so now as I'm aboot to go to bed I see that yeah,
Death guild is on.

hah. yes of course it is.
for a million dollars...
eh.

I bet I'll have more fun bein a party girl.

Happy NYE everyone.
watch that champagne!

Hey out there luhjayer peeps.

This post has been replaced by an entirely positive one.

:)
^see

Merry Xmas to you all.
Have a Safe and happy new year.

maybe tommorrow there will be a real post.

I have in the past two weeks heard a plethora of humans...
all just a bit from perfectly sane
making declarations that the mayan calendar is off.

the prophecies are wrong...
the eotw as we know it is supposedly going to happen much much sooner.
my Jesus fell off his cross and is doing gymnastics

held on only by his left hand.

*creepy music*
*psycho stare*

why do I keep this thing alive?

I think they are all wing nuts.
It's just California falling into the ocean...:P

or...
what WILL HAPPEN IN 2008????

Tags: ramble
Current Location: oakland biotches
state of psychosis: busy

my head has been blasted open lately.
I can almost say that I have learned more shit about humanity in general in the last few months than I have in a lifetime. I can honestly say that people are surprisingly awesome and surprisingly disgusting all at the same time...

down to the wire.
almost ready to do some more extreme pirating than we have been

and the saves have been miraculous.

The people of middle earth are nice. Maybe someday I'll say exactly where it is so ifin yer ever bored you could come and peep this scene...unfortunately there is a shortage of darklings.

Tags: huck fin
Current Location: middle of the earth
state of psychosis: excited
audio hallucinations: H3

Holy crap I wish a little more sleep would have come last night! I am covered in something like a vodka slick only it involved a fairly responsible amount of beer and a campfire. I suppose it's got something to do with the moon, or maybe I am worried about Fur E. Fur...hoping the cat lady doesn't adopt him out. I told her I'd be ditchin a good long while. Or is it the storage bill? Though my debts and responsibilities are small they are still present. There is an envelope on the way here from my old roomate...I hope there is a chunk of change in it.

it is noon and i'm in the dark.
boy is sleeping. We are still safe dry and comfy.

lately I have been fascinated with typing, newly discovered animals and insects "newly discovered by me".
I suppose that is nothing new. I found alot of creatures and some new "chupacabra pictures"
poor old mangy coyote :( this is also the SEVEN MILLIONTH time I have set out to learn how to type.
I think it is sticking this time. My previous efforts were thwarted by boring and long online finds...

well that and learning to type usually occurs at a boringish time
and boringish times simply precede trauma drama and chaos.
I should mention these are not boring times. I think I started this time just to keep my need to study something satisfied.

I could use a truck station wagon or van type thing...
maybe I can spange one. LOL.

love

Tags: huck fin
Current Location: middle of the earth
state of psychosis: drained
audio hallucinations: snoring of dogs and men

Still here in the middle of the world doing this pirate thing. Time has lost it's meaning and days and minutes and hours just kinda go. I don't want to even tell what time I've been waking up or going to sleep but it's some where in between IKEA and sanity. That's what happens when you put me in a hole with no sun. I just mostly wonder when the hell it's going to stop raining.

and we're still here.
only now it's the time of truth I suppose at the bottom of our pockets.
gasless, beerless...I got some change and a few things that could potentially pass quite a bit of time.
I'm hooked on ciggies and carnival. Just finished the last of the latters season one just opened a pack of the former. Left my pencils at my mahs, no matter this chocflop proggie will replace them.

'boyfromthen and again' and I are doing okay. I've freaked on him a couple times...and I am amazed at how large my baggage of tricks has become. As much as I love to re-invent myself and start over I really hate re-inventing myself and starting over. I can however seem to remember to answer to my new name. The more I hear it the more my erasure of the past sort of becomes a reality.

I wonder how long it will be until Carrie Anonymous/DOA is just a sliver of a figment of a memory inside my own head? If someone says this old name will I look?

we are thinking up all kinds of plots and schemes for legal survival in this ever floating wasteland.
that's what we've created you know? A giant country of bullshit and waste. Wasteful systems, bullshit behavior and attitudes. In disgust I try to close my eyes to it. Run away from it. and...just plain forget about it.

the only thing I miss is my cat
and my fucking security deposit.

go out and give someone something. Put yourself on the line. Face your fears. Float. for one minute forget about all that bullshit fretting maynard from tool sings of...and do something different.
recycle your crap. go through the shit you don't need and give it to someone who needs it.
follow me and the fucking rabbit down the hole.

we all float down here, and I don't even want a latte anymore.
love

Tags: huck fin
Current Location: somewhere in the middle
state of psychosis: ALIVE

So like right uhm... First I was like sippin caddy Margaritas by the ocean and I guess we got some sort of bright idea to head on out of paradise for a quick slip into hell we rolled the die. We drove through them mountains my heart just like beating beets freaking beatnut freakers wild waves of rocks neva stoppin...panic picnic. That's about the time the rain started pouring down dogs and cats and on my doggy cat you see. Sure sure I screamed out a yelp and said "never no more" but I kept on keepin on.

The lightning bolted the wind blew and we were promised a tornadoandthree storms met where I stood- but in the least the road became flat and fast fast like my car was at one time but well....now she's got no go but we went any way sure enough to say blind and blurry that's how it goes for hours.

I woke up in someplace like home only it wasn't my home cuz all the soldiers are dead and gone and everyone else (save for my goths) is running around chock full of adrenaline and soundin like they got colds. Least to say it got old and the guilt always bothers and brothers what about the mother and the father and the

holy ghost. ya'll know it's FUICKING WHITE THERE?!?!

so we gave it all up-that crazy as place left it in dust and went for them apples.
sauces. sauced. saucers. yeah I guess it was better cuz we thought we were barbarians controlling traffic and ending in cheesecake. and rum. Everything should end in cheesecake and rum.

and then. and then we stopped back into hell.
hah you din know. ha! ha! (suckers!)

and now....

we're hiding out and laying low after a thick hot night with the moon stuck to my moons over my hammies and I'm covered in fur and sweat and stick and rain and sleeplessness. Someone had a cute idea to open up a cafe that brewed by the cup...only...not to fucking day. I needed it yesterday. last year. last century.

pirates vs ninjas.
last night I got a sneak attack from above.
four paws in all the plexus-ez about a hunerd pounds of paws clad in black tipped in white sneaking through the night.

i realize the adjectives lack. alot. but I got some fucking hippy looking for all them fucking hippy's and I guess you know what it means.

i don't hVE TIME TO MAKE IT PRETTY HERE.

love.

Tags: adventures
Current Location: ???
state of psychosis: grumpy

myspace is no substitute for LJcrack. It has taken me one year to realize this.

prepare for cryptorantigrams.

love

state of psychosis: bouncy

From the ever indecisive nonconcluding scattered brain(s)
left and right war conjoined equal but seperate and different
hemispheres here-d

I must now confess. lipless though and listless still my body deftones
the longer I stay the more it calls out/
from the crowd everywhere I go...

cautious. careful. nervous. waiting...
we all are. just one step away from an enemy. here.
and everyone knows it.

nervous careful quick scans
eye contact even faster

make peace. make peace...
easy fast be polite and say it right.

watch the comfort found in the abiltiy to relax
for just a moment go warriors.

go...warriors?!

(if you must...I mean if you are in REAL trouble
just look up and say...go warriors in the middle of a sentence.
the city council meeting is interupted at the quarter.
adjourned early.to watch the end of the game.)

Such A tree.

That strange feeling of walking the line is a constant here. Every man woman and child...
is bad. and beautiful. The Oak mighty and ancient its roots thrive and make leaf from bloodsoaked soil.
It creeps into you. It's bad It's Bad It's BAD...mMm MmM MmM

I keep finding this perfect tough love at every corner in every interaction.
go warriors.

This is their home.
this is my home.

Tags: h(om)e
state of psychosis: good

you know all that shit about being sweet and strong, open, honest and emotionally available.
it's a bunch of shit.

be cruel abusive and full of hateful mistrusting rage.
it will get you further in life and bring you many bitches to slap.
maybe it will even bring you children. ( I mean if you want them)

I am saying these things. I hope I don't mean them.

I am so sad at the world. I am so tired of being sad at the world.
I am tired of this stupid ass disfunctional heart I got too. AND NOW I am really hating myself for being shy. I mean....(bring the bitch back?)

you fuckers can have it.
really.

god.this. is not. what I want to say.

Current Location: H(OM)E
state of psychosis: depressed

a good dose of rednecks and rednecking about now.

something about all that wood panelling.

I could use more soft stuff on my bed.

the closet.

always more love.

my papers and pens.

a good movie.

a fast.

more beautiful rose soap.
or maple sugar.( to go with pounds of vanilla.)

I like it when she tells me I smell like cake.
or he'll say candles.
I guess that might make it my unbirthday!!!

I can always use an unbirthday.

Tags: lists
Current Location: H(OM)E
state of psychosis: awake

the sun is out.

celebrate.

oh wait now it's gone!

okay, the sun is out.

no...wait....

erm.

I think I am becoming completely apathetic
in almost every realm.
is this why they breed?
is this an existential conflict?
is this just (almost) 30?

wow.
I.Do.Not.Care

state of psychosis: apathetic

I am tired. I have lived and walked the same goddamn life as many of you (as in humans) It has been hard. Torturous even. (**deleted** five hours of me telling you all about my hard life and about life in general)

AND I SMILE ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
WHY? BECAUSE I AM HAPPY. GOD DAMN IT HAPPY.
I LOVE MY LIFE. I LOVE MY LOVERS. I LOVE MY 6 BAD ASS GIRLS.

So YOU BITCH...
YOU FUCKING FAT ASS REFRIED BLACK BEAN THIGHED GORILLA TOOTHED HEAD WAGGING CAN'T EVEN GET BOYS TO USE YOU AS A BOOTY CALLIN CUM SOCK kick boxer nosed psychic vampire wannabeho with nostrils like two dirt devils BIOTCH can stop wrecking my day with your acerbic power tripping psychotic retarded bullshit any fucking time now.

Just because you woke up to piss in your cheerios does not give you the right to be mean and cruel just long enough to suck my life affirming energy from me and give me your green ass death cloud for the rest of the day. Using one rape and depression as an excuse for your disgusting behavior everyday of your life does not make it better. You're jealous. You're ugly. You're mean. AND YOU SUCK. YOU REALLY REALLY SUCK! (and you would a whole lot more if anyone would let you) and yes...that's why I called you a wanna be ho cuz you aren't even good at being a slut...STRONG BLACK WOMAN MY ASS

To everyone else in my face with their negativity...YOU FUCKING SUCK TOO. Please stop growling, breaking things, scowling, yelling or whatever the hell else it is you people do in my space or expect a slap. If I didn't piss in your cheerios don't piss in mine.

i hate you. you suck. you are all alone for a reason.
I am alone because I spew vomit everywhere.
there is a difference.

and now back to zen.

Tags: hate
Current Location: H(OM)E
state of psychosis: annoyed