hoping she will soon explode

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-12-17T16:08:00

2005-12-17T23:24:17Z

Everything seems to be going to shit... because of my own doing?... Who knows. I've made mistakes, I'm making mistakes. I'm sorry. Is it too much to ask that you don't hate me?

Living in a dorm this semester has been interesting. Now I'm back home for break, and I feel surprisingly isolated. It's nice to have a shoulder to cry on at a moment's notice. Wow, that sounds really corny. I'm kind of depressed to be home. Sometimes it seems like I cause more problems here than anywhere else. But the past few days of finals, the dorm (the whole campus actually) was so incredibly depressing, I couldn't wait to leave. I don't want to go back, either. After Christmas, my sister is getting my old room, so then it won't really feel like I have a home to go back to anymore. Sad. I'm tired of feeling like I'm losing friends everytime I move. Everything seems sadly temporary.

Well, that was an interesting way of skimming the surface of everything that's so fucking wrong right now.

I am alone.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-10-02T05:15:00

2005-10-02T10:15:49Z

My favorite animals are tigers and jellyfish.

For now.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-09-29T23:43:00

2005-09-30T04:59:30Z

Yesterday I rescued a baby bird.
I was walking back to my dorm and I approached two girls pointing at something on the ground. I went over and saw it was a tiny bird, maybe half the size of an egg. It's leg was broken. While I was getting out some notebook paper to pick it up off the sidewalk, this big fat lady walked by and kicked it! She didn't even see it. People are so oblivious sometimes. Anyway, I called Megan and Emily and they came and brought a box. We took it to the veterinary school building but nobody could help us. We found an animal hospital and took it there. They accepted the bird and gave us a phone number so we could check up on him. Happy ending.

Riki and I went to a poetry slam.
Somebody wrote a very humorous poem about livejournal.

I got free food.
I went to dinner with a bunch of people for my friend's birthday. The waitress knocked over my water glass. All over me, glass included. So I got a free meal!

I am now officially double majoring.
As of today, in psychology (which will probably change) and studio art.

I missed the Nine Inch Nails/Queens of the Stoneage/Autolux concert.
I got some shirts, though.

I keep having the weirdest dreams.
I have this reoccuring dream in which I am in a situation where I really need to punch somebody, but my arms feel like limp noodles. I was having this dream last week, and I finally got my "dream arms" to move... then I woke myself up by actually punching the wall next to my bed.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-09-19T16:53:00

2005-09-19T22:01:49Z

- I haven't done any laundry since I've moved to Tucson, and I am just now really running out of clothes.
- Down here the parties start on Thursday night.
- It's really hard to get things done when you're living next to all your friends.
- I am now playing soccer (no, I'm not very good...yet) and taking Ballroom Dancing lessons.
- For some reason I decided to get a facebook and myspace account.
- Jasmine, Kara, and I almost got sprayed by a skunk on Saturday night.
- I have met like... maybe two people who like the music I do.
- I just got free adultswim posters.
- Arrested Development is the best show ever.
- I went to a tea party last night.
- Jasmine is soooo heartless when she's hungry... just kidding!
- Must get a job soon. Jasmine says I should work at Starbucks.
- I think it's going to rain soon.
- The other day I went to Bruegger's Bagels to wasted 5 bucks on a sandwich. My card wouldn't go through, so they gave it to me for free. score

"It's an illusion, not a trick. A trick is something whores do for money. Or cocaine." - Gob.

Party on, dudes.

2005-09-10T10:20:38Z

Somehow I have become a night person. owl. something ugly.
Sometimes dancing is fun, sometimes it's not. Like tonight. Dancing was NOT fun tonight. I miss dancing with all you guys. And watching Jen dance/try to have sex with everything. But you know what was fun tonight? Watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. I think I still like Bogus Journey better.
My digital camera keeps saying battery depleted, even though I just put brand-new batteries in it? What could be the matter?
The last time I saw Afton was a sad night. That's not good! I hope I'll see you soon.
Rachel, I really liked playing pool with you and Dan that night.

I don't know what I am doing here. Tucson is a cool town, but I am just so tired of the desert. Nobody around here seems to know that you're supposed to walk on the right side of the sidewalk. Nobody talks about anything but their classes. What'syourmajor?What'syourmajor?What'syourmajor?What'syourmajor?What'syourmajor? Aaaah I will go crazy. And, Katie, everyone here looks the same too. I would attempt to describe the typical attire, but I have to see it every fucking day. Who knows, maybe I look just like everyone else too. Everyone I meet seems to me so transparent. Everyone's just looking for a good time.

I have discovered that I really HATE saying my name out loud to a group of people. I am going to all these club meetings for some reason, maybe because I didn't really in high school, and in every meeting we have to play some stupid name game. Next time I am going to say I'm the Queen of France.

I have developed this really bad habit of daydreaming about Jared Leto falling in love with me. It's bad because now I look at guys and think, well, he's not ugly, but he bears no resemblance to Jared Leto, thus, I cannot find him attractive. Lame. Never mind, I don't think it's that extreme. I think you start developing celebrity crushes when you haven't had a crush on a real person in a long time. Or maybe it's just something that happens to pathetic people. And I really don't see what's wrong with me having a girl-crush on Angelina Jolie. Doesn't everyone have one? Some people just don't understand the concept of same-sex platonic crushes. Although, she could probably trick me into having sex with her...haha

Blahblahblahmmmmm. If you were to get anything pierced, what would it be? If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be?

I think it's lame when people write "everything!" under "Favorite Music." If you don't have a few favorite bands, that's just strange. I just like learning about people. It seems like often nobody wants to tell someone else what they really like or don't like in fear of alienating themselves.

Wicker Park is a great movie because there's a Mum song in it!

This is probably a whole lot of crap.

P.S. For some reason "The Great Gatsby" reminds me of "Eyes Wide Shut."

Sooooo

2005-08-24T03:37:11Z

I left for Tucson without telling anybody. That's because I was depressed, rushing to pack all my shit, and you guys have all forgotten about me anyway. So there's that. Second day of school... everything is going okay, I guess. There are too many people here and I don't know too many of them. I guess I will post some pictures later. I have only had two classes a day so far, but it feels like I have so much to do already. There are a million clubs to join and activities to do and places to check out... I don't have a car right now, so I walk everywhere. I have to get a map of Tucson to see what is in walkable range outside the university.

I think I might be coming back for a weekend soon; I will let you guys know. Oh, hey, Jasmine is in my dorm! Maybe we can go back to Phx together sometime. Or, you guys can all come down and visit us.

I miss... everything.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-08-13T12:54:00

2005-08-13T20:17:19Z

I am bored. Lj is depressing. It reminds that there are, in fact, people who are actively having fun with other people right now, while I am definitely not. I am so depressed that I can't even think about writing about anything worth reading. Here's the best I can do:

-I am about to buy a new laptop. Any helpful hints?
-I am leaving for college very soon. My room mate's name is Lilian.
-I just watched Alexander. mmmjaredletommmangelinajoliemmm
-I stayed up until four am to watch the meteor shower the other night. I didn't drive out of the city far enough, so I only saw a few. It was worth it though.
-Over vacation I found "House of Leaves" in hardback, which is extremely rare. For $6. Original/cover price: $40. "House of Leaves" by Mark Z. Danielewski is one of my favorite books. It is incredible. Mark's sister is Poe, the singer. Her album, "Haunted" is an interpretation of her childhood, as "House of Leaves" is of Mark's. The book basically has a soundtrack.
-I have a lot to do before I leave.
-Yesterday was my last day of work at Citation. I'll miss it a little in a very strange way. I have this feeling I was not a very good employee.
-Nine Inch Nails and Devendra Banhart are both coming to Tucson, so there's something to look forward to.
-I miss Mr. Berge.
-I just saw "Aliens of the Deep" at the Imax. It was incredible. You know how some people have those "things" they have to do before they die? Well, one of mine is to go deep-sea diving or go in a submarine, or something. I might have to become a marine biologist to do that. Never mind, I don't know why I'm writing about this.

This is more than I meant to write, and I don't really feel any better.

Deep Thoughts

2005-07-16T17:52:13Z

I will now leave you all with the eloquent words of Jack Handey.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because hey, free dummy.

I guess of all my uncles, I like Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."
He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke.
I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

I hope you are all having a nice summer so far...

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-07-11T20:02:00

2005-07-12T03:14:21Z

"Blue you sit so pretty west of the One
Sparkles light with yellow icing
just a mirror for the sun

These smiling eyes are
just a mirror for the sun"

That is a CA song, I say.
So far I have:

- steered a sailboat out to sea
- visited the Monterey Bay Aquarium
- surfed
- laid out in the sun without getting hot, amazing, I know
- eaten breakfast with a wonderful view of the ocean everyday
- eaten at Bubba Gump's Shrimp Co. (I only mention this because I would like to say that "Forrest Gump" is a depressing, spirit-crushing movie and that Forrest is named after the guy who founded the Ku Klux Klan.)
- watched fireworks along the whole bay
- read some great books
- taken some awesome pictures of stuff that isn't dirt or cacti
- had a bonfire on the beach
- learned all about wedding rings
- decided that Arizona sucks and everybody should get out while they still can

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-07-11T10:05:00

2005-07-11T17:07:17Z

California is everything that Arizona isn't.

It seems to be in our nature.

2005-05-30T01:07:01Z

Is it possible that our purpose as humans is to destroy the earth?

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-05-29T17:34:00

2005-05-30T01:04:43Z

I am not liking summer so far. I hate how I stay up so late and wake up so late, I hate how everything feels hot and lazy, I hate how I fell hot and lazy. I have not really accomplished anything, except for finishing two wonderfully interesting books: DIARY by Chuck Palahniuk and TEMPLE by Matthew Reilly. DIARY posed some intriguing questions regarding art; lately I have been contemplating the point of art, and writing, all creative pursuits. [I am planning on double-majoring in fine/studio art and (blank) this fall, so..] I sometimes feel that the only great accomplishment we can achieve as humans is to utilize and expand our abilities to create, more specifically to create art (including writing). What other purpose could we have? What do you think? What good are our "expanded" minds? It seems to me that people who have no desire to create something is... I don't know, but it seems wrong. How could anyone listen to music or see a beautiful piece of art, or watch a dance, or read a great novel without wanted to do that themselves?
I think that the very essence of being human is the process of creation, and although it's constantly occurring all around us, we are always building, inventing, growing, we also live in a society so huge that you just don't need to create anything yourself. You don't have to build your house or cook your food or garden your own garden or even do your own hair. This all may be fine and natural, but then everybody just gets incredibly lazy.
It's funny how the "freedom," the "pursuit of happiness" that this country was founded upon has now evolved (devolved?) into the "freedom to buy happiness." This is why I think creating art, writing, and music is so beneficial; you're not buying, you're doing.
There is so much to think about...

I know God loves me because

2005-05-27T01:08:08Z

today I was flipping through the channels and came across "Highway," a movie about two teenagers taking a cross-country ride to Seattle, starring...

JARED LETO

AND

JAKE GYLLENHAAL

mmmmm.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-05-12T21:28:00

2005-05-13T04:35:13Z

Today I went to the school Newspaper Banquet and received the "Biggest Perfectionist" award.

Yesterday I spent four hours in the darkroom making prints.

I discovered that one of my friends has experienced something I live in constant fear of. Okay, not fear, but, um, fuck it, I'm scared of bugs crawling in my ears. There.

I complain too often.

My mother has a black belt in karate.

My new obsession is finely shaved ice.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-05-12T00:16:00

2005-05-12T07:25:57Z

YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING IDIOTS.

some messages

2005-05-06T05:03:51Z

ALL: So, what will we be doing tomorrow? Call me now.

ASHLEY: You were the only one to wish me a Happy Cinco de Mayo today. You are gorgeous in your prom pictures. I must take pics of fancy Ashley.

JEN: I like your new pictures very much. Did I miss an orgy during NIN?

RIKI: Hold me closer, tiny dancer... hahahaha! I'm missing out.

ERROLIN: Miss me in physics much? We totally kick ass in our group projects. Must hang out soon without doing physics projects, right?

LESLIE: I hope that your shitty day is covering you for at least a week. You were beautifully tragic that day.

KYLE: Congratulations on your scholarship! And for now, just pretend it's okay to eat pizza everyday. You can get away with it until you get fat.

WHITNEY: I read your userinfo today. Have you ever seen "Abre los Ojos?" It's a Spanish version of Vanilla Sky, starring Penelope Cruz. I don't know which came before or after, though.

VINCE: Quit giving me the mean look. Darren gets jealous.

AFTON: I miss my first Sunrise friend! What are we going to do?

RAMONA: Maybe I'll see you this weekend. Sometimes I worry you hate me for talking to your dad. Or maybe I depress you. Sorry, parents really frustrate me sometimes.

JUSTINE: The beautiful brunette. I hardly ever see you due to your Starbucks aversion. Let's fix that, shall we?

BERGE: I think you need new shoes again. And that "I wanna die" painting.

RACHEL M: Rocket man. Please don't tell me your dad saw those pictures.

KATIE: Mrs. Hunter read your senior speech to our class. Everyone laughed a lot. I think the next speech you write should be in the form of your Damien conversations.

EVERYONE ELSE: I ran out of personal messages, so here are a few misc. ones:

NO 1: CVS/Pharmacy is my new favorite place. We should go there sometime.
NO 2: Have you gotten a good look at the penis at the end of Fight Club yet? Now that's what I call subliminal messaging.
NO 3: If we were Monopoly game pieces, I would be the iron, and you would be the wheelbarrow.
NO 4: I like playing board games.

I can come up with new ones if these aren't satisfactory.

I am

2005-04-29T20:41:06Z

leaving for Las Vegas today. I hope you all have fun at Prom/Coachella.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-04-18T23:26:00

2005-04-19T06:30:00Z

Today at work I stood in the bathroom and opened a fortune cookie. The white rectangle said, "The wise thing to do is prepare for the unexpected." Then I thought, I better eat this fortune cookie before something unexpected happens that would prevent me from eating it. So I ate it.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-04-18T23:26:00

2005-04-19T06:26:22Z

[sad face] no takers.

Coachella is ruining my senior prom. Stay home.

2005-04-12T03:13:29Z

I want to go to prom so I can do drugs in a pretty dress.

Any takers?

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-04-03T21:01:00

2005-04-04T04:27:39Z

It's nice to go to the Renaissance Festival because it's nice to pretend that there was a time when guys just galloped around on horses wearing shiny things and women merrily cooked yummy food and the kids played in big open fields with deer and lambs, and everybody was happy, healthy and full of beer and the king loved them all and everyone loved each other and life was wonderful.
But everyone was really killing each other, or getting killed by the bubonic plague, or getting raped, or tortured by some tyrant king, or eating rotten, week-old meat, or getting legs amputated without any anesthesia.
Well, fantasy and ignorance are a good thing when you're trying to have a good time. And who would want to go to a festival celebrating reality?
So... the Renaissance Festival was fun. Although, I was a little disappointed when no one got up and sang "we will rock you" at the beginning of the jousting tournament like in A Knight's Tale. And there was a definite absence of Heath Ledger in tights and a sexy, rugged hairdo. Oh, well. But, hey, if you've got a thing for the knights of the round table or even Robin Hood, this is the place to be.
I would recommend bringing your own drink, because they charge $3 for a soda AND they don't even give you a lid or straw, because apparently those didn't exist during the Renaissance. But, yes, Coke and plastic cups did, of course.
I think it would be fun to work there, because it really does feel like a microcosm of some forgotten and perhaps nonexistant place, where everyone is united in their desire for fun and food and a song and shade to rest in with perfect strangers and not feel out of place.
It's funny how goddamn uniting a stupid hat with a feather in it can be.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-04-03T05:24:00

2005-04-03T12:24:59Z

I am going to the Renaissance Festival today...

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-03-29T15:08:00

2005-03-29T22:10:21Z

Anybody who talks to my sister.... do me a favor and stop talking to her.

Or, if not, at least don't talk to her about me. Do not divulge ANYTHING you may know about me to her.

Thanks.

I wanna die

2005-03-25T23:38:20Z

It's funny, sometimes life seems so unbelievably perfect and so tragically flawed that the only thing you can do with it is to write it or paint it or play it. And then you just can't. All of a sudden you taste too much, you hear too much, you see too much, you feel too much to translate life into anything. So, maybe we're not supposed to do anything. But that seems impossible.

_diamondstarcar @ 2005-03-09T22:54:00

2005-03-10T05:54:08Z

Your Silver-Age Superhero Career

LJ Username

Your alias first-name is:

Your alias last-name is:

You can turn....

...into:

You team up with...

kedrin

...to battle:

zombie yuppies

You petition to join:

the Legion of Doom

Their response:

they agree, but not before they all french-kiss you

You are best remembered for:

your heartfelt rendition of the national anthem before the Super Bowl

Your heroic level: - 97%

This quiz by sigma7 - Taken 60777 Times.
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