let's take this conversation offline.
the past week or so has been rather exciting.

as i relate my recent holiday to a dear friend, i told him to imagine living in a place so overwhelming, anything you desired (food, clothes, lifestyles), you had access to. note how i said "access" - you probably need some sort of a decent bank account to survive a city like new york but i digress. imagine the options, the opportunities. now i really feel like my eyes have been opened.

at this point, i've won my petty little victory over jetlag and went about as routine would have it. my thoughts are clearer than they most certainly were yesterday especially while i desperately tried to sleep on the plane. god, i hate plane rides. i kept thinking to myself that i should've walked down to the pharmacy on 75th street and gotten a bottle of cough mixture to tide me over. or at least fuss about the audio that wasn't working properly on my personal in-flight entertainment set and get them to upgrade me. sometimes i think i greatly enjoy being a bitch and ask myself whether that makes me a bad person. i usually end not giving a fuck.

the issues i had to sideline for my trip have resurfaced as i predicted. in fact, i was reminded by a text message at 4am on the morning of my 5th day. and subsequently the following day in the subway while trying to dodge the piss and alcohol of bums. this annoyed me greatly. for once i really wanted to just get the fuck out of the country and be left alone without having to deal with making decisions. at times i really wish i had someone else to make these decisions for me and just tell me what the best thing to do is. and bloody hell they better be right.

i have so many questions running through my head now that i am sad knowing that somehow i am the catalyst to my own crappy problems. does that make any sense? there is only so much you can describe and frankly there aren't many shoulders to cry on, the rest is really your shit to clean up.

i guess sometimes having options isn't that great a deal. to stay or leave. to be patient or demanding. london or new york. to risk nothing or risk everything.

i think i need a drink.