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Monday, September 29th, 2003
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DEATH EATER PUBLICLY TURNS TO THE LIGHT
Draco Malfoy Renounces His Affiliation With He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
Draco Malfoy, only heir to the Malfoy Estate and son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, publicly renounced his affiliation with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named last week in a personal interview with this reporter.
With the Dark Mark clearly visible on Mister Malfoy’s arm during the interview, it was with a solemn aura that I asked my questions. In my opinion, his admirable answers were sincere.
It is frightening that Malfoy was able to take the Dark Lord’s mark while still a student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and more frightening still Malfoy alludes to other students and even professors who may share that affiliation. However, I must make clear that Malfoy has, as of yet, refused to name fellow Death Eater’s publicly.
Though he would not divulge the reason for his turning to the Light, Malfoy did say; “Someone told me that I needed to live my own life… And I realized then that I never would have been able to following that path which was laid before me at my birth.”
Headmaster Dumbledore has assured us that the Wizengamot will not be bringing charges against Malfoy, claiming that he has been an active Death Eater for too short a time and that Dumbledore himself knows him to be uninvolved in any of the recent activities.
This brave change of allegiance no doubt puts Malfoy directly into harm’s way, both from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his former peers. “I, and other defenders of the Light, will do everything in our power to protect him,” Dumbledore said.
by Ameria Freesiton, Staff Reporter
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Saturday, September 27th, 2003
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HOGSMEADE BENEFIT CONCERT
Weird Sisters Perform at Hogwarts Tomorrow Night
The renowned rock group, the Weird Sisters, will take to the stage at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry tomorrow night in an effort to raise funds to rebuild the town of Hogsmeade. As everyone is no doubt aware, many Hogsmeade homes and businesses were destroyed in the attack last Saturday and any money you can spare towards this important cause would be greatly appreciated.
by Bridget Rowan, Staff Reporter
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Saturday, September 20th, 2003
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HOGSMEADE LEVELLED
Death Eater Attack on Wizarding Village Leaves Behind Devastation
Today, just after noon, in the village of Hogsmeade, the only pure wizarding settlement in the United Kingdom, was attacked by a band of Death Eaters.
The village was fill of students from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy visiting the shops along with the regular residents of the town and school professors go about their business. Though the professors seemed to be alert and watching for the students, the attack took everyone in the village by surprise.
It began when Death Eaters, followers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, apparrated in to different points throughout the village. Before long, they attacked and chaos reigned throughout the village. While staff, such as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor Isadora Knight, former auror, Transfigurations Professor McGonagall and Muggle Studies Professor Wigworthy, worked in conjunction with Hogsmeade book store owner Samuel Capper and ministry officials Arthur Weasley and Daisy Gudgeon, both in the village visiting family, to combat the work of the Death Eaters. Witches and wizards worked together to save the children, most of whom were immediately saved by simply returning to the safety of Hogwarts castle, and the village from this terrible onslaught.
Fires raged as the Death Eaters continued their reign of terror and destruction on the innocents in the village. Though the witches and wizards combating them worked hard, the level of evil destruction was beyond the scope of their imagination.
By the time all of the scene had settled, Gladrags, Zonkos, and Scrivenshaft’s buildings had all collapsed and fire was licking up toward Dervish and Banges, devasting more of the village than even the work of the Death Eaters had already accomplished. In the aftermath, the toll of injuries and death was a higher price than most could afford to pay. The most devasting was the loss of Professor Wigworthy and two Hogwarts students, names to be released at a later date. While the wizarding world mourns their loss, one suspected Death Eater, Douglas Greengrass and one confirmed Death Eater, Mr. Dirk Perks, were killed in the battle.
As the war between light and dark rages on, we can be prepared for more incidents of attacks on the innocents of the wizarding world. One certainly hopes that the Ministry takes the actions of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named more seriously and works on dismantling his empire.
by L. M. Jordan, staff reporter
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Saturday, August 30th, 2003
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ESCAPES FROM AZKABAN
Notorious Death Eater Antonia Sinistra Discovered Missing
The breakouts from Azkaban Penitentiary continue as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named seems to grow in power by collecting even his most ancient supporters. Tonight, during a routine patrol of the hallways, three guards were found dead. The bloody and brutal scene was reminiscent of the guard found after the escape of the Perks, father and son, from the isolated prison. Tonight, the prisoner Antonia Sinstra was found to be missing from her cell and the woman was not located in the surrounding area either.
Antonia Sinstra is 58 and tall, dark eyes and hair. She's related to the Black family, though she married in, related through her husband Mosrael and her maiden name being Burke. She was convicted of being in league with Voldemort, after the first war, specifically for torturing muggles, along with her husband Mosrael, who died in Azkaban eleven years ago. She has two daughters, Saraneth Sinistra, and Ellimere MacMillan.
It is still merely speculation for the reason behind these escapes. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his loyal followers are suspected of removing their captured comrades for a yet unknown purpose. The continued escapes reflect poorly on both the guards of the prison and the Ministry of Magic. How can we expect them to protect us or even govern us when they are unable to confine the known murders? It brings to light more questions than it does answers most certainly.
by Bridget Rowan, Staff Reporter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
BODIES DISCOVERED
Ritual Deaths Discovered on the Moors of Southwest England
Late last evening, three bodies were discovered by a muggle hiker on the Moors in southwest England. An isolated spot of the moors was the location of their burial, their bodies preserved by the qualities of the area they were in. The way they were laid out in such a ritual manner was what led to the ministry originally being alerted to the bodies.
When the Ministry’s officials arrived, it was discovered that all three bodies bore the stain of Dark Magic, such as the mark used by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Two, one male and one female, had had their throats slit and the third, whom was male, was assumed to have been killed by the illegal Killing Curse due to the absence of marks on his body.
The bodies have been identified. The lone female was Fiona Kelly, a former student of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardy and proud member of the Hufflepuff House and a muggle born currently working as a seamstress for Madame Malkin. The young male, also from the Hufflepuff House, was identified as Thomas Becker, also muggle born, who was an employed by the Broken Teapot eatery establishment in Manchester. The third body, an older wizard, was the most surprising in itself identification. Noted Death Eater (a loyal follower of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named), Rudolphus Lestrange was the person who had been killed by the dreaded Killing Curse.
It is uncertain of what the significance of these deaths and the manner of the deaths seems to be important as well. The Ministry is not releasing any further information on the deaths or whether these are connected to the bodies found earlier this summer or if it is the work of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Our investigations into these issues will continue, both the deaths and the Ministries work on the cover up surrounding them.
by L. Jordan, Staff Reporter
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Monday, August 25th, 2003
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Greengrass - Malfoy Wedding
Daphne Greengrass to wed Draco Malfoy
Douglass and Claudia Greengrass are proud to announce the engagement of their daughter Daphne Anastasia Greengrass to Draco Justinian Malfoy, son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.
The bride-to-be is currently a sixth form student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and is a member of Slytherin House, as were her parents. The groom-to-be is also a sixth form Slytherin at Hogwarts, as were his parents. Nuptials, still to be planned, will take place after the couple leaves Hogwarts.
The Prophet would like to extend its sincerest congratulations to the, no doubt, happy couple.
Submitted by Mrs. Claudia Greengrass, editing by Mary Sunlewel, Daily Prophet Staff.
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Saturday, August 16th, 2003
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VAMPIRE HORROR IN MANCHESTER</font>
Local wizard found completely drained of blood
MANCHESTER - The wizard community here is in still in shock, after local resident, Charles Robert Nott, age 62, was found dead not meters from his front door early Saturday morning, the victim of an apparent vampire attack.
Mr Nott, a retired Ministry of Magic employee, was found in the early hours of the morning by his wife Teresa, who came out looking for him after he did not turn up in bed last night.
"I bid him good night," the distraught Mrs Nott told this reporter. "I went up to bed. And then...he just didn't show up. I was still awake. I looked all through the house, and I just couldn't find him anywhere. So, I went outside...and [Charles] was just...just laying there."
At that point, Mrs Nott was unable to provide any further comment.
Aurors arrived on the scene in the wee hours of the morning. According to sources, they have no leads at this time. A wand was found in close vicinity to the body, but on inspection, it proved to belong to the deceased. Speculation is, for the moment, that the vampire lured the deceased out of his house, and dispatched him in the bushes across the lane.
The unfortunate Mr Nott bore all the classic signs of a vampire attack: puncture wounds on the neck, as well as a lack of blood in the body. Death, however, was apparently caused by a broken neck.
Meanwhile, the citizens of Manchester and indeed all of Britain must now be faced with the knowledge that a vampire killer may be on the loose. But, there is an odd twist to this murder. Is this vampire truly a killer? Or possibly some sort of saviour? Upon further examination of the body it was revealed to this reporter that Nott bore the Dark Mark. Yes, the sign of You-Know-Who Himself. Whether or not this has any bearing on Nott's murder has remained to be seen...
by Elly van Houten - staff reporter
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Friday, August 15th, 2003
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ESCAPE FROM AZKABAN
Notorious Death Eaters Dirk and Seth Perks Missing
This evening guards changing shifts at Azkaban Penitentiary were greeted to a gruesome and frightening sight. Outside the cell holding Dirk Perks and his son Seth, both convicted of crimes against wizardkind, the afternoon guard Edward Borrington was found nearly decapitated. More ominous, perhaps, is that after a thorough search of the facilities, the prisoners were no where to be found.
Dirk Perks, 53, and his son Seth, 21, were both convicted after evidence, given by an undisclosed family member, proved their undeniable guilt. Both men are tall with dark hair and olive complexions. They will likely be traveling together. If you have any information, or feel that you may have seen either of these men, please contact the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Be warned that both convicts should be considered dangerous.
We can only speculate that these escapes, which must have been aided by someone outside of Azkaban, are the first steps in He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's plans to gather his loyal supporters to his side in preparation for the new war. Again, we urge increased caution for all of our readers.
by Andreas Lontithe, Staff Reporter
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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
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HORROR IN HOGSMEADE
Two Bodies Found Beneath a Dark Mark
Horror befell Hogsmeade late this evening, as two patrons of the Three Broomsticks, retiring for the evening, happened upon two bodies just east of the wizarding village. The young witch and elderly wizard, who have since been identified as Mary-Beth Coral and Algernon Dimpthistle, were found in an outlying field. The Dark Mark was still visible hovering over the bodies.
Coral, 20, graduated from Hogwarts two years ago and was a member of Hufflepuff house. When asked for comment, her grief stricken parents had this to say. "Mary-Beth was a good girl. She would never have hurt anyone. She told us about everything going on in your world, and we begged her to take some time away from it, but all her friends were wizards or witches... she just wouldn't leave them." Her memorial service will be held in an undisclosed muggle cathedral, and the family asks that no members of the magical community attend.
Dimpthistle, 87, was identified at the scene by those patrons of the pub who came upon the corpses. "Nonny was a regular here," said Three Broomsticks matron Madame Rosemerta. "I can't believe he's gone." As of yet, no family relations have stepped forward to claim Dimpthistle's body.
The staff of The Daily Prophet extends its sincerest regards to those touched by this tragedy. Please let this serve as a reminder to all that He Who Must Not Be Named has, very obviously, returned. Once again we urge the utmost caution to all of our readers.
by Andreas Lontithe, Staff Reporter
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Thursday, August 7th, 2003
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MALFOY FREED
Lucius Malfoy, Suspected Death Eater, is Cleared of Charges and Released from Azkaban
Unexpected developments have been discovered by the Daily Prophet today as we discovered that Mister Lucius Malfoy was released due to the exploitation of a technicality. Soliciwizards working on Malfoy’s behalf have found a loophole in the wizarding law that allowed them to free him from incarceration in the wizarding prison Azkaban.
The technicality, lack of an appropriate trial and breaking of a wizard’s wand prior to incarceration at Azkaban, is the definite fault of the Ministry of Magic and Minister Fudge’s inept attempts to cover the reappearance of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. After the events at the Ministry of Magic which occurred at the end of June, Minister Fudge worked hard to cover up the foibles of his administration with regards to You-Know-Who and his followers, known as Death Eaters. Any supposed Death Eaters involved in that attack were captured by the valiant efforts of the Ministry’s Aurors and the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Those who were captured as presumed Death Eaters were immediately sentenced to Azkaban and delivered there without a trial.
Soliciwizards working on Mister Malfoy’s behalf have used the lack of a trial to seek release for him. In fact, in order to aid their case, Mister Malfoy’s unbroken wand was presented to the Ministry by Malfoy’s solici-wizard for examination according to inside sources, which was supposedly to show the Malfoy’s willingness to cooperate with the Ministry. While the results of the information it may or may not have provided are unavailable, statements from the Ministry present the assumption that they were unable to find a suitable reason or way to force a trial. Solici-wizards for the Ministry and Minister Fudge have conceded defeat and agreed to release Mister Malfoy without a trial or a mark on his record. Though suspected of Death Eater connections, these were never verified by the Ministry due to their sloppy investigation and methods of capturing those suspected.
This event seems to be merely another indication of the corruption of Minister Fudge has fallen to during the years of his administration. His connection to Mister Malfoy is well known throughout the Ministry and there is the possibility that the ‘old boy’s network’ was responsible for this favour and perhaps the lack of a trial in the first place.
When asked for comment on the decision, Lucius Malfoy, “Justice will always be delivered to those who need it.” Minister Fudge had this to say when asked about the result, “I stand by the decision of the MLE to incarcerate Mister Malfoy without a trial. They believed that since Mister Malfoy was arrested right where Lord Thingy had been and with You Know Who’s mark on his arm, there was no need for a trial. Rest assured, the members of the MLE will be disciplined for exceeding their authority.”
by Bridget Rowan, Staff Reporter
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Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
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Hogwarts Becomes More "Alive"
Respected Spectral Professor Traynor Binns Fired
In a move which surprised many Hogwarts alumni and governing board members on Monday, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore removed History of Magic Professor Traynor W. Binns from his teaching position.
"In light of recent events" Dumbledore said, "I feel it is prudent that the school be staffed with a more able, and a bit more tactile, faculty. I offered Traynor a lovely position as a resident library ghost, which he regretfully declined."
Binns, noted for being the only ghostly professor in the institution's history, has served Hogwarts for the past 97 years. This number is remarkable, of course, because Professor Binns left this mortal coil 43 years ago due to his advanced age. The rumor is that one morning, upon waking up in front of the staff room fire, he simply went off to class, leaving his body behind.
"I could have left my position, of course, become a wizened ghost somewhere more suitable for my kind, but I did not want to stop teaching. And I pity the students now, who will have to learn their History of Magic lessons from someone far less suitable than I! Why, I remember nearly thirty years ago, there was one young whippersnapper, merely 120 years old, who decided that he would seek to replace me. I put him in his place, and I will do so again!" Binns, noted for his intricate and near endless detailing of Magic history, had more to say on the subject. However, for lack of space, I will condense his words and note that he has vowed revenge upon Headmaster Dumbledore.
The Headmaster and governing board of Hogwarts has yet to find a replacement for the position. However, Dumbledore has said that he has several candidates in mind, and does not seem worried about filling the opening.
by Autumn Emalestia
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Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
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LEAKY CAULDRON EXPLOSION
Death Eaters and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named Attack Entrance to Diagon Alley from Muggle London
At roughly one o’clock this afternoon, a dreadful explosion leveled the building which houses the Leaky Cauldron and provides the entrance into Diagon Alley.
For unknown reasons, this location was attacked by You-Know-Who and several of his loyal followers, Death Eaters. The Leaky Cauldron was full of both adults and students and children enjoying a meal when the attack occurred. Few Death Eaters, followers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, were ultimately captured, but most were able to apparate and escape the crack down of the Ministry and its Aurors.
As soon as the explosion occurred, both wizards and muggles were alert. Apprentice Medi-Wizard Alex Stebbins was one of the first people on the scene as indicated by other Medi-staff. Though he used magic, illegal for someone underage and therefore breaking the Decree Against Underage Wizardy, he said, “I’m just doing what I can.” Both Wizards and Muggles alike should be grateful for his help and urgent care and Medi-Wizards on sight were grateful for his quick assistance, despite the fact that he had to break the decree. Also spotted on the scene was talented Medi-Witch Madame Poppy Pomfrey of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy.
Many of the occupants of the Leaky Cauldron seemed to be Hogwarts students on holiday. Pulled from the rubble and carried out on a stretcher was Theodore Nott. Also taken to St. Mungo’s and with the most serious of internal injuries was 6th year Slytherin, Daphne Anastasia Greengrass closely followed by the injuries sustained by Luna Lovegood, daughter of Terrian Lovegood, owner of The Quibbler. The Prophet wishes them a speedy recovery along with anyone with further injuries that were treated at St. Mungo's, including Pansy Parkinson, Brock Dunstan, Draco Malfoy and Seamus Finnigan - extent of those injuries is not known at this time.
With the Leaky Cauldron facing to Muggle London as well, a great deal of Ministry effort was centered with modifying memories of passing Muggles to remove any ideas of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Miss Daisy Gudgeon of the Ministry of Magic had this to say on the Ministry’s behalf, “This is a horrible scenario, of course, but the Ministry is prepared for and capable of handling it. Now please, Mr. Jordan, I have to help misdirect the Muggle press.” Also spotted working in close conjunction with Miss Gudgeon was Arthur Weasley of the Office of Misuse of Muggle Artifacts and well known for his Muggle sympathizing and interest in all things Muggle which made him an excellent liaison for the ministry. Briefly spotted as well were recently revealed ex-Auror Arabella Figg and current Auror Nymphondra Tonks which brings rise to the speculation that perhaps Miss Figg is returning to work for the Ministry, as they were seen capturing a Death Eater together.
As the Leaky Cauldron was entirely demolished, bringing the Wizarding World and the Muggle World into intimate contact, the Prophet wonders what will become the next entrance to Diagon Alley. Miss Penelope Clearwater, proprietress of the robe shop next door, whose abode sustained only minor damage, said this about what had happened, “Unhappy, what do you think?”
With war now coming to the heart of the Wizarding World and Diagon Alley, hopefully the Ministry of Magic will double its efforts to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
by L. Jordan
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YOU-KNOW-WHO SPEAKS
Muggle Computer Journals Invaded by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
As reported earlier, Hogwarts students have begun using Muggle contraptions called computers to communicate with each other on journals as part of their Muggle Studies classes. The journals are an experiement in not only using Muggle artifacts but also in communications and inter-house relations. Ministry and Prophet employees as well as staff of Hogwarts have also been seen using the journals.
But last night, the enjoyment of a school project was interrupted. You-Know-Who posted this public statement:
"YOU WILL ALL PAY!
Think that you've won this time? Protected that f******* Potter brat for just a little longer?
I'll have him. Just like I'll have so so so very many more of you. How many have I taken already? Is one F******* BRAT worth it?
Enjoy your f******* victory. You won't be happy for long. “
The statement certainly made both parents and students nervous for no one had realized that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would now be reading the writings of our children whom attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. What was just meant to be a harmless learning experience now holds untold danger for our young witches and wizards as well. Caution is encouraged to those students as recently, several incarnated Death Eaters, followers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, have written as well.
Dumbledore, aware of the concern, posted this response:
“My Fellow Witches and Wizards, Concerned Parents, and most importantly of all, Students,
Before rumours begin to mar and twist the truth, I would like to clarify what has happened. No doubt those of you using these journals have, by now, discovered a post by the dark wizard Tom Riddle, more commonly known as Lord Voldemort. You see then, that the worst has come to pass. The Second War has certainly begun.
However, only just. And though I caution you greatly to be more cautious as you write publicy here on things of holidays and your location, there is as of yet no good reason to stay your lives in response to this. Continue as close to normalcy as you can manage, and be kind an good to one another, for there are few powers greater than those of indifference and love.
Students, you are safe. And you will be safe once you return to these walls. I will not say that the world has not become more dangerous, but I will promise that I, myself, and the other Professors are continually working to ensure that while you are ours, at least, and for as long as we can after, you are protected.”
We thank Albus Dumbledore for those words of caution and hope that the students heed them well. Parents, please keep an eye on your son or daughter and guard them well.
We live in dangerous times.
As to the events that sparked the comments from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, investigations continue.
by Bridget Rowan – Staff Reporter
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PUDDLEMERE WINS
Falmouth Loses in Pre-Season Match-Up
Rivals Puddlemere and Falmouth played one another this Saturday in a dramatic preseason meeting. Always bitter enemies as they battle for the top spot in England’s Quidditch tables, the game was bloody and brutal, but an excellent preview of the season that is sure to be exciting.
Playing to a full crowd, Puddlemere and Falmouth took the field on time. Captain Michael Stanton for Puddlemere and Dorian Falcon for Falmouth reviewed the rules and the team mounted their brooms. Through flash flying and excellent formation Puddlemere’s Chaser scored several times, in a roll, before Falmouth beater Marcus Flint’s typical abilities showed through. With excellent and slightly underhand techniques, he managed to take out Chaser Xander of Puddlemere for a short time. Falmouth’s shot on goal was wide and Wood made an excellent save.
Enraged by this action, the beaters of Falmouth became more daring with their techniques of disarmament. While the chasers continued to work, scoring for Puddlemere and the two seekers sped around the pitch searching for the elusive snitch, the beaters of both teams went to work. It all cumulated in a massive use of the bludgers need the goals of Puddlemere. A bludger, hit by an unknown assailant, taking out Keeper Wood with a broken arm was the end result.
Hastily bandaged, Keeper Wood returned to play after a brief time out. Within minutes of this, Seeker Janes of Puddlemere captured the snitch allowing Puddlemere to win by a score of 210 to 50. Despite the foul play of Falmouth, Puddlemere should excellent skill and preparedness for the season. Falmouth will need to work harder if they hope to provide a challenge for Puddlemere this season.
Sports Reporter – Lee Jordan
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Saturday, July 26th, 2003
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Hogwarts Bridges
The Gap Between Wizard and Muggle Worlds
Recently, the student population at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was surprised by changes to the school curriculum. Students received midnight owls, to the frustration of some family members, announcing not only that Muggle Studies and Defence Against the Dark Arts (DADA) are now compulsory, but also that the use of a Muggle device known as a “computer” and a concept known as “online journals” are as well.
The computer allows students and faculty alike access to a wealth of knowledge about the Muggle world – including fashion, music, and lifestyle information. “The things you can find are just absolutely amazing,” said Mandy Brocklehurst, a sixth form Ravenclaw.
The journal project, a component of the new N.E.W.T. level required Muggle Studies course, requires students to “post” a journal entry once a week. Though they will not be graded on said entries, if students fail to participate they will receive near failing marks on the Muggle Studies N.E.W.T. before even sitting the exam. Headmaster Dumbledore, always in favour of bridging the gap between the Wizard and Muggle worlds, no doubt believes these journals another tool for that use. Muggle Studies professor Wilhelm Wigworthy, when owled for comment, said the he is “thoroughly excited about the variety” that the journals will bring to his lesson plans.
Though the project has been met with mixed emotions by the students, the majority do seem to find them fascinating. While some complaints have been made that the Muggle devices and concepts have no place at Hogwarts, most appreciate the heightened access to their classmates and professors.
In a related note, our own Minister Fudge has ordered a very similar journaling project for Ministry employees. Perhaps to show the strength of his newly forged alliance with Dumbledore.
Anthony Goldstein (freelance writer, Ravenclaw 6th form)
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DUMBLEDORE REINSTATED
Hogwarts Headmaster Returns to School with New Ideas
Recently wizarding England’s premier educational Institution, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was deprived of both its Headmaster Albus Dumbledore and two of its valued professors. The Headmaster’s removal was undertaken in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Eight, passed by one Delores Umbridge, who first assigned herself the role of Hogwarts High Inquisitor and then decided to replace Dumbledore and become Headmistress. Ms. Umbridge could not be reached at the Ministry for comment on her desperate rise to power.
“I could see from the moment she came to Hogwarts that she was on a power trip,” states Sibyl Trelawney, one of the esteemed professors removed from teaching during Umbridge’s reign of terror. “She had the gall to sit in on my classes and tell me what to do. I, who have been teaching for sixteen years! She also wanted me to prophesise on demand. She is obviously poorly acquainted with how the inner eye works.” In addition to the removal of its Divination professor (a direct descendant of the noted Seer Cassandra Trelawney), Hogwarts also temporarily lost its Care of Magical Creatures Professor, the half-giant Rubeus Hagrid. “Had a lot of nerve, that one. Took things out of context, she did. I’m glad she’s not coming back, scared a lot o’ the kids, and the animals as well,” he remarked to this Daily Prophet Reporter.
Luckily for England, justice was served. Upon her removal from the school, all of Ms. Umbridge’s decrees were revoked. Albus Dumbledore has recently been reinstated as the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. One of his first actions was to re-hire those who had so wrongly lost their Jobs. “It’ll be good to teach another year, I guess,” stated Hagrid. Seer Sybil Trelawney, on the other hand, was ecstatic. “I have an exciting year of lessons planned, so I cannot wait to teach again. Oh, and that Umbridge woman should sleep with one eye open. I did a tarot spread for her and it predicts her demise within the year.” This reporter would like to add that Ms. Umbridge is also a Scorpio and the year looks like a poor one for Scorpios.
Albus Dumbledore has many things planned for the coming year to better prepare his Students for the imminent war with You Know Who. These include mandatory Muggle Studies and Defence Against the Dark Arts classes, as well as many fun inter-house activities. It looks like there will be an interesting year ahead. It’s in the stars.
-by Cybil Shrubyardy
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Wednesday, July 16th, 2003
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MISSING MALFOY
Azkaban Now Home for Prominent Community Member
While beginning our investigation into the fraudulent happenings in the Ministry regarding You-Know-Who, it has developed that key figures in the previous political arena are missing - most notably Lucius Malfoy. Master Malfoy was well noted for his help and support offered to Minister Fudge during the past year, but currently he has not been seen on the Ministry premises and certain items that he was known to have helped with have been removed from that location and laws he encouraged and supported have been withdrawn from the Ministry's current line of work. We attempted to contact Master Malfoy regarding these concerns and were unable to reach him at any of the locations he has been known to frequent, including his Manor in Wiltshire.
As our investigation into this important matter continued, Minister Fudge denied our requests for an interview about Master Malfoy as did his wife, Narcissa Malfoy nee Black and his son, Draco Malfoy. It seemed highly irregular for such an important peer of the Wizarding World to disappear in such a fashion.
Now, as our investigation continues, new information has come to light regarding the whereabouts of Master Malfoy as inside sources have reported to us. Following the still unclear events at the Ministry of Magic recently, the previously well-respected member of the wizard community, Master Malfoy, was imprisoned in Azkaban for crimes still unknown. Our source also reports that Malfoy has been an active Death Eater (loyal followers of You-Know-Who) since the first reign of terror by him and his supporters. The same Master Malfoy that has since had close ties to the Minster of Magic, Cornelius Fudge which makes us suspicious of Minister Fudge's motives as well
We can only speculate as to how this humiliating incarceration will affect the Malfoy name and reputation. Will loss of esteem affect the Malfoy's status and wealth? Mrs. Narcissa Malfoy and son Draco have both been contacted for an interview, but both have declined comment. We at the Prophet will continue to research the exact nature of Master Malfoy's crimes and dutifully report any new facts as they become available.
By Octavia Cryer
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Out with the Old, In with the New
Daily Prophet Editor in Chief Fired
In a bold move today, the Board of the Directors of the Daily Prophet fired editor in chief L. Michael Stanton. The decision was made by unanimous vote last night at a late night Board meeting over concerns voiced about the loyalty of Mr. Stanton and his connections to Minister Fudge.
Worried about a backlash of anti-Fudge and anti-Minister sentiment over the supposed suppression of information regarding You-Know-Who, the board felt that this action was necessary. With rumors of more and more cover-ups coming from the Ministry, the Board felt that it would be better to distance themselves from the stance of the Ministry at this time. Additionally, they are concerned about reports linking Mr. Stanton and Minister Fudge in the work of covering up You-Know-Who’s reappearance and slandering the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter.
In an effort to take a new stance on the issue, the Board has decided to hire James Callahan as the new Editor in Chief of the Daily Prophet. Known in Ireland in both Muggle and Wizarding papers as a true investigative reporter, Mr. Callahan is sure to bring a new flavour to the reporting of England’s Prophet.
“I want the Daily Prophet to create its own destiny, not simply spout the rhetoric of the Ministry,” Mr. Callahan stated in an impromptu statement to the staff of the paper. “We need to be known as the people who report the truth for the benefit of our readers – whatever that truth might be. No longer will we accept the Ministry’s statement’s at face value. If we are going to cover the War, we are going to cover it correctly.
“So what does this mean for the readers? It means investigative reporting at its finest. It means finding out what really is going on inside the Ministry and going outside of them to learn what He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is doing and working to prepare the people in the Wizarding World.
“No longer is the Daily Prophet a mere mouth piece of the Ministry. We are not their friends. We can be their allies, but they must be ours in return and support our efforts to report the truth.”
Mr. Callahan’s words were greeted with enthusiasm by the staff and we certainly hope that the reading public joins us in welcoming him to his new role.
Mr. Stanton could not be reached for comment on the Board’s decision.
by Bridget Rowan
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Thursday, July 10th, 2003
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MINISTRY MUCK-UPS
Fudge’s Further Frauds Discovered
Discovered today were more cover-ups by our beloved Ministry. Deep inside the ministry more and more of the conspiracy to prevent knowledge of You-Know-Who’s return to power escaping to the rest of the Wizarding World. The depth of the contortions of the ministry will go to prevent us from knowing the truth could not be truly understood until the current information had come to light.
Staff throughout the ministry have been questioned as to the information that they have been concealing. Under secretaries and junior secretaries and up have had their files ransacked and missing reports and statements from Aurors are collated into a massive amount of information. A special task force has been collected from reliable sects of the Ministry to go through the information and decide what is important. Even ordinary members of the wizarding world may eventually be called in to audit the work of this team. We don’t want to miss any knowledge that will help us in the coming battle against You-Know-Who.
The amount of current gathered information on the Forces of Evil that the Ministry has not shared with the public is alarming. From leaks to people who deliberately reported false information, the Ministry has been a veritable sieve of information. Things have passed through their hands and never acted upon which could have seriously damaged our life in the wizarding world.
Even the Minister’s office hasn’t been immune from these scandals. While a deeper scandal involving the previous Ministry appointed headmistress Dolores Umbridge, is unfolding, there is still Junior Assistant to the Minister who has seriously contributed to the lack of information reported. Attributed with losing reports about possible attacks and missing files that had gone missing from inside the ministry, Percy Weasley has directly contributed to the lack information filtering to the outside world.
When attempting to reach Junior Assistant Weasley, all requests for an interview and owls were returned. Our only assumption is that Mr. Weasley is definitely hiding something. We will continue to do our level best to find whatever he is hiding and report it to the best of our ability. For even Minister Fudge, when asked about Mr. Weasley and the accusations that have been spreading about his conduct, had no comment to add.
In the meantime, we encourage all of our readers to follow up with items reported to the Ministry. You never know what might happen to that report.
by Bridget Rowan
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