I'm a Wishful Thinker with the Worst Intentions

I hope you had the time of your life

2005-05-19T17:23:41Z

Ok so today was technically my last day of high school.

C/O 2005!

So I'm very excited to be graduating, I finished all my finals today, all i have to do is come back tomarrow for like an hour to make up a math test and then come back for another hour on monday to pick up my cap and gown. Senior banquet is tomarrow...then class day is next friday.

I cant wait until everything is all over and done with.

I'm kind of sad tho, because I'm not going to see anyone anymore or anything.

Oh well....im out of high school....FINALLY.

and the beat goes do do do do do do...

2005-04-17T17:43:57Z

well i havent updated in a long ass time, nothing really to write about thats significant or anything, well sorta.

im offically 18 now, birthday was March 20. I bought some lottery tickets and lost...of course. Its SPRING VACATION!!! which means no school for a whole fuckin week, and I took off the thrusday and friday before vacation so i get an extra-ly long one! lol i have such a bad case of that there senioritis. haha

school is going to be over in about 25-ish days for seniors, which is fuckin awesome if i do say so myself. Prom...June 4th, i already have my dress, but its a size too big and about 3 inches too long, so i have to go get my poofy slip thing and the shoes i want to wear and go get it altered. I really want to ask Chris to prom, but i mean why the hell would a 21 year old want to go to a senior prom. Chris is beautiful...i fuckin love that kid.

Sorry if im writing or spelling some things wrong, but i smoked alot last night and i just woke up, so you figure it out.

Anyways Chris...yea...cute and a great personality...he rocks my world.

Graduation is June 8th. Whoo hoo! Was in danger of not graduating becuase of attendance but hey, my name wasnt on the list, so im all good. Ive missed about 20 days just in this marking period alone. Eh. Oh well.

I just had apple cinnamin cherios...yum.

Went to a party last night, but it was all these like homie-ish people from my school and i definitly didnt want to be there, so i just left reese there and i went home...oh but before i got to my house, i got wendys and i was definitly already high before i got there. So this guy that like stalks me and tries to talk to me whenever im there was working and he was like yo, who you going to meet. and i have no idea what i said or what he said after that, i think i was just smiling and slowing rolling up my window lol that guy is really wierd.

I need to go shopping, but Im pretty much poor to the extreme! Yea.

Ok bye, lol

2 DAYS!

2005-03-19T02:00:04Z

Well my BIRTHDAY IS IN 2 DAYS!!!! I didnt even care until today when i was eating dinner and my mom started talking about it and all the sudden i started naming off things I could do legally now. hahaha i kept going and going lol it was so funny. Anyways.

I guess tomarrow after i work 12-7, Im going to go over my dads house and then go out to eat with him for my birthday. Then Sunday Im going over my mom's bf's house to have a birthday party with my moms side of the family. My mom asked me if I invited any of my friends to Sunday's Party and I was like no im not mixing friends and family ever.

So for my friends, Im gonna have everyone pitch in and were gonna rent a hotel room somewhere for a night or 2 and just gonna fuckin party! my mom already said i can, like she was gonna stop me before. lol im so excited tho. If we get a hotel room there is noway we are gonna be able to stay there the whole night, we will be kicked out in a drunken stammer in like 2 hours lol We will try our hardest. And I think Im gonna get something pierced and something tattooed. Not sure what thought yet, I just like the freedom of me being able to do that without my moms consent! haha feeling rebellious! lol

I cant wait.

My throat is feeling ALOT better, I can actually eat now. I had tonsillitis like last month and I took this medicine, but never finished it like I was supposed to and when it kept coming back, I finished the medicine to get rid of the tonsillitis that kept coming back. So then like monday my throat started hurting again and tuesday I couldnt even swallow. So I missed school tuesday and wednsday and went to the doctors. Found out that I have an abcess on my tonsil from not taking all of my medicine in a row and now I have stronger medicine that could like do damage to somewhere inside me. haha I was too shocked to listen to the whole instructions since just before they started with the medicine, they told me if it gets worse or I dont take all the medicine that I would have to go to the hospital and have a needle down my throat to drain the damn abcess thing.

Definitly not having a needle down my throat.

Im graduating though!!!! I was scared that the whole 12 absences (excused or unexcused) was gonna not let me graduate since I missed like 20 by half way through the year. But now its just unexcused and Im all set with that one. Which makes me wonder....can I miss as many days as I wanna as long as theyre excused and I pass my classes?? huh huh. That would be great.

Definitly dont know what college I want to go to still. I reallllllyyy dont know where to go, or what to do.

Speaking of college, since Jeannie got accepted to Savannah School of Art, she wants to go visit it cuz shes the type of person who needs surroundings that is made for them. But she was like it would cost me like 1000 dollars to go roundtrip flying. And I was like ROAD TRIP! I dont know if this is going to happen, cuz thats like 12 hours away and Im the worst with directions in my OWN CITY, how they hell would I be 12 hours away?? lol But it wouldnt be just me and her, I would bring someone who can tell directions lol

I so want to go on a road trip. Who knows, spring break is coming, maybe a long weekend there. Sounds like a good trip to me. We will see.

Well I have a couple big things to make up since I missed so much school lately because of my stupid throat, so I think I will get some of that done so Im not rushing on Sunday night and end up not doing it.

I say that now, but an hour from now, I'll be sleeping lol Working tomarrow. Have to get that beauty sleep. :)

and the important news is...

2005-03-12T03:32:06Z

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 9 DAYS!!

Bored

2005-03-08T16:31:29Z

Yea so ive been thinking about where i want to go to college. I looked at the University of Hartford again and realized that that school is pretty damn expensive, but on my SAR my EFC is like 5000 or something like that, so i dont know if that is all i would have to pay if i went there. hmm. plus i got a $10,000 schalarship there...but i dont know what i want to do yet. So my other option was going to Westfield State of r ayear or 2 just so I could figure out what I wanted to major in so I dont have to spend alot of money on undecided. BUT, if I only have to pay like $5,000 for a $30,000 school...i might go just cuz its not expensive. I dont know, I have to find out what exactly my EFC means for colleges. And i dont want to re-apply to colleges if I go to Westfield State AGAIN. I dont know if I can go through the whole applying thing again...it drove me insane this first time. Eh. i dont know. Im so frustrated with this whole thing. I dont even know if Westfield is still gonna accept me because they gave me 2 weeks to decide if I wanted to go there or if I wanted a continuance to decide, and I forgot about it until the last day. Oh well, we will see.

Im in Cardona's class doing some "community service". I think community service for Cardona is the stupidest thing because I dont do anything. True, it is a easy A, but I mean i sit here and go online, and then I have Desktop Publishing, which means more nothingness. Wow my life is boring right now. lol

Well Im going to go look at some colleges and see if I can...Ugh..I dont know.

But you won't get to see the tears I cry, Behind these Hazel eyes

2005-03-05T04:11:55Z

Its been a while since I made an entry in here, so I figured why not update. Fun stuff huh.

Well school sucks. Of course, cant wait until May 27th! Fuckin 2 months left!!!!!!!!!! So excited bitches! We did progress reports today...didnt do too good cuz i was absent a whole lot in the last 3 weeks cuz of my tonisllitis...I was absent like 8 out of 10 days...bad stuff. How does someone get a 0%? Cuz i did. Seriously, I got that in precalc cuz the days I was absent were the days he assigned and collected the work he decided he was going to grade, which was only like 6 homeworks and 1 quiz out of the WHOLE marking period. Yep. So i have to make all that shit up for monday to get full credit. Have to pass that class to graduate, so yea, im gonna get A's for the rest of my life. YEP. How am I getting an A+ in anatomy tho...haha I find that to be extremely funny. Teehee. Im smart.

Oh speaking of school heres my new list. AHHH I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE IM GOING TO!!!
1. UMASS Dartmouth
2. HCC (whoo hoo big surprise there huh)
3. Westfield State
4. University of Hartford ($10,000 scholarship)
5. University of Bridgeport ($7,000 scholarship)

Already filed my FAFSA, got my SAR (whatever that is) and Im off!!!1 whoo hoo. Im so ready for college. I dont know if I want to stay at home and go to Westfield State for a couple years, or if I want to go away and dorm somewhere, which is more expensive, but is the whole college experience. Ugh I dont know. Lots of things to worry about. I think its bullshit how Westfield gives you 2 weeks to decide tho, I asked for the continuance because I still have one more college to hear from. Motherfuckers. Oh well.

My Birthday is in 16 days!!!

I want to get a tattoo, but what I dont know and where I have no clue. Im so afraid of needles, I dont know if I can handle that. I need to be under the influence of some substance, seriously, and someones hand to squeeze. EEK. Anyways.

Debating on whether I should take a loan out for a new car. Dont know if I could afford the payments. Have to figure that out. Speaking of money, I need a new job...or another one...cuz they arent scheduling me enough, only on weekends, and thats not cutting the whole paying of the bills, and still having money to do stuff thing.

I finally got my court date for the speeding ticket I got like last year. So now I actually have to pay it pretty soon. I was hoping they forgot about it or threw it away on accident lol It was a $250 ticket for going 70 in a 45 on the highway them bitches. Its the stupidest law cuz all of a sudden like a mile away from a turn that noone even goes 45mph on the highway speed turns to 45. I mean who the hell is gonna go 45mph on a fuckin straight-away on a fuckin highway. Them stupid ass law making bitches. But anyways Im just going to day that I was in the process of passing someone and had to speed up a little bit, but was only going like 60. Eh. Lets see if it works. I just want them to take some money off of it. Like $100 or something would be fine seriously. I just dont want to pay the whole fuckin $250. Thats alot of money for a poor person like me. Jeeze.

Yes well I think thats enough for now. Im bored and I want to watch Bambi! hehe :)

the world keeps spinning...

2005-02-23T04:46:57Z

Colleges:
1. University of Hartford (Hartford, CT)
2. Westfield State College (Westfield, MA)
3. UMASS Dartmouth (Dartmouth, MA)
4. University of Bridgeport (Bridgeport, CT)

Im finally not sick with tonsillitis anymore. Thats good I guess. Yesterday me and reese hung out for a while, went to Darryl's house. Then she slept over my house. Today I went to the mall and bought some jean skirts and a couple shirts, then we went to some other stores, then went to my little cousins birthday party. Now im at my house, watching SAW. Fun stuff. That fuckin clown thing scares the shit out of me. I hate clowns.

Tomarrow im going to sleep over reeses house and I guess she said Ainsley is going to too, so I dont know. Probably going to do something with her and Sonya during the day. Its definitly already wednsday tomarrow. This sucks. Definitly not looking forward to goiong back to school. Maybe jut maybe i'll get tonsillitis again and have to miss another week of school. That would be ideal. But anyways, i forgot, tomarrow im going bowling with my mom and all her people...fun stuff. Then friday im going to the movies with her. Jeannie wants to go to the movies on friday too, so ima be going 2 times that day. lol yep yep.

Im real enthusiastic as you can tell. I just wanna go party for the rest of the week. Love it.

I love reese, shes dope.

...these nights I get high just from breathing...

Updated

2005-02-18T17:30:18Z

College Acceptances:

1. WESTFIELD STATE COLLEGE (Westfield, MA)
2. UMASS Dartmouth (Dartmouth, MA)
3. University of Bridgeport (Bridgeport, CT)

Fuckin Throat

2005-02-17T20:19:33Z

i havent been to school in 2 days and i dont plan on going tomarrow either. my throat started hurting the day before yesterdat ALOT so yesterday i went to the doctors to see if i had strep or something, and they said i had tonsillitis. damn my tonsils. so for 3 days all i have in my stomach is water because it hurts to even drink that, let alone eat food. i can barely swallow my spit. ehhhh.

so i dont know. this whole tonsil thing sucks. im taking some pills to help but yea...swallowing pills when your throat hurts like a bitch isnt too much fun either. i take like 598345738945789375 ibuprofens a day and it still doesnt make my throat stop hurting. bleh.

i cant even talk regularly its sooo funny. im trying not to talk as much as possible because my mom keeps making fun of me lol i sound like someone witha speech impediment or a slow person who cant talk normally. beehhhehejebwhjfwvbfbvfgivb.

daytime tv sucks. seriously. i havent had a full nights sleep in 3 days. it sucksssssssssss. i get like MAYBE an hour of sleep at a time and then stay up for an hour or so and then sleep for another hour. im so tired, but i cant sleep. eh.

ouch.

:(

_forever_guilty @ 2005-02-15T08:32:00

2005-02-15T13:33:51Z

Updated College List:

1. UMASS Dartmouth (Dartmouth, MA)
2. University of Bridgeport (Bridgeport, CT)

Thats all for now...

Is it worth turning back despite these open hands?

2005-02-14T03:54:53Z

I havent stayed in school for a whole day in soo long...well like a week. thats a long time since i havent skipped since i got suspeneded...well sort of lol i lost track of the days i have been skipping.

But anyways friday me and katie went to antopnios during lunch and got pizza...i havent left for lunch in so long and pizza is soo good. so that was dope. then me and reese went to the movies and charlie met us there. we saw boogeyman, it was scary in the beginning, but then it kinda got wierd and none scary. alot of people went and saw hitch but id rather see scary movies...but thats just me.

Saturday and today i worked all day...went out to dinner yesterday with my dad and my sis. waited fuckin 2 hours for a table. i was definitly out in the car the entire time listening to music and playing with my phone lol video phones are so fun, they capture the random things in life, i have about 5 videos in my phone of me being stupid. oh well, thats what happens when a dad wants to wait 2 hours to eat at fuckin olive garden....but it was really good. i love breadsticks. one day ima save enough money and go to texas roadhouse with all the peoples lol i need to stop buying purses and shoes and jewelry and shit...i get my checks on friday and by tuesday all of the money is gone.

I really need a new car, but unlike the people at my school whose parents buy them, or give them almost new cars, i have to buy my own car...which means i wont be getting another one until im like 30...cruising the summer streets in my little '91' toyota corolla with the rattle-y exhaust WHOOOOO HOOOO! hell yea, all the guys heads will be turning. hahahahaha i just pictured that and thats funny.

Valentines Day is tomarrow. Eh. Fuck it. haha only single people say fuck it to valentines day...like me lol Oh well.

That kid from my work asked me what i was doing last night, like he wanted to ask me out, but i think hes shy....damn shyness...i love him, hes so incredibly cute.

Anyways, I have to pick up my Anatomy and Precalc grades. I need precalc to graduate, so I better focus on that class for a long ass time...until May 27th!!!!!!!!!!!! whooo!

May 27th school is all over for me! and then June 8th, graduation is the final final time i will have to deal with Sci-Tech....YAY!

Yea well im tired and school is tomarrow, cant add to my 14 absenses in school already according to my mid-year report card haha i already missed 14 days. wow.

<3

These nights I get high just from breathing

2005-02-09T21:36:29Z

I finally got my hair done. Back to blonde and layered and stuff, it looks pretty good, im very satisfied with it...

Essence finally is coming to law class, and today i didnt go lol oops...sorry hun! hehe I need to stop skipping...

Today I left after 3rd period because i had 2 subs, one first period and one 3rd period so i was bored...so me and katie went to bickfords. it was so good. the waitress's hair was soo fucked up, it was so funny, it remimded us of a skunk hahahahaha you had to have been there. she was rude, i told katie to only leave her a penny (the dirty, fingy one) and nothing else, but she wouldnt let me...waitresses standing up for waitresses, its so sweet. lol

So after we ate, we went to my house...we were gonna go bowling (lol) but we felt like watching a movie. we watched DONNIE DARKO! woot, i love that movie soooo much. jake gyllenhaal is so sexy...but psychotic in that movie...i loooooooooovvvveeee it! sucha unique movie, if you have never seen it, see it, cuz its dope.

Now im home, doing nothing, bored and stuff, but oh well. I guess were supposed to have a huge snowstorm tonight, so im really hoping we dont have school tomarrow. Its supposed to continue until tomarrow night...im not pushing for no school on friday, it would be nice, but all i want is no school tomarrow. that would be ideal.

School is almost over, im very excited. May 27th cant come fast enough. Ahh.

All this stuff is going through my head about that boy...i dont know lol I keep telling myself I should go with it and let us be together, but my thoughts keep me from doing it...ahh i dont know...i want to be with someone, but i cant, i dont know why...i should...eh.

boy situations are so confusing.

"I know one day that you'll understand
you deserve the best that I am"

...and the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

2005-02-04T02:17:22Z

my journal is still ugly, but oh well, im trying to make it better...lol

anyways...i've been really sick lately. i didnt go to school monday or tuesday cuz i was dying with the sickness! its always good to have an extra long weekend. woot.

its really hard liking someone and kind of knowing he feels the same, but you cant do anything about it because one of your friends likes him too. it kind of sucks...big nuts.

i hate boys and the difficulty with them!

just started the new marking period and got some new classes. really easy ones: intro to law, desktop publ. 2, and community service with cardona...yea. so should be getting a better GPA this time around lol didnt fail any classes that i know of yet, but i did get a D- in anatomy of course, but i got a B- on the impossible midterm...so i know the shit, i just dont hand in any of my work. i have to start getting serious now, so i actually graduate...eh.

valentines day is in 11 days...boo. jeannie is forming the coalition against valentines day. hahaha shes so funny. i would like valentines day if i had a valentine, but i dont right now lol who wants to be my valentine??!!

thats about all today.

omg omg omg omg omg i have a future!

2005-01-30T04:15:24Z

I JUST ACCEPTED TO COLLEGGEEEE!!!

Now i Start my "Potential Colleges List" part of this Journal:

1. University of Bridgeport: Bridgeport, CT ($7,000 scholoarship)

...more to come, bitches!!!

WHOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!

Bleh Midterms

2005-01-25T13:04:28Z

I just finished my internet midterm (easiest thing ever), but i have my anatomy midterm next and i have a feeling that no matter how long and hard i study thats gonna be a pain in the ass to pass.

Yesterday i took my sociology and statistics AP midterms and those werent that bad...i dont know what i got on the stats one tho. i hope nothing lower than a B or something.

Tomarrow i take my psychology and english AP midterms, but that wont be bad at all i dont think. i just have to do a 3-5 page paper on some subject in psychology for psychology and my english teacher doesnt even want to give us a midterm because we are an AP class, so i dont know how hard thats gonna be. he doesnt agree with the whole 10% of the final grade thing.

Then thursday I take my pre-calc midterm. I am gonna fuckin photocopy the book because we can use our notes...and i need that class to graduate since i failed it last year. so i definitly am gonna study my ass off for that one because i havent been paying attention in that class as much as i should have.

midterms blow. lol

well i think i should study for anatomy thats next, so yea....eh.

i hate this time of year.

oh and my journal is gonna be all ugly and shit for a little bit because im TRYING to figure out how to do the whole pretty layout thing. ahhhh. i definitly dont know how. :(

and now it is time

2005-01-24T01:41:44Z

well it snowed a lot yesterday. it kinda sucked when i had to drive home and almost died lol but i do like snow, but i would prefer it on school days so we wont have school but oh well.

tomarrow starts midterms. i have sociology first and then my AP stats class midterms tomarrow. and then i have to stay after for anatomy. but i dont think i am going to stay the whole day. im going to leave after anatomy class cuz why would i not go to her class but then stay after for her?? that wouldnt be too good, although i told her i wasnt going to come to her class. eh. im having a feeling that im going to hate this week. i just hope that i fuckin get A's on all my midterms. theyre counting 10% of the FINAL GRADE FOR THE YEAR. thats some bullshit. ehhhhhh.

im sitting here watching tv and i just dont know what im going to do for this stats midterm tomarrow. i am seriously fuckin nervous. he didnt review and this is my hardest class. especially when I have to remember what we did in the beginning of the year and still know what were doing now. the way the problems are worded is the thing that throws me off. i know the equations and how to do the stuff for the most part, but icant figure out which equations to useeeeeeeeeee. i dont know i dont know i dont know. sooo nervous.

well i think im going to study some more. i have the WORST studying habits ever. seriously.

What I want...

2005-01-19T02:54:03Z

I wish someone would just push me against the wall and kiss me...and be like hey.

That is my dream.

I think i really like this kid.

2005-01-16T03:53:26Z

yesterday jeannie was talking to me in the jeannie way and made me realize that im missing an awesome opportunity for a relationship, and that i say i want a relationship all the time, but yea...so i think ima try. but i dont know.

im thinking about everything right now cuz im high.

well im sitting here in my living room writing in my journal because im high and theres nothing really else to do. today i woke up at 1, because my mom felt like waking me up because she doesnt think that i should be sleeping that late...anyways then i took a shower and pampered myself for a while. then reese called and she wanted to go to darryl's and do what people at darryl's do...yea...so i went and picked her up, then essence called and i went to pick her up. went to darryl's, went to friendlys, did the darrly stuff before we went to tfriendlys actually, then we ate, and then i brought them all back...and jen, i found her at darryls lol

so then i called charlie back and he was at a "party", but then he called me back and asked if he could come over, so i was like yea. and i found out it was a birthday party lol hahaha but thats ok. and i was like yea.

yea.

thats about all that happened today.

tomarrow im going to the mall to shop with my dad during the day, then im going out to eat and stuff with my mom later. damn...its an all parent day. i dont know if i can handle that. anyways.

thats about it.

<3 tiffanie

I black out, Ohh could this be the one

2005-01-11T16:35:33Z

This bitch is sitting next to me, writing in her journal too, complaining of how tired she is and blah blah blah. Im sorry, but I dont really care. This is the link to her journal...shes definitly a sped ass, so dont mind her:

www.livejournal.com/users/irishtoes4

Noone likes her and all she does is dance and work at friendlys for 12 hours shifts, which she chooses to do. Is everyone with me when I say she should not be complaining because she chooses to do this shit.

Anyways...onto me.

I finally gave my councelor the rest of my envelopes for colleges so that she can send out the transcripts and recommencdations. fun fun fun. I have 2 applications ready and I just need to write an essay for the rest. Im finally getting this shit done. I need to do the FAFSA now, but I dont have my W-2s...Jeannie said that I dont need them to file it because it has the option of doing it later, but I dont know if that will affect the whole "getting the most money I can in order for me to go to college" thing. I dont know...this shit confuses me. I need to find some scholarships for me, but I dont qualify for anything really. Im not a minority, Im not fuckin Irish or any of that stuff, Im not artistic, and I dont have a great standing in the school ranks anymore because of last year.

Semiformal is next friday. I have heard 2 different sides of the story, some people are saying that noone is going, and some people are saying that everyone is going. Either way, Im not going to go because I figure why spend the night with the people you are forced to see everyday, when you can spend the night drinking and doing other illegal activities with your friends that you actually want to spend time with. Sounds goos to me. So thats the plan basically, just get fucked up...like always.

Im supposed to be going to MAine this weekend with my dad and my sister, but my dad doesnt even know if he has the weekend off from work. Hes a sped. But either way, I get paid for the days that I gave away...again free money for me. I love this. I wish this would happen for the rest of my life.

I want to go to the movies tomarrow, I have to tell people about it so they can come with me. But until I actully do, nothing is completely planned...thats the way it always is with me and my friends.

Well Im done rambling on about nothing for now.

Let me put my head on your shoulder and tell me its okay

2005-01-07T16:10:54Z

Yesterday was a snow day. That was nice. I basically slept until 2, then laid around doing nothing all day. I love days like those. Gives me all the rest I need for the weekend.

Like always, Im in my internet class listening to the daily lulls and droning conversations of the people around me that have no idea of how stupid they actually sound. Its amusing, but thats just me.

Me and katie are going to make my psychology teacher a cake and make him a bag of candy...all suagrfree...because hes the best teacher ever and he lets us get away with stuff because hes...dope.

Earlier today it hit me that the end of the first half of the year is coming up in a couple of weeks. Thats crazy. The end of the first half means midterms, finals for the half-year classes, and one step closer to finals at the end of the year. But, it does mean that May is coming closer and closer, which means no more school. Then after that is graduation which makes it final. I cant wait. Graduation = love.

I made some New Years resolutions for psychology class. They started out serious like doing better in school and losing weight and stuff, but then I ran out of ideas so I wrote stuff like get a buffalo chciken salad from Friendlys because Im hungry, and other stuff like that. It made me laugh for a second. Yea, a whole second.

I was talking to Katie about babies and teenagers. This girl in my class just went into labor today and I cant believe that shes gonna have a baby. and Kaites friends is due tuesday. I wouldnt be able to handle it. Thats your life...a teenagers life...thats over... anyways...

I just got back from lunch with Katie, Lindsay, and Jeannie. Jeannie is like my rock for college information...this girl knows everything when it comes to college. I made an appointment to send our some more college applications, even though they arent due the 15th (which is all the counselor is taking right now), but they are rolling and I want to get them out as soon as possible. I have to start sending my applications. I think Im going to finish up the fine detials of the applications that dont need an essay and send them out and worry about the transcripts and stuff later. At least they wont be sitting on my desk and getting lost and stuff like they are right now. College apllications are still stressing me out. Ive been stressed out for 3 months straight about college and it sucks. Bleh.

On a good note, its finally the weekend and I only have to work on Sunday, but Im getting paid for working 8 hours on Saturday. Long story, but in the end Im getting free money. Sounds good to me.

I guess I should finish memorizing this paragraph I need for a test in Stats last period. I basically know it, but knowing me, I'll forget it by the end of next class.

and the usual

2005-01-04T16:04:18Z

well vacation is over and its back to normal here in rainy springfield, massachusetts. im here in mrs. pringles class for lunch and im all alone because lindsay is "sick" and she didnt come to school. she just doesnt wanna come to this school anymore, shes sick of it lol bite their heads of lindsay, i give you permission. :)

bell rang, gotta go...

bye bitches

_forever_guilty @ 2005-01-01T16:42:00

2005-01-01T21:43:21Z

Happy 2005!!!

wow these skittles are spicy sour lol

2004-12-31T05:00:41Z

im sitting here watching napolean dynamite and noone is home and im definitly high and stuff and i rolled an awesome joint cuz im the best and everytone knows it just yea. haha pedro shaved his head because it was hot. i get paid tomarrow and im so exctied because i can get more weed and smoke it because i have papers becuase i definilty hvae an in with the areabaian gas station because i look 18 and i have them big boobies and when i waer low shirts the pop out!! haha katie is right, josh molests my boobs wya too much, definitly fjuckin sexual harasmentr and stuff. and i dont even like the lod and stuff. i dont know. went too see reeese earlier cuz we were bpored....OHH we went and sayfinding neverland, it was such a good movie, i cries so much, it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fuckin good. i think im gonna just watch this movie and stuff and hten go to bed or somethinbng. tomarrows fuckin new years eve...its gonna be a long night......sooooo fucked up! hahaha ok bye bitches and hoes lol

Goodbye to 2004

2004-12-30T07:30:37Z

wow guys...its like fuckin 2 days until a new year. it definitly doesnt feel like the end of the year and the start of a new one. this is wierd, it feels so wierd. alot has happened this year, seriously.

i came to realize that things change and dont always go the way you want them to go. that is the most important thing i have realized...it made me grow a little bit, get a year older...and wiser. i never thought i would talk about myself like that, but i guess that changed too.

on new years eve of last year i was over a friends house that i am no longer friends with. i was drunk and so was katie, except she was more drunk, throwing up and passing out kind of drunkness. im not friends with those people anymore, and thats kind of sad that friends can come and go that fast, but oh well, life goes on.

in the beginning of the year, i started smoking weed...and now i smoke it all the time. i was always sooo against it, always yelling at my friends who would smoke and say i would never do it, never try it, never think of it. look how long that lasted.

i got a job at kohls and i STILL HAVE IT! this is my longest job ive had...ever. i met some awesome people through my work, and i met jonathan who i thought i liked, but turns out that hes sucha loser, its unbelievable. i met chris there too. hes the funniest person fuckin ever. he needs to always be around me to make my day just a little bit better whenever i hear him. :)

i got suspended from school for my first time...for leaving during lunch. and i still deeply believe that that made me never want to go to school anymore...thats why ive been skipping alot and my grades are bad again. college has been stressing me out and of course, me and my lazy, procrastintive self, havent gotten by BU application out and its due Jan. 1st. I suck at life. that is the one school i really really wanted to go to and i fucked the app deadline up. and now im in the mind set that im not applying to there, when i could finish it and send it out in time...maybe. damn.

this summer i figured out what friends are really like and how much they can hurt you. i found out that i need to stop liking people as much as i always do becuse they will always let you down in the long run. i learned that some friends just dont care...and that sucks. like i told char (i think it was you), my vision of friends was always the whole "fairy tale/movie" friendships...noone does anything that would hurt you and you have eachothers backs. no betrayal and no disappointment...but that was definitly wrong. i figured out that some things are more important than a friends feelings to some people...it just sucks that i was the one whose feelings were hurt and one of my best friends was the one stabbing the knife in my back.

i figured out that i supress way too many of my feelings so other people wont get hurt, or i wont start a fight, or i wont cry...i found out that whenever i want to talk to someone seriously, i cry, and that keeps me from telling people things that seriously get to me.

BOSTON RED SOX FINALLY WON THE WORLD SERIES. whoo hooooooooo! :) enough said.

i dyed my hair red!!! and liked it!! i also realized that i needed more self confidence...and now i see myslef in a more positive light and i know im beautiful...and if you dont like it, dont fuckin look.......bitches. and because of that whole perspective, i really did change my whole presence...the clothes, hair, amkeup, presence, attitude, mind set, everything...its so refreshing.

saw some really good movies and heard some really good bands that i never heard of before this year.

i got caught with alcohol in my house...multiple times. grounded each and everytime, but still i did it again and again. i realized how much my mom does for me and how i needed to grow up and realize that i should give her the respect she needs and deserves...ive been trying to work on that one....once and a while u have to scream though.

got a laptop for christmas and already dropped it...fuck these little table things in my living room.

i got my toungue pierced...therefore i was scolded my every single family member of mine for the most part, except my mom.

met an crack head for the first time. i had the suspicions, but never knew for a fact that he was until my friend and him broke up and he got beat up by cops and was so drugged up. that was some special shit.

i tried to keep up with the election, but that didnt work too well. i do like the shows that make fun of bush's speeches and stuff tho. haha he sucks at making speeches. thats about all i have to say about that matter bcuz thats about the only thing i really know lol

well its like 3 in the morning and im still not tired, but i think my computer's battery is gonna die and that would suck if i typed all this shit for nothing...like i have before. so ima go watch some comedy central, in my room, all warm in my bed, and welcome the thought of the new year.

...goodbye 2004.

And the big one waS...

2004-12-26T16:17:31Z

I feel like a little kid the day after Christmas telling everyone what I got, but I had to brag about one thing...I GOT A LAPTOP!!! WHOOOOO! I basically knew I was getting one, but I didnt know I was gonna get it for Christmas. It was like my Christmas/Graduation present...its sooo nice. My mom bought me the computer and my moms boyfriend bought me a leather case for it, the Linksys Wireless Router for the internet on the laptop and the PCI Adapter thing to go with the computer..I was like damn he spent alot of money on me.

Ok so I was really excited about it, but I had to go to my rich aunt's house and of course my 13 year old cousin got a laptop too. I was like u spoiled rich brat. lol Damn them all. And my aunt just got a new car, its a Chrystler something. Its sooooo nice...and expensive. lol Damn them again.

When I went on the Internet this morning and I saw the news, it said that thousands were killed in Asia and I was like damn people are killed on the same day that were playing with the new presents that we got on Christmas. I just thought it was sad and stuff. America...I swear. lol

I dont know anything else to say right about now, so I think ima go play some more with my laptop. Dope.

Bye bye bitches