Happy Holidays

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 20:55:19 GMT

I don't think I really like being home. We've had aunts and uncles and cousins all invading our house which has been a good distraction... but once they're gone, it's just too quiet.

I miss Hogwarts. Well, I guess that's not quite what I mean to say. I miss... I just... I hate that there's nothing I can do now. It can't be undone and I can't seem to let it go. Even yesterday - it was Christmas, for Merlin's sake! Especially yesterday, now that I think about it. Right now it's frustrating more than anything, part of me just wants it to be over, done with, forgotten. But I can't. And bugger all, when I think about it, I don't want to forget, I just wish she wasn't on my mind all the bloody time. Is that insensitive? I miss her; How could you not miss your best friend? But... I can't seem to do anything these days. I feel like any time I try to be happy, it just feels faked, or else... wrong somehow, like I shouldn't be happy.

And now I'm not making any sense, and mother's calling me to help her clean up our decorations.

I...

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 02:21:13 GMT

For once I feel like I don't have anything to say. I can't explain this, and whenever I try to... I just... and god, she looked so...

And I keep thinking that it didn't really happen, that when I wake up tomorrow morning her bed won't be empty, that she'll be here... that everything will be okay... But it's not. Merlin, it's just... I can't believe that she's gone. I feel like if I blink she'll be back, walking through the door, like it was all some big joke... except Hannah was never very good at pranks, heh.

And now it's so quiet.

And I don't know what to do.

Deep breaths, Susan.