| events, y'all |
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| 11:19am 25/09/2008 |
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so, in case i forgot to invite you personally, it is not because you're not welcome! NWNW nuclear tacos at my place, weds 1 oct. details over here:
http://community.livejournal.com/nucleartacos/40544.html
also, the portland sigur ros concert is coming up on monday 6 oct. if you know and love them, let me know if you'd like to join me. i have at least 2 excellent extra tickets and would rather go with someone i know who digs them as much as i do, than selling to the highest bidder. ok, i won't sell to the highest bidder regardless, i don't really dig on scalping. but wowee, people are paying way more to get way worse tickets, according to craigslist. wish i hadn't looked.. |
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| i am a statistic, part 2 |
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| 09:04pm 05/09/2008 |
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for the second time, my front light has been stolen. this time, it was a fork mounted frog LED, worth maybe $12. bike snob just today suggested that it was a cancer. perhaps i am lucky. but i just feel like a loser. [1] one who has lost.
i have received my fancy generator headlight--the most powerful on the planet. now i just need to purchase a generator hub and wheel and locking lug. yes, this will be a major expenditure. yes, it will fail to suck.
also, whilst my light was being stolen, i was schooled at qbert. i put up a good fight at 30k, but quite honestly, i was no match for dude who happened by at ground kontrol. he scored upwards of 110k. truly, a master. it's not so bad to lose to a master.
also also, i just bought some plane tickets. i shall be visiting you, austinfolk, between about 27 dec and 3jan. expect this to be my last visit for Some Time, travel costing what it does in time, money, and energy. i will work Very Hard to convince you to come visit me. SRSLY. portland rocks.
SRSLY. come see me while i'm in austin. also, anyone have a bike i can borrow while i'm down there?
now, for weekends and triathlons. |
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Read 9 - Post |
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| lost unfound |
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| 09:53pm 02/09/2008 |
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last weekend i travelled to colorado with ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) chicafantasma (well, technically, we travelled separately, but we arrived together) to revel in some mountains and eachother's company. the minivacation was beautiful--delightful mountains, shooting stars and milky ways and hikes in just the right amount of rain/hail (second time in 9 days i'd been hailed on, in 2 different states!), with just the right amount of not dealing with stupid people. i even enjoyed the approximately 8 hours of driving in the surprisingly nice rental car, because colorado was really the best place i ever drove in--twisty mountain roads with a view, mmm. a really recharging experience, until i walked up to check in for my flight and discovered that i had misplaced my drivers license entirely. i dug through my only bag with just a tinge of mania as i contemplated remaining in denver for the rest of my days, stuck for lack of a way to convince any stranger of my identity. how long would it take to hitchhike back to oregon? i could definitely beat the greyhound, but could i beat amtrak? did i need ID to take amtrak? i decided that the worst they could do was anally probe me at the TSA checkpoint, claimed my boarding pass from a machine that didn't ask to see ID, and walked up to the front of the security line, drawing grumbles from people who were waiting. "so," i tell the unsmiling latex-gloved line-marshall, "i don't have any identification. what happens now?"
the TSA was remarkably unphased by my lack of ID, and seemed practically bored while we got things sorted out. they were ready to accept a credit card with a picture on it (nope), any other kind of unoffical picture ID (student, work, scrabble players club)...i struck out, since i only ever carry a single debit card and my license. when it finally became crystal clear to them that really and truly all i had was my cellphone, my unshowered-after-2-days-of-camping, a credit card, some dirty laundry and a few books, they walked me over to a table and had another bored looking attendant call up master control on her cell phone. she then spent approximately 7 minutes relaying questions and answers back and forth for me, until i convinced whomever was on the other end of the line that i was a person in possession of sufficient personal knowledge of the person whose file they had pulled up, keyed on my social security number. 50 questions and approximately 12 correct answers later, i was on my way, and quite frankly i think i beat the line by taking the detour. i might start doing that every time there's a line...
somewhat disconcerting things "the system" knows about me:
- whom i live with
- how long i've lived there
- whom i worked for recently
- cross streets near my house (i suppose they were trying to trip me up here, rather than find information that google maps no doubt could have done a better job with?
- the county my hometown and birth town were in
- all manner of information about my roommates' parents (strangely, they asked no information about my own parents. perhaps they are not subversive enough to be as thoroughly catalogued?)
- some other stuff i've forgotten, and much that i just plain couldn't answer, mostly re: roommate's parents.
so, i've been using the only ID i could find for the last week--an expired passport, clearly stamped with "expired JUL 2007" and stapled with the picture i'd submitted for the new passport. my new passport, of course, was nowhere to be found in my meticulous but obviously incomplete filing system. why i'd filed the old one so meticulously and not the new one i am at a loss to explain. oh, wait, i remembered. i'm completely fucking disorganized for months at a time before i spend 8 hours organizing my life, and then the process begins afresh.
at any rate, tonight was the first time i was denied the only privilege with which i usually associate possession of a valid ID: purchase of alcoholic beverages. my dining partners dark_knightly, ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif) ruthiemoves_rss, and fnord confirmed that i do not currently look under 21 (it had been 36 hours since my last encounter with a razorblade, and i really need the smoov babyface to convince anyone i might be 12 years younger than i am..), but nonetheless i was forced to drink water with my crepes. fortunately, the crepes were worth the suffering.
i arrive home to kdaisy721, who'd found passportial evidence--i gave her a photocopy of my current passport when i moved in with her. so the thing had not only made it to portland, but had been in my hot little hands 2 days after i arrived. recall, if you will, that i was at that time living out of a duffel bag, and had been for the 5 months prior, and proceeded to continue to do so for the next month. so i have a tiny little excuse for my failed organizational skills. at that time, anyway.
so i bit the bullet and unpacked 1 of the 3 boxes of stuff that still sat, unloved, in corners of my room, where they've sat for the past 5 months since we moved in. what rewards i achieved!
- a signed too much coffee man comic book #1
- a year-overdue present for a texas4000 hostess with the mostest which i'd given up for lost
- a book of stamps so old they are at least 2 revisions behind the current in valuation
- a functional remote controlled helicopter
- approximately 10 unactivated credit cards (i guess they send me more because i never active them? i only have 2 accounts, neither of which i ever use nor have either carried a balance in the past 2 years)
- a 12-month old $50 money order from a bank in texas, which i never used (no idea what it was for...wonder if i can still get my money back from it?)
- and, finally my passport.
now i'm wondering if i'll bother to go get an oregon ID or if i'll just carry the passport around with me. while a new license will permit me to drive the occasional friend's vehicle or car-share-car legally and reflect an address which has been valid at some point within the past 1.5 years, i don't know if that privilege is worth $60 to me. especially since my texas license will remain valid until 2 years from now, and i know the # so i can probably wiggle out of a traffic ticket. i think the deciding factor will be the annoyance factor of having a pocket full of small book instead of another card in my cellphone case. also, the way i already managed to put my old passport through the wash once in the week i was using it as ID. they stand up to such treatment remarkably well, for the record. maybe not so much a second time, though...
the moral of this story is, of course, that one should not lose one's drivers license in denver. right? |
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| a whirlwind |
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| 08:35am 02/09/2008 |
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man, i need to give this journal some serious loving, i have been straying but have not forsaken it. poor, unloved inanimate object, how it must ache. hmm, there is an interesting discussion topic in the dichotomy of a livejournal as an unfeeling piece of software (though, being in active development makes it more alive than much software i've used over my many years of geekdom, i suppose) versus livejournal as a thriving community network of friends and acquaintances. though the army of electrons, magnetic storage, copper and silcon frozen in time as version 5.142 is what initially came to mind, i find the idea of the community far more compelling and shall henceforth stick with definition [2].
anyway, that's not really what i set out to write about. i'm not sure what i did set out to write about any more since ooooh, shiny!
i guess we can start out with yay for a weekend of geekery involving a penetrating nostalgic examination of the nintendo years with bluejayway and diffuse, meeting with an okcupid-discovered new friend, playing 20 games of scrabble, losing 6, which was the right ratio to give me 2nd place in my division at this tournament and send me home with an envelope full of cash (which will fund a dinner party, a trip to see mogwai, and a new pair of bike shoes, it has suddenly been decided), making several new friends with a common interest in anagramming and the psychology of bluffing in scrabble, on (hello wantonhalo) and off of livejournal. and then i tried to set the house on fire. but all that resulted from that was some well-done hamburgers which were only a minor tragedy, except perhaps in my mission to achieve a rational daily caloric intake average for dark_knightly.
perhaps i shall succumb to further geekery tonight and annotate some of my games after hanging out with ruthiemoves_rss and fnord, because i know you all are just hanging on with anticipation. the summary is that i played far better than my opponents deserved, ending with an unholy spread of 1300ish total-points-won-by, but rather worse than i might have, losing some games due to timid or frustrated playing. still, i don't think i learned much at this tournament, except for some new words, and that i should start drinking as early as possible during the tournament to keep nervousness from kicking in if i'm actually doing well. yeah, maybe i won't really keep that lesson in mind.
this week is full of goodness and next weekend is my first triathlon in 2 years, so you can expect that i'll at least bore you with a race report thereafter. never fear, i'll still be able to put you to sleep even if you *are* a big enough geek to enjoy scrabble tournament reports! unless you're jim barker, an opponent i played this weekend who also did some pretty hardcore racing (80 marathons, 2 trips to kona) in his day. it takes all types. |
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| oregon dreamin' |
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| 08:03am 21/08/2008 |
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i had a series of odd dreams last night and i am not sure why. perhaps it was the saffron vodka.
the ones that stand out most clearly were:
that i biked over to obsqurity's home, which she shared with quite a few people. she lived on a high steppe or similar, looking way down on some land i've seen in past dreams. nothing too bucolic, but a distinct layout of land far below. i was seeing it from a different angle than usual, and there was a road in it that there isn't usually, probably inspired by all of our discussions about Maryhill Loops Road last night. anyway that wasn't really the point of the dream, just something i saw on the way into her home, where we were sleepy and laid down to sleep in one king sized bed with about 6 other people--we were doing some serious spooning, and i toss and turn while i sleep which was pretty incompatible. anyway, she and i got up and played with some legos, and built something like an ant farm--very tiny moving legos went around a landscape. which cmat and mr_skullhead showed up to admire.
a second dream had a young (10ish years old) me as child of celebrity in danger of assassination. my parent (i think it may have been oprah winfrey) hired some bodyguard to protect me who also had a young kid who was annoying. the part of this one that sticks in my head was that we ended up at some tropical sea destination and ended up running off to some island on small inflatable rafts and innertubes, and we had to go through a huge series of mechanical (water) locks and conveyances to get there, which were dangerous and scary but here i am in an innertube just hoping i don't get caught and crushed. figuring we were far enough away from danger after we arrive, we lounge in the open but an assassin shows up and i dive under the water and swim off to somewhere he can't see me. then a princess shows up and i communicate telepathically with her to swim under the water and i'll find her there and bring her back to my safe spot.
yeah, i have no idea. at least i remembered some dreams. that's so rare. |
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| an epiphany |
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| 09:22pm 21/07/2008 |
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i just saw Mark Shuttleworth speak on topics of ubuntu and space travel. it was one of the better talks i've seen, and i was thrilled that he didn't use any slides at all. he talked off the cuff about his experiences and took a lot of audience questions which drove his direction and let him frame his message in relevant, applicable surroundings.
what i took away was that perhaps you should be doing something that inspires you and is driven by many of your loves, rather than being a singleminded focus, and something that makes the world a better place or is at least a hell of a lot of fun.
which brought me to the thought that i could do better, and maybe that key to doing better was to be a little more thoughtful about what i do. i'm pretty happy-go-lucky as is, but i'm not feeling passionate about much lately. maybe if i engaged a little more with some of my activities, and pushed my comfort envelope a little more, i'd get exponentially more out of life. and give more back, as well. some thoughts about where i could go with this:
1) be more participatory in the bike community. i do participate reasonably much, but i rarely organize things and i don't volunteer as much as i could. i was given an opportunity to work on a website for a grassroots movement to increase community-ism and totally flaked. i could and should just pick that up and run with it.
2) bike harder. this one is for the helluvalotoffun angle
3) work on a few ideas (ie the borrowing society i posited back in december, 2007 that could foster community and improve the planet
4) write more. rewarding and potentially message-sending. that's never been my scene with the writing--i just open the spigot and let the words flow but perhaps i have a message or could implant one...
in general, participation seems to be the key, somehow and somewhere. now, to get to it and make my life more interesting and world-enhancing... |
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| summer blooms |
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| 11:17am 12/07/2008 |
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one of the most wonderful things about portland is that it is verdant, lush, and generally green all year. i remember the oppression of texas heat that turned summer brown, and the dry winters that massacred plants even in absence of intense cold. despite portland freezing, raining, and then turning dry in the summer, things grow well here on their own, and even better with a little care.
we have some planters on our patio that the owner had offered to remove, but we asked them to be left, since the owner had in some way indicated she'd get the dead crap out of them. that didn't happen, but it turns out, neither was the crap in them entirely dead. the two huge ones started flowering during the spring showers and don't seem to mind continuing to flower all through the summer, as long as they get some water. the trees and grass seem to do ok without such intervention, maybe because they're in the ground and not in pots with no natural water sources? anyhow, when i can remember to water the plants, they do well. so i got a couple more--a basil plant (which i bought to make dinner with, and have gotten two meals out of already, with a third coming on easy), and a rosemary plant--after all, the rosemary bush outside my house in texas was invincible, so i figure that's within my powers to keep alive, and i hadn't seen any rosemary growing *anywhere* here to go steal from. it's damn near omnipresent in texas, so i'd never really been without it when making pasta or really anything that could use a little zest. i've missed it!
went to the farmer's market this morning with ruthiemoves_rss for the first time...wow, that kicks the ass of any market i've ever been to before! came home with tomatoes, artichokes, green onions, cherries, blackberries, and the rosemary plant. my mission this week is to eat all my damn cheese so i can buy some of the divine goat cheese they sell there next week. i'm overcheesed! eek!
so spent a few minutes emptying the least-flowery planter (ok, it was mostly dead grass and a ton of little saplings-to-be which i guess blew in from a nearby tree) and transplanting the rosemary, which i expect to grow huge if i can remember to keep watering it. took the uprooted/removed bits down to the compost bin, and on my way there, i stepped over a huge rosemary bush that i'd never noticed before. growing in my side yard. hah.
anyway my little gardening expedition still made me feel pretty productive for a pre-10am-saturday activity, not to mention the kitchen cleaning that went down (whew!). i guess being alive enough to enjoy all the morning activities was an okay consolation prize for sleeping through the midnight mystery ride last night.. |
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| tastiness. |
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| 07:55pm 06/07/2008 |
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the weekend was good, a tiny bad, and not ugly in the least.
the good: spent a few hours on friday cleaning, spent the rest of the day with dark_knightly (i'll say it too, wall-e is highly worth seeing), and hiked through washington park at dusk, just in time to catch amateur fireworks to the west from the top of the hill, and max'd down to catch the professional ones over the river from the vista bridge. yay for lots of walking, exhausting us satisfyingly. participated in a rather fun birthdayparty-bike-scavenger-hunt with teknotus all afternoon saturday, which was enough fun that i think i'll do it again next weekend, since there just happens to be another hunt on...
the bad: celebrating post-scavenger hunt to the extent that i came home and passed out without eating dinner at 7pm, screwing up evening plans and my gumption to do any kind of physical activity today.
oh, and the tasty? yeah, the return of the attack of the killer bakoning! made bacon fudge, and since i'm not the world's hugest fan of chocolate, i put a lot on ice for future visits from girlfriends, roommates, and occasional dinner buddies (i'm looking at kdaisy721 and bluejayway in particular, and i imagine dark_knightly will be of some immediate assistance =)). don't forget to ask to try it next time you're over! also, fudge is like, trivial to make. i'll have to experiment with deluxe chocolate next time--the rest of the ingredients were deluxe and ruthiemoves_rss said it was good, and she's more of a conisseur than me.
then i made the best lasagna ever and will have lunch for the rest of the week. cooking was about all i felt up to doing today. i'm supposed to go zoobomb as a bookend to yesterday's birthday-celebrations, but i can't bring myself to drink, nor can i bring myself to do it totally sober, so i think i'm gonna wuss out and go see gonzo since it's playing a block from my house and i have mad respect for Hunter S.
all's well that ends well, like this weekend =) |
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| state of the onion |
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| 11:29pm 29/06/2008 |
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hey friends, i apologize for being unposty lately. i haven't actually felt terribly interactive lately, to be honest, and i'm still not over that hump. still, there have been some massive high points in the past few weeks which i shall attempt to outline for the edification of the 3 of you who are wondering what's been happening.
going back a couple of weeks,i did purchase a new bike, the 2008 lemond poprad rim-brake version. she looks like this. oh, hell, that's more like the textbook version. here's what it looks like after you *use* it:
 
immediate upgrades for the gearheads: a compact front cassette so that i had a lower gear for summiting hills while towing/toting stuff, but it's still just 2 chain rings--my first double. maybe i'll buy a fixie next.
also added the heaviest duty rack, and am having a trailer built out of bamboo (true story: i saw an article about this local builder, asked him to build me "a trailer that can handle a keg" (since most are not rated for that much weight) and he wrote back "i can build you one that'll haul two kegs and a drunk girl" and i was sold =)). it'll be a trekking machine, but still weigh less than half of what my current commuter does. of course, i'm still not brave enough to lock it up outside, since it's worth like 10x as much as my commuter now, and it's still so pretty and unscratched by locks/racks...
i find it amusing that they sell a bike intended to be ridden through mud in white, with white handlebar tape and a white seat. it's proven fairly sturdy so far, and i've found the steel frame to be such a great, comfortable ride, on and off road. in fact, most of the hundred or so miles i've put on it in since i got it have been offroad, on this great dirt road through forest park that is just the right amount of climbing, gravel, road hazard, and especially scenery...lots of excellent views of portland, surrounded by trees and completely out of ear/eye-shot of cars.
though she'll probably never see this, algol_galaxia is actually why i bought this bike. she rides a very similar, white lemond poprad from a few years ago. and she loves it. and now i understand why. it is a smooth ride. it is the last of its breed, since lemond is not manufacturing any more bicycles after this year, from what i hear. i'll love her long time.
in other bike news, that's about all that *is* news! i've been biking my tuckus off, though not longdistance craziness. mostly coasting with folk around town, having epic bike fun.
a small sampling of what i've done bikely in the past couple weeks: cooked 6# of bacon, 80 biscuits and a vat of gravy out on the steele bridge to serve to fellow morning commuters for free. did about 15 rides during this crazy summer of bikelove--a portland tradition called "pedalpalooza", when everyone creates all kinds of fun and shares it with folks. highlights were not one but two naked bike rides--one participated in by over 2,000 people (portland owns the world record, folks!), one with about 40 just yesterday. an almost-all-night (well, it went all night, though i couldn't) mobile dance party. and i accidentally ended up leading a ride on friday when the ride i was planning to do was cancelled at the last minute--i uncancelled it and guided about 20 folks through a whirlwind of coffee, bridges, beer, tacos, pizza, wurst, graffiti, donuts, and bike-in movies, all in the space of a few hours. ended up watching bike jousting in the buff, under the hawthorne bridge afterwards. er, buff-watching, not buff-jousting (that came the next afternoon). i am not yet crazy enough to joust, myself. but in this case i am willing to spectate.
in less-bike-related news, i have a new roommate! kdaisy721 is in baltimore for the summer, and is subletting to a girl who blogs (ruthiemoves_rss), and that's been excellent. i think if i was all alone in this big ol place, pixel and i would just melt into a pile of unmoving fuzz...we both tend to curl up for hours and just lay around without a little external stimulus. the story of ruthie is a somewhat funny one--she's from austin, but we didn't know eachother in austin. however, she is the sister of my ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. i knew the ex-boyfriend before he was an ex's ex, and my ex connected us, despite not otherwise being terribly interested in talking to me. but ruthie and i get on well, and she's loving portland. i'll eventually get all you austinites to visit and you won't want to go home, either. it did hit 100 degrees yesterday, but that's the warmest it's been by 8 degrees, and those are the only two days in the 90+ range i've been aware of this summer. the weather is truly glorious, if less intense than texas. i think i'm willing to give up thunderstorms (though we had a minor one today!), hail, and tornados for it being livable nearly all the time, and that's without an air conditioner!
the ultimate frisbee season finished up, and our team tied for last! go us! but we had the most fun, except for the team we tied with, who are our favorites but also the most spirited team in the league. still, it was enough fun and i was uninjured enough that i might even try it again sometime. need to get better at my throwing, first, though. need a roommate who likes short sprints...i bet i can find someone like that, come fall =)
i also managed to get sigur ros tickets, albeit not in the pre-sale. my seats are surprisingly similar to what i ended up with when i went with algol_galaxia in austin, so i know i can still enjoy the show from there. hopefully i can find some partners in crime to join me, since i got a few spare tickets...
i think the best part of the last couple of weeks has been making a lot of new friends--people who're movers and shakers in the bike community here, and helping with their events and chatting with them has left me feeling very connected. so yay for that.
be well, kiddos. |
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| sigur ros tickets on sale tomorrow (FRIDAY) ! |
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| 02:23pm 19/06/2008 |
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sigur ros is one of my two favorite bands--i still love they might be giants, but which one's in the lead on the charts in my head depends on my mood.
i know a lot of my friends like or would like the band (*waves to xacat, snaxxx, mybloodyself, denshi, algol_galaxia, ilana_geffen, tankgirl76, etc*). if you haven't heard them, they have their whole latest album streaming at that URL i linked to up in the first sentence. if you like incredibly poignant space rock with some intense feeling behind it, you owe it to yourself to at least go listen to a few tracks. i still think their best album is "( )".
i reviewed the last 2 shows of theirs i saw here:
http://users.livejournal.com/_fool/24047.html
anyhow, they do this weird ticket presale thing with all the best seats to their shows, and round 1 of the north american tour goes on presale at 9am pst tomorrow (friday). experience has taught me to arrive early and reload often.
i say first stage because there do not appear to be any southern dates on there, and i suspect they'll play a show or three in your neck of the woods, austonians. but for those of us in the north, the time to buy is tomorrow!
if you are/will be in portland and want to join my party on 6 oct, let me know. i've got room for 2 more. |
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| a quickie |
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| 10:13am 06/06/2008 |
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i only managed to disperse three pounds or so of bacon this am. they closed our bridge to bike/ped traffic! without warning us! stupid fleet week. also, our breakfast was watched carefully by coast guard boats bearing mounted machine guns. subversive bacon&donutry, at your service, sir! the bacon that was there, was loved, and all was well. i arrived (late) at work just in time to change into my favorite silk jammies, slippers, and a sleep mask, to win the costume contest. does anyone actually use itunes to buy music? i won a $25 gift card at work that i'd part with for less, since it is worthless to me.
i'll probably buy a new bike this weekend. don't worry, i'll provide bike porn ("G"ear-rated) once he or she comes home with me. |
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| what a world. |
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| 12:32am 05/06/2008 |
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i love living in this day and age, when even at 12:14 am one can exchange a 20 dollar bill for 6.5 pounds of bacon.
now, to challenge the collective northside bicycle commuting community to eat that much bacon in one go on friday morning, whilst biking to work.
never fear, it will be offset by vegan pancakes.
also? firewater (the band) is good listening. thanks to john and katlyn for convincing me to go to my second "i've never heard this band...OMG they're fully awesome!" show at the doug fir.
apropos of nothing, i do believe that is my 5th portland concert, and 4 (stars, decemberists, mountain goats, and firewater) were truly, er, stellar. #5 was also pretty damn good, considering that it was "random people opening at an open mic night for a friend of a friend".
life is good. don't forget that! |
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| hurts so good |
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| 01:04am 31/05/2008 |
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this morning i got up at 5:45am so's i could make it to the steele bridge in time to make pancakes.
you know, because that's a thing people do. get up early and bring their premium pancake batter out onto a public thoroughfare and cook for strangers.
it was extremely rewarding--people ate around 40 of (bruce's) my sweet potato pancakes, and it was good.
i got to work something like around on time, worked for a few hours, and then went to bike lunch with teknotus and a few others, talked geek, ate a honkin' huge burrito, and made it back to work in time to goof off for a few hours before i headed north to play some ultimate frisbee and drink some beer (which comes both after and during frisbee). we lost both games but fun was had, and then i sprinted south on la bicicleta to the post-game happy hour and all that was there was eddie. so we talked gentrification and bikes and then i hustled out to the freaky friday--last friday of every month, some freaks meet up and do a little mystery ride and then do bike jousting. before we got to the jousty location, though, i, tipsy and unconcerned, was nudged into a median and took a dive onto the pavement at speed.
it was my least injurious bike-ground collision ever, but it caused me to lose the pack as i reattached chain. after wandering a bit, i still couldn't find 'em so i cam e home. probably best, since i've been up since ungodly hour and bd is good.
and now i'm naked in bed and still tipsy+. and you know, despite some cuts and bruises, life's not so bad. i'll let you know if i feel different when i wake up... |
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| strange |
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| 12:09am 30/05/2008 |
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i feel strange lately.
i just read harry potter the last, finally, for the first time. i do like coming late to the party. i don't think that's strange.
diffuse posted a thing that made me think back to days when the world seemed limitless in scope and exciting in every second, even if i was only living a small life, it could yet grow and blossom. what's funny is that his post wasn't about that, but rather was about a song...but that song was laden with memories (fairly wonderful one of a particular day when i was finding myself at age 19, and a jubilantly carefree one when i was losing myself at age 29).
i've recently been a terrible friend to someone i care deeply for and feel like i have in general not been living up to my potential in life. i'm not in general one to want to overachieve--i just want to be an achiever, man. but i feel like i've been failing at even that to some degree. i'm engaged at times and it's wonderful, and i wish i could keep it up..because when i'm detached the world starts to shrink and that's one of the saddest things of all.
i think i need to change some things. i wish i had the conviction to do so. maybe i'll find it. i'm not hopeless, or helpless. |
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Read 3 - Post |
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