| the life and times.....ugh |
[14 Jul 2009|11:25pm] |
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I am not sure what that title means but it sounded meaningful...I find that I am easy to make angry these days. Things that I used to let go (or at least dealt with more gracefully) tend to stick in my brain and fester. I don't think I am an angry person. To the contrary, those who know me would attest to my jovial nature. I think it is my ultimate feeling of powerlessness in some of the larger parts of my life. Example: my place of employment literally fires at will. One of my coworkers and subsequently my friend was fired recently due to a trumped up reason of having "a bad attitude at work". She worked in accounting under one manager. The manager and my former coworker did not get along because the manager is a DOLT. She is never at work and when she is she barely functions. She passed all of her work to my friend. My friend brought up the fact that she was gone from work regularly to a superior above said manager. This of course was taken as a maneuver outside the chain of command and someones po' wittle feewings got huwted. She got fired because her manager didn't like her and had evidence to make her look as bad as she was. So, in the grand fairness of the universe, my friend is fired and the idiot in charge is......still in charge. No repercussions. Nothing. REDUCULOUS!!!! How does this effect me you ask? I have to worry about who I talk to and when and what I say and who might here it and who might make up rumors. It is like working under totalitarian rule and if you don't believe you are toast! Find another job you say......Yeah right....it's the economy stupid! I will never get another position that pays what I make to start. I am effectively stuck......
Other factors cannot be discussed here suffice to say I was hoping someone had left my life forever and now they are threatening return and I have no say in the matter. GGRRR.
Anyway............in more outward news.....the world new still sucks!
This has been an update into the life and times.....right....
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[14 Jul 2009|02:57pm] |
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It's hard to keep a white shirt this white when I'm a smoker. The v-neck comes off dingy when dirty, but I can't keep a damn KOOL from lacing between my fingers some twenty times a day. And they say cigarettes are bad for me anyway. Everybody says it. The clerk at the gas station last night told me, "You know what the fastest spreading form of cancer is? Cancer of the lungs." Now, I don't know if what she said is true, but, hell, I don't know if anything they say is. I'm scared to death to imagine the granite faces of men behind industries that could bury the world with a plague, for purely profiteering purposes. Propaganda advertising cardboard carcinogens as healthy means of fighting anxiety, making friends, winding down after a hard day, or just for a means to project an image, archetypal "cool". 'Cause, doesn't everyone I know seem to think the world should just get along, sing a song, take hits from a bong. And I know that even those people who aren't little hippie devils, and have a harder take on life still seem to know that the world could be a better place. But I guess if you're racist or rich it's just a pattern you've been taught, from one motherfucker to the next down a lineage or cancerous explanation for how you're better than someone else on basis born undecided. It's amazing what some people need to quell their quiet disquiet to this wild chaos known as life. So that's why we have so many songs and stories crying that this is an unfair and torrential world, with golden moments here and there and so much wishing for a harmony tethered in this forceful storm that stirs in. Saying that love is old, love is new, and some fell apart while others grew. That people kill, steal, and sell their souls. Or how we must cherish these moments before we all grow old. Because we're all trying to communicate something, anything, to the point that we're understood, in hopes we can all understand. And so life is a gamble, with each decision holding as much distinction as each card you lay down, or flick of wrist to cast the die--all with webs of causality leading your luck down the line. Risk it, or hold it close to the chest and see which one comes out the best. By accepting all that comes, and realizing you can't repeat the past, well, you push yourself forward and try to live each holy breath to the last. Friends come and go, and so do your enemies. Free yourself from binding love, and atrophic enmity. Whoever you're interacting with, remember that that you're either of you only as worthwhile as what you're sharing with each other. There is too much cruelty in the world for you not to be kind and helpful whenever possible, for you not to attempt to always be a positive piece in someones existence. No matter how large or small the person, how long or short their stay in your life, they are each with reason and matter, each pools of waiting potential to learn or teach, or further one another with less loneliness, helping hands, and the loving escape of Peace. And so, be mindful in each second, never knowing when could be your last. Be ever-living, present in the eternal moment and always curious. My life is forever with this motto, a mantra to myself: "Experience and enrich." Be always experiencing, the places and people your life blesses you to connect with, and forever trying to leave every thing a little better for you're having been there. Hold scope, and remember how big space and time both are. May you be blessed to remain trusting, caring, patient, and happy to learn, always with a love in your heart. I pray each is faithfully returned.
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[13 Jul 2009|11:48pm] |
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I actually took the step I've been threatening to and shave my head.
I wonder if any of you would care to converse let alone ask me my name. I'm so stuck behind some aesthetic pleasure
that no one will see beyond. They dont allow themselves to. And I guess I dont allow it either.
But in other news, I'm happy!; Healthy. Party and bullshit is my lifestyle of late and people can judge to their lil hearts content but I couldnt care less. Work a 9-5, do it happily. Dont work at all,do it with integrity. Aint no thang. Do I care? No. I've got an irreplaceable smile on my face and I only want the same for every other out there, homeless,hopeless and all.
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[12 Jul 2009|12:57am] |
I just had a garage sale practically giving away all my worldly possessions. All, my clothes, most of my nic nacs and pictures, pots pans, tv, vhs collection, basically everything with out sentimental value.
How much have I made? 250$
What didn't sell by 2pm today, I threw in the back of Robbie's truck to be taken to Savers.
Apparently, only a few people appreciate sci fi and science non-fiction. Only 3 people bought any books. I was happy to see that one punk rock chick bought my Brian Greene book, you know the one, the lay-mens guide to quantum physics. Yeah, that one. We're taking all the rest down to half-price books.
( asimov rant )
Well, there we go. My life is being sold off bits by bits, for only a fraction of the original cost! I suppose that we'll be leaving in a month and a half. This shit is getting serious.
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[08 Jul 2009|11:07pm] |
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I got a raise today. A whopping 52 cents an hour.....It is better than most raises I suppose. Basically it means I don't have to worry a whole lot about job security as my boss says I am awesome. It makes me wish I actually liked my job. Instead I go and wish I was elsewhere and just get through until I get home. Oh well, gotta pay the bills and that's how I'll do it. That's about it. Sometimes I wish I had interesting stuff to put here. Something profound. I guess I will have to keep wishing....
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[08 Jul 2009|01:21am] |
"when you grow up you could be president, or play cello at the inauguration, or read a shitty poem to a live 1.4 million strong audience, or anything you want really; just do something."
-Robby Massey
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[07 Jul 2009|01:57pm] |
Living in my car
But kindly on friends couches for now
Dont have a time or place to post anything
if I did, theres not much to say
I'm alive and felt obligated to announce my existence
This is coming off infinitely more negative than I meant for it too
But little turns out the way I want it to anyhow eh
SSDD.
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| today |
[05 Jul 2009|01:33pm] |
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Today is my 5 year anniversary with Court. Amazing. It doesn't seem like we have been together for 5 years. I haven't gotten her anything yet. I know, I am a bad guy...but it isn't so much that as I have no idea what to get her. What do you get a person that has given you everything you could ever possibly want or need? How do you reciprocate that in an anniversary gift? I have no clue. It is the first time in a long while that I have been at a loss for what to get someone for any occasion. I guess all I can do is say this: Courtney, I love you. I am not great at expressing it all the time but I do. Thank you for putting up with me these last 5 years and I hope you will do it for many years more.
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