While you're at it

_drop___dead_ @ 2006-06-15T01:04:00

2006-06-15T01:05:57Z

i'm making a new journal..this one became kinda dead.

add me if you want. error_error_x

bye all.

_drop___dead_ @ 2005-12-15T17:05:00

2005-12-15T23:05:24Z

CAN A GUY AND A GIRL WORK AS "JUST FRIENDS"?

seems like a popular question.
cynics would say no, it always ends in someone getting hurt
but doesn't everything always end in someone getting hurt?
the happy-go-lucky pyscho happy freak people would say
of course it could work, anything's possible. but we know
that's not true.

so what about us average, sometimes cynical,
sometimes happy-go-lucky girls? is it worth crossing
the line? chances are it will probably end in one person
getting hurt, most probably the girl.

so let's go with a few situations and see how they end up.

so you and this guy date for a short time, but you break it
off before really giving him a chance. so you both move on,
but remain friends. you and your new 'flame' don't work out,
but him and his girl are still going, month after month. looks like

things are going great for them, too. but somehow you guys
start talking, getting closer, and hey, whoa, would you look at that?

you fall for him. which totally sucks, right? because he's totally
in love with this girl, tells you everything great that goes on in
their relationship, because you guys are just friends, really good
'just friends'. so the big decision ; tell him and hope it doesn't mess
up the friendship and make things weird, or keep it inside until they
break up? which could be never, from the way things are going.
so you decide not to tell him. but that decision lasts a total of like,
3 days. because how can you keep something that important from
the one person you tell everything? you can't. so you tell him. and
he tells you that you're being stupid, you guys would never work.
so you suck it up, pretend you're not 100% ass backwards in love
with the kid, and go back to being his friend. lets say it ends that
way. at least he's still your friend, right? yeah, right.

ok, so let's say it's the same situation, but after a while
they break up, you and him continue talking, he finds out
you liked him all along, doesn't really say anything either
way. but there's been some serious flirting going on, but
who knows? maybe it's just his personality. ok, so turns out
you somehow mess something up, whatever it is. you
guys stop talking for a few months, then start talking
again after a while. it's getting kind of clear that you'll never
be that close again, and it's your fault. and you know he
blames you, too. and woohoo, go figure. he has a new
girlfriend, and decides to comment every 5 minutes on
how much he loves her, and tells you every little
'oh-so-sweet' thing she says. looks like feelings never
fade. now you know better than to tell him, but
the idea eats at your mind every waking hour of
every day. but there's no way you could tell him now.
well, turns out he used to like you. like, ass-backwards,
100% in-love with you like you. well, gee, thanks for
telling me, asshole. but now he loves his girlfriend.
you can't help but have this itty-bitty bit of hope
in the back of your head, thinking things may one
day go back to the way they were. yeah, fat chance.
and there's always this kind of voice in your head
telling you to tell him off, tell him how much you
resent him for every little thing he's done. and you
want to, so bad. but if you do, say goodbye to the
friendship. so here we are again. at least you're
still his friend, right? only not as close, kind of
driving you insane kind of friend. woohoo.

orr let's just say you guys date, and work out
really good. that's just peachy. kudos to you,
my friend.

or, you date and don't work. so that kind of
sucks, right? so you're either going to be his
friend, or not. i'd go with not. it's less pain in
the end. but you still had some good times
together, right? things that you'll always miss,
but still, at least you experienced that.

so you decide. can they work? sure, but it's
going to take a lot of lying, keeping feelings
hidden, regret, and pain to make it work.
which kind of makes you wonder.. what
kind of friendship is that, exactly?

---------------------------------------

here's to us girls that have messed up once or twice before.
here's to us that have had something that made them feel
so complete, so happy, and have lost it. yeah, so maybe
we are the ones to blame. but not completely, right? i mean,
is anything ever entirely one person's fault?
let's say that your best guy friend is
100% in love with this girl who causes him nothing but pain,
and all he does all day is complain to you, completely
unaware of the pain he's un-intentionally causing you.
now he says he loves you, but only as a friend, which is
really the nice way of saying that he loves his piece of
shit girlfriend more than you. now, you want to believe
him so bad, right? there's really nothing more that you
want. but you know that any day of the week, regardless
of how bad she's treating him or how long you listen to
him getting things off his chest, he'd still pick her over you.
now how are you really expected to believe him? and you
tell him that. well, not exactly all of that, not the part about
him loving her more or anything. just that you don't believe
him. and he gets hurt over it, and doesn't talk to you for
another 6 months. now that might have been the best thing
you ever had, believe it or not. even though he hurt you
every single day, he still loved you, whether you believed
him or not. now maybe he wasn't in love with you, but he
did love you. people tend to get the two confused. and now
you doubt that anyone will ever love you like that again

----------------

Nobody payed attention as he walked into the diner.
As soon as he entered, he felt a huge wave of emotions hit him.
This diner reminded him of Kayla, of his friends, of everything he
used to be. He forced these things out of his head
and made his way back to his old usual table. He looked
up as a waitress, who's name was un-known to him, started
walking his way. She was gorgeous, with long, wavy brown
hair. But she still wasn't Kayla. He sighed in disappointment.
'Hi. Can I start you off with a drink?' she said, as she handed
him a menu. He already knew he wasnt going to order anything,
but he decided to buy himself time. 'Yeah, can I have a...
small sprite with extra ice?' She flashed a brilliant smile at him.
'Sure thing.' Sean watched her walk away. As he waited for
his drink, he looked absent-mindedly at the menu. He wondered
how Kayla was, if she had a boyfriend, if she still lived here
.. but as he thought about it, he realized none of it mattered, as
long as she was happy. His thoughts were interrupted by the
waitress. 'Here ya go!' she said, placing the sprite in front of him.
A quick glance at her name tag told him her name was Sarah.
'Can i get you something to eat, sir?' He looked up at her. 'No
thanks..' She gave him an odd look and started walking away.
'Hey, Sarah!' She turned quickly in suprise, and almost lost
her balance. She laughed nervously and made her way back
to his table. 'Yes?' Sean looked at her, closer this time. She
had bright brown eyes, and just a few freckles dotted over
her tiny nose. He shook his head, trying to remember what
he was going to ask. 'Does Kayla Jordan work here?' She
nodded. 'Want me to get her for you?' He shook his head,
and handed a folded piece of paper to the waitress. 'Just give
her this for me?'

Sarah walked away from him and sighed. How come
every somewhat-decent looking guy she met was either
taken, gay, or crazy about someone else? Not that he
was even close to somewhat-decent looking..he was
absolutely gorgeous. She had never believed Kayla when
she talked about him, never thinking that anyone could
be that gorgeous. From what Kayla had said, he was
different from most guys. From the way he even said
Kayla's name, Sarah had to agree. She sighed again,
thinking about her last relationship with Alex. It had
lasted two years, if you count all their 1-2 week breaks.
They had broken up and gotten back together at least
20 times, and she was dumb enough to go back to him
every single time. It finally ended when she stood up to
him, finally saying everything she had felt during the
relationship. After that, he refused to take her back..
She cried for a week straight. She looked down at the
note in her hand. K A Y L A was printed neatly across
the front. She was tempted to open it, but decided against
it. She walked into the back, and ran straight into Kayla.
She noticed the note in Sarah's hand, and let out a tiny gasp.
'He's here, isn't he? Oh God, he's here..' She took the note
from Sarah and un-folded it. As she began reading, a tear
drop slid down her face. She ignored it and kept reading.
Kayla finished reading, folded the note back up, and stuck
it in her back pocket. As she looked up at Sarah the tears
twinkled in her eyes. She threw her arms around her, pressing
her face into her shoulder. Sarah knew the pain she was going
through..she had gone through it so many times before. She
felt tears coming, but forced them back. Now wasn't the right
time. Kayla needed her to be strong, and it was the least she
could do for Kayla. She had been there through all of the
drama with Sarah and her ex. 'I don't get it.. How can he just
come back, after all of this time, and expect me to still be waiting
for him? He must be crazy. I can't .. He can't .. There's no way
.. I'd be stupid for going back to him, right?' She looked up at
Sarah. Sarah hesitated.. What answer was she looking for?
'Well .. it depends how you look at it, I guess. If you really love
him, then it's not being stupid. It would be stupid to let the chance
go by .. and I can't even talk about being stupid, look at me and
Alex.' She stopped short when she said Alex's name. Every time
she thought about him, she got butterflies in her stomach and tears
in her eyes. Hearing his name had the same effect. 'I can't go out
there .. not looking like this. I can't let him see what he's put me
through .. Do me a favor? Tell him I hate him. Tell him I haven't
missed him at all.. tell him I don't care that he's back, and I don't
ever want to talk to him again.' Sarah nodded and walked out.
He was sitting in the booth, slouching. He looked nervous.
As she started walking over to him, he looked up. He managed
a weak smile. 'What did she say?' There was a slight shake in his
voice. 'She can't talk now, but you can call her later. Her shift ends
at 4:30.. here's her number. She grabbed a napkin and wrote
Kayla's cell and house numbers down. 'Just..take it easy on her,
okay?' Sarah walked away, smiling to herself. Kayla owed her
big time.

Kayla walked into her house, her eyes still puffy. At least she
was finally home. She threw herself on the couch and started
sobbing. Her teacup yorky, Biscuit, came over and licked her
hand. She picked him up and scratched behind his ears. He
tilted his head, looking up at her, and licked her face. She
smiled at him as her cell phone began to ring. 'Who the hell
could that be?' she thought to herself, as she picked up the
phone. She wiped the tears off her face and cleared her throat.
'Hello?' she asked, her voice catching a little. 'Hi.. is this Kayla?'
Kayla stood up straight, suddenly extremely alert. It almost
sounded like Sean .. but no, it couldn't be.. how could he have
gotten her number? 'Yeah .. who is this?' She wasn't sure she
wanted to know the answer. 'It's Sean, but please, don't hang up.
Give me a chance to explain myself.' Kayla slid to the floor.
What was she going to do? She knew what would happen if she
started talking to him again, let him explain himself.. but what if
she hung up, gave up on him, and she regretted it? Isn't it always
better to do something than not to? Sarah almost forgot she was
on the phone, until Sean's voice jolted her back. 'Kayla?' She
inhaled sharply..the way he said her name brought everything
back .. everything she'd been trying so hard to forget. She finally
found her voice. 'Look.. can you call me back in 10 minutes?'
She heard him sigh, almost inaudibly, as he agreed. She snapped
her cell phone shut, put it on the table, and went outside. Maybe
fresh air would help. She walked down to the end of her
driveway, and sat down. She looked up at the sky, which was
darkening quickly. The wind was picking up, blowing her hair
in her face. She brushed the tears off her face. 'I can't be crying
again, not over him.. I promised myself I was over this ..' As it
started pouring, Kayla lost it. She let the tears go..It's not like
anyone would notice anyway. 'One last cry..' she thought to herself,
as she looked up at the sky. After a while she went inside. She
looked at her cell phone on the table, and she knew what she had
to do. She sat on the couch, waiting for him to call back. It had
been way over 10 minutes.. but it was typical. So many nights she
had waited, staring at the phone.. but he always had an excuse for
why he didn't call her back. Not this time.. things were different
now. She pressed *69, and wrote down the number. She
called, and the answering machine picked up. 'Sean, it's Kayla.
Pick up if you're there.' She waited for a few seconds, and
continued. 'Ok.. I don't know where you are, and to be honest?
I don't really care. Remember when we were together, you would
always ask what was going on in my head, and I wouldn't say?
You always said I had a hard time saying what I felt. But you know
what? I've changed. You really want to know how I feel? I feel
like shit. I feel lied to, used, betrayed, and grateful all at the same
time. I can't thank you enough for coming back in my life, helping
me remember everything you've done to me..This is what I needed.
I needed to remember how it felt.. this is my last step in moving on.
You have no idea how I feel but I hope one day you will. You kow
what i was thinking before? I was wondering what I ever did to
deserve you. But now I realize.. I don't deserve you. I'm so
much better than you. I don't know what made you think you
could come back into my life, after doing what you've done to
me, and just expect me to forgive you..expect everything to be
perfect again. Good luck with moving on, I hope you need it.'

well..what do you guys think? is it possible?

blahhhh im bored

2005-12-15T23:04:29Z

i'm imagining your laugh again
the one you save for your family
and your very
close
friends
i'm imagining the way you say my name
i don't know when
i'm going to hear it again
my friends can't tell
my laughter from my cries
someone tell this photograph of you
to let go of my eyes

When your married and have kids and
your little girl asks who your first true love was,
I hope you say my name.

a school paper should be like a miniskirt
long enough to cover everything..
but short enough to keep it interesting.

her voice became his passion.
his love became her obsession.
it was sweet but dangerous.
just how she wanted it

``Hi`` is such a small word.
but from the right person
it can mean everything

& they were meant to be glamorous

happiness is the secret to all
beauty... there is no beauty that
is attractive without happiness .
-- CHRISTIAN DIOR --

the best compliment I could
ever give you is that
you're only half of a
moron I thought you were.

maybe its the way
i feel when im in his
arms. or the way he can
make me laugh, no
matter what, even if
theres nothing to laugh
about. maybe its the way
he makes me feel like the
most amazing girl
whenever im around him.
or how whenever were
together i cant stop
smiling. And I know the
butterflies in my tummy
dont lie. ______________ <3.

have you ever been talking about someone & all of the sudden, you catch yourself with a huge smile on your face

Every guy always asks me
"what does he have that I don't?"
And I reply
"My heart"

Everything was fine and dandy until you showed up.
I swear you’re like, the king of awkward.

If I was the prettiest girl in the world
& I was MISS.FUCKING.AMERICA.
When asked what would make the
world a better place, no way would
I say world peace. I would say
ME & YOU TOGETHER FOREVER

you're not perfect sport
and let me save you the suspense
this girl you met
she isn't perfect either

"It's difficult in times like these: ideals, dreams and cherished hopes rise within us, only to be crushed by grim reality. It's a wonder I haven't abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurb and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe , in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart."
-Anne Frank

can a heart still break after its stopped beating?
-Corpse Bride

& just for once i want someone to be afraid
to lose me

everything i feel for you couldnt possibly
fit on one piece of paper

but there`s just something
about him that made me like
him ever since the day i met
him. there was something about
him that made me go absolutely
crazy for him<3

Pick Me
ChoseMe
LOVE ME

After a while the lies start to seem like the truth

Dear you,

Because of you I haven't been able to think straight for days. Lately, you are all I think about. They way your blonde hair falls into your eyes, and that smile that makes my world spin.

I wouldn't want anything more that to lay under the dark night sky, in the cool grass, counting the stars with you. It doesn't even have to go like that, we'd make McDonald's look romantic.

I hate to accuse you, but you're perfect. Guilty as charged. There's no other way I can say it. I've waited for this for so long. This is the start of something good.

But why is it that whenever I'm head over heels in love for someone, I can't even make them stumble. Oh you fell alright, but not for me. So I ended up tripping over myself and you weren't there to catch me. So what's a girl suppose to do? I had one night to make you fall in love with me.

I laughed. I smiled. I curled my hair and batted my eyelashes. I gazed into your blue eyes whenever you spoke.

And when you asked me to dance, it was the perfect end, to the perfect night, and everything was so alright. (look you've even got me rhyming!)

So did you feel it too? If you didn't, I'll be alright. We're good friends, you and me. I've been heartbroken before, I can go through it again.

And if you did? Let me know! Does your heart go to me or her? She's beautiful too, i know. Take your time. I have all the time in the world when it comes to you.

The strange this is though, a part of me thinks you felt it.the small...tiny...hidden...wishful-thinking part of me...

please prove me wrong?

-you know who

Ok its like this:i think about you constantly, all the little things, they somehow remind me of you. Whenever i hear someone mention your name their own conversation captures my complete and undivided attention.When i see you my tummy turns and i get butterflies, and you dont know it, but its because of you. I wish you weren't so blind and you could see me looking at you the way that i do. I wish that you could look into my eyes a realize that i need you.And all those little conversations we have...the ones that you probably think of as just a normal person saying normal things to you..well those get me through my hard days and tough times.

"Its weird... You always tell yourself when you like some one you won't end up like the typical girl. You won't let yourself become so involved you let them slowly become your world and that you won't fall so hard it hurts when it finally comes time to say goodbye. You convince yourself that you know it will end eventually. But the truth is when your in love you forget all about the rules you've set for yourself.

Do you ever wake up and think of that one special person?
And because you know you're going to see them,
You get take a [[little longer]] to get ready?
You do your hair differently,
Put on a different shirt...
Well (( every morning )) I think of you.
And I spend forever to maybe do something
That will catch your eye.

Why do I like you?
I honestly have no idea,
But I'm willing to spend a lifetime and a half figuring out.

Inside my heart is breaking
Outside my makeup may be flaking
But my smile still stays on ;;
The show must go on...

you didnt crush me.
oh no darling.
you completely
destroyed me
i still stress even
though he could
a c t u a l l y
c a r e . l e s s

the promise that he made left broken on the floor,
the bruises around your heart...
left you begging for more...

Sometimes, you just feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes you'll find yourself smiling while missing something at the same time. At times you can absolutely love a person, all the while wanting to hate them. Life comes without guarantees... except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, and falling in love will change your life

Don't be ashamed to say what
you aren't ashamed to think

feel the rain on your skin
no one else can feel it for you
only you can let it in
no one else, no one else
can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
today is where your book begins
the rest is still u n w r i t t e n . . .

your picture's still up on my wall. I don't know why.
it's not even a good picture of you... I’ve seen much
better looking boy's... but there's something about
that smile on your face that makes my eyes fill
with tears. I always loved that smile

i had to stop myself from calling all day long
i'm glad you called me first, i wanted to be strong
but you were laughing because i answered after just one ring
i tried to play it off
but you knew everything

"god help me keep me moving somehow.
don't let me start wishing i was with him now.
i've made it this far without crying a single tear.
i'd sure hate to break down here."
julie roberts

i keep praying and praying that soon
maybe i'll pop into your head
and you’ll say-- god i made a mistake

today i prayed the car would
crash.. you`d hear the news &
you`d think of me as much as
i`ve thought of you
and you`d think to yourself
" i loved her"

theres always going to be that one guy that
no matter what happens between you two,
no matter how long you go without talking,
you never stop loving him.

im done feeling sorry for you
im done with the memories
im just gonna lay back
& watch you dissapear
cause i can't handle it anymore
its t~~earin~~g me a-pa-rt
and im not gonna let you break me.
im stronger than this
im stronger than you
and now im gonna prove this
not for you
for me.
so do me a favor
& go break somebody elses heart

i thought maybe you were different
truth is, the only thing different about
you was the way you broke my heart.
but just like every guy, you still broke it.

you never wanted anything from this
so why did you tell me lies &pretend you did?
is it fun to see me like this?
broken with my heart on the floor?
i bet you play this game with everyone.

twenty bucks says this is your favorite part
getting me right where you know it hurts the most
and then just walking away
maybe you're too scared to see how much i care
or maybe i was just stupid and fell for it. again.

maybe it's me.
maybe i'm the one who's scared,
the one who can't commit,
the one who leaves before i'm broken
am i forever doomed to be alone?

all of your annoying idiosyncracies
didn't make me think any less of you
to me, it wasn't about your flaws
but you only wanted me when i seemed perfect...
looks can be deceiving, huh?

i don't even wanna look at you
it just brings back every word
you ever said; falling for sweet
talkers can never be good.

I really don’t know why I like you so much.
I don’t really know you.
But you make me smile.

I'm living proof of the damage
h e a r t b r e a k does
I'm just a whisper of smoke
I'm all that's left of two hearts on fire
That once burned out of control
And took my body and soul
I bite my tongue everytime you come around
'cause blood in my mouth beats
blood on the ground

I fooled you like a i fooled everyone
you didnt notice the hurt in my voice
when you hung up.
i just sat && listened to the dial tone

extra extra
read all about it
my heart's broken in two
and there's no doubt about it
dangling on a chain
hoping not to fall
thought I might get hurt
decided to risk it all
running from the ordinary
betrayed by butterflies
trickery in his soul
and sparks in those eyes
nice girl or a whore
who'dya think he'd choose?
boys break hearts
but thats old news

&& theres just something about you
that makes me fall harder each time

how does it feel?
to be everything that i need?
the butterflies in my stomach,
they could bring me to my knees.

so there's a boy. he pretty much means a lot to me.
i would never know what i'd do without him.
i love him for many many reasons.
first top reason has to be because he can always be himself
& the fact that i can be myself around him.
no matter how silly or ridiculous i can be, he still loves (me)
no matter how smart or crazy he can be, i still love [him]
i can tell him e v e r y t h i n g *.
i can make stupid jokes or create crazy ideas
& he goes along with it because he knows its part of me.
to prove that he loves me, he puts up with one of my worse moods ever
& still manages to see the best of me.

SHE WISHES SOMEONE COULD HELP HER FIGURE OUT HOW SHE BECAME SUCH A MESS.
BUT THEY HAVE ABANDONED HER.
FUCK THEM. SHE'LL DO IT ON HER OWN

You look at her ; she`s glamorous,
what you`d never guess
is what you`d see if you`d lift
her sleeve and glance down at her wrists,
&; the worst part is, he did it,
and he doesn`t even know.

& the thing about this boy is that
he can be my favorite person in the world,
and my least favorite person in the world,
at the same time

for some reason i can put up with this pain you put me through,
and still want to be with you,
i hate to admit it but;
i`m addicted to your harsh ways

I'm obsessed with him.
Well, that's what he thinks

im a stranger wherever i go
because im strange to myself.
my mind just goes off doing its own thing,
never consulting me at all about whether its all right to feel this way or that.
i am constantly standing several feet away from myself,
watching as i do or say or feel something that i dont want to or dont like at all,
& still i cant stop it.
the closest i get to keeping myself in line is when i drink.
with enough wine, i can even sleep at night.

Did you really think I’d let you break me?

FINALLY I'M STANDING HERE LOOKING
YOU STRAIGHT IN THE EYES
& I'M NOT AFRAID TO LET GO.

Life doesnt give you people you want. It gives you people you need, to help you, to hurt you and to make you into the person you were meant to be

And now I'm close
But not touching
And I'm cold
But not freezing
And I'm only alive
Only alive
Briefly

Can you feel
Could you love
Are you further now from where you started
I bet you do enough just to get by
Don't you
Down in the mess where I wanna be
Stop and find the things that you have not found
Oh, you can never found

alot of people have their own ideas as to what defeat looks like
my defeat was meeting a girl i knew i could never complete with
& loosing a boy i knew i could never have

you're perfect. because everything you do makes me smile. because when you laugh, i laugh too. because anyone can see im devoted to you. because i love your eyes and the way they shine. because you dont tell lies, because when you get mad, you cant hide it. because when you're sad, i try to fix it. because the way you hold me sends shivers down my spine. because i can never stop thinking about you. you're perfect for me and no one else can compare.

I held his hand tonight.. and im still waiting for my heart to start beating again.

it's not that i don't still love you,
i do, but it's hard to say your in love with somebody
when you don't get the same love in return

my friends always ask do you still love him
but it tricks my mind, because i do love you
but it's hard to love someone when they
don't love you back the same way

you think you have me figured out?
think again

things are different this time around
i'm not letting shit get to me
And i'm not lettng you have me on the side

write me off, but you better write in pencil
cause you know you'll be back around

here we go again
with your mixed signals
and my second thoughts

Oh, boo hoo.
You have a sob story?
Don't think you're special because you're hurting.
Because here's a secret--you aren't the first.

I like the idea of you
calling me every night
&&always kissing me goodbye.

you are the only thing ive ever wanted

He`s the cutest, sweetest, nicest, greatest, sexiest, most romantic, most intensive asshole I have ever met.

i grabbed a glass and said "kiss my ass"
i'm gona' drink you outa' my head

take a bow..hear the applause? my heart is broken..and your the cause..I played your game..it looks like you won..so congratulations..I hope you had fun..

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. I need more dice."

&&he's the epitome of cool
with a mind that strays
he's got a faded smile
that i wish i could save

his eyes, they tell secrets
that he can't control
while his lips are sealed tight
naive, that i already know

he sits there alone
thinking noone cares
truth is without him
i wouldn't be here

&&the feel of his stare
so intense on my back
the surge of confusion
shocks the feelings i pack

the duplicity of his charm
makes communication uneasy
so lost in the days
just thinking makes me queasy

so help me now
leader of deception
draw it out, make a sign
please scream to me,
youll soon be mine

&& it hurts so much to know that im nothing
more than your go to girl. maybe i`ll take a
cheap shot & punch you in the stomach. thats
the only way i'll ever leave you breathless.

this pen relieved the words i can't say
the paper throws it all in your face
this notebook exposes the hell i'm in
and how none of it has brought me to you yet

i know it's been a long time,
but just for one night
do you think that we could be "us" again?

in a world wrapped up in TWINKLING LIGHTS
the bitter cold chills her heart
and everywhere she looks
she sees people falling in love

see the way you look at her,
and i'd be lying if i said it didn't hurt.

&& that's it:
i'm finished with you

&& yes, i know i complain all the time
about boys, and how i never understand them
but please, don't think i mean it
i'm just waiting for one to prove me wrong

she chooses a rose with curling petals,
not perfect; not yet dead
she hands it to him carefully
and tells him "this is me."

Admit it. We flirt with each other.
We have so much fun with each other.
We laugh with each other and we even
try to be with each other.
And I believe that we secretly L0VE
each other. But how come when I think of you
and wonder if you're thinking of me, it feels
like you aren't?

Perhaps it's the way you say my name..
or the way I get butterflies every time we talk..
or the way you laugh when nothing is funny.
whatever it is -- I'm not letting go

no camera could ever capture
the look in her eyes
or the feeling in her heart
WHEN SHE'S LOOKING AT HIM♥

theres something about the look in your eyes
something I noticed when the light was just right
it reminded me twice that I was alive
and it reminded me that youre so worth the fight...

I'm the girl who loves you inside and out
Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out.

You're a give-a-girl-a-headache kinda guy

One of the hardest things in life is
having the words to say that you can't speak
and someone in your heart that can't be in your arms

Her eyes shine with ‘I miss you’

seeing pictures of your faces smothered together
makes me sick

my mind is used to it
but it's my heart that
takes a beating every time

Summer time, winter time, spring and autumn too, monday, tuesday, everyday, I think of you.

this is not a bruise from falling for you

I almost feel sorry for him,
but not quite.

i'm a very independent girl and sometimes i think people think i'm weird because of it.. but that doesn't bother me.. just because i'm not afraid to stand up for what i believe in, even when everyone else is sitting down, that's no reason to follow the crowd.. because maybe, just maybe, i'll make someone's life better because i wasn't afraid..

Dress me up in diamonds
But I'll never shine like the way I did
When his hand held mine

And I'll jot down every word you say
Until my hand aches with remorse
But no matter how plainly I see it on the page
You'll never speak the truth

AS WE SAT ON MY PORCH
LISTENING TO THE RAIN HIT THE ROOF
I COULDN'T BREAK AWAY FROM YOUR STARE
I HESITATED, FELT THE WORDS ROLL AROUND IN MY MOUTH
AND AFTER A MOMENT, WITH YOUR BACK TURNED TO ME, WALKING AWAY
I SAID THE WORDS YOU'D BEEN DYING TO HEAR
SO FAINTLY ONLY THE ANGELS HEARD
"I LOVE YOU TOO"

Dear Heart,
You better stop beating so loudly when he comes around –

you’re gonna give us away.
Love, Head

Proverbs 4:23- "Above All Else, Guard Your Heart."

the whole world will know of our love

i wanna wake up where you are

everybody thinks that everybody knows about everybody else
but nobody knows anything about themselves
because they're all worried about everybody else

If at first you don’t succeed...
ask him if he has a brother

Shes got that ~~preppy~~ style
But shes rock all the way
She can't live with out music;
listens to it every day
She tugs &pulls at her clothes
Hating what she picked out that morning
But all her friends say they're the best
Good grades;
but she never studies for the test.
Fashion magazines line the walls
of thins she wishes she could be
Abercromibie model, not like the rest
She wants something romantic
Or maybe not being second best
She wants glamour, she wants fame
Not to be just a player
In this silly old game.
Shattered and bruised, bent and broken
her hearts so tangled
Beause of words ~~never~~ spoken
She falls way to hard, way too often
She needs someone there
To make her fall soften<3

And when all the bottles of wine are gone, it’s time to actually think about your problems, and boy do I hate that.

He took me outside and pointed to the sky. "What are we looking at exactly?" I say freezing my little red head off, "There’s so much snow, but you can still see the stars, it’s like a miracle." We walked to the picnic bench and laid on it like two little kids, our eyes to the sky. I’ve never seen it rain around here when you could see the stars, and too me this was something special. "It’s sort of like you," He says grabbing my hand, "Even through the tears, I can still see a twinkle in your eye."

They’re just moments, though. Every time he grabs my hand or touches me in a certain way, I forget every single time he made me hurt.

And I thought about it, even though I’ve had so many hurdles and my share of heartbreak, I considered myself lucky. Some people give up, lose hope, never try to love again, and I’m still waiting for my chance.

I look innocent when my cute little
smile shows, but the shit I’m capable of?
you don’t even know

boys don't kiss and tell. they kiss and exaggerate.

She types "don't worry i'll be ok" as the tears run down her face

The only reason people hold on to
Memories so tight is because memories
Are the only things that don't change.
When everything else does.

the best way to behave..is not to.

_drop___dead_ @ 2005-11-20T19:13:00

2005-11-21T01:30:24Z

10 things you'd say to 10 different people, just not to their face. Keep it Anonymous, of course.

1. I love you. I know you used to love me too, but now I'm too late. you say you might be able to go back to how you used to feel..and then you act as if i dont exist. was your mom really sick? or am i just your little toy?

2. i hate you. you fucking bitch. go ahead and try to make my life hell, tell everyone everything i "said" about them. I can see right through you. one day you'll realize how good of a friend i was to you and when you do i hope you remember it was you who said you didnt want me in your life anymore.

3. I still dream about what we used to be. i dont like you at all anymore but i miss what we had. we were so close..and now we're so distant. it kills me that you think my best friend is hot and that she likes you but i dont tell her about it. i use that as an excuse to talk about our past.

4. I can see right through your "good girl" routine. you never needed bitch lessons. you were one all along. next time you spread rumors about me maybe you should take a look at your own little pathetic life. he doesnt like you and never will so stop trying to impress him. your a spoiled bitch. ps. its DOONEY & Bourke, not DOOKE. whore.

5. thank god i met you last year. you made it bearable. I love you like your my own sister. im sorry about the summer.

6. I hope you were happy with her. you lost me forever and didnt even realize it.

7. she cheated on you with your best friend.

8. stop talking about "us" there is no "us" there never was an "us" i never liked you because your teeth are as yellow as a banana. your super annoying and no one really likes you although you are fun to pick on.

9. you're not as hott as you think you are..actually your quite ugly..and your a perv. leave her alone she doesnt like you.

10. you are my bestest friend. i swear we're secretly related.i cant believe people ask if we're going out. everyone knows we're just friends.. sometimes i wonder if we're insane and everyone else is sane. you're honest and i know i can trust you to tell me the truth.

haha if you know who any of those people are guess :)
this entry is public because i want anyone who knows me to be able to guess.

i told you it was coming =P

2005-08-22T20:39:57Z

It’s the days we sit around and do nothing, it’s the moments we laugh until we cry, it’s the way we look at each other and know exactly what’s going through each others heads, it’s the stupid pictures, and the inside joke. It’s why we’re best friends

♥♥♥

Im going to wake up & smile..dont get me wrong , I miss you, but its not going to do me any good to be sad over you..Ive gotta live my life or it will just pass me by so im going to wake up, smile & maybe one day, I'll find someone who can make me happier then you did <|3

♥♥♥

She laughs with her friends
As hard as she always has in the past
She still takes too many pictures
And picks too many of the neighbor’s flowers,
But inside her; emptiness
Slowly takes over her warm heart
And the sparkle in her one of a kind hazel eyes
Slowly fades away…

♥♥♥

She became numb.
Mentally and physically.
Nothing could touch her.
Broken hearts had finally taken their toll.

♥♥♥

These tears were pure, because they hadn't been shed before. Never had a boy been wept for. Never had my face dampened with sadness. You have made me cry, don't expect to have the opportunity again

♥♥♥

as i lay there in your arms i drew the letters 'i LOVE YOU'
on your back thinking you werent paying attention.
then you looked at me and said 'i LOVE YOU TOO'.

♥♥♥

you are the only thing ive ever wanted

♥♥♥

i look in your eyes
& im not sure that friendship is all i see

♥♥♥

the truth is... i dont think ive ever fallen so hard

♥♥♥

maybe im scared to say
im falling for you

♥♥♥

OPEN YOUR EYES BOY ;;
SHES IN LOVE WITH YOU

♥♥♥

i dont wanna be his whole world
i just wanna be his favorite part

♥♥♥

I'd rather have tough situations with you
Than complete perfection with someone else.

♥♥♥

I can't forget the way you made me feel

♥♥♥

I fucking love you
and i want to be there for you, but i
can't do this anymore. i can't keep being
your second choice.. not when you're
my first.

♥♥♥

if you can look me in the eye
and tell me that i dont matter;
if you can kiss my lips and feel
nothing inside of you; if you can
hold my body close & say you love
her more..then you can walk out
of my life forever.. and please..
don't look back.

♥♥♥

And what am I left with?
Absolutely nothing.

♥♥♥

You need a heart for it to break.
It should've shattered.
It just died. I just died.

♥♥♥

I was "in love".
As "in love" as you can be at fourteen.
But what the fuck do I know about love...

♥♥♥

I really can't deny it. I am who I am. I’m pretty normal. I’m not that smooth type of girl. I run into things. I trip. I spill food. I say stupid things. I really don't have it all together

♥♥♥

I'm not a perfect girl. My hair doesn't always stay in place & I spill things a lot. I'm pretty clumsy & sometimes I have a broken heart. My friends & I sometimes fight & maybe some days nothing goes right, but when I think about it & take a step back I remember how amazing life truly is & that maybe, just maybe, I like being imperfect.

♥♥♥

You asked to kiss me once goodbye.
But you already did.
On somebody else's lips

♥♥♥

& at 2am, I'm still wide awake.
thinking of how stupid I am.
how did I let myself fall this hard?
I'm such an idiot for allowing this.

♥♥♥

What you see is only half of what I am. I have a hundred different faces, a million different personalities. Only a part of me is what I show you. I display a fraction of my true self. Everything is just a facade. It's not the truth of me. You don't know me. You never will.

♥♥♥

although i do not regret one thing i've done this year. i do realize i was naive, crazy, and wrong for doing some. life isn't always fair, and won't always be easy. you'll go through more pain than you thought you could endure. but you have to hold your head up high, grin and bear it. as soon as you learn to live with what you've been given, things will be better than you ever imagined

♥♥♥

I always knew that the perfect guy was out there. I've known since I was a kid and Barbie married Ken. Ken might pretend to like Barbie's best friend to make Barbie jealous, and Barbie might move to Portugal just to see if Ken would follow her, but in the end, they were always together and everything was forgiven. The thing is, the game always ended after Barbie and Ken got together, so I never really knew what would happen once I met the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I figured I'd want the rest of my life to start right away, but I also kind of thought it would be like living in one of those invisible boxes mimes always pretend to be trapped in. People can see you and know some kind of force field surrounds you, but they can't tap into it or break it. Our love would be our mime box.

♥♥♥

These words are slipping onto
this piece of paper &&
I have no intention of slowing down

♥♥♥

Just when you least expect it,
you start to think about how
he makes you laugh, how you
feel when you’re around him.
You realize that after all this
time, you care about him more
then you ever thought you did.

♥♥♥

even if it kills me, i'm gonna smile

♥♥♥

did you know that you're the boy that made me hate blue eyes?

♥♥♥

You lent me your lips, I gave you my heart.

♥♥♥

i'm a heartless heartbreaker & i'll do what i please
don't worry, sweetie, i'll get to you even if she
has you under lock and key.

♥♥♥

i know we have no future together
and i know you don't even want a present
but, boy, i keep looking into the past
and i just can't let you go.

♥♥♥

& i'm missing you while you're missing her
while she's missing out.

♥♥♥

kiss me just like he used to

♥♥♥

while you're at it,
teach her to close her legs..

♥♥♥

Don't believe me, I will let you down.

♥♥♥

He`s the cutest, sweetest, nicest, greatest, sexiest, most romantic, most intensive asshole I have ever met.

♥♥♥

I went through hell for you

♥♥♥

I survived you

♥♥♥

you might just think of me as some girl
but i just want you to know that
im the girl who took one look at you
and fell harder than i had ever fell in my life

♥♥♥

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off.

♥♥♥

everybody should believe in something...i believe i'll have another drink

♥♥♥

thinking about you makes it so fucking hard to breathe.

♥♥♥

"we're the same person,
so basically, she's awesome."

♥♥♥

If you can't laugh at yourself life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you'd like

♥♥♥

you and i were meant to be.
period.
cue happy ending music.

♥♥♥

things have changed;
you can snap your fingers & i dont jump

♥♥♥

Sometimes being a bitch is all a girl has to hold onto.

♥♥♥

She's not like that now. She knows beter. She knows now that people lie, and promises can be broken as quick as they are made. She understands that she might never be loved, and too quickly good things fly in front of your eyes before you can reach out and grab them. She knows that you can't change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. There isn't a place for everyone in the world, so if you're standing alone for awhile, that's why. Not everything in life comes easy, but when you work the hardest, that's when it's the best. You can't always expect people to care, and even when your best friends stab you in the front, dont think for one minute that they didn't already aim for your back. They missed for a reason. She has found out to soon, that in the end, you are your own best friend. Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not, its gonna hurt like hell. But you can't stop it. You can't change your fate. Some things are meant to be and all the pain you go through will end up resulting in something huge. You don't know what it is and when it happens it will hit you like a ton of bricks. At some point, when you have expierienced everything you can, the words 'Life' and 'Risk' won't mean anything to you anymore. But dont try and change that. Stuff like that is mean to happen. Overtime, certain things no longer have an affect on you. And that happens because thats the way it supposed to be. But you'll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. But it might catch you off guard and happen sooner. I mean, ask her. She knows.

♥♥♥

don’t ask me why
but I swear you’re worth it

♥♥♥

i'm not the way you think i am

♥♥♥

"And although we adore men individually, we agree that as a group, they’re rather stupid" – Mary Poppins

♥♥♥

I LOVE IT WHEN I CAN FEEL YOU SMILING WHEN YOU KISS ME...

♥♥♥

If i had known it would be the last time i would have ever hugged you, i would have never let go

♥♥♥

..Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now ..

♥♥♥

I wanna roll on the ground
& I want to mess up your hair

♥♥♥

I'm alone again. Naturally.

♥♥♥

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did.
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what
we did. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did.
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.

♥♥♥

i grabbed a glass and said "kiss my ass"
i'm gona' drink you outa' my head

♥♥♥

I’m not okay
so stop asking

♥♥♥

I want to be someone's last call of the night
& their first thought in the morning.
I want those 5 hour conversations that end in 'no you hang up first'.
I want the heart racing, palm sweaty,
'what's gonna happen next' moments.
I want the hugs that you never want to let go of
& the stolen kisses that are always the sweetest.
But most importantly,
I just want to know someone considers me theirs

♥♥♥

You look so good in those clothes but those clothes would look so much better on my floor

_drop___dead_ @ 2005-08-21T22:34:00

2005-08-22T03:34:48Z

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is
tough. It takes up a lot of your time.

What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think
the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age
home.

You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to
work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your
retirement.

You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school.

You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you
spend your last nine months floating...

You finish off as an orgasm.

Yep. Life would be so much better that way.

What do you guys think?

_drop___dead_ @ 2005-07-12T20:54:00

2005-07-13T02:20:56Z

When she hugs you do you remember me? How we used to spend our days alone, together without a care in the world? When you kiss her does she remind you of how I used to be, Wandering round in the forests hand in hand, blowing kisses? When you lay with her in bed, stroking her back, does that remind you of what we used to do, When we were in a frisky mood?

I heard a funny thing the other day, you've broken up with her, Coz she reminded you too much of me, You're planning to ask me out on a date, and you hope I'll say yes. Well I'm saying right now, I'm not going back to the old days, coz we've gone too far to walk back, we're too close to ruin that in a relationship, and I'm not willing to chuck it all away. You're one of a kind, my best friend with benefits, and I want it to stay that way.

But if you're going to stop talking to me, coz your new girlfriend feels threatened by our strong friendship, please just remember, what you're throwing away. I'll always be here for you, coz I love you plain & simple, not in the way you'd like me to. Our hearts has encountered pain & love together, and I've been through so much more with you than I have with anyone else.

Don't walk away from me, And forget about what we did together, Please always hold a spot vacant in your heart, a place just for me, to live in if you happen to lose me, I'll always come back for you, no matter what, coz you mean too much to me, I'm not gonna let you go, over a jealous girl's ambition

We've been through thick & thin, and I'll always be grateful. So when you resign from being my soulmate, that's when I'll take time out to travel my feelings, and maybe you'll come back and say sorry and hug me again. I'll always remember how you used to protect me, and if someone hurt me you'd talk to them, you were always like a big brother. How I loved you for those moments, when I knew you really cared about me.

I love you... but not as a friend, as a best friend. With benefits, of course. <3

i never loved you anyway

ITS THINGS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE
ME BELIEVE I MIGHT LOSE YOU &&
THAT SCARES ME MORE THAN LOVE ITSELF

" my heart is a puzzle. and you're really the only thing im missing. you're the other peice. i want to show you how much i love you, just give me one more chance and i'll show you waht the word love really means "

you make me wonder what it is that i like about you

you can have the best of me

"I love you. I love you not because you're adorable or because you're sweet, or because you're my best friend. I love you because you make me step outside myself and look at who I really am. You make me want to be a better person, just because you are who you are. I can tell you absolutely everything and I know you will listen. And you're one of my best friends. But I will keep all of this to myself because I love you, but you do not love me...I wish that I could make you love me, but I cannot. That is why these words will be forever lost in my memories, never to be spoken aloud: I love you."

doll, this pain you feel is nothing but love.

love me.... love me not.
either way you've got my
h e a r t

and when she gets mad
& starts to yell
KISS HER

When you're a little girl, everything is different. Everything seems huge and scary and extraordinary and all you care about is if you get to have that chocolate ice cream cone or if you accessorize the right shoes with Barbie's outfit. You cry when your favorite toy is broken. You daydream of pink ponies and fairytales and you're Daddy's little princess. The world is your playground and you have no worries. When you get older, things change. Suddenly that big slide you were once terrified of isn't so scary anymore...it's that huge exam that determines your final grade. Your favorite places and movies have lost their magic. Now you worry about accessorizing the right shoes with your outfit. You cry when you get your heart broken. You don't always get along with your dad. The world becomes somewhat frightening to you and you worry about everything.

the road goes on forever..but the party never ends

As time goes by,
& my feelings grow stronger,
to be in your arms,
I can't wait any longer..
Look in my eyes & you'll see it's true..
day & night my thoughts are of only you. <3

Don't think that no one loved you
because they've turned away
don't feel they didn't care for you
because they couldn't stay
don't damn the world for not returning
the love you feel you've given
don't hate the one you were yearning for
because he couldn't make a commitment
just think of him as an experience
& think how much you've grown
think of him as the sacred prince
who placed you on the throne
think of all the times together
feeling closer since you're apart
think of your plans of now & forever
& hold them in your heart·<3

your smile..
makes me smile

with every great love -- comes a great story

No camera could ever capture the look in her eyes
& the feeling in her heart when she’s looking at him

there's nothing like being held .. <3

my room is a mess & so am I. But I like it that way, because that means I'm spontaneous. I'm not normal . I laugh so much my sides split & I always manage to say the wrong thing at just the right moment. I'm loud, I'm opinionated, I'm alive. Weird habits like collecting transformers figures, singing on the car rides home, notes with obscene messages in them, & spiderman underwear turn me on & I love getting caught in thunderstorms. I think that unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, It's a waste of my time. There are too many mediocre things in life, & love shouldn't be one of them.

HER BROKEN HEART
BLEEDS HER TO SLEEP

let's take stupid pictures
& laugh until we can't breathe.

Girl pants
And band shirts
Boy, you're a different kind of beauitful

Hide behind your guitar
And depressing lyrics
Cuz', baby, I'll always be
.FRONT.ROW.CENTER.

I've always come second ;
her then me.

I've been stage left
In front of you for so long
But, I still haven't figured you out.

The colder it gets -
The more I fall,
In love...that is.

♥--* a boy & a girl ` bestfriends. they new everything about one another, they helped each other out ; and cheered each other up when they needed it .. they called each other daily .. and told eachother what happened in their day. together they'd hang out, and share priceless memories. when they were upset, they both knew the perfect person to call would be one-another. they would stand up .. & help each other through it all... `they new so much`...but they didn't know was that they both were perfect for each other..

Do you ever wonder whats really going through my head?

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned. " --Belle from Beauty and the Beast

you've made me realize
that most guys
think with their dicks and it
makes me wanna chop it off !!

Reporter: "What do you think of Western Civilization?"
Mahatma Gandhi: "I think it would be a good idea."

True love? I used to believe it existed, but when you've had your heart torn and thrown on the floor, you just don't care anymore.

Yea im okay. in a everything’s fucked up kinda way

You know what I wish for at night? That every dream I have wasn't about you. That maybe one day, you could walk by and be just another face in the crowd. That just for one second I could know how it feels to not give a damn. That I didn't care about your feelings, and I would mean every nasty thing I've ever said about you.

I wish for once you weren't everything I've ever wanted and more.

WHY D0N'T Y0U SLiP iNT0 S0METHiNG
A LiTTLE M0RE C0MF0RTABLE, SWEETHEART
LiKE A C0MA

She looks d o w n at her
arms, all cut up & red. *
Each time she looks at
them she sees what used
to be & wishes she was
dead. & as she touches &
looks at each s c a r, she
remembers h i s game, &
that each scar made a
letter that spelled out
his name.

he grasps her face &
turns it towards him ,
and she's drowning in
his eyes, they're full ;
of h e a r t b r e a k

Sometimes I wonder if
I have a sign on my back*
that says ~~break my heart~~

You could see
it in her eyes *
she loved him
& it was killing
her </3

friends only

2005-07-09T05:48:05Z

FRIENDS ONLY EDIT if i know you in real life. don't bother to ask to be added. this journal is where i right my thoughts. and i really don't need shit from people i know who read this. ok? ok good.