This is a post about Desperate Housewives. I am not LJ-cutting it because for the last ten minutes I have been listening to audio of a squawking quail -- no human voices, just the quail -- and wondering how to transcribe it. Therefore I am embittered and I want you all to suffer, too. Does it sound like I'm kidding about the squawking quail? I'm not kidding about the squawking quail. SQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEK SQAAAAAAAAAAAAAEK its in mi hed SQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEK o the birds is in mi hed
Right.
So I came across an issue of
TV Guide today in which the cover story was about
Desperate Housewives. To recap for those of you who don't open my
Housewives cuts, it is a show and I like it but I spend a great deal of time ranting about the sexual chemistry between Marcia Cross, who plays Bree, and Dana Delany, who plays Katherine, and how it is evidence of the terrible terrible heteronormativity of network television that they have not started screwing long since. And this is the deal with
Desperate Housewives.
At the end of last season Bree and Katherine had gotten as far as eye-fucking over Salade Nicoise and hollow-point wadcutter bullets, but they had remained textually straight, and that was stupid. But it's a new season, and here's what Marc Cherry has to say about Katherine's role in it:
"Katherine, who finds out she's going to be a grandma this season, is rattling around in her big old house and very lonely. 'She'll enter into a relationship with another resident on the lane -- one of our regulars -- and it'll cause a bit of a scandal,' Marc Cherry says. Adds Delany of the tryst: 'Some viewers will love it, others will be upset.'"
Note the carefully gender-neutral terms used to refer to her new paramour, and also the fact that this person is a "regular" and a resident of Wisteria Lane. Note also that Marc Cherry really, really likes to mess with his audience's head.
Poll #1271334
Open to:
All, detailed results viewable to:
AllWhich resident of Wisteria Lane is Katherine going to have a fling with?
View AnswersBree (which is clearly the ONLY THING THAT MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL, MARC CHERRY, TAKE NOTE)


8 (33.3%)
Lynette (which would be a far cold second to its being Bree, but still it's second)


2 (8.3%)
One of the other housewives (which would make no sense at all)


0 (0.0%)
Orson (which would be the most cliched "oh Bree is so self-absorbed with her new business she is ruining both Orson's and Katherine's lives blah blah poetic justice stupidcakes" solution)


2 (8.3%)
That dude Dave around whom the increasingly-tiresome Mystery of the Season revolves (bad)


0 (0.0%)
Mike, Tom, Carlos, or some other random dude who is married to someone who is not Katherine (worse)


1 (4.2%)
One of Lynette's kids (oh Jesus, would we have a problem here)


0 (0.0%)
One of the gay guys (hey, Katherine's neat, bitchy, and fabulous)


0 (0.0%)
Mrs. McCloskey (this would almost be awesome enough to make up for its not being Bree)


0 (0.0%)
I don't watch this show and don't have any idea what you're talking about


16 (66.7%)
How depressing am I going to find the percentages on that last option as compared to all the others?
What do I have to offer to redeem this poll for you?
LET HIM OR HER WHO HAS NEVER POSTED AN ENTRY ABOUT LOST OR SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES OR BATTLESTAR GALACTICA OR THE WIRE OR THE OFFICE OR ANY OTHER TV SHOW THAT IS LESS MOCKABLE THAN
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES BUT STILL INTRINSICALLY A TV SHOW CAST THE FIRST STONE