there's beauty in the breakdown ([info]_falsexhopes_) wrote,
@ 2005-01-20 22:39:00
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Current mood: numb
Current music:The Spill Canvas - All Hail the Heartbreaker.

"so don't go worrying about me, its not like i think about you constantly... so maybe i do"
i serioulsy hate updating this thing. bc everyone tells me how great i am and i wish somebody would tell me my fualts
cause i know i have many of them.
mybe its the fact that i just suck at relationships
maybe its the fact that i don'tlike to let go. idn.
this is all stuff on mind mind
i've succeeded in signing up for night school i just got to get mr. coyne to sign it
and i'm going to go on the chorus trip this year.
idn. i feel stupid
things at home are actually getting  better since that family counseling. and despite the expense of it.
its really working and we've only been there once.
this whole no caffeine thing isn't really working for me, but i guess i'll have to get used to it.
nothing i can do to change it, it actually is helpign me sleep.
weird i know
i don't know i think kayla's mad at me. idn.
i had lyrics up from the song that's  my subject and she thought they were about her but that's seriously my fave song, i love the lyrics.
they weren't meant to anyone
i hate myself for being who i am
for what i've become.
i'm sorry everyone.


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[info]__uptight
2005-01-21 03:51 pm UTC (link)
i serioulsy hate updating this thing. bc everyone tells me how great i am and i wish somebody would tell me my fualts
cause i know i have many of them.

that's fair.

i think you put too much weight on non important things, like when you had to see the counseler and flipped out. this causes un-needed stress and fucks you up. not everything is the end of the world and you have to accept that.

i think that you have too much self doubt (always calling yourself a fuck up, etc), and none of it is justified, but since you have so much self doubt, it carries over into your actual life. and again, this causes you un-needed stress and fucks you up.

i think a LOT of the people you hang out with don't deserve to hang out with you. i mean i don't really know them, but they seem like they aren't the people who will be there for you whenever you need them, and i think you should be a bit more selective. but idk that's the elitist in me, maybe. haha.

ummm...from what i've heard, i think your dad's an asshole. that's not your problem but it doesn't really help much.

and about the relationship thing:

i think that you're just looking for someone to love, who loves you back. and you're looking everywhere. and it's not there. because i think you just jump into relationships without even knowing the person at all, because you're holding onto the hope that they're that person you're looking for. but see you can't do that because obviously it isn't working and all you end up with is assholes who leave in a month. and it's not fault of yours, it's just that they weren't right for you. this is another instance where you have GOT to be more selective. don't settle for a guy just because he'll date you. you're worth more than that and you've gotta figure that out.

and i don't think you fall too fast. i don't think you really fall at all. i think the reason you get upset after a break up is because of the frustration of yet another relationship failing, leaving you empty handed, and because maybe for a month, or for two weeks, you thought you could stop looking for a while, but it turned out the same as all the others. i don't think it's that much of a personal attachment to the guys you date as much as it's just dissappointment. ("i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose" says conor. it's kind of like that.)



so in closing, you're smart, and funny, and really really nice, and just generally a good person, and fun to be around, and pretty, and i wish you could see that in yourself.


oh and i love you, of course. ♥

the end! hope this helped a bit.

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