Lazy Saturday morning of sorts [11 Oct 2008|08:33am] knaveofhearts [ mood | awake ] It's crazy to think that getting out of bed at eight is lazy for a Saturday. Not much planned for today except an afternoon walk around the lake with kitabare after she gets off work, then some shopping at OSH for a featherduster, a wire brush for my Dremel, and some other bits. That will allow me to work on my counterpoise as well as prepare my heater for winter. The primary project of the day, though, is a baby blanket. If I work hard, I'll get it done by my self-imposed deadline even though I got started so late. If I understand the pattern correctly, there's nearly twenty thousand stitches in the blanket. Watching it grow is like watching a very very slow computer render one of my raytracing projects -- needlepoint or rug hooking would be a more accurate comparison to raytracing, of course -- and I'm eager to see the end result. Twinkle, twinkle...

Hold me tight, 'cuz I'm losing all the energy to fight. (Entry 197) [10 Oct 2008|05:18pm] o_kitkat_o [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | =Hold Me Tight= Missy Higgins ] You cross the room to me Put a little bit of paper in my hand and leave And as the door goes bang There's a little bit inside me that hopes it is blank The weeks have been long...I've been ridiculously tired recently...I know the symptoms all too well, and it slightly scares me. I hardly want to get out of bed most days. Things are frustrating me more than usual, and I keep wanting to fall down in complacency, to just give up. I'm trying to take care of myself. Not fall into this darkness that's been oh so familiar over the years. But I am struggling on occasion. So...I'm sorry if I'm not completely here in the way you want or need. I'm exhausted, and like I said...struggling. I keep feeling almost like I'm getting sick, but I think it's mostly lack of sleep and stress...I've been trying to work out more. In silly ways, sorta, like playing DDR. But I need to start doing something again, since I hadn't done anything for a while...totally out of shape. And on top of that, it's definitely visible to me, not to mention the scale...I'm about 10lbs more than I had been about a year ago, I think, and typically for a girl of my frame I should be about 20lbs lighter...though being back to 10lbs would still be better/healthy. I made a caloriecount.com account, after talking to dad about it...the biggest challenge will be trying to actually do it...taking care of myself... I'll be okay eventually. I'll get through this, and then I'll be back to the real world and things will be better again. I wish that dreams didn't get to me so much. Now I should run outside I should be running after you, I should need to cry But I don't, I stay Cuz there's a little bit inside me that likes this pain Twinkle, twinkle...

JohnO's Really Short Random Musings [10 Oct 2008|06:00pm] johno ( The Daily Tweets of JohnO ) Twinkle, twinkle...

Who's surprised? [10 Oct 2008|05:36pm] knaveofhearts [ mood | cynical ] http://download1.legis.state.ak.us/DOWNLOAD.pdf Finding Number One For the reasons explained in section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act. Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) provides The legislature reaffirms that each public officer holds office as a public trust, and any effort to benefit a personal or financial interest through official action is a violation of that trust. Finding Number Two I find that, although Walt Monegan's refusal to fire Trooper Michael Wooten was not the sole reason he was fired by Governor Sarah Palin, it was likely a contributing factor to his termination as Commissioner of Public Safety. In spite of that, Governor Palin's firing of Commissioner Monegan was a proper and lawful exercise of her constitutional and statutory authority to hire and fire executive branch department heads. Finding Number Three Harbor Adjustment Service of Anchorage, and its owner Ms. Murleen Wilkes, handled Trooper Michael Wooten's workers' compensation claim properly and in the normal course of business like any other claim processed by Harbor Adjustment Service and Ms. Wilkes. Further, Trooper Wooten received all the workers' compensation benefits to which he was entitled. Finding Number Four The Attorney General's office has failed to substantially comply with my August 6, 2008 written request to Governor Sarah Palin for information about the case in the form of emails. Twinkle, twinkle...

Where's my Google To-Do? [10 Oct 2008|03:33pm] knaveofhearts [ mood | busy ] I had an interesting discussion with some friends today about how Google has three of the four productivity apps from the Palm era -- calendar, contacts and notes but not to-do list. Livejournal has a to-do list but it really, really stinks. It's incomplete and not integrated with LJ itself other than public/private/friends on permissions. One of the guys who actually works at Google commented about how he wouldn't be surprised to find that someone actually had that as a project, but I didn't want to wait. Someone else mentioned Remember the Milk so I'm currently giving that a try. The Google Calendar integration is kinda lame -- you have to click an icon on the daily view to see what tasks are available for the day -- but the web site is really nice. I just wish it worked on my phone! Twinkle, twinkle...

Silver lining [10 Oct 2008|09:28am] knaveofhearts [ mood | thoughtful ] I've noticed lately that one of my responses to loss of control in one part of my life is to increase the control over other parts. Sometimes that's bad, but lately it seems to actually be pretty good. I'm eating far better than I have in the past. I have a steady breakfast of cereal, milk, water, and a vitamin; I have a steady lunch of a salad from Safeway; I have cut down drastically on snacking; and dinner is generally something small with a night or two where I splurge a little. I haven't felt all that hungry, and the scale is showing results -- but that could be related to my recent exercise program as well. One thing that actually surprises me in retrospect is how little I've had to drink. Other than the recent trip to the Trappist, I think I've had three drinks in the previous four weeks. Heck, if three Belgian beers were enough to make me tired enough to not stay up to midnight, maybe I'm losing my alcohol tolerance for the first time like ever. My house is more orderly. No more boxes of mail to be shredded: I check the mail every day, and every bit of mail gets shredded, recycled, or otherwise handled right then. Dishes are done at least once a week, as is laundry. I've written up to-do lists for the rest of the house, sorted by room, and this time I think I might actually finish them instead of just talking about them. I'm not doing all the work -- there are a number of friends who are keeping me company and providing suggestions and encouragement -- but the drive is mine. I'm even making progress on personal projects. For years I've had maybe half a dozen things I'd wanted to learn or do, and I've actually made progress on half of them in the past month. Nothing huge or great, but enough that the forward motion is visible to others besides myself in some cases, and that's all it takes for me to keep momentum. Is it her fault I never did this stuff while we were together? Of course not. Heck, she had been doing a lot of this with her own life while we were together, so it's not like there wasn't time for it to be done. It was my fault, my failure to take responsibility for myself. Will it last? I really hope so -- I find a lot to like about these changes, and I don't really miss the old way of doing things for the most part. Will it survive my next relationship? Well, that's the real question, and there's only one way to know. I'm not in a rush to find out, but eventually I'll learn. Twinkle, twinkle... 1 little bat.

[09 Oct 2008|07:44pm] theatre_geeks [hermione1fan] so, im doing this monologue for my advanced theatre class, and i am playing the role of Agnes from Agnes of God. And it's the scene where Agnes is telling the doctor about where she thinks babies come from, but i really dont know how to play it. if anyone here is familiar with this play, i would love the advice. Twinkle, twinkle... 3 little bats.

[09 Oct 2008|05:10pm] knaveofhearts [ mood | sad ] Today a number of people were let go from my company. One of them had been there for seven years. The group they were in was disbanded; there was an attempt to sell it off but in this market nobody was buying. I wish them luck finding work and I'll miss them. Twinkle, twinkle... 2 little bats.

Much ado about nothing [09 Oct 2008|10:33am] knaveofhearts [ mood | busy ] I busted my ass to get into work early to make a vendor call at nine. The call lasted eight minutes, two of which were me reading a document. I promised them a response this morning, and just finished the response -- their suggestion is interesting, but my original request is still better for us. I hope they can do it. I then went to my second meeting, which is normally a drag, but it was much better than usual due to someone else running it. I felt the old feeling of getting annoyed when the project that replaced mine exhibited still more problems, but it's someone else's problem now so I'm much less worried. In my rush to work, I left my lunch at home. Looks like this afternoon will be work from home which is fine as the most interesting thing I have is another call in the early afternoon. If that goes well, I can relax and focus on my other work which will be refreshing. Twinkle, twinkle...

I chose number two [08 Oct 2008|12:17pm] knaveofhearts [ mood | restless ] I spent a bit of time over the past two days trying to figure out which doctor I wanted to choose, and it came down to who I thought would be best able to help me and with whom I felt most comfortable. So, it's doctor number two: insurance coverage good, a little further from home not so bad. I left messages with both doctors, and I look forward to the next session. Twinkle, twinkle... 1 little bat.

Shakespeare Productions UK [08 Oct 2008|07:24pm] theatre_geeks [ruffandtumble] Can anyone recommend any communities that chat about Shakespeare Productions in the UK? Twinkle, twinkle... 1 little bat.

so... [08 Oct 2008|01:24pm] theatre_geeks [davidohhai] as you guys know, my book is in stores nationwide and I am ridiculously excited about it. The book's publicist told me I need to get on board the whole YouTube viral video thing, so I decided to videotape myself doing a really popular radio show out of Chicago. Here's a link to it, maybe you can let me know how I could improve it for a second video I plan on doing next week. Thanks guys! Twinkle, twinkle...

Oops [08 Oct 2008|08:02am] knaveofhearts [ mood | awake ] Last night I got back from the Trappist and sat online for a few minutes then decided to take a nap until my late-night walk. I woke up at seven-fifteen. Sorry, kitabare. Twinkle, twinkle...

The pot calling the kettle black [07 Oct 2008|04:50pm] knaveofhearts [ mood | pissed off ] WASHINGTON (CNN) -- A federal judge has ordered the immediate release into the United States of 17 Chinese Muslims who have been held for several years in the U.S. military facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. U.S. District Judge Ricardo Urbina on Tuesday ordered the 17 detainees to appear in his Washington courtroom at 10 a.m. Friday and said he would hold a hearing next week to determine under what conditions they will be settled in the United States. The government late Tuesday afternoon announced it would file papers shortly with an appeals court seeking an emergency stay to stop the judge's order in its tracks. The detainees are ethnic Uighurs, from a mostly Muslim autonomous region in western China. They have been in government custody for seven years and have been cleared for release for the past four years to any country willing to take them. No countries have volunteered. The judge, visibly impatient, told government lawyers he wants no delays. "There is a pressing need for them to be released," Urbina declared. When a government lawyer requested one week for authorities to determine how immigration authorities would handle a court-ordered arrival of individuals with no status, Urbina summarily rejected the request. He angrily demanded Immigration and Customs officials not even consider arresting the Uighurs upon arrival. "I have issued an order. I do not want these people interfered with in any way," the judge said. Justice Department lawyers told the judge they will immediately appeal the ruling and seek a stay of the order with the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia. The Justice Department released a statement late Tuesday afternoon protesting Urbina's order. "Today's ruling presents serious national security and separation of powers concerns and raises unprecedented legal issues," said Justice Department chief spokesman Brian Roehrkasse. I think it's safe to say that the creation of the camps at Guantanamo Bay raised serious national security and separation of powers concerns and unprecedented legal issues all on their own, and some of us have been wondering about what would happen to the dispossessed who didn't get strung up for being terrorists -- now we know. Twinkle, twinkle...

Nice shoes, wanna lunch? [07 Oct 2008|11:38am] knaveofhearts [ mood | busy ] This morning while getting dressed I remembered that I actually have some nice work shoes I haven't worn in ages. They're black wingtips that are actually comfortable, and I think I'm going to wear them a lot more. Of course, I left my lunch at home because I'm still not accustomed to bringing it with me, so I have to either head home or go out for lunch. If I go home, I might stay there and work from home which is reasonable. I'll also have the chance to pick up some replacement light bulbs for the chandelier, and take that little bit off my to-do list. Hmmm. Tonight I'm going to Oakland to see catzen who I haven't seen since he recovered from working here. The Trappist sounds like a neat place, and I am already licking my lips in anticipation of fermented Belgian goodness. After that, it's some quiet time at home before going on a late-night stroll with kitabare. I think the walk will be a nice way to end the day. Twinkle, twinkle...

unsettled [07 Oct 2008|01:39am] sidhedancer [ mood | hopeful ] I should be asleep, but I'm amped. I'm going to a seminar for the next two days that is supposed to help me find and advance within jobs. For some reason I'm nervous... I think I just really need to make this next phase of my life successful... I need this to go well. Find a job and a career that will allow me be the grand-daughter, daughter, mother, woman that I want to be. I need to feel solid again. I need to feel like a whole, real person... Twinkle, twinkle...

Disagreements, arguments, and fights [06 Oct 2008|09:31pm] knaveofhearts [ mood | thoughtful ] I recently saw someone post elsewhere about the differences between disagreements, arguments, and fights, and it made me think about what I saw as the differences. Here's how I described it in a reply to them: ( Read more... ) Twinkle, twinkle... 6 little bats.

Done interviewing [06 Oct 2008|05:48pm] knaveofhearts [ mood | thoughtful ] So I just got back a little while ago from the second therapist. The compare-and-contrast is really interesting: they're both women (randomandwild had a field day with that, by the way) and they're both good listeners and clever enough that I think I won't be able to rationalize them into a corner, but they have different approaches. They both are experienced in dealing with engineers and relationships but at least right now I feel more comfortable with the second one than the first. I'm going to sleep on it and select one tomorrow or Wednesday, then schedule regular sessions. Twinkle, twinkle...

They finally asked [06 Oct 2008|07:55am] knaveofhearts [ mood | sad ] My sister emailed me this morning, and one of the things she asked was whether wendelina2 would be accompanying me again this year as the kids were asking and she didn't know. Twinkle, twinkle... 4 little bats.

More but not enough [06 Oct 2008|07:24am] knaveofhearts [ mood | awake ] I've started waking up at seven o'clock or so. I slept pretty well last night though still not as long or restful as I would have liked. The birds and dogs made noise and so I decided to stay awake. It's definitely time to start putting a blanket on the bed again, I'll have to do that when I do laundry today. I did my shopping last night so I'm pretty much stocked for the week barring surprises. Today's appointment makes me a little less nervous than last week's appointment because it's not the first one -- but it is the first time meeting this person. I want to trust them, I want them to listen to me and help me fix what I can and handle the rest, I want to learn how to avoid ending up here again. I really hope this is a good fit. The appointment dominates my day. I have work stuff to do before I leave, then the appointment, and after that either chores or an important errand depending on how drained I feel. I really want to run the errand if at all possible but I don't know if that's going to be possible. Laundry, though, is definitely going to happen. Twinkle, twinkle...

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