Because this cracks me up...
Here is my favorite Max skit.

The Poetry of Max Weinberg

Fall makes Max nostalgic and evocative. Hence the poem "Autumn Memories":

MAX: (reading) "Leaves fall from the mottled November sky, forming a crisp
blanket at my laboring feet. I scoop up some leaves into my arms and
breathe deeply of their autumn bounty. With both hands I spread these
leaves to cover the lifeless body of my victim."

(reaction: puzzled Conan)

MAX: "Shrouded in his leafy jacket, this is one neighbor who will no
longer slam his car doors late at night. I feel the release... and it is
good. But soon questions will be asked - something must be done. I spy the
woodchipper in the corner of my yard..."
COB: Uh, Max?
MAX: "Its gleaming metal sides beckon me to finish the job. I drag my
victim feet-first towards the chipper's gaping maw. I laugh - ha ha ha ha
ha! Who's the idiot now, huh, Larry?"
COB: (rising) All right, Max, that's great, that's terrific...
MAX: (vehemently) Conan! Please! I'm NOT finished yet! "Grind, grind,
grind goes the chipper as it does its gruesome work!"