IT'S A TRAP!

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This is the further pussification of America. Another
wonderful attempt at punitive taxation under the guise
of public well-being. I love smoking cigars. I know
they're not good for me. Nothing in this planet is.
But this type of taxation is just an example of more
of our liberties being taken away by us not affording
to purchase cigars. I'm as serious as a heart attack
on this issue. Read below and take action!

The U.S. Senate will shortly vote on a proposal to expand
the state children’s health insurance program by $35 billion.
Funding is to be provided solely through higher tobacco taxes.
The tax increases on cigars are particularly punitive,
as all large cigars would be subject to a tax of 53.13% of the
manufacturer’s selling price. This is an increase of 156.4%
over the current rate! And, while the current tax on cigars is
capped so no cigar pays more than $.05 in federal taxes,
the proposed legislation would increase the cap by 20,413%
(not a typo) to $10 per cigar! The combination of these two
factors will result in a dramatic increase in cigar prices in
the U.S. and many cigar companies are likely to go out of business.

I urge you to phone the offices of your own U.S. Senators
(see list below), give them your name and address and ask
that they vote to oppose the punitively high cigar tax increases
in the state children’s health insurance legislation.
Please call only your own U.S. Senators because Senators
respond to the concerns their constituents, not to those who
live in other states.

( List of United States Senators Office Phone NumbersCollapse )

As some of you know, I'm a man of science. I like to hypothesize, theorize and other hip hop sounding dogshit. I like asking myself and my friends questions in the realms of ridiculousness, all in the name of science. Most would call these kinds of questions "pot-talk" questions, i.e. questions you'd ask your equally-as-baked friends. But since I don't smoke, I will call it hypotheses.
For instance, a month or so ago, I asked a few of my friends this question:
What's the largest animal you think you could beat in a fistfight? Initially if I recall I said a giraffe. Take out one of those stick legs so it couldn't stand and then I'd work my ground game. But then someone said something and I may have changed my mind, I can't remember I was probably really high on whip-its or some shit.
This next question came from my good buddays Ron and Fez, whose radio show lives for questions such as this. So, humor me and send me an answer.
Here goes:
You're given $100 Million, that's $100,000,000 to move to anywhere in the world. Once you have moved in and are settled, you cannot travel farther than 5 miles away from where you live for the rest of your life. No cheap-shit answers like live in a caravan and just move it to wherever you need to go, that's horseshit.
So, to recap - $100M to live in a place where you cannot travel farther than a 5 mile radius for the rest of your life.
Would you do it? If so, where would you move to geographically? NYC? Sydney? Tokyo?
Why do I ask? Because it's 3:30 in the goddamn morning and I had to get up and work for a few hours. Change controls on production servers are a fucking bitch.
Answer back!

Here are my artsy photos, untouched. I'll do some color balancing and art fag bullshit when I have the time to slide my thumb in my asshole.

( Click Here to ProceedCollapse )

I sent this as a myspace message to a friend. Upon rereading it and appreciating it's absurdity, I figured I'd share with all my lj buddies.

Shit's been really stressful at work. A potential consolidation with Verizon Communications (landline company) and Wireless put all of us up in limbo. Today at work a bunch of work came down from my VP that needed to be done by tomorrow morning. Keep in mind, this was at 3:45pm and I'm done at 4. So I go to one of my friends Aaron, who is a supervisor in my department. I start asking him procedural questions and other random questions about a particular daily task he does. It involves 6 different automated reports that I run that produce different data altogether. My VP wants me to consolidate all 6 reports into 1 and send it to someone at Communications, by 7am tomorrow. Keep in mind, generating a single report usually takes me 4-6 hours. So this would involve me somehow merging all 6 reports into a conglomerated, mulatto, MONGREL report. It basically couldn't be done. So as he's showing me this stuff that he does with these reports, I mutter to myself "This is fucking bullshit. If they make me try and do this, I'll just hang myself. I will tie up a noose and hang myself." This apparently caught my friend by surprise and was shocked at my comment.
Anyways, I call my VP, tell her the deal and make my way to my car. I put on my XM and let the car warm up. As it's warming up, I start pulling the iPod out of my hoodie pocket so I can stick it between the ass and back cushions of my passenger seat, so it doesn't tumble around in my car as I drive home. So as I fumbled and pulled the iPod out, I slowly keel over to the passenger seat and start sticking it between the cushions. All of a sudden I hear, "YO! DONT!" I look up at my passenger side window to see my friend Aaron slam his elbow into it. It doesn't break and he grabs his elbow as he writhes in pain.
I lower my window and ask him what the fuck he was doing. He yells out, "DUDE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF! I walked up and you slumped to one side."
I cried the whole way home as I saw a black man blush. His face looked like grape kool-aid and cherry kool-aid with all the blush blotches.
It's good to see that someone would try to save me from a suicide attempt. Then again, I think he just thought it would be uncouth of me to off myself in front of the day-care center. Who knows...

...as we all know, or at least should know, my birthday is in 6 days. Come shower me with gifts, or with hurtful insults and spit. Either way, we're all winners.

I honestly have nothing else to report on. I mean, I do, but I'm so lazy that I really don't have anything to really say.