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| 04:09pm 27/09/2005 |
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That Sarah Siefken is Some Kinda Wonderful.
By Sarah Siefken
Once in a lifetime, you meet a woman that shatters your perception of yourself; a woman, so unique, that no word can describe her. Except unique. A woman so uplifting and spiritually fulfilling that the Pope has her personal cell phone number – on speed dial. “Whom,” you ask, “could possibly be this engaging and personally dynamic? Truly, could any one individual possess that much devastating appeal? Would be able to live, crushed beneath the weight of her own magnetism?” I say, “Yes.” And her name is Sarah Siefken.
Sarah Siefken was the daughter of two peasants in Soviet Russia, born on June 6th, 1974. Her childhood consisted of forced slave labor, Communist oppression, and soccer camp, mostly. Her parents were Russian Orthodox, and thus, were very anti-adoption. So, when Sarah and her secret teenage lover had to have an adoption because she couldn’t conceive, her parents were furious, and cast her into exile from the village.
Disowned by her parents, Sarah set off to make her fortune in the world. She made a living for a few years, doing odd jobs on the Russian coast. One day, however, as Sarah was drawing crude caricatures of the local fishermen to earn a few extra Rupees, she was spotted by a then-living Walt Disney, who was in the area to finalize the deal on a shipment of mail-order brides. Walt was quite taken with Sarah's drawing style, and decided to take her back to America in his entourage.
Upon arrival in the States, Sarah ditched Walt and set off to become an educated woman. She accomplished this by enrolling in Harvard, Yale, and Princeton simultaneously, and quadruple majoring in Economics, Ergonomics, Freakanomics, and Origami. Unsatisfied with her really big pile of degrees, Sarah set fire to them, and embarked on a quest to find a higher purpose than just earning degrees and money.
Coming back empty-handed, Sarah was made a Supreme Court justice, because, why not, you know? After a few months on the bench, the Supreme Court was embroiled in a game of pick up basketball with the San Antonio Spurs. Sarah was put in at point guard in the final minutes and proceeded to score literally thousands of points in mere minutes. Will Taylor, the coach of the Spurs, was impressed with Sarah's display of ability, and immediately offered her a contract. Sarah declined, however, in favor of a saucier offer.
Sarah had just been contacted by that young whippersnapper, Henry Ford. Henry convinced Sarah to go in on a business venture with him, manufacturing a little something called the “horseless carriage” using the “worker abuse line.” Sarah said she’d do it, moved to Detroit, and left her life of fame, money, and excess behind, acquiring in the process a life of much greater fame, money, and excess. Satisfied with tycoonery, Sarah remained a powerful figure on the forefront of international finance for years to come.
If this has not convinced you of this woman’s intense bravery, then you will surely enjoy these Fun Facts:
• Sarah Siefken possesses the world’s only know working lightsaber.
• Sarah Siefken controls 60% of the world’s oil, 73% of Hollywood, and 87% of all off-track betting.
• Sarah Siefken is single-handedly responsible for the entire American Revolution, including the Boston Tea Party.
• Sarah Siefken has citizenship in 3 different countries.
• Sarah Siefken has starred in a sitcom pilot with Ray Romano, which she supposedly is “not proud of.”
• Sarah Siefken is completely psychic and writes horoscopes for people as a parlor trick.
• Sarah Siefken can move individual atoms with her mind.
• Sarah Siefken has been to the moon.
• Sarah Siefken filled in for Dave Mustaine on the second leg of Megadeth’s 1981 tour.
As you can see, Sarah Siefken is truly someone we should admire and emulate. If only we could all live like Sarah Siefken did: a champion of Justice, a friend of Peace, and a princess among Men. To you, ma'am, my hat goes off: in your relentless spirit also resides the spirit of America.
Sarah Siefken, pictured above, enjoyed great celebrity, both at home and abroad |
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| 09:05am 17/09/2005 |
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mood:  tired
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Done and done. |
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| i need a lover who won't drive me crazy |
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| 10:21pm 31/08/2005 |
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mood:  energetic
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Hmm, we're getting the end chunks of Katrina, so it's pouring balls. Good thing I'm sitting inside. With a Roof. And a Bed. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
2 weeks until I'm done. What. What?? Longest and shortest summer of my life.
I am deformed:
* Tree-trunk, gigantor tank-legs. With the shrinking, disappearing upper body.
* Chewbacca hair.
* Strange, leaning-forward, bow-legged walking mode. Maybe easier on the knees?
* BUT, creeky, painful granny knees. Cartiledge = overrated.
* I think my feet have grown a 1/2 size. The bottoms are callused up like shoe soles... should probably walk on glass or coals to experiment.
* Knee, arm, and face are leather-tan. Everything else = see-through.
* Permanent rash around my hips from my nasty-ass hipbelt.
* I think I heal faster?
Check it out - check it out - check it out
[there are secretly lots more to add, and some are picture taken by people I've met on the trail.]
over and out. -Critter |
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| Maine Hunting: "If it's brown, it's down." |
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| 10:42am 31/08/2005 |
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mood:  sore
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SAW A MOOSE!!! They look like sad, fly-covered cow-deer. Love them, love them. The Big 3: Rattlesnake, Bear, Moose is now complete.
IF IT'S BROWN, IT'S DOWN!!!!
A moose heiku:
The best moose of all,
I saw you on the mountain
Bear my sweet children.
Another heiku (non-moose):
I have realized
My feet will not stop hurting
Until I'm back home.
Oh, a new family tradition: Pancake's birthday is September 2nd-ish, so I will not be there on her 1st birthday. My mother, coincidentally, was on vacation in Hawaii on my first birthday, while I stayed at my grandma's with a Horrible Sickness.
Hikers and Hobbits are the Same
*Climb mountains
*Food to the max: second-breakfast-style
*Enjoy ale and "the finest weed"
*Nasty ass feet
*"Master carries a heavy burden" |
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| "them snappin turtles'll bite your pecker clean orf." |
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| 05:41pm 25/08/2005 |
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mood: tired
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Andover, Maine ... gives new meaning to "blink and you'll miss it."
Yeah, by the way: MAINE. Last state on my expedition, which is sort of misleading because it's a Biggun w/ 281.4 beefy miles that get harder, more remote, and less maintained as I go north. Just got out of Mahoosuc Notch, a 1-mile chunk that took me 2.5 hours to do. It's a bunch of house-sized boulders that you scramble, crawl, slide, die around. And it was raining, and I died a small death. My ass now has calluses.
Mahoosuc Notch: hunk o burning death.
The sister expedition was fantastic, and I like her more than most things. And it's cold! Climbing down Washington a cold front moved in, w/ sideways rain .. I blew some epic snot rockets.
I have not seen a moose, but I've stepped in moose shit, meaning one is obligated to make a guest appearance.
OH ! Okay, okay ... 2 nights ago at the shelter, this group of 10 Harvard Med Students comes up the hill. They're doing a "getting to know you" type jive. Okay, Harvard Med vs. Mountain Men .... Them: clean, talk really fast/loud/long-winded, Society's Wunderkinds. Us: nasty, converse in grunts, hairy. So obviously, 2 hikers (+ me) and 3 med students got hizzah together -- probably the strangest chiefing bit I've had in a while. And so. |
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| what is this, a center for ants?! |
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| 02:41pm 12/08/2005 |
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mood:  excited
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Hello Vermont.
Boston kicked me shitless and I heart MattMoonen. I did the nerdy touristy Paul-Revere-Sam-Adams- Constitution-Revolution jive (Best Thing of All Things: People put empty Sam Adams beer bottles on top of Sam Adams' grave. Class out the ass.), then we hit up Cape Cod w/ a vengence. We passed out MassEquality jive... Matt's intership-- a nonprofit supporting gay marriage, which is classy and fantastic, and he's definitely in his element.
The Sister is coming up in 2 days to hike with me ... and secretly, she's coming up for the hardest part of the entire trail. This was an accident, and a hell of a place to toss her in.... what I've been doing up to this point was walking in the woods; now I'm about to climb some Fucking Mountains. The Presidential mountain range is epic and beastly. We've got chunks above the treeline, so it can snow all year, and we're going to hit Mt. Washington (6288') our 2nd day out ... (after Mt. Denalli in Alaska, more people die on Mt. Washington than any other mountain in the U.S., and has an average yearly temperature of 27 degrees F). The sitting and waiting are killing me. Waiting is always the worst part
Hello, Mt. Washington
And I think I found my next adventure. Who's in?? |
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| BASTAN, ho |
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| 03:24pm 03/08/2005 |
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mood:  restless
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the moutains are treating me well, especially that I'm on my way to MOTHAFUCKIN BOSTON to visit the ineffiable Matt Moonen in all his glory. Booya. For supposedly living alone in the mountains, I'm doing pretty well: Narch visit, Shanny in NYC, Moonen in Boston .. oh, lovers.
Normally ass-tapping expeditions aren't kosher for lj ... but this kid was hit by lightening. Twice. 2x. . . neat. .
The terrain is starting to get epic. Up to this point it's been rolling mountains, but I'm on the last chunk w/ Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine .. which is where is gets Beefy w/ the 2000 and 3000 ft. climbs. I'm starting to feel the transition; I had my first 360 view the other day. love it love it.
thumbs down, greyhound. Expensive. |
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| my legs are like chewbacca |
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| 10:14am 27/07/2005 |
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<3
In Kent Connecticut, trying to convince myself it's a good idea to hike in that sauna outside. Mostly, this AC is feeling pretty good right now.
NYC melted my head: (The show upstairs had Fabulous Rapping Gay Men), Shanny and the Forecast were fantastic. I'm starting to realize what efficient, gracious, emaciated old men they are. Good kids, them kids. Secretly, I'm in awe : Living like that has got to Suck It Out of you ... hours in a van, hotels, smoke, no air, people all over you, and too many tragically stylish hipsters w/ plugs and no asses. I would shrivel up. Give me my mountains, ridiculous miles, and stinky hippies. But it suits them; it looks good on them, and they pull it off. Mostly, I love that we are seeing the country, but in completely opposite ways. [Thanks for letting me latch on for the day]. <3
Read Catch-22. Yes, yes tasty
"It's absolutely insane. Your conscience will never let you rest."
"God bless it!" Yossarian laughed. "I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings." |
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| leave koolaid out of this, please. |
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| 04:50pm 21/07/2005 |
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mood:  calm
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I'm in Pawling, NY ... on the NY/Connecticut boarder (280.8 miles in), rocking out in the fantastically freezing AC-fest library. I'm taking a day off in their park, which has both an adult and a little kid daycare... so I'm surrounding by young and old people. BABIES AND GRANDMAS ARE ALL THE SAME. they crap themselves, have no teeth, can't walk, and make no goddamn sense.
Shasta came a went, and there's a big Narch-hole where she's supposed to be. It was a noble effort, anyway. We saw a rattlesnake: True to form, I crapped myself, then took a picture.
Shan and the Forecast have a show in NYC on July 25 at the Knitting Factory, so I'm going to scoop into the city and poke at them for a bit. This has potential; I'm afraid all the people will make me cry.
I'm really in love with this trip, but I'm starting to look like a nad: my legs have become freaky tree-trunks, and my knees and arms are tan-leather while the rest of me is pasty (the boot tan lines is especially festive).
Best Things of All Things: NADROCKING (in order of appearance)
10. Finding $5 on the ground.
9. Power shower = hot shower, cold beer.
8. Faceful of kitty belly.
7. Large, much needed dump.
6. Digging for treasure.
5. Adult-sized DZ Discovery Zone
4. Building a fucking huge mound and sculpting a sand-sofa.
3. Chiefing w/ anyone over 70.
2. Line dancing to "Hall of the Mountain King."
1. Sex in a spaceship. In space.
____________________________________________
"We'll go on the river ... Or we'll go that way. Or we'll walk on the highways now, and we'll have time to put things into ourselves and someday, after it sets in us a long time, it'll come out our hands and our mouths. And a lot of it will be wrong, but just enough of it will be right. We'll just start walking today and see the world and the way the world walks around and talks, the way it really looks. I want to see everything now. And while none of it will be me when it goes in, after a while it'll all gather together inside and my God, look at it out there beyond my face and the only way to really touch it is to put it where it's finally me, where it's in the blood, where it pumps around a thousand times ten thousand a day. I get hold of it so it'll never run off. I'll hold onto the world tight someday. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning." --Fahrenheit 451 |
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| word from the mountains |
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| 08:43pm 07/07/2005 |
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mood: tired
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Lovers in the Night!
So this is coming from a church/hostel basement in Vernon, New Jersey, complete w/ Shower and Laundrey -- which were top prioritah. For a few days I'm amused at the stench my body is able to produce, but it stops being funny after a week in the woods. Then I hobble into town to bathe my nasty self and restock the food.
I've knocked out 192.3 miles and 1 state of a 1024-mile 8-state trip. There are a fuckload of Georgia-to-Maine thru-hikers, and I'm obsessed with all of them. You can recognize them from a mile away -- mostly by their smell and huge, bushcly beards. Lots of existential-crisis 20-somethings and retired hippies.
I saw 3 bears of the fourth of July. And I'm already a Neanderthal -- the bright lights and typing are scaring me, so that's about it. |
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| AT 2K5. |
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| 12:12pm 17/06/2005 |
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mood: ecstatic
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Mountainman Expedition.
Hopefully, my last journal entry in a long time. Tomorrow, asscrack of dawn, we're driving out to the Appalachian Trail -- which, with any luck, will be my home for the next 3 months.
Here’s the plan: start in southern Pennsylvania (where I325 crosses the trail), end on Mount Katahdin in Maine. Three months, 1124.3 miles. I feel like I should have lots of say, but mostly I’m just staring and running into things.
Best parts of the pre-hike:
--Getting my spring-break pack weight of 40 lbs down to 17 lbs.
--Rolling lots of little joints; planning which mountain tops to smoke them.
--The ( reading list )
Here’s the open invite: If you want to tack on for a week or two, I’d love the company. This fine package includes no showers, lots of dehydrated food, and hairy-hairy mountain men -- eh? I won’t have a cell phone (no reception in the mountains), but I be restocking in towns about once a week, so I’ll check my messages from pay phones. Or call the parents.
Pancake, come with me.
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| Sulloway, Frank. J.1996. Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives. New York. |
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| 02:43pm 08/06/2005 |
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The End is Near.
Done with Finals (bombed the Ass out of calc); all that's left is an anthro Book Review (read: glorified Book Report) due midnight on Friday. Trying to lie to myself and get it done Now, because HOTDAMN Lindsey is coming!!!!!!! oh god, oh god, Old Roommates Reunite Together Forever Friends. Fuck you, Ireland; I missed her like it's no one's business. Oh, hi.
And mountains! And soon! T-minus NEXT WEEK.
jesus christ, I'm doubting my sanity right about now. no, shh shh.
Back it up, back it up. Shamelessly stolen from Howard: ( (Dillo Day, Mothafucka) ) |
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| 04:11pm 06/06/2005 |
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Fuck you, Quarter System.
Finlly finals week, I polished off 1 today, hopefully I'll be done by Wednesday.
(secretly, I only update this thing when I'm at work or procrastinating)
So, lately.
Dillo Day: Success, out the ass. Lots of boozing and hooching and other sins of the flesh.
Reading Week: Went to Nebraska, made Mad Money Ca$h. Narch and I cleaned and painted this woman's apartment. nasty, nasty.
okay, learning fest. |
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| Fanta (Europe) = Orange Crush > Sunkist > Fanta (US) > Orange Slice > Mountain Dew LiveWire |
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| 01:59pm 20/05/2005 |
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mood:  confused
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Today has been great, but sort of funky -- ripe w/ the mediocre stories. Usually Mediocre Stories don't grace the LJ pages, but they're out in full force today, so I thought I'd do a homage:
1. So I'm riding my bike into the parking lot. (Also, the brakes on my bike don't work, so whenever I ride places, it's obstacle-course intensitah.) The UPS man was driving out and some kid in a car pulls in front of him. At the top of his lungs, the UPS driver screams: "I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO BE SMART TO GO TO THIS SCHOOL." Small crapped myself.
2. More bike mayhem: Almost ran over a squirrel; missed it seriously by 3 inches.
3. Tech building smelled like dogfood yesterday; today it smelled like hot mayonnaise.
4. I let Pancake run out in the stairwell because I was putting garbage outside. The dood directly below us was cooking chicken and she ran into his apartment. Ends up we're both in Intro to Existentialism... we recognized each other in class the next day... second thing he said to me is "Do you smoke?" (am I really obviously? or does he smell it wafting out of our apartment?) So Narch, Craig, and I chiefed w/ that kid. Thumbs up, Pancake -- the new rock-star-chief-buddy scout.
5. We're doing factorial jive in calc, meaning lots of numbers w/ exclamation points at the end of them. So when we do the homework, I keep yelling "4!" "n!" because it looks like it should be exciting, but that's where those Sneaky Fuckers get you.
6. I had to take Pancake in to get spayed today and I'm unnecessarily nervous. Man, I'm glad we don't have to get spayed, although we probably should. Also, when the vet took her in he said, "Shh shh it's okay kitty. It's an adventure. Sort of." Brilliant; apply it to everything.
7. SHITYES. Shan had her music video premier on Fuse, and a banner on Pitchfork.
That's about it. And lots of Star Wars. |
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| aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper? |
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| 01:24pm 19/05/2005 |
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mood: ecstatic
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-FUCK - YES - BAD - ASS -
k, k. So as a kid, i spent most of my time
1. building forts in the wood
2. playing my little pony
3. mario 3
4. watching Star Wars
I feel like my eyeballs are twitching.
Revenge of the Sith kicked me shitless all over the house. Epic marathon-prep -- 5 movies in a day and a half -- we were sufficiently prepared for the beastly jive. Didn't get tickets for midnight, so woke up and saw the 9:10 AM show ... stayed in the theater watching various chunks of it until Work at 1:00.
Fucking Fantastic; I can't believe it's over.
And obviously the dialogue is a disaster and the CGI is gratuitous, and General Grievous is pretty lame. BUT. The end is ridiculously badass, they start eeeeeeeeeeeeeasing into the look of Ep4. The last shot w/ Vader and Palpatine in the control room looks like they're standing in ithe 70s. And Natalie Portman sports Leia buns. Nicely done.
I thought I had lots to say about this, but I think I need to chew for a while. |
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| funny fingers: ring, pointer, and sometimes thumb |
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| 01:44pm 12/05/2005 |
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mood:  good music: i would not use a computer if i didn't work.
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Jesus thinks you're a lazy shit. Even if He wanted
to hang out with you (which He doesn't) He
knows that He'd have to come over to your
house, which probably smells funny. It's too
bad Jesus is omnicient and can find his own
weed connection, Cause that's about all you
have going for you.
What does Jesus think of you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Right on.
Hittin' up Ptown with a vengence this weekend. |
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| i beat the internet. the end guy is hard. |
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| 03:40pm 11/05/2005 |
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mood: tired music: work and whining computers
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This was an epic week.
Weezer was on Wednesday. Strange decision, I think, but in the mode of nostalgia-fest it seemed about right. Besides, it's been years since Matt and I went to a show together. The crowd was all 12 and 28, and I'm done with that chunk. Probably knew it already, but just had to make sure.
Thursday 05/05/05 cinco-de-maio fest. Lots of Margaritas and tasties.
Friday was the OldManMatt21 OldManNikki20 party ... festivitahs out the ass. It was nice but it made me miss the abroad nads. Come home, assholes!
Saturday saw the Books at UIC, blasted, old building, more face melting. |
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| 01:05am 04/05/2005 |
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mood: excited
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OldManMatt21 and OldManNikki20 are on the fast track toward broken hips, senility, and really cheap 4 P.M. dinners at Perkins. Denial and nostalgia join forces this Friday at our LITTLE KID EXTRAVAGANZA … this weekend’s hotspot for all things 1994. We’re thinking lots of side-ponytails, ninja-turtle suits, Candyland, and spiked juice boxes. Dress as what you wanted to be when you were 7, your favorite cartoon character, or the early-90s version of yourself. Scoop on by 912 Noyes Apt F (right under the Noyes El stop) around 11ish, Friday May 6. (Donations greatly appreciated as we are broke sacks of shit). Your liver and the neighborhood pedophile thank you. |
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| Either I'm dead right or I'm crazy |
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| 06:03pm 02/05/2005 |
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mood:  cold music: magnetic fields -- grand canyon
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Trying to watch all the movies that won Oscars back-in-the-day. Starting near the beginning involves lots of James Stewart Mr. Smith Goes to Washinton action. Strange thing: the dude who wrote my Calc book is also James Stewart. There is a kid in my anthro class named J-something Stewart. So I think about my various James Stewarts throughout the day, which makes me think about Cary Grant, and then I spasm all over the place because Cary Grant was really really attractive. They don't make them like they used to.
I met a girl who is exactly like me. There's a creepy, creepy laundry list of things we have in common. She even has the exact same human-sized fish pillow that I do. So we are hanging out obsessively and freaking outselves out because we are the same person. It's surreal .. I feel really comfortable and generic around her.
Also, it's May and 41 degrees and this shit will Not Fly. |
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_findmynads_'s journal
