of several commentators: for instance, here and here (blocked in China).

Having seen the billboard, we’re just surprised that the list of medical benefits bestowed by the goodly herb doesn’t include, you know, this kind of thing. Actually, the Siberian variety does.

Anyway, the next time we walk into a traditional medicine store in China and see a bunch of drying herbs strung up about the place, we might think twice before telling the shopkeeper that his ginseng is particularly well hung.

--

taken from here

update! oh my god!

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 09:49:08 GMT

i'm sooo tired. it's been a packed week. i hate that it is coming to the end of the year because it means that there's a whole new year just round the corner, waiting to start all over again. does that make sense?

we're going for nash's birthday thing in a couple of hours. hopefully it wouldn't end up like this.

notice how nobody is actually standing straight. i love this picture.

that's right, i have my own line of fragrance now. move aside britney spears, fuck off j.lo.

ah yes, the unbreakable bond between man and furniture. daniel languishing after hours at my office.

23.

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 18:22:55 GMT

friday night's little soiree was great fun.

thanks to everyone who actually turned up, or were at least planning to but couldn't due to unforseen circumstances. i ♥ all the AKP peeps and especially mr foo for organising this, even though he informed everyone last minute and forgot a couple of people. really, a thousand apologies to you all from the bottom of my heart.

i'm usually terribly uncomfortable when people decide to gather and get drunk in my honour. to the crappy live band that sang me my birthday song: please don't quit your day job. also, i don't think anyone brought a camera, strangely enough i am a little sad about that, but it doesn't change the fact that i had a really good time last night :)

today was spent at a cousin's wedding dinner with a splitting non-hangover affliated headache. which is rightly fucked up cos i didn't even drink much at all last night, and having to endure ten courses worth of msg loaded chinese food admidst fucking "yum sengs!!" is pure torture.

me, up david ogilvy's nose.

shit, this stuff's weird.

oh yah, one more thing. i know it's slightly narcisstic but fucking indulge me already.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of YOU & ME. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. mummy doesn't play favourites HAHA yeah right.