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chipper

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went to the zoo yesterday. i went with my friend krystle, her bf and baby and chris. it was the perfect day for a trip to the zoo. i had fun. alex (krystles baby) let me hold her. its either bc she likes me or she was being lazy. hehe. she's the cutest.

 here she is

and again

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blank

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my teacher returned my research paper today. i got a 86 (high B). i guess im ok on it. i mean for my first 10 page paper i think thats good. you think? erR my freakin N key doesn't work. i have to press on it like 3 times.

my bf is in a bad mood. he hasnt been like this for awhile. i was enjoying him being extra sweet to me ad all. the werid thing is nothing even happened to make him in a bad mood. instead of trying to get him out of this mood (nothing ever works) im just gona let him be moOdy. he signed off line. he says nothing makes him happy. i dont kno how to help him. i guess he needs to find what makes him happy himself bc only he'll kno what it is. i dont have much to say so im just gonna go and ill update later. byez

I've been accepted to __exoh_hotties.

Come try out at http://www.livejournal.com/community/___exoh_hotties/!!!

nicole

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my mom came home from work today and told me that my dad had died. he was drinking and had either a stroke or a heart attack. they aren't sure bc it had just happened this morning. he had high blood pressure and wasn't taking his medicine. so i guess the achol was too much for his body.

we never had a father daughter relationship because he was never around. it never bothered me till a few years ago. im not sure what made my feelings changed but i started to feel sad when i thought about what i didnt have. a father. last summer he sent me a card saying that he had changed (stop drinking, but apparently not) and that he loves me and wants me to call him. i never did. i was afraid, nervous and unceartain if it would be worth it. i wish i had now. i should of just took that chance to see what would of happened. i feel selfish. he might of really wanted to have a relationship with me but i let my fear get to me.

im not sure how to really feel right now. i do feel regretful but should i be crying? i feel like i am on the verge of crying but i really dont want to feel that sad. im not sure if i want to go to the furneral or not. if i do go i hope chris would go with me. id need that support.

err i dunno.

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giddy

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well ya know how around 2 a.m this morning we were suppose to set the clocks ahead an hour? well, i forgot & had to leave for work at 11. THANK GOD i atleast woke up at 10:30 so i had enough time to get a quick shower, pull my hair up and head out. i don't try to look nice at work ever since chris stopped working there. i remember when chris and i began to talk i would spend atleast an hour getting ready for work. mostly on my make up. but now, i dont care. depending on how much i see chris will determine on how ill dress. if i see chris alot during the week than theres a good possibility that ill be dressing frumpy most of the time. if i see him once or twice ill try to lOok nice for him. guys dont kno how long it takes for girls to look nice. EVEN to have a natural look takes long. im getting better at wearing less makeup actually. man i remember my Sophmore and beginning of junior year i wore so much make up. it was always the silver eyeshadow and eyeliner. i dont know what i was thinking. my senior year i started to not give a crap. it was sweatshirts and a pony tail probably most of the year.

schools almost over. YAYZ. im excited for the summer. i might volunteer somewhere. i feel like i dont do a damn thing and should...have any suggestions on what a good volunteering job would be?

my uncle from VA called. i talked to josh (my lil cousin). he sounds so cute with his accent. its adorable. i hope they come and visit this summer.

my bf said once he gets things together (job, money) he's gonna planned something with me. when he said this at first i was thinking like a vacation but he's talking about a future. i def. want a future with him but i def. dont want to get married any time soon. i doubt he does either. we both are def. serious about each other but we both want to do some things before we get married. im only 18 (but will be 19 on april 13!)and it would be crazy for me to get married. i want to graduate college, get a job, save money before i get married. i know for sure he wants to have a secure job and save money also before getting married. actually considering getting married seems so ridiculus to me. im so young. im not going to actually consider it untill im secure in my life. ill def. daydream about it. what girl doesnt? shit i already have my dress picked out. hehe. but like i said im not gonna get married any time soon. thats too crazy of a thought to do!

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thirsty

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last night me and my friend bea went to see a psychic. i went to her one time before in the summer with my mom and friend lindsay. she's pretty good. the psychic was at a restaurantcalled "the gas light". so me and bea had some dinner. we ate sooooooooo much. its all good though bc the check wasnt too much. so anyway, i saw the psychic first. she asked me to shuffle the cards and think of questions that i wanted to be answered. so i thought of some and when i was done i placed them in front of her. then she laid the cards out in front of me and asked me to pick 11 cards. so i did. then she placed the cards in some kind of position. it had a specific name but i forgot. right off the bat she said that she see's me as a teacher. that i have the ability to teach people and ask if i was a teacher or going to be one and i said yes. she also told me that my relationship was going fine and that she see's an engagement in the future and a marriage within five years. she said that if i stop analyzing stuff and just relax it'll continue to do fine. thats funny that she said that because chris just told me earlier that day that i analyze stuff waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. the big thing that she told me was that in june/july i'd be given a bunch of money from someone within my family. im real excited about that. i wonder how much...i asked her about my friends and she told me that she see's me only keeping in touch with like 3 of my friends and that the rest of backstabbers and are jealous of me for some reason. i dont really see anyone being jealous of me bc i dont have anything worth being jealous over. so i dunno. i wonder who the 3 good friends are. so last night was interesting. i had fun. it was nice hanging with bea. we haven't hung out in soo long. damn school got in the way. well, im gonna talk to chris for a bit online. bye bye

nicole.

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busy

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i haven't updated in awhile. nothing really new happened. ive just been going to school and doing school work. school work is a bitch. thats all i find myself doing. when i get the chance to go out im just so freakin irritated. its hard to relax when you have so many things to get done. i would smoke more but id feel so irresponsible bc i know i could be spending my time more productive. ya know? i can't wait till the summer. my plan is to go to alot of fun places, get messed up and get a tan. well, ill try to get a tan.  i tend to never tan. i dont think im meant to get tan. heh. i hate being so freakin white. i might try a self tanner and see if that works. if not then im going to conclude there is no hope for me. heh. im prolly seeing chris tonight after im done class. he bought a new video game that ill actually enjoy. its mario kart for X box. its reallly coOl. i suck at it of course. i played it alittle bit with him and his friends. they got bored of it and wanted to play the fighting game. i tried to join in but i just cant learn that fast. so i just went home. im prolly gonna pass with hanging with his friends if playing video games is all there gonna do. its not fun watching them play for hours. there  high so its really fun to them. im usually not bc its durin the school week so its annoying to me. well, im gonna get going. byez

nicole.

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hey hey... my friend krystle put her baby Alex in a contest for best smile. please vote for her. go here http://www.topbabypages.com/babyphotocontestvoting2.html thanks!

nicole