| plane ride post mortem |
[19 Jul 2005|06:46pm] |
something i wrote to pass time on the 18 hr plane ride home:
an american life is only a dream. and the memories i have are very specific ones.
the wound down car windows, the sunroofs, with all our hair wind-blown, the music, car stereo blasting david bowie, the smiles and stupid grins, the tapping of hands and feet, the warmth of a perfect summer day. i wish i had that, all of those specific memories to bring back with me. and i could, i mean, it's not that i couldn't possibly do all those things back home. it's just that it would never be the same. not even close because it's an american life i don't have. i miss it so much.
the plane ride home is fucked up. i'm listening to what could, and i stress "could", be my favourite placebo song for the third (fourth?) time and still i am bored shitless. then again, funny how i would say "shitless" or "no shit" so many times and the american interns found it funny. i thought they said that in america. my new friends may jolly well be like most of my other friends. transient. me being completely honest about how badly i sustain friendships. i wish i had the option to kick myself in the ass for being the most terrible "let's keep in touch"-er in the world.
another flashback, another specific memory from the trip. driving a car for the first time, on the left hand side like how it is in the states, with a completely spontaneous person in the front passenger seat giving me very bad instructions. but nonetheless, willing to risk his life for one invaluable lesson, like a gift to me. the rest were standing on the driveway of the house, watching in amusement and slight fear that i would fuck up the car or any other car parked along the side. he ended up taking the wheel and doing a u-turn.
new york next year will be fun. daniel and i are definitely going to make it happen this time. i really really want it now. the feeling of being in the middle of everything while it's happening just makes me want to be there right now, all the time. so maybe my american dream isn't over, it doesn't end here. no. most definitely not, i won't let that happen.
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