The Tale of the Radioactive Abomination Boob Cake from the 1643rd Dimension
...as told by me to the rest of the inhabitants of THEMChat tonight. side conversations, timestamps, and usernames have been edited out. the rest remains untouched.

Sean asks: radioactive abomination boob cake?
aaaahahahaha
it was for the Halloween party
so
here is the story
cast of characters: Amanda, me, Wyatt, and FloorMatt
we are at floormatt's dorm kitchen making a whole bunch of desserts for said party
i was using up this random devil's food cake mix that had appeared at the house, so I really didn't care about it
I was planning on making a torte out of it, filling it with raspberry jam and frosting it with white chocolate ganache
well
i was bored and decided to mix the raspberry jam in with the white chocolate ganache since it wasn't setting up the way i wanted it to
also, we were pressed for time, so...
i was trying to speed cool the cake by putting it in the freezer
and i stuck the ganache in the fridge seeing if that would help
the raspberry jam, however, had turned the white chocolate ganache this disturbing mauve-purple color
and finally the time had come
i took one of the cake layers and split it in half.
i spooned on some of the ganache.
it was reasonably thick, but rather runny, like a thick soup.
so I thought I'd work fast and then shove the whole thing in the freezer
but as I stacked layers and spooned on more ganache, i saw the bottom layers oozing disturbing mauve blood
i worked faster.
however, I had a huge bowl of ganache because i had put in the whole container of raspberry jam.
so even though I had spooned on generous amounts in the layers, the level in the bowl looked virtually untouched.
so
when i got to the top, and put the last layer on
I decided to go for broke.
note:
NEVER go for broke.
things get broken....
broken beyond the ability of the universe to put back together.
I poured the rest of the ganache straight from the bowl on top of the cake
and stuck it in the freezer.
there it sat..... plotting.
i went to the couches, thinking i was safe.
surely the chocolate would begin to harden.
surely the gelling properties of the jam would kick in.
surely this cake's name was not Shirley.
and it ...
was angry.
when we pulled it out, the ganache was sticky, like freshly squeezed elmer's glue.
it was like carpet glue.
it had dripped onto the bottom of the dorm kitchen refrigerator.
mostly, though, it had sort of congealed on the top and sides and the plate like thick rolls of fat.
like the thick rolls of fat on a corpulent high society woman.
a high society woman with a rare skin disease rendering its color a disturbing shade of mauve.
spotted with raspberry seeds.
the wussy red plastic plate I had originally placed it on was almost completely subsumed by malevolent mauve goop.
we transferred it, plate and all, onto a baking sheet for better carrying, and also because the plate had completely given up the ghost and buckled most distressingly.
the real trial, however, came in the transportation.
and by trial, i mean harrowing terror.
since wyatt was the biggest and manliest of us all, and was not rendered a quivering wimp by its presence, he was chosen as the one to carry the Abomination.
the thing was relatively quiescent on our walk to Jem's car, but it was definitely upset by the fact that we meant to use speedy transportation.
it turned its wrath on Wyatt.
every bump on that road merely served as an opportunity to threaten wyatt with its jiggly, drooping mauve ooze.
every turn, it made a gambit, trying to fling itself onto his valiant arms, chest, and even face.
Wyatt, the brave, was mewling and squealing the whole car ride to ConHQ.
we feared for his very life.
going over the train tracks, I believe he nearly pissed his pants.
the two turns to get to ConHQ tested his resolve and reflexes to the limits of his capabilities.
Wyatt the Brave, however, pulled through.
we finally arrived and put it on the side unit by the lefthand wall in the front room.
there it sat, ominous, faintly glowing.
none dared approach it, much less brandish a knife in its presence.
it was protected by mauve armor of sheer evil.

Tony corrects the bard: well
someone dared
IIRC, it was not yet complete...

The bard continues: one unnamed soul approached, yes
we do not know the identity of the person who completed the horror but placing a single red cheery atop its otherwise-smooth top.
*cherry
then it had Boob attached to its appellation, changing it from a object of fear to one of ridicule.
sullen and embarassed, it sat alone, untouched, for the remainder of the night, until Wyatt the Brave took up his sword and shield for one last tour of duty.
biting his lip and hoping his Depends lived up to their name, he grasped the thing bu its plate and quickmarched out to the trash can. Dave watched to make sure it did not reveal its sentience and make a break for it.
Wyatt the Brave tiled the plate on its side.
it stuck.
Wyatt the Brave upended the plate.
it remained impassive.
the cake refused to acknowledge the forces of gravity.
Wyatt the Brave shook the plate, hoping to dislodge it.
it remained unperturbed.
finally, anger flaring up at such a monster, he hurled the plate against the side of the trash can, crashing it down time after time, and with a final howl of rage, finally sent the Abomination hurling into the Pit of Garbage!
afterwards, panting with exertion and relief, he and dave stood watch awhile to make sure it was completely vanquished.
heaven forbid the oven-baked creature crawl out in the middle of the night and smother the goodly inhabitants of ConHQ.
if it had, however, Teresa the Stoic would no doubt have little trouble dispatching it into Demon Dessert Hell with her cane.
we have not been troubled by it since.
but we tell the tale
so that none may forget

Dave wisely mentions: But...we do not go near the landfill anymore.

The bard continues: nah
it is chained more heavily than Melkor
and the chains that bind it are more lasting than mere forged metal

Sean contemplates the tale: ah I see oh wise one

Amanda suggests a title: "Leah the Wise"?

The bard admits: I am merely the bard
unfortunately, I am also the thing's creator... :S

and so the sordid tale is done, albeit with a happy ending of hopeful dawns for future generations aplenty.

=^.^=