"We can't stop here! This is bat country!"

MOVED

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 12:14:42 GMT

We have moved. While im in the states, If you want to keep a tab on me, Visit this:

http://anothergoodgirl.greatestjournal.com/
Love you all. x

Tue, 30 May 2006 04:19:49 GMT

I'm a little bit happy and a Little bit Frustrated.

BACK!!!

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 16:22:30 GMT

I wrote this in Word day by day. Excuse any Crapiness.

The Holiday Diary of a Mountain Bound Dance Goddess

Date - Saturday the 1st of April
Day 1 – The flight etc.
Music – Savage Garden – Crash and Burn

Well, I always said that I hated doing anything on the first of April. The date sucks, let’s face it. So, we “woke” up at 5 to get ready and catch the flight, but in all honesty, I didn’t get to my bed until 5. I was having a better conversation with my favourite girl. And what a memorable conversation it will be for me for the rest of the holiday. Hopefully it will keep me going for the whole holiday. Although I highly doubt it. I will be missing her by tomorrow morning. Its illogical I know. I shouldn’t, but I do. Very much so. More than anyone.

I got patted down in the airport! First time ever. Its hilarious the way they do it. Felt really weird. The bloody woman made me take of my boots, and my belt, and my cat, my gillet and my jumper, so she could pat me down without sticking her hands up my shirt. So anyway, the flight was shit. Absolute shit, I felt like I was in a washing machine. But the hostess was giving out little bags of sweets to the kids to keep them occupied. Wooo, I got a bag of haribo gummy bears. *laughs to self* Allll right. However, before the flight I got myself a really good book. Already read the first 100 pages. The labyrinth by Kate Mosse. I am really enjoying it so far. Will finish it in three days. I’ll tell you something. I am so fucking tired. Because I went to a party the night before, I got 3 hours sleep, that means I have had three hours sleep in *works it out on fingers* 72 hours. Jesus. As my brother says “I am proper hardcore.”, *yawns* I’m tired right now, even as I type this up into word to try and record the amusements of this week and a half.

Well, arriving at the new house was fun. It’s bloody snowing. I hate snow. I refuse to ski this holiday. No matter what anyone says to me, I am not going to ski. Snow is Crap. It’s cold. The mountains are covered in clouds, my house, is in the clouds. I guess that means we are pretty high up huh? The house is nice. It’s the first time I have seen it, and im pretty impressed. The mother has done pretty class act of doing it up. Can’t wait to come up here in the summer, it will be hot hot hot! Im sitting here on my bed, looking out the window at about half ten at night. Its freezing as fuck outside, but it’s boiling inside this room. But, being on the ground floor, I can’t have a window open unless someone breaks in and rapes me or the aupair Elvira. And to make matters bloody worse, there is no table or desk, which means I have to have this bloody laptop on my lap which means that it over heats at an incredible rate and burns my legs to shit.

Tara told me I was going to have a good time, and I hope she is right, but I can’t help but be a little pessimistic. I’m not sure how this holiday is going to pan out. I have been told that dad is coming up on Thursday. Woo *sarcastic cheer* as far as im concerned, I couldn’t give a shit. We hardly see him anyway, and even when he is home, we don’t talk. So as far as im concerned, there will be no difference.

You want to know something stupid? I miss her already. France sucks!

Date – Sunday the 2nd of April
Day 2 – Future Husband.
Music – Basement Jaxx – Red Alert

So, While im up here, sharing a town with the Beckhams, *woops* I am on the prowl for a future husband. So this morning, I revised. Well, they thought I was revising. Carefully concealed behind m ICT text book was that book I’m reading. Damn I’m a sneaky minx. This afternoon, im gonna go for a walk. Get a Crepe. Check out the local talent. The Beckhams, as previously mentioned, told to me by Aimee’s ski instructor, are staying down the road from me. I hope to catch a glimpse at a later stage. As does mum. She wants to be able to bitch about VB to all her mates. You know, the usual stuff, “she isn’t that pretty in real life, she is larger than she looks, etc blah blah blah”.

I hate France. I don’t think I can say it enough. The bloody French are so fucking rude. I went to get breakfast earlier, from “The Forum”(The best place on this mountain – Its like a big building filled with shops, and a supermarket on three levels, and on the ground floor is the Rock wall, the Bowling alley, and the games Arcade), and I was as I always am, a polite nice English girl, getting on with GCSE French, that it actually bloody convincing. I got all these French people talking to me after hearing me speak French. But no one over here smiles. No one. You have to literally compliment them all to even get so much as a nod and quick, oh Thankyou. Bloody French.

Woop Woop Woop. Hello Boys. This Place is a hottie Fest. Everyone is tanned and blonde and Australian. The snowboarding team from an Australian sports school is here. I went for a walk, got my crepe, which was like an orgasm in a napkin. I got them before when we stayed here previously, previously being when I was about 11.

But anyway, I went to check out the entertainment in the Forum, and I am so at a later date, going rock climbing, looks like a blast. Will make sure I get photos, as well as beating my brothers to the top. The games in the arcade are the sex. House of the Dead, The shit. Im still not as good as Jenx though. That girl with a rifle? Dangerous. Though I would want her on my team at the apocalypse. And the blessed Dance machine. An hour on that every day, and I swear I will get so fit. And, it takes coordination. They should make it into an Olympic sport. However, how can one do three directions with two feet. Is one suggesting I actually bend over and use my hand? I think not. I think we will be sticking to Standard, which everyone else seems to have a problem with. I got a massive 131 Combo, which is, every move in the song! Score one to Meh.

All the foreigners here, being the Americans, the British and the Australians, are all my age, and are all hot. However, you can tell the British because they all have ridiculous goggle marks from where they have worn no sun cream. I was being eyed up by boys while me and Elvira had a game of pool. But then again, I was bending over, I was wearing low jeans and pretty pants, and that top which makes my boobs poof. The one I wore to Mackie’s party, the black halter.

They all looked. And I smiled and made sex faces. Now all I need is a nice Lord.
Date – Monday the 3rd of April
Day 3 – Death
Music – Silence – Delirium

Im Ill. I am coming down with a throat infection I swear. I can just feel it getting ready to spring on me. I am so bored. Today, I did nothing. Nada. Zilch. Infact, I did so little, I finished my book by Kate Mosse, and moved on to Number 4 in the Gospel of Shadows series. Finished the whole thing in less that 3 hours. That’s how bored I was. I am now bookless on day three of this holiday which I fear will last an eternity.

I washed my hair? Is that any more exciting? I think not. Early night to try and void this throat thing getting any worse. Please Please don’t *prays as she swallows pain killer and flu medication* Woo there I go. Night!

Date – Tuesday the 2nd of April
Day 4 – Ball Goddess
Music – Cant Fight The Moonlight – Leanne Rimes

Good news, I have no throat soreness now. It’s gone. My glands are still swollen, but the pain is gone. Bad news is, I had a nose bleed which lasted about an hour this morning. I think I am running a little low on blood. But then again, the fact that I am up in the mountains will counter that. You get Mass Red blood cell production up here. Good for recovering smokers.

So. I went out today, without the aupair. We went to Forum for a drink and ended up getting a dance match. I was propositioned by, *dies* Brad, Joel, Jesse, Matt and Alex, five of the fifteen Australians that are living down the road from me. Apparently they watched me and my aupair yesterday on the dance machine and wanted to see if one of them could beat me. I was almost beaten. Almost. Snowboarders have good foot reactions.

Then I had them “teach me” to play pool. Which meant I had one of them behind me showing me how to hold the cue. I whipped Jesse’s arse. Bad and Good. Poor boy. Turns out, I am a true Ball goddess, as my Aupair dubbed me. After All, Ewelina herself, is names Elvira, the Goddess of Rock. It was only fair that I am goddess of something. Even if it is Balls.

But the most hilarious thing happened. Hahah. I got a major ego boost. Apparently, I am the “fittest thing in the alps” I almost fainted in those hunky Australian arms. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, they were flipping coins to see who got to try and make a move on me. Hehehe. I feel great.

However, I miss my girl like crazy. I hope she is ok and that nothing too bad is happening. But I reckon, that she is having a good time, and is realising that she doesn’t need me the way she thinks she does, and that in actual fact, I am not that special. Lol. Shame I’m only loving her more. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I wrote her name in the snow at home. I even took a photo of it to show her that I was thinking of her. Oh, I went to La Poste, and found the only post card without a bloody comical talking animal and took it to the café on the piste front. I sent it to her, playing down the amount of fitness. But she is my girl, and the only girl I want, even if I can’t have her.

She told me the night before I left that she tired to get Charley to help her set me up with someone. Part of which I knew since Charley said nothing about the email, and I knew it was nothing amazing like a surprise visit from Tara, so I guessed it would be something like this. She says that eventually it would work, but it wouldn’t. I’m pig headed and stubborn. When I set my heart on something, I will get it. And shame on those who stand in my way. Its like, ok, the Australian boys are hot, but they all live in Australia. Noting is going to happen, and I am leaving it as holiday memories. I wouldn’t want to go through liking one of them. So what happens on the slopes stays on the slopes. Woop Woop.

Date – Wednesday the 5th of April
Day 5 – Damn I’m such a Bum
Music – Savage Garden – Crash and Burn

So I refused to Ski. And that ended up with us going Bum boarding. It was fucking awesome. I started with the baby on my lap on a bum board, which in all honestly is basically a glorified spoon. Mum got bored with the glorified spoons, so went to rent us out two sledges. Which were purple and yellow with a brake either side. It takes about ten minutes to work out that the left brake makes you go right, and the right brake makes you go left.

So anyway, there I am, on a mountain side, 1850 meters above sea level, with a pair of jeans, boots, jacket and vest top, massive sunglasses and ski headband, in a plastic sledge, with the baby in a ski suit which makes her look like a little green space man, with red sunglasses and an orange hat with tassels on. We are going at what I was told about 30 miles an hour, down a mountain side. Fucking amazing that we didn’t crash. Must be down to my expert steering.

From where we were standing, half way down between Courchevel 1850 and 1550, we were higher than the clouds. It’s an amazing feeling. To be standing above the clouds. It’s like some kind of weird world were everything is white and fluffy. Nothing seems to matter. It’s strange. But it was amazingly peaceful. I’ll take her up here in the future. I think she will like it.

I’m officially a snow bum. Woop Woop. I ended up with snow burn, trousers that were 100% wet, and a little bit of a tan on my nose. My nose of all places. *sighs*

Anyway, we actually sledged about a mile and a half. 300 meters downwards if my maths is right. Its an amazing feeling. Shooting down a mountain on your arse.

Phew. Im bloody hot right now. Bloody hot. The room is sauna like again.

Anyway, after bum boarding, we went to the Market. Amelie got herself a little bag in the shape of a horse, and I got myself a really pretty green necklace. Alex got himself a giant sausage. Really. A giant sausage. The type that only the French make. Will enclose picture of the necklace at a later date.

*yawns* I’m a little sleepy. I think I’m gonna end it here.

Date – Thursday the 6th of April
Day 6 – Dance Master!!
Music – Kristian Leontiou – Fall and I Will Catch You

Wooooo Ultimate Dance off. I rule. 12 rounds of Dance arcade game later, and I have a crowd. A proper crowd. It was hilarious. Did I happen to mention that the audience was a certain group off all blonde Australian snow boarders? Well, mwahaha. Yum. But the funny thing was, it was an ungracious victory, as I was against my siblings. Boys with no rhythm, no control, and strange flailing arm movements.

We went bowling again. I rule. I got three strikes, one of which I got by mistake by bowling m mothers third last go, if you get me, thinking it was mine. Bloody Mothers. Good news was, I go a strike again for me too. *dances*

I managed to get myself a fantastic bowling score. If only Silje, Nat, Jenx and Jess and the rest had been there to see me. They would have been so proud. And, we were bowling with no sides. Woo.

I’m strangely tired again, but still sticking to the rule of “I am Not Skiing”. I refuse. Cold, Wet, Icy, Arghh,

Date – Friday the 7th of April
Day 7 – I Caved.
Music – Prozac – Five Foot Thick?

I feel like counting down. Only three more days after tonight till I talk to my lovie again. I miss her so much. I hope when I get back I have at least a message from her. It would make my week knowing she had been thinking about me when I wasn’t around.

Oh and Guess what I did today. I went skiing. I went to the ski hire place, and the cute little guy in there, so totally adorably hot, fixed me up with the most amazing pair of skis. Red with Yellow Crime tape patterned on them, and some kind of new fangled black boots. They fit snug so I took em. Still want some moon boots though. Anyway, skiing. Yes, I caved. After Madre’s nagging so much that she wanted to ski with me, I gave in. So we got the stuff. Then the Temporary appeared on the scene. And he wanted to spend the day with mum so she couldn’t come out with us. Which sucked majorly, cause there was not a cloud in the sky. It was amazing. But. Here is the spectacular part. I hadn’t been skiing in three years. Had I forgotten how to do it? Would I be stable on my feet? Would I be able to parallel turn? All my questions would be answered as soon as I got to the main piste and strapped myself in to the death traps. Turns out I remembered it all within the first few seconds. I was parallel turning myself all the way down the mountain. I wish I took my camera with me. There were the most amazing views. But alas, no camera. At least I have my memories. And a few crappy post cards. And there is always next year. If the family don’t come next year, I’m bringing the girls. For definite.

I didn’t fall over. Not once…….Until I blacked out. I have no idea what happened. I woke up on my back, looking up at the sky, sun glasses still on miraculously. Apparently I didn’t move for about ten seconds after I fell. My instructor said she was properly worried. The woman who stopped next to me and saw the whole thing said that apparently I just collapsed, but, fell forward, and considering I was going at about 20 mph down a slushy shoot was baaaad. She said that I fell forward, with my head hitting the floor, then my legs twisting underneath me, then flicking back into the air, ending up with my head flicking back and smashing backwards into the snow. Then I was still, on my back, legs twisted underneath me.

I remember nothing, except the pain of my poor neck. Still. I didn’t tell the instructor I was hurt. My aupair and sister still wanted to ski. But I threw up when I got home. Head injuries always make me sick and dizzy. Im amazed I skied for a whole hour after I fell. My mother called me a little soldier. Ten she called me stupid for not drinking the whole day. Apparently I blacked out because of dehydration. Believable.

Anyway, im really very dosed up now. Trying to get rid of the headache I still have, avoid lying down on the large bruise now at the back of my head, and avoid sleeping in any awkward positions that my neck cant cope with. I think I have damaged myself. Bring on Tomorrows Skiing!!

On further note, I was just drinking milk, and I laughed, and I came through my nose. Now everything smells like milk. Gross. But yet again, strangely amusing.

Date – Saturday the 8th of April
Day 8 – Oh Joys of Joys
Music – Square Dance - Eminem

Wow. I didn’t know it was possible for my neck to hurt this much. When we went to take the boys to their lesson, the teacher told me I should be in a neck brace. As did the French doctor. Fuck that. A neck brace won’t go with my sunglasses and gillet.

I cant really turn my head. I can’t really get up when im lying own. My ribs are all bruised on both sides. The muscles in my body are killing me. Killing. But fuck that. Im going skiing again!

Woop Woop. Just got back from skiing with Mum and Aimee. My mother is such a technology spaz. She can’t take a photo for shit. I ended up with the top of my head in a photo, then me reaching for the camera. GAY!

But Fuck yeah. The most amazing ski runs ever. We went to a green run, which ended up with lot of pushing and dragging involved. So we gave up, and skied off piste. I figured that watching mum and Aimee go off piste the easy way, to get to the red run, that I could either go the easy way, and follow in their tracks, or I could go the slightly more challenging way.

As it turns out, with the challenging way, I missed seeing the two metre drop on the other side. So as I am collecting speed to go up what I thought was a small hill, I speed of the end, doing a two metre jump, and landing perfectly in the middle of the red run. Mum was gob smacked. She would have put money on me falling over. Aimee was jealous. Damn straight she should be. I’m a better skier than I thought I was.

Oh and, want to know who I saw on the slopes on his snow board. The dude from my family and Love Actually. He is so cool. But really really tall. And he needs a hair cut.

But fuck me. I’m sore. We took the kids bum boarding. And after going down wit Amelie a few times, we crashed. We did a sledge flip ending up going backwards down the mountain. Check out the picture.

*yawn* She needed a pee when we were there, so I ran, actually ran home, with her on my back. And I was sore sore sore. But apparently as strong as a mammoth. I take that offensively.

Im going to nap now, Find someone hot and pay them to rub my neck.

Miss my woman. Muchos Missing going on here. Still, only like, three days. Three days that she thinks is five. Oops. Maybe my returning will be a surprise.

Date – Sunday the 9th of April
Day 9 – I Caved.
Music – Better Together – Jack Johnson

Woop. I got to sleep in because I was so sore. Want to know something funny. Mum and dad went out last night. And when they came home, they realised that Shit they had no key. So mum walked to our window, and fuck, found it was open. And from there she was calling me and calling me. Apparently Ewelina heard them, but I was out cold. Gotta love the meds the French dude gave me. Knock me out. Anyway, she couldn’t get my attention, as I was zonked, so she climbed in through the window to get inside. And neither me or Ewelina noticed. At least if a murderer crawled in through the window our deaths would be un-noticed by us. We would be too busy sleeping.

I really didn’t do that much today until…………….Oh about 5 when we went ROCK CLIMBIMG!!

My two little brothers are pansies. After all this talk of how butch and macho they are. They wussed out and did the blue climb. The suckers. Ben however, the littlest little brother did the red one. Woop Woop. Go him. I was so impressed. However, he was slow and steady.

I would like to say, that I now hold one of the fastest times in Courchevel for the red/white climb. And with my sore back and neck. I rule! I want to take up climbing properly, its so much fun. Ever if you have to wear those spaz little shoes. My brothers were all complaining as per usual. But I was fine.

I have taken another bout of medication so any minute now, I will be out cold. Night!!

All I can say is, DAMN STRAIGHT IM GOING HOME!!!!!

I miss her. Can’t wait to talk to her.

I will kill whoever keeps me away from her this long next time. I can’t take it. Really can’t. Does that make me a weak person? Nope. Makes me stronger for admitting it. Go me.

Date – Monday the 10th of April
Day 10 – HOME TO MY LOVIE!!
Music – Die For You – Prince

It’s 5 am. The alarm just woke me up, and I washed my hair and got ready. Because my mum told us yesterday that we were leaving here at 5:30 for the 10 o’clock flight.

But why the hell is no-one else awake?

After later inspection, turns out that we are leaving at 9 for the 1 flight.

*Yawn*

But you know what, fucking well get to go home today.

Tonight I have to go to this bloody concert with my mum. I don’t particularly want to go, but there you have it.

Tonight, I want to go home, sleep a little, get my cat back, and talk to my lovie.

Because I have missed those three things the most. Order of importance last to first.

I missed her so damn much, So much I feel a little stupid.

Fairy will be impressed though, as will Wifey. Last night I wrote the next chapter of Fallen. *dances naked* woop woop.

Anyway, Sleep time. Au Reviour France. Bonjour Mon Amour!

Fuck It.

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 11:43:43 GMT

14:44

Fucking Great

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 18:05:16 GMT

My Bloody Fish Died. Bastard. Leaving me Alone. Nothing is fucking going right. I am in the worst mood i have been in, well, forever. People are being arses. Ran another 16 laps of the sports track. People were like O.O, how is she still going.

Stupid Fucking Jonjo left her mobile on the bus. and Jonjo's mum keeps ringing me, cause Jonjos mum doesnt know where Jonjo is, so she keeps ringing Jonjos phone, its driving me INSANE. she has asked me to find out where she is, which resulted me in having to ring Mrs Dixon, then Miss Clefaine, then back to try and ring katie, who wont pick up her phone!!!

Im pissed off. So Angry. It's something I have felt building up and up and up for a few days now. The front has finally started to crumble. Soon, its going to shatter, and i wont be able to hold myself back from saying what I feel.

Do not talk to me, do not message me, dont send me an email or leave me a comment. Get in my way, and I will Fucking Eat you alive.

Xcountry

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 22:44:54 GMT

Dear Lordy. Cross country tomorrow. I'm DREADING it.

I am as unfit as they get at the moment, I haven't ran in over five months.. If only i had a mega active sex life, I wouldnt have to excersize at all.

Desperate Housewives is on, and having zero to nill attention span, it's hard to focus on this.

On desperate Housewives topic, Sister Mary Hotpants is evil! EVIL!

Im waiting for Tara to get her arse online, but seems she is busy. Nevermind, till Monday it is.

Tired.

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 22:40:50 GMT

There is nothing Happening in my life. Im so fuckng bored, and so fucking tired.

The only thing that has happened to me in the past few days was.............

She said she loved me to. Weird. talk about weird. I never ever in a million years figured she would feel the same way about me. but she does, and its amazing. I have been walking on air for what seems like days.

Would write about more, but, it's all between me and her.

Im tired. SO tired.

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 01:19:58 GMT

BIG FAT UPDATE.

I Love a Miss Montano. She made me write this. So here I am. Proving her wrong.

Number one of seven.

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 23:30:01 GMT

OMFG IM IN KELLY CLARKSON'S NEW MUSIC VIDEO.

ROCK ON.

and, there was a hot girl next to me, and she kept giving me sex eyes.

I like getting sex eyes.

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 12:30:02 GMT

Soooo. its the night after Mackies. What can I say? not as many people showed as should of, but we managed to have a great time.

Im sitting here bursting open those little flying saucer sweets, sucking out the sherbert stuff. *winces* sour!. But yeah. last night was weird. Met this French guy called, Sylvia? Sylvanian? Sylvan i think his name is. I think. But he was sweet. And people seemed to notice that he was following me around quite a bit. He was sweet. and had good hair. brit was there for a while but she left. I love that girl, she is absolutly fabulous. Mackie was a little bit of a mess by the end of the night. She was drunk, but definitly not as drunk as she was playing up to be. She was also on david a bit. I tried to help keep her under control, but by the time the party ended, which she thought was 12, was actually 11, she was falling over and such.

But, the twister was a big success. I had such agood time, and remain, TWISTER QUEEN. Ok, so i cheated a litte, knocking people over, biting people, licking people, but hey? All is fair in a good game of Twister. Charlotte is trying to steal my title. SHE LIES!! I beat her. she wastoo busy getting shmoozy with Ciaran.

Farley is looking for a woman bless him. he is so desperate for just a good bitch. but then again, arent most people just searching for a good bitch? i found myself a good woman, but she just happens to live what? 2000000000000000000000000000000000000000 miles away from me. never mind. You learn from your own mistakes right?

Anyway, i had something else to say, but now, i cant remember. I may be able to get to a PC in my week away from home, but im not counting my chickens.

Need to go shower. My hair smells like fags, and i smell too. *yawn* good party though.

Bad Bad Bad

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 08:48:28 GMT

Ok. So i have been a abd journal user. I know it, you know it. We all know it. *shrugs* i have just ben sooooooo busy.

So, Sunday i spent with Nat. The wonderful Nat. OOH that reminds me, I need to give jenny her package. *runs to put in bag*

I was stuck in a room with the Ex's best mate, the ex's ex(the girl he dumped for me)and his current gf. I have never felt sooooo hated. So hated. And, I got bitch looked. Bloody girl.

Im Ill. So ill. Everyone knwos that there is this bloody virus thing going round, and some schools are even being shut down. I would catch it first. Having little to NO immune system. And I have to cancel tomorrows driving lesson. Sucks!

Shite. I have to go to school now.

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 22:11:18 GMT

Well. last night was crazy. We had the social to watch. Hormone fuelled little boys.

And i was officially, the most wanted girl by the welly boys. they kept telling my brother so.

So, there i was, talking to my little brothe,r when his mate comes up beside me, literally on me, looking over my shoulder into my clevage. So i move out the way and said "erm, yes?"

So max said to me, "this is Seb smuts" and i said, ohhh, seb smuts, i was talking the piss out of your surname earlier" he smiled and said do you know what it means?"

i said "no and i dont want to2 so he literally step by step as he was tlaking said " it means, I *insert point to chest* want to fuck you *insert point at me*"

I was gobsmacked someone could be sooooo rude, so i turned to my brother, and this seb smuts boy, just placed his hand on my ass. I couldnt contain myself, so i turned around and slapped him. Hard. *laughs* is it bad that it felts good?

And there was the guy who came behind me, grabbing me, putting his hands dangerously low on my belt line. He got a removel of hands and a glare that made him back away with hands up.

photos up later.

Mwahaha. am talking to the best girl in the world.

Blood

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 13:07:55 GMT

Im bleeding. Blood. Everywhere. Its fucking everywhere. And it wont stop.

How much blood do you have to lose to mkae you feel light headed?

Or was I just light headed before?

*sits down* Not much better. Bloody Blood bleeding.

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 00:46:23 GMT

So today is a good day. i gave in my English CW, and my ICT Courswork, which means that the only coursework i ever have to do ever is Art. AMAZING.

Right now, im talking to my girl. i wpuld be rich if i made bets on things. because im always right. I said things would get better and guess what, It is.

I am not named the great and wise oracle for nothing.

I should read tarot cards for a living.

I missed talking to her soo much.

Love.

OMG ICT

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 23:41:25 GMT

OMG IVE ALMOST FINNISHED MY ICT CW!!!!

*dances naked round and round*

Dreams....

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 09:10:53 GMT

So, i was having a nice dream. it was good. i was eating pancakes.

So there i was, at this table, eating pancakes. Then my mum came in and told me that we had a new guy coming to help out with the house. We went to pick him up and everything was great. He was nice and everything was fabulous. He was also helping me with my driving lessons. So we went out for a drive, and it was dark and raining. We were in a parking lot, outside a building. And there was a little black boy standing outside my window. I was like, "wtf" so i looked at him, and he threw a mini grenade thing at my windscreen.

It exploded, but luckly didnt break the glass, it just Dented the front. I opened my window and started screaming at this kid, and he just threw another one in through the window. it exploded at my feet and my legs started bleeding. Angry, i then rolled up the window and locked the doors. it was petrifiying as he tried to get in through the doors. he managed to get in through the back door, threw in another grenade, but i managed to pick it up and throw it back out the car. he ran, and as he ran, he got hit by a tractor. When i got out the car to see where he was, All i could see was this one white trainer.

When i then go into the building, there is a white room filled with people drawing on desks. All of the people are fully grown adults, but they are all drawing childs pictures with crayons. I feel like im looking for someone but i dont know who. Then at the front of the room is Julia, my mums best mate. She tells me to sit drown and draw some caterpillas with her. And on her paper, is caterpillas is loads of fuzzy crayon green caterpillas. I tell her she is silly, and that she is being childish, but she just laughs.

So im driving back home and I am speeding back home because i know there is something wrong. The guy isnt in the car with me anymore. I arrive home and run into my house. Im looking around and stop at my TV. There is the news report on Pedophiles, and on it is the guy who was employed by my parents. Im like OMG, so i look out the window, and theres this guy trying to get my two younger brothers into his car. I go crazy and run outside, grab him and push hm to the floor. Byt the front of my house there are some gates, and a little row of bricks. I sat on him and grabbed him by the head, slamming his head over and over again on the briks, till his head splits from ear to ear on the top of his head.

Clearly, this dude is dead, but im in shite, cause i just murdered him. I then have the bright idea of finding a way to mak eit look like i killed him in self defense. So i stick a spade in this guys head. Its sticking out the top of his head and looks ridiculus.

((i was telling this to my mother this morning, and i think she almost wet herself with laughter))

So i went inside the house, and went upstairs. I dragged my mum out of ehr room and told her that I killed him. she said "Oh, ok, make me a coffee and we will work out what to tell your father"

I go downstairs and tell my dad, and im crying and he tells me its all alright. And that i wont go to prison. I turn on the tv and trhere are tv reporters all at my front gates taking pictures of the body.

I run out to my house and get in my car, start the engine and........

i woke up. Weird as if you as me.

Useless

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 19:56:42 GMT

I have never really felt so helpless before. I knows its stupid, and I know that there is nothing I can do, im only around 200000 miles away from the source of the reason im depressed.

Sometimes as Wifey said, Life vomits on certain people. Life vomited on her for definate.

I tend to be good with things, tend to be able to know if something bad will happen, gut instinct. She will be ok. Her problem will turn out to be not as bad as she is guessing. I am optimistic.

I want to help her so much, but the only thing i can do is make sure im online to help her, talk to her and make sure she doesnt do anything silly.

I feel useless again...

The Sex Line

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 00:57:54 GMT

Clearly, My phone is now a sex line. Literally.

Got home,
Got Credit,
Listened to voicemail message,
After close listening (hardly), I manage to work out its two people having sex.
After listening to the voices, then hanging up 2 minutes into the 7 minute long answer message, I realise it's my ex boyfriend. oh yes. Wonderful.

*rolls eyes*.

Im tainted. I threw my phone against a wall and broke it. Never mind. No more sex messages.

Maybe he is doing it to remind me. Maybe.

HATE

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 23:44:19 GMT

I hate boys, and I hate men, I hate girls and I hate woman, and i hate love, and relationships, and having to count on other people for anything, and having other people rely on you for anything, i hate cheaters and hate people who lie. I hate people who don’t trust you, i hate people who try to change you, the way you think, the way you act, even the way you dress. I hate people who just give up and never attempt to really live their life, i hate people who try to hard, get too serious too quickly and then try and buy you off with stupid gifts, i hate people who think they can control you and try to influence the way you think, i hate people who are like sheep, copying how other people act and think, even the way they dress, i hate people who have no fucking clue, i hate people who say "oh your so skinny", its not my choice, its not like i don’t eat, you don’t walk over to someone and say "wow, you look really fat today" why should it be the other way round, I hate people who know nothing about themselves, i hate people who hide behind others, i hate people who pretend to be something they're not, i hate people who pretend to like you, i hate people who use you, get what they want then leave you feeling shattered and empty, i hate the fact i can love, and the fact that it makes me weak, even worse i hate the fact that i was stupid and the fact that i took the chance, i hate the fact i got it wrong and i hate the fact i failed, i hate the way you always pushed your luck, i hate the way you never cared, i hate the way you forced me, and the fact i fought back and you didnt care, i hate the way i eventually gave up and let you, even though i was crying, i hate the way you don’t listen, i have people you can pretend everything is ok when it really isn’t, i hate the way that I am one of them, i hate the fact that people assume they know me, and assume they know themselves, i hate the way they don’t assume they don’t know, and the fact that they are always right, i hate the way that people can be shocked by the fact that yes, i will let someone take photos of my back on the art room tables, i hate the fact that some people can really not understand the fact that what you say isn’t your cup of tea, but its art, its art for a reason, which means it is someone else’s cup of tea, i hate the fact that people always think that i don’t feel, oh she is anais, she is the funny one, she wont mind, i hate the way that you don’t see me, i hate the way you can love someone so much, yet everyday they see you and look through you, i hate the way that they whisper, then stop talking as you enter the room, i hate the way they assume i don’t eat, i hate the way they teased, i hate the way they never liked me, i hate the fact that the boys were my only friends, and the fact the girls made me cry, i hate the fact im shallow and fickle, i hate the way im vain, but i hate the way people don’t realize i know my problems and have accepted them, at least i don’t hide them and deny them, i hate the way people push in in queues, i hate the way they use words and violence rather than common courtesy, i hate people who drop letters when they are speaking, i hate chavs, i hate the way they dress, i hate the way they act, i hate the way they gang, i hate the way they think, but i keep these thought to myself and i wouldn’t let it make me avoid one if they were being nice, i hate the fact the whole worlds at war, i hate the way good people do bad things in the name of a little thing called religion, i hate the fact that the man who said "if we didn’t have religion, the world would be a more peaceful place" was right, i hate the fact that your a whole ocean away, and the fact we cant see each other, i hate the fact that even though we are so far, there is something special between us, i hate the fact i will never have you, i hate the fact that age is a problem between girls, i hate the fact people look down on me for knowing the lower years, i hate the way they stare at me just because im wearing a blue dress, the dress was blue and zebra print, it looked good and felt great, why should you care, i hate teachers and the way they find it amusing to grade you down even when you have done the work, i hate the fact that some teachers done even grade you at all, i hate the way they can pile on you at the same time, then give you the same deadline in the same week and expect you to do it all, i hate the way they compare you to other pupils, even when you and they both know you are not the grade A pupil that they want you to be, i hate the way i don’t work hard enough, i hate the way i don’t care, i hate the fact i have to go to university, i hate the fact that nowhere will take me, i hate the way you sat their on the sofa and picked your nose for about half an hour, i hate the way you are still sad, and the fact that you keep mentioning it, i hate the way you wont get over it, and i hate the way i got over it so fast, i hate the fact i love to hate you, and i hate the fact you oh so quickly got over me, so quickly you fucked a girl why we were still going out, i hate the fact you left me cause i wasn’t ready, i hate the fact that you made it into a laughing matter with your friends, i hate the way you gave them my number, i hate the way they rang me up and laughed, i hate the way you acted like you didn’t care, i hate the way you told me to give back the stuff you gave me, I hate the fact that I didn’t just do it and give you what you want, I hate the fact you almost made me consider it, and even more i hate the fact that I never really hated you at all, i hate the fact that now i do hate you, it makes me write things like this, i hate the fact that feeling like this have been bubbling inside me for years now, i hate the fact i cant get them out, i hate the fact im afraid of life, i hate the fact im not afraid of death, I hate the fact that I can still smell you in my room, I hate the fact I still think of you, I hate the way you look at me when we are together, yet you don’t see the way I look at you is so much different, I hate the way you say its all alright and that there isn’t really any problem, when we clearly both know there is, I hate the way that the popular girls look at me, I hate the way that you criticize me for knowing what i know, I hate the fact you criticize me for what I do, I hate the way you are so over protective, and the way that you care to much, I hate the way that I cant make any of my own mistakes, I hate the fact you cant see what’s good for you, I hate the fact that he is way too old for you, yet you cant see it, I hate the fact he is only taking advantage of you yet you wont listen to the people who know what they are talking too, I hate pop music where the videos are girls in little or no clothing, I hate the way they are so derogative, I hate the way that sometimes its things like this that lead to rape, I hate the way that typing so much of my hates my hands hurt, I hate the way that people assume im foreign, I hate the way that they cant say my name, I hate the way people are stupid, I hate the way that they split my name into syllabls, then tell me that im saying my name wrong, because the perfume is said differently, I hate the way they are stupid enough to think im named after the smell of toilette water, I hate the way that Lost takes so long to download, I hate the way my favorite characters always die, I hate the way they are always the same, I hate the way I cant feel my butt, I hate the way you always poke me, and comment on the fact I don’t have a butt, I have a butt, its small and it makes me want to cry because I am not the shape I want to be, when I say I want to be more curvaceous, don’t laugh, you want to be smaller, I want to be larger, we are just two opposite ends of the spectrum, I hate the way that I cant find anyone good, I hate the way this song makes me feel, I hate the fact it always comes on, I hate the fact I don’t cry in movies, as it just reinforces the fact im a cold hearted bitch, I hate the fact that I have a reputation, and that people think im a slut, I hate the way that there are proof less rumors going around, I hate the way that everyday I want to cry, but I cant let anyone see, I hate the way you make me smile, I hate the way you make me feel, I hate the fact I am what I am, I hate the way im allergic to everything, I hate the way that most nights I cant sleep, I hate the way that inside, physically, im still a child, I hate the way I know it will never happen and I will never get better, I hate the way that it was an accident one, that I feel down the stairs, I hate the way I need more pills, and the way I will need injections, I hate the fact im stuck in a never ending loop of hate, and the way that no-one can ever fix what is already broken inside, I hate the fact that biologically, I have already failed in my life’s mission, and the fact that people like you want so much from me, things im not willing to give, I hate the way you put your head on my shoulder and smile, and I hate the way that I smile back, pretending that im ok, I hate the way I pretend im ok, I hate the way people are surprised at how I am never worried, or never angry or scared, I hate the way they don’t ask how im feeling, they assume by what I look like, I hate the way that you always make me cry, and the way you have no idea how im really feeling inside, I hate the way that I will fail, and I hate to think of the way you will look at me when I will, I hate the fact I am so pessimistic, I hate the way im not really your child, and that we both know who your favorite is, I hate the way you treat him that way and that I am the child that came as part of the baggage, I hate the way I sometimes feel like a guest in the house and a guest in your life, I hate the fact you say you love me, while looking at him, I hate the way he gets better than me, I hate the way he always has and always will, first born child, first born son, first born love, I hate the way I cry when I think of it like this, I hate the fact you tell me that its stupid, I hate the way they don’t see it like I do, I hate the way you say my music taste is crap, I hate the way that its what I like, and when im not making you listen to it, why should you care, why should it bother you what I listen to or go to see what you aren’t even fucking invited, I hate the way that people like you just don’t get people like me, I hate the way I loose myself in movies and books because they are infinitely more exciting than I and my small life will ever be, I hate the way you’re the best and that I can never beat you, I hate the way your always first and the way everyone looks up to you, I hate the way I consider changing my personality to try and blend in with your crowd, I hate the way people like you make me feel small, I hate the way you automatically think people are looking at you, and the fact you tell me things like, “they are looking at me, why would they be looking at you,”, I also hate the fact they come up to me and ask me for my number and the way you hate me for it, I hate the way I act so confident when really im a crumbling wreck, I hate the way people assume im so full of life and confidence, when all I really want is to fade and disappear, I may be flirting and acting cool and calm, but when I talk to people like you, my heart races, my pulse throbs, and I feel sick, I hate the fact I could be looking a fool and the fact you are judging me, I hate the way boys rate girls, and don’t get to know them, I hate the way they leave you in limbo, and the way they assume they know what’s best, I hate the names you called me, and the fact that I let you, I hate the way im still a child in my mind and that I still look like a child on the outside, I hate the way it hurts so much. I hate the fact you assume I don’t cry, I hate the way I just don’t let you see. I hate the way im starting to feel nothing inside,

I Hate, Therefore I Am.

Psycho.

Sat, 07 Jan 2006 19:46:01 GMT

Well, Its official. My little sister is Now officially a psycho. Really, she is a complelte and utter Loon.

She said that she has made a new friend. And that her name is Golai. She had purple hair. and her eyes are blue. She wears pink clothes. She tidies Amelie's room for her. And she likes shiny things like pretty rings. Sometimes, Golai is even a Giraffe. A very Pretty Giraffe.

But, Golai clearly isnt real. I know it, My parents know it, even my insane brothers know it. But, most kids have imaginary friends right? But most kids dont have evil imaginary friends.

Golai tries to Poison the ribena. She also puts Scissors in the cushions. She also tries to strangle the Cat.

OMG. Yes. Today though, the most worrying thing happened. Amelie, well, Golai, tried to bite my brother Ben's ear off. She bit so hard, she drew blood. When shouted at for doing it, Amelie cried saying it wasnt her, that it was Golai.

I am surrounded by idiots.

test

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 23:29:52 GMT

qodfigjdkfjklsdf

First entry!

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 23:00:59 GMT

I am Anais and I'm a bit rubbish, as Katie is having to explain this all to me as if I were a little little child (or catbreast, yes).