boo hoo

ok i have good stuff and bad stuff now for this one
good stuff first now...I love Jess and we had a great day yesterday together and school was good too thats abotu it
bad news..the end of yesterday with em adn Jess wasnt the greatest i got upset adn she had to leave like 5 mins after bullshit..and the worst of it was i woke up this morning feeling all sorry about ti and then i ahd this person who added em to ehr friends list i dont know them..i think hahah anywasy i went to see her thing adn then i saw Jess' link to her old lj and i went to ti i read a little adn then i rea a quiz and a question was ever cheated and her answer...yes on purpse but with a girl..this disturbed me on accounta i hurts my heart and pisse me off beyond belief shes in deep shit now..i know you cant change the past but when you find out stuff like this it hurts tooo much to let go.. im really feeling like very unloving right now like im afraid to talk to Jess and am dreading it but at the same exact time i want to so bad cause i love ehr and i cnat live with this inside me..right now shes asleep or soemthign but imm gonna cvall her in a bit and thenwell talk about ti for fucks sake why would you do that..i hate her past adn everythign that like isnt her right now that is related to her..her mom brother her past her dad does thigns that make me mad sometimes and her sister is stupid and i dont liek ehr but i dont hate her ither its wierd..jes you owe me big time now cuse the dagger you hold just pierced my heart and continued all the way til it came out the back..your past is out to get me adn im running head on into it. i think im afraid of youre past cause there are evils tehre that most cant bear..you are the strongest girl i knwo and i love you soo much but come on what the fuck were you thinking when you did half the stuff in there my heart hurts so bad right now my head feels like its gonna explode and my soul feels obliterated. if there was a god he would never ahve done all teh evils to Jess shes so perfect adn didnt deserve any of it i would give everything i have just to have her past changed into soemthign more like mine but that jsut cant happen can it..one thing in this world right nwo that i would ave is Jess and yet at the same time id give her up if her entire past could be fixed and mended cause it hurts not jsut her but me nad i can almost not handle the few thigns i know im afraid that one mroe thing i find out will be my breaking..ive told her like everythign that happened that was bad in my life and hers just keep flowing..lifes a bitch adn she was living a hell she says i saved her life and i did..i didnt allow ehr to do anything bad..drinking, drugs, i even wouldnt let ehr see or talk to ashley becasue ashley was such a bad influence and i ahte her for it but it seems no matter how much i would try to stop bad things from happening to the only person who doesnt need anymore they keep coming out fo her past..her perfection is scarred and bruised by a past so evil tat no one but her could handle it..now lets be realistic for one second..no mater what i do ill always love her the farthest reaches of my heart are owned by ehr adn our memories..i will never ever leave ehr but every time i see stuff liek thsi come up a distance is grown between us. now i have to fear more that i knwo will never happen but yet still i cant just let it go and i will be forever paranoid until i die. she is perfect...god i wish god would just let her have a good life and i would take the load she carried for so long..rinda you better not harm her in any way beyand a scream cause everytime you even do the slightest thing i feel an urge to punch you..im like a big bang growing inside..im gonna explode one day and create my own new life haha probly in jail for all i knwo..i think i need anger management or soemthign cause i hate people adn shit adn iget pissed at lauren for brshing ehr teeth..yea thats bad anger
Jess you are so perfect and i will always lvoe you and be with you its amazing hwo i can be so mad at ehr for this adn yet still love her more than anything and try to remain cool..im gonna talk to ehr about this and it will be solved and just go back inside of me..so much of her oast hurts me i just want to knwo that there was something good in it cause i only knwo the bad things..Jess you are so perfect i love you so much
this things long btu im done now
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH JESS
bye
~Dan