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I fucked up.

Posted on 2005.08.29 at 09:41
I'm done 4-H.

I walked around the ring, cried, said goodbye to the JFDs, received a scholarship, had art place 1st, 2nd, and 3rd.

I avoided the club for the most part all weekend, hardly anyone knows me anymore, except Ashley. I feel bad. Yet I don't.

I don't know what to think. Janet pulled me aside and said she meant everything she said about me in her goodbye. Then, she took me and Grace and put a hand on each of our shoulders. She looked us each in the eyes and said "people will come and go in your life, and you will have such a huge impact on others lives, you need to acknowledge that." Then she walked away. I didn't know what to do, or say. I could see she would have liked a hug as I walked away and said goodbye and I couldn't do it. It makes me feel like shit. I couldn't lie, I couldn't act like it is all okay now and I can give her a hug and leave on good terms. I can't lie. Instead I walked away crying feeling like the worst person ever.

I cried all the way home.
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Edie
[info]_wolfling_ at 2005-08-29 21:00 (UTC) (Link)
Cris.

What mum said is true - you were a huge impact on me, whether either one of us wants to acknowledge it or not. Even all this shit that's happened between us has been part of what you've done to make me who I am.
But... that really doesn't mean a hell of a lot now. It's in the past, over and done with. My mother just doesn't understand that I've already come to terms with, well, everything. She thinks that there's something I can still do that will make us friends again. But there's not, and we both know it.
I would have liked to have been able to say something to you, but I simply have nothing to say to you anymore. Part of me still wishes I could hug you and make everything alright, but I can't and that doesn't really hurt anymore.

I'm hoping that came out right.

Goodbye, Cris.
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