1:01pm: k
im trying something new.
this also keeps my mind busy. Im expirementing with php, lamejournal and my domain thinger. i want to add it over there where my Homepage link is. but for right now u can check it out here. i wanna make it so my poor readers can customize MY journal. k?
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12:24am: happy bday
Today 1-15-2004 one year ago.. just about this time - 12:24 AM, i was taking mel to the hospital. Providence Memorial Hospital. Yasmine Isadora Castro was born today One year ago. I can't really recall what time it was right off hand now. I remember taking isis to melissas parents house. I remember Rita getting mad at the fact that i had to drive all the way down to the other side of town just to drop isis off with melissa in the car/in labor, when her damn parents could've taken one of the 5 vehicles they have parked outside their home and met us at the hospital. It was different from when Isis was born. Isis didn't want to come out haha :)
Yasmine sorta popped out. I remember i got to cut her umbilical cord. I was scared. Mom and mel still laugh at me, because when the doctor asked - "where do you guys live?",
I answered "5013 Mt. Vernon..." when he meant what side of town do you live on.. im such a retard haha! :P
The 14th, Melissa had worked in the morning and didn't even realize she was dilating. She always made me proud about that. She was tough and still is. I was working 3pm - 11pm that day. I remember mel brought me some chicken enchiladas. Damn they were soooo good. She brought them to me at work- we were still living at my moms, so she came walking with Isis in the stroller. i saw her and she looked sick and pale. I told James [a regular customer who was hanging out with me at the store] and Rita who was still there, there's something wrong with her. she looks sick. they insisted no. I was right.
melissa and i were watching the ring today before she went to bed. i don't know what it was about that movie today. it made me uncomfortable. i guess the little girl being dead and all. yknow? bad timing for that movie i suppose. we came upstairs and mel was crying. my mom tells me that my grandma used to cry even up to old age about losing one of my aunts as a baby too. i don't think this pain will ever go away for either of us.
I know i can't hold you in my arms anymore.
I know i can't make up to you what i did wrong.
I feel like i'm going crazy sometimes.
Why did you had to leave me so soon...
leave me to cry forever. I'll never see your first steps.
I'll never hear your first words. I'll never get to give you away at your wedding. See you dressed up on prom night. Argue with you about frivalous little things. See you drive for the first time. Walk you to school. Those opportunities died the day that you left us. I blame only myself for ruining our family. Only because i was so careless. If i had only checked sooner, maybe i would have gotten to you on time. All i can do is blame myself for you being gone now. I hope you know i will always love you. Though i won't see your precious little face again, or hold your warm little body in my arms close to me, I love you my precious little angel. Happy 1st Birthday.
Love,
Dad.
Yasmine Isadora Castro
1/15/2003 - 6/08/2003
for anyone intersted in looking at the above link. my baby is the 3rd photo down on the right, 4th entry down on the left.
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