You'll never hear the songs that matter.

X

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 13:33:55 GMT

If you haven't already noticed, I've decided to switch back to posting in giveusasmile. Please add me if you haven't already.

X

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 23:57:49 GMT

Laura and I made plans to sneak down and pay a visit to the Florida crew this weekend, but it didn't work out. We had planned on "spending the night out" Saturday evening and driving up around dinner time, hanging out all night, and driving back the next day around noon. Everything was all planned out, except Friday night Laura found out she couldn't "spend the night out" Saturday night. We thought we would still go, but that didn't work out either. Maybe some other time?

Our air conditioner is out in the back of the house. We have a fan going in the hall, but I can't close my door if I want it pointed towards my room. Therefore, I'm crisping. The best part is that my dad ordered the part he thinks we need to fix it and will be installing it himself. It looks like we're going to be hot and smelly for a long time. Shit.

X

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 06:20:19 GMT

Name? Jamie
Age? 17
Eye color? Blue
Hair color? Brown
Height? 5'4"
Weight? 138
Siblings? Two brothers: Brandon (deceased) and Justin
Do you like your siblings? I miss both of them very much, each for different reasons.
Which do you like the most? Considering I hardly remember what Brandon looks like, I'm gonna go with Justin.

FAVORITES

Colors? Black, hot pink, and red
Movies? Funny Face, The Virgin Suicides, American History X, Billy Madison, Big Daddy, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Spice World
TV shows? The Daily Show, Dora the Explorer, One Tree Hill
Actor? I don't really have one.
Actress? Audrey Hepburn
Band/Singer? Tsunami Bomb, Minor Threat, Rancid, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Sublime, Rilo Kiley, Ben Kweller, Something Corporate, Blink 182
Type of music? Hmph. I like all kinds, really.
Drink? Dr. Pepper and Peach Iced Tea Snapple
Store? Thrift stores, Best Buy, and Target
Clothing brand? Dickies
Toothpaste? Crest Whitening with Scope
Shampoo? Garnier Fructis
Sports? Skateboarding and snowboarding, sometimes football

HAVE YOU EVER...?

Been in love? Yes
Hurt someone you loved? Unfortunately
Told a lie that hurt someone? Probably
Hit someone? Mm-hmm
Spanked someone? Yep
Been hit by someone? Yesh
Been arrested? No
Been caught stealing? Nope
Babysat? Yes
Wished you were someone else? No
Hated someone? Yep

PEOPLE YOU KNOW

Funniest? Alesha and Alex
Stupidest? Matt
Smartest? Kate
Nicest? Hutch and Kayla
Happiest? No one in particular
Saddest? No one in particular
Richest? All of my friends are rich.
Poorest? ...Except Alex.
Most annoying? Matt
Have the most inside jokes with? Basically everyone
Have the most in common with? Hutch and I have the same brain.
Do you want to be the most like? Myself
Do you look up to? Justin, since he's my big brother
Do you trust? Mostly everyone
Have you known the longest? Matt
Lives closest to you? Matt
Shares your dreams? Justin
Likes you for you? Everyone had fucking better, damn it.
Prettiest/Hottest? Hutch
Best body? Alesha
Skinniest? Laura
Tallest? Chelsea
Shortest? Jennifer
Cleanest? Matt's always washing something.
Coolest? Chelsea

MISCELLANEOUS QUESTIONS

Do you think you're hot? Rarely
If there was one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be? My sensitivity
What actor/actress do you wish you could be, just for one day? Natalie Portman, because Hutch thinks she's hot. I wish he thought I was hot.
What was the last movie you saw? Godsend
Who'd you watch it with? Laura, Alesha, and Matt
When's the last time you cried? Last night
What is the worst injury you've ever had? I broke my foot in middle school.
Had any broken bones? Mm-hmm
Stitches? I think so.
Been hospitalized? No
Has a friend ever lied to you? Yep
What is your most valued possession? My Hutch
Got any autographs from celebrities? No one interesting
Ever met/seen a celebrity in person? Not really
What's your favorite magazine? AP
Ever been to camp? With my sixth grade class
Known anyone who died? Yes
Been to a funeral? Yep
Been to a wedding? Yes
What's the hardest thing you've ever had to deal with so far in your life? Death. Telling someone I care about very, very much something that would eventually break his heart.
Ever felt like you had no way out? Yesh
Ever disappointed someone? On several occasions
What do you tell yourself when times get hard? Fuck you.
How do you deal with anger? I cuss and bitch and tell everyone about it.
Sadness? I cry and annoy everyone around me.
Do you keep your emotions bottled up inside you? No
Best vacation ever? Hawaii
Best rollercoaster ever? The Mindbender at Six Flags

X

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 00:45:02 GMT

Well, fuck.

X

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 07:40:17 GMT

This week has gone by rather quickly. Tuesday, Hutch and I stayed home from school together until I had to go to Pat's funeral at 1:00. We discovered that awesome shows like "Dora the Explorer" only come on while we're at school. We both have a couple of stern letters to write to Nickelodeon. Anyway, that was fun. I wish that could happen more often.

Pat's funeral was lovely. I was doing fine until I saw her sisters walking up the aisle behind the casket falling to pieces. Pat never had any children, but I'm almost positive that's because she didn't have room. She helped so many people, and so many people loved her. I still can't believe she's gone.

Today was a late day. Laura and I met for breakfast at Cafe Luisa, and the school day went by fast. I had my senior guidance appointment scheduled for 8:30, but considering school didn't start until 8:45, I had to reschedule twice. I have a lot of work to do college-wise. I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do. Any ideas?

And now, as promised, pictures that I should have posted a long, long time ago.

Let the humiliation commence! Actually, these kids didn't have it so bad. I had to carry around a bedpan for initiation.

Dee seemed to be having trouble in WWW Design last week. Luckily, I was there to capture this trying moment in a photograph.

Because old people that still drive are cool like that.

The gang outside Matt's apartment. Notice Michael's nose-picking technique. Much love, Michael!

My Alesha. And... me, with demon eyes?

Chris took the cap off of a bottle of Propel and placed it on top of the imitation salt. I hyperventilated. He was weirded out.

X

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 23:56:38 GMT

Yesterday pretty much sucked... until the pep rally. During class competitions, freshmen, sophomores, and juniors chant "K-N-I-G-H-T-S!" Seniors, since they're apparently superior, chant "S-E-N-I-O-R-S!" Matt and I decided to change it up a bit and chant "F-U-C-K Y-O-U!" Ah, good times. Later, someone threw a bag of salted peanuts at the two of us. Matt turned around and was all, "The only time I have nuts on me... is when I ask for them." That cheered me up a bit.

Matt's party was fun. I was late, as usual. Alesha and Kristin didn't stay very long, so I got the chance to hang out with some people I don't normally hang out with. My favorite part of the night was watching Matt Visco and Matt's grandfather argue about politics. I wish I could have recorded that. It was so great.

I wish I would have been more prepared for Freshmen Welcoming Week. Everyone dressed their freshmen so cute, and I just suck. I didn't have anything at all for Kristina and Kati Thursday because I was at Pat's house all night the night before. I can't believe Pat's gone. I'll never forget her. No holiday will be ever be the same without her spectacular decorations. You could always talk to her about anything. She was always so welcoming and fun. She will be missed.

Pictures later.

X

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 09:20:53 GMT

Tonight, Jordan picked me up, and, after taking her mom home, we met Laura and Kate at Cafe Luisa. After dinner, we went and saw "Saved!" at the Capri Theatre. Really funny movie, but why can't Mandy Moore be in a movie without singing in it? This bothers me. Anyway, after the movie, we all ran into Jennifer and some of her friends. It was good to see her.

Next, we all decided to go back to Laura's and have a brownie. Caroline called begging Laura to pick her up from this lame party, and so we did. This made us late meeting Alesha and Kristin, but we got there eventually. We chatted for a while until Alesha and Kristin left to go to a different party. Laura, Caroline, and I went back to Laura's for a while, and then they took me home.

Reason #389,714,329 not to get drunk: acting fucking stupid to people you don't even know. I was returning Alesha's call when all of a sudden I hear this guy cussing her out.

Him: Fuck you!
Me: The hell? Tell him to chill the fuck out.
Him: Who is that?
Alesha: You don't know her.
Him: Well, fuck her! What is she doing calling you at 3:00 in the morning?
Alesha: He has anger issues. He's drunk.
Me: I was returning her call. What's your drunk ass doing up at 3:00 in the morning?
Him: Why is your... not drunk ass... not asleep at 3:00 in the morning?

Yeah, you're a fucking idiot. My damn.

Oh, and... yeah. Hutch makes me extremely happy. ;)

X

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 14:42:28 GMT

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have first period yearbook. I was feeling extra lazy last night, so I just went to bed without doing hardly any homework. Today was a late day, so Matt, Laura, and I went to Chick-Fil-A for breakfast. People kept getting in front of me in line, but that's alright. This one old lady got all pissed off when she tried to use a coupon for a lunch sandwich. "A lunch sandwich? They should make it more clear on there!" Oh, man. That made me laugh.

It's only first period, and I already want to go home. Classes are only an hour today, so I guess I can make it. I really fucking hate this place.

I talked to Anthony last night. That went well. He seems happy. I hope he is, because he deserves it. I had missed talking to him. I hope we can remain friends. Oh, and Justin, how come I didn't get a turtle? I want one.

X

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 19:24:35 GMT

I'm not really sure what to say about this whole... situation. I've made a huge mess of everything. I know I've disappointed everyone, and I'm sorry if anyone thinks less of me after all this. All I can say is that I followed my heart, and I'm so sorry that this hurt others in the process. I didn't intend for it to turn out this way.

Anthony, I did not</i> break up with you for Hutch. We've discussed this. I didn't break up with you for no reason. I honestly wish it would have worked out, because you were an awesome boyfriend. I'll never forget what we had. I just can't help how I feel. I know I hurt you... more than once. I deserve everything you said in your last entry. I know you don't want to talk to me now or maybe any time soon, but I hope one day we can be friends again. You mean a lot to me whether you believe that or not. Yes, you will find someone better. I don't/didn't deserve you. If you ever want to talk again, you know where I am. I'm glad you have such great friends to help you through this.

We shouldn't have put it in a note. If I could go back and change things, I would. I'm so sorry for everything...

X

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 04:17:59 GMT

I still can't believe today was the first day of my senior year. And you know what? I didn't like it. I'm just glad we got out at noon.

Matt picked me up early, and we went to Chick-Fil-A for breakfast. That was fun, but... then we had to go to school. Pip is in way too many of my classes, and I really wasn't in the mood to listen to his strip club story. Conway was passing out tests as we walked in the door. I can tell his class is going to be an absolute bitch. We have to read the front section of the newspaper every day for a quiz in Griffith's class.

I was fifteen minutes late to get my senior pictures taken. I forgot to bring the pearls my grandfather gave me. My pants and shoes didn't match anything else. I'm sure they're terrible. I'm so unorganized.

What happened to summer? I desperately want it back.

X

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 22:48:17 GMT

punks cry: I'm not really into porn. It doesn't get me anywhere, if you know what I'm saying.
ragingh0remoans: well you are a girl
ragingh0remoans: its easy for girls ot get guys
ragingh0remoans: guys we have to use our imgaination
punks cry: It may be easier for some girls to get guys, but this girl has to use her imagination. Hahaha.
ragingh0remoans: hahahaah
ragingh0remoans: do you honestly masturbate?
punks cry: Dude, any girl that says they don't liesssss.
punks cry: Or they're just fucking stupid.
ragingh0remoans: sweeeeet
ragingh0remoans: so many girls say nope
punks cry: Lies.
punks cry: Or maybe they really don't and I'm just a big skank.
punks cry: Draw your own conclusions.
ragingh0remoans: hahahaha
ragingh0remoans: ehh i dont thin kyou are a big skank
ragingh0remoans: nothing wrong with geting your self off
punks cry: Hahaha. Well, thanks.
ragingh0remoans: if i were to say htat i would be a big hypocrite
punks cry: Yeah, but all boys are skanks.
punks cry: They're just supposed to be, so nobody says anything.
ragingh0remoans: yeah
ragingh0remoans: but i am like a total whore with my self
punks cry: Haha. Well, I would be too if I had that radiance.
ragingh0remoans: hahahaha
ragingh0remoans: some times i wish i was a girl because you guys get all those really neet toys
ragingh0remoans: us guys only get hands
punks cry: Nope, don't like that idea either.
punks cry: This is coming from a girl that doesn't even like tampons. I guess I just don't want anything up there unless it's covered in skin. Hahahaha.
punks cry: Oh, God. That was bad.
ragingh0remoans: HAHAHAH OH MY GODI AM SO LAUGHING HARD
punks cry: Hahaha.
ragingh0remoans: oh man
ragingh0remoans: that was the coolest repsonse to any question ver
punks cry: Haha. Thanks. *takes a bow*

X

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 06:40:08 GMT

Meeting everyone was so much fun. I would gladly pack up all my shit and move to Florida right now.

Alex, you are one of the funniest people I have ever met. My only regret is that I didn't film any of your drive-by serenades or your imitation of a very drunk Naida in the kitchen. You're so fun. Thanks for making me laugh.
Anthony, I know this trip wasn't exactly exciting for you. I did, however, enjoy the time we spent together. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I will always love you and care about you no matter what.
Ashley, we didn't get to talk much, but I'm really glad you mixed up everyone's names. It made things interesting. God, are you? I think so. Anyway, I'm glad you were one of the few girls present.
Hutch, I'm sorry I was so shy around you. I really wish we would have talked more, but I guess there's always next time. Thank you so much for the gifts. Your battery charger wasn't $27.00, I swear!
Justin, I'm sorry I never told you what I wanted for my birthday, but it looks like you did a pretty good job on your own. Ding Ling will remain by my pillow night after night watching me sleep. Thank you so much. You will always be my big brother.
Kayla, what can I say? I love my Kayla. Thanks for letting us all hang out at your house. I'm sorry I knocked your couch over! It really was all Justin's fault. Oh, and thanks for the note on the bag. I miss you already.
Kyle, thanks for allowing the whole "family" into the bathroom to watch you take a piss. Something tells me that wasn't exactly what you wanted to happen, but it did anyway. I will always be jealous of your hair. Would you ever be willing to do mine for me, or is the dull brown not enough to work with? You should let me know.
Naida, I'm sorry you thought I was so quiet. Sometimes I'm just shy around new people. We'll have to hang out again sometime. Thank you so much for giving us all a ride. Puerto Rican or not, you took everyone where they needed to go. That's all that matters. ¡Te amo!

Even though Seagrove Beach was so fucking far away from everyone, it really is pretty there.

The view from our condo.

Do you hear what I hear? Some of my pictures come out really dark sometimes. Damn it.

It cracks me up that Kayla has a Lord of the Rings poster in her living room. This one's too dark too...

Definitely my favorite. *is still jealous of the hair*

I was so pissed off when I had to leave. I hope everyone enjoyed their food, because I hadn't eaten all fucking day! Not that that's anyone's fault. I'll just stop talking now.

I was so happy to find out that Chelsea was going to be in Destin the same week we were (close). She spent the night, and I kept her up talking about stupid shit. I'm sorry, sis. I'm so happy I got to see you!

Surprisingly, Seaside has an awesome record store. They had everything I looked for. Unfortunately, I only had $20.00. Shit.

I'm torn about school. I want to go and get it over with, it being my last year and all, but who wants all that work to do? I'm not looking forward to waking up 15 minutes earlier either. Whatever. I can't really do anything about it, now can I? I'm taking senior pictures Friday. I'm getting my hair cut right before, which is scary. I want bangs! I'm sure I'll hate my haircut and then end up hating my portrait. Ah... fuck it.

Yes, I am aware that it took me forever to update.

X

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 15:41:47 GMT

I meant to update a few days ago, but my modem decided to be a douche before I got the chance. Anthony stopped in Montgomery on his way back to Florida on Tuesday. That was a lot of fun. I can't believe I hadn't seen him in two months. We just hung out and did some catching up. We even had fish sticks with macaroni and cheese!

My Minor Threat shirt finally came in the mail the other day. It's a little small. My mom says it looks like I'm wearing my little sister's t-shirt. I don't have a little sister, but that would be nice.

Alesha spent the night again last night. We cuddled. Actually, I wanted to, but after a while she pushed me away. That's alright. I'm used to it. She fell asleep early, but seeing as how my sleep schedule is fucked, I haven't been to bed yet. I stayed up watching cartoons and such. I watched this one episode of "Rocko's Modern Life" that I remembered being one of my favorites when I was younger.

Filbert asks Rocko and Heffer to take care of his bird, Turdy, while he goes to a doctor's appointment. Only trouble is, Turdy's a real pain in the ass. It's always getting out of its cage, and neighbors are constantly coming to the door complaining about what the bird has pecked away and destroyed. Eventually, Rocko and Heffer keep Turdy under close surveillance next to them on the couch. Unfortunately, Heffer accidentally sits on it. Filburt returns, finds out, isn't surprised since this certain species has an average lifespan of three weeks, and they prepare to bury it.

The thing is, they bury Turdy in a cloud. I thought about this, and I think this is just the coolest thing. I want to be buried in a cloud when I die. No lying around in cold dirt with the worms, no being fried to ashes sitting in a vase on someone's mantlepiece that probably didn't even care about me in the first place, but wrapped up in a cloud. Always in the sky, looking down at everyone, basking in sunshine, away from the rain, for eternity.

X

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 07:14:08 GMT

While driving around tonight, Matt and I came across this.

Yes, pray for our country. Pray hard. Pray that after over 200 years of independence, our country can still hold up to the ideals it was founded on, that all of its citizens can enjoy the same liberties despite their race or sexual orientation. Fuck you, Saint James United Methodist Church.

X

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 20:52:46 GMT

I finally got my cell phone the other day. It's nifty. I worked most of last week, excluding Friday, since they didn't have the next batch of signs ready to paint. I'm not sure if I'm going in tomorrow or not. All I know is that I need the money.

We've been getting a lot of stuff done on the house this past week. We got a new front door, and new hardwood flooring was laid in the entrance. We also got a new refrigerator, and we're getting new windows sometime next week. It all looks really nice. I think my parents are preparing the house to be put up for sale when I go off to college, but I'm not sure.

Anthony's coming home tomorrow, meaning he'll be in Montgomery on Tuesday. I'm so excited. A year and two months was yesterday. And it's official: I'll be staying in Seagrove Beach from August 1-6. That's a thirty-minute drive or so from Fort Walton, but we'll make do. I can't wait to hang out with everyone.

I take a lot of pictures, but I don't always post them. To see more, check out my Photo Bucket.

X

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 02:12:36 GMT

My parents finally agreed to me buying a cell phone. Right before we left, my dad checked his e-mail and discovered that Nationwide has a partnership with Verizon that includes discounts on just about everything. So it turns out we'll be buying the phone that was originally $180 for $49. Pretty kick-ass, right? I'm excited.

Tonight, I found out that Chelsea is coming to Destin the first week in August. I am so there. I think my parents will agree since I never see her. I miss her like crazy. Plus, I get to see Anthony, Justin, and Kayla. I'm also looking forward to meeting new friends. Hutch, I'm holding you to word. Don't let me leave!

Anthony's coming home soon, so we'll get to see each other when he passes through on his way home. It seems like it has been an eternity since I saw his face.

I will be so glad when school starts. I'm ready to get this shit over with. I get my license in a few months, and my dad and I have been looking at old Mustangs. I have no idea what I want to do when I graduate, but I will just be so happy to get out of Montgomery.

X

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 02:35:19 GMT

(x) - you've done
( ) - you haven't done

( ) been drunk
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) crashed my own car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been in love
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
( ) dated someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself **
( ) dumped someone else
( ) driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
( ) had cybersex with someone of the same sex online
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) stole something from my job
( ) celebrated New Year's in Time Square
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
(x) cut myself on purpose
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x) had a crush on one of my Livejournal friends
(x) slapped someone I loved
( ) been to Canada
(x) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) seen "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten sushi (and spit it out)
( ) been snowboarding
(x) met someone in person from the internet
( ) been moshing at concerts
(x) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
( ) been in an abusive relationship
( ) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college

** partially nude

X

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 04:15:10 GMT

I completely give up on trying to please my dad. It's never going to happen. Whenever I try to talk to him, he just ignores me. It's the worst feeling I've felt in a long time. I just want him to be proud of me, or to at least just acknowledge my presence. The only time he ever talks to me is when he needs something or when I've done something wrong. I'm so tired of the looks and the curse words being thrown my way. I just want some smiles, some signs of approval, some positive attention. Just once.

I give up.

X

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 06:44:21 GMT

This past week I worked with my mom at Midstate. At first I just helped her out a bit, but then they needed me to help paint some sandblasted signs, and so I did. Everyone's off next week for their annual vacation, but I hope I can go back the week after and do some more painting. It's not bad at all. The best part is that I'll be getting paid.

Today I went up to Titus with my parents to see my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was something I wasn't exactly looking forward to, but it wasn't so bad. My parents actually let me drive the whole way. I went out on the boat with my aunt and cousins, and that was really nice. I had forgotten how pretty it was there.

My mom finally got me an appointment to get my hair dyed. I can't decided between blue and purple. My parents won't be happy either way, but they can fuck off. It's my hair, right? Exactly.

I have a task for all of you. Recommend a band, and include one or two specific songs that are your favorites. It'll be fun.

Whoa. Some of these are really old.

Josh's feet, Jillian's shoes. I don't know why I took this either.

We saw these adorable puppies at the pet store a while back. If anyone is feeling generous, I'd love one.

Matt, Matt, Matt. What will we do with him?

Jenny's new hair. So cute.

Of course I had to take some of myself.

Lake Jordan in all it's manmade loveliness.

X

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 21:54:02 GMT

Name? Jamie Ashley Brazell
Sign? Gemini
Sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How long since your last serious relationship? I'm still in one.
Number of relationships longer than 3 months? 1
Number of relationships shorter than 2 months? 0
Longest relationship? 1 year, 1 month and counting
Ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? No
Ever done the long distance thing? Still am
Do you have faith in long distance relationships? Yes
On dates, who pays? I do, unless he offers and insists.
Ever been on a blind date? No
Ever dated more than one person at a time? No
Who does the calling? I do, unless Grandma is feeling generous or he's being sneaky.
Ever had friends with benefits? No
Ever cheated? No
Ever had your heart broken? Who hasn't?
Ever been dumped? Not yet
Do you put out the first night? Definitely not
Number of people you've slept with? 0
Do you kiss on the first date? No
What kind of guy/girl gets your number? Guys like Anthony
What attracts you to a person? Sense of humor, personality, taste in music
What physical traits turn your head? Hair, eyes, smile
Ever been in love? Yes
Ever said "I love you" even though you didn't mean it? No
Ever had a bitter ex? I've never even had an ex.
Ever been bitter towards an ex? Like I said...
Oldest person you've dated? 17
Youngest person you've dated? 16
Average age you get involved with? 16.5?
Ever had a relationship that changed you? Yes, and for the better
Have your relationships been worthwhile? Yes
Where do you normally meet guys/girls? Through friends
How would you define a girlfriend/boyfriend? I don't like this question. Some people date just for the sake of dating, so why not ask your definition of love or something?
Would you ever get married? Definitely
What's the key to a successful relationship? Trust and laughter
Best attribute you bring to a relationship? I have no idea.
Worst attribute you bring to a relationship? Really. Ask Anthony.
Importance of relationships in your life? I don't know about relationships, but Anthony is my life.

DESCRIBE YOUR...
Wallet? Red and navy, Hurley
Hairbrush? Small, flat, grey plastic
Toothbrush? Pink with Hello Kitty on the end
Jewelry worn daily? Anthony ring, skull and crossbone earrings
Pillowcase? Bears sleeping on clouds
Blanket? Pink with Hello Kitty's face and flowers
Coffee cup? I hardly ever drink coffee from my house.
Sunglasses? Brown with rectangular lenses
Underwear? Pink and tan stripes with a puppy on the front and paw prints on the booty
Favorite shirt? Blue with a Buddha, says "For good luck, rub my tummy."
Cologne/Perfume? Love Spell
CD in stereo right now? Minor Threat
Tattoos? Maybe later
Piercings? Two in each ear

What are you wearing now? Dark jeans and a Something Corporate shirt
What's in your mouth? Bagel Bites
What are you wishing? That Anthony was here
If you could murder someone and get away with it, who would it be and why? Robert fucking Phelps for being a complete douchebag. For those of you who didn't know, he's a preacher that wants to build a "monument" to Matthew Shepard that says when he "entered hell" because he apparently didn't heed God's warning. God also tells us to respect other fucking people, you worthless bastard. Fuck you.
Person you wish you could see right now? Anthony and the Florida crew
Person sitting next to you? Nobody
Some of your favorite movies? Billy Madison, Big Daddy, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Finding Nemo, Spice World, American History X
Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month? Seeing Anthony
The last thing you ate? Bagel Bites
Something that you are deathly afraid of? Getting raped
Do you like candles? Yes
Do you like incense? Yes
Do you like the taste of blood? No, but I like the sight of it.
Do you believe in love? Of course
Do you believe in soul mates? Yes
Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe you can be physically attracted to someone the first time you see them, but love takes time to develop.
Do you believe in heaven? Yes
Do you believe in God? Yes
What do you want done with your body when you die? Normal burial
What is the latest you've ever stayed up? A few days
Can you eat with chopsticks? Yes
What's your favorite coin? What the hell kind of question is that?
What are some of your favorite candies? Caramellos, Sour Patch Kids, Blow Pops
What's something that you wish people would understand? That whatever I'm doing is not just a phase, and that just because I dress like I do doesn't mean I'm a hoodlum
What's something you wish you could understand better? Parents
Who is someone that you really wish was still around? Chelsea

HAVE YOU EVER...
Kissed someone? Yes
Killed someone? No
Been raped? No
Smoked? Yes, unfortunately
Gotten Drunk? No
Worn rainbow? Yes
Talked on the phone for over 3 hours? Definitely
Left the country? Yes
Had a party with over 30 people? No
Taken nude pictures No
Stolen something? No
Caught something on fire? Yes, but I did it on purpose.
Wanted to cheat on someone? No
Asked someone out? No
Dumped someone? No
Had a dream that came true the next day? No
Bungee jumped? No
Gotten a tattoo? No
Skydived? No
Skinny dipped? No
Gotten your tongue stuck to a cold pole? No
Eaten pop rocks and soda? No
Played truth or dare? Yes
Kissed for more than 10 minutes at one time? I don't think so.
Puked on someone you really liked? I almost puked on Anthony at Timmy's once.
Mixed sodas together? No
Had sushi? It's the best.
Had dejavu? Yes
Hung up on someone? Yes
Used all cuss words in the same sentence? No
Stood on your head and drank milk? No
Cried during a movie? All the time
Swallowed your gum? When I was younger
Eaten glue? Probably
Slept for more than 15 hours? No
Been on a train? No

WHO'S THE LAST PERSON THAT...
You touched? My mom
You talked to in person? My mom
You hugged/kissed? My mom
Had sex with? My mom. Oh! Err... it hasn't happened yet, actually.
You instant messaged? Alex
Who broke your heart? Andrew

ARE YOU...
Understanding? I hope so.
Insecure? Definitely
Interesting? Not really
Smart? Somewhat
Moody? Sometimes
Difficult? Sometimes
Attractive? Not often
Bored easily? Sometimes
Controlling? I hope not.
Sad? Sometimes
Happy? Sometimes
Trusting? Too much so
Talkative? Unfortunately for everyone else, yes
Ignored? By some people
Reliable? I try to be.
Lonely? No

DO YOU LIKE...
Tacos? Yes
Bread? With something on it, yes
Veggies? Some
Pizza? Definitely
Doritos? Yes
Pretzels? Sometimes
Chocolate? Of course
Garlic? Not a lot
Veal? Who?
Chicken? Yes
Ice cream? Yes
Hot Pockets? Lean Pockets
Popcorn? Yes
Pop Tarts? Yes
Salad? Caesar
Coke? Yes
Pepsi? Yes
Gatorade? Yes

LIVEJOURNAL
How often do you update your journal? Every few days or so
How many hours do you spend on here? Quite a few
How does your journal look? Hot pink and black with Tsunami Bomb lyrics strewn about
How many icons do you have? 2
Can you do any of those cool LiveJournal overrides? Yes
Do you have music on your journal? No
Do you remember your very first entry? Yes
When did you join LiveJournal? Around Christmas of last year

X

Mon, 21 Jun 2004 11:03:02 GMT

My birthday was fun. Matt and I went out to lunch at Sinclair's. He surprised me with a huge sundae that we shared. We ran some errands until he had to go to work. My mom and I went to my neighbor, Pat's house to show her my prom pictures. I mentioned it was my birthday, and she gave me two random picture frames. She's great.

When I got home, my dad had takeout from Red Lobster ready. I could eat their crab alfredo for the rest of my life. After dinner, I was getting ready to go out when my mom informed me that my grandparents were on their way over. I waited for an hour or so, but they never showed up. Laura, Alesha, and Katimothy came to pick me up. They waited in the driveway for Kristin and Richard while I went inside to try and hook up my new camera.

Kristin? Check. Ready to leave? Yes. Who shows up? The grandparents. I tried to stay and chat for a few minutes, but then I basically just grabbed the card and left. Laura gave me a Hot Topic gift card, and Alesha bought me "American History X" on DVD. Yes, all of this happened before the events described in my last entry.

I got in a huge fight with my parents a few days ago about my hair. I just wanted to dye my hair black for a few weeks, but then when I mentioned it to my mom, she went off. My dad thinks colored hair, tattoos, and piercings are "cheapening" since God didn't originally make us with these things. You know what? Dear old dad didn't pop out of my grandmother with clothes covering his fat ass either, now did he? Thank God that someone decided clothing was needed for everyday life.

Last night, Laura, Matt, Leah, and I went to O'Charley's for a late dinner. People there are awesome. One of the waitresses had told us about how she was planning on asking her girlfriend to marry her. We were happy to find out that she accepted. I tied balloons around my ankles on our way out, which was fun yet random. I'm so bad-ass.

The sundae Matt got me. I'm just glad they didn't sing to me.

Pat's dog, Blakely. One day soon, I am going to steal her while Pat's at work.

*craves a buttered roll from O'Charley's*

Candid pictures look so much better than ones people pose for. Unless of course your name is Matthew.

The hair.

My mom threw some old tortillas across the kitchen like frisbees today. My dog found one, and when my mom pulled it away from her, we found that it left a heart-shaped hole. Now if that's not proof that there's someone out there for everyone, I don't know what is.

X

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 20:02:29 GMT

I fucking hate my parents. Apparently, "nice people" don't have black hair. I'm obviously not a nice person, so fuck you.
I got a new camera for my birthday, but it doesn't like to work on my computer. I'll post the pictures later.

X

Sun, 13 Jun 2004 04:09:17 GMT

Today was really nice until early this evening came along. My mom let me drive to and from guitar, as well as to and from all of the stops we made afterwards. My guitar teacher was full of compliments today, and since I practiced for once, things ran smoothly there. Afterwards, my mom and I went to Home Depot to look for bathroom stuff. We found a cute little wall cabinet, and since it was the last one, not to mention unmarked, they sold it to us for $14.00. My mom and I actually got along all afternoon.

When we got home, my dad and I looked at old cars online. Then, we looked at digital cameras. I can't decide whether to ask for a nicer digital camera or an electric guitar for my birthday, which is really soon. That is so weird. Anyway, I tried dying my hair green with Kool-Aid, but nothing happened. That sucked. I think I might try again tomorrow.

I just feel like no matter what I do or try to do I can never make anyone happy anymore. I never get along with a bunch of people that I used to be really close with. My parents think I'm useless lately, and sometimes I find myself actually wanting to make them happy. I shouldn't care, but I do. I just feel empty and worthless. I can't wait to get out of this house, to be able to be with Anthony whenever I want, and to just... be happy.

X

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 07:36:14 GMT

I haven't updated in a really long time. Summer has transformed me into an extremely lazy person. What to do?

This morning, after an hour or so of sleep, I woke up to call Anthony. His grandma told him to ask me what I would do if they moved to Ohio for good. I would die, and that's what I said. Mm-hmm. Let's not think about that. I watched TV for a while until I heard from Abby, who happens to be in town for the week. We called Matt and decided to meet at the mall at noon.

Due to certain misunderstandings, Matt and I were thirty minutes late getting to the mall. We looked for Abby in the food court, at one point even bursting into song with, "Abby Duran, if you hear our voice, then make a joyful noise (like a vacuum sucking up hair, now)." We decided to go ahead and eat, hoping she would show up somewhere. She did, and we had a bunch of fun.

After chatting over lunch, we decided to head on over to Aladdin's Castle to play some DDR. Okay, I have to vent about something. What is the deal with the people next in line to play placing their tokens along the screen? It annoys the absolute fuck out of me. Just wait there, right behind the damn game, and we will let you go when we're finished. I promise. Don't have any place to keep your tokens while you're waiting? Try your pocket, or maybe your sock. Just don't fucking come near the screen while we are trying to dance! My damn.

After a much-needed nap, Laura and I picked Alesha up, and we met Brendan at CVS. First, we went in to get some gum, then came back out to decide what we would do next. Then, Alesha and Laura deemed it was necessary to waste $4.00 on a box of condoms for fun, so we went in a second time. Later, we went back in to use the ladies' room. They probably think we're scoping out the place or something.

Brendan, being the lover of speed that he is, decided to take the three of us around town at an average speed of, oh... say... 90? At one point, we hit 120. It's weird, because it didn't even feel like we were going that fast until we passed an eighteen-wheeler and I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. We heard a pop and later found out that he had a flat tire. Our speeding expedition ended there. It was overall a fun night.

I still don't really know why Alesha randomly decided to get up, walk outside, and press her face up against the Arby's window, but somehow she still managed to look ravishing. Mm-hmm.

This was Matt's reaction when I told him that I just couldn't possibly touch him inappropriately in the middle of Arby's.

K?

My mom made a to-go order for Alesha and I that consisted of Bagel Bites and a Coke. Too bad we couldn't wait to eat them until we got to Matt's.

Matt's cat, Neveah joined us on a short trip to the drive-through.

What is she looking at, exactly?

X

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 22:03:18 GMT

Yesterday was so much fun. Matt picked me up so we could meet Chantel and Jennifer at Atlanta Bread Company. We ate our sandwiches, sipped our lattes, and discussed gay marriage. It was nice. Next, we went to World Market, Pier 1, and Kirkland's. Matt was feeling creative and decided his room needed some sprucing up. We called Justin in World Market, and he played Guess What I'm Holding with Matt. Very interesting.

After our shopping escapade, we went back to Matt's house for some video game action. Chantel, as Kirby, asked, "What is that? Should I eat that?" That's when I realized that I had been using my dad's cell phone to talk to Justin for two hours on a weekday before 9:00 pm. Shit. Soon after, my mom called to tell me that Anthony had called, so I called him back. Yes, quite a bit of calling going on. Then Alesha joined us.

Chantel thought she would get in trouble if she went to Wetumpka with us, so we dropped her off and got some gas before we went to pick Anthony up. The closer we got, the more freaked out Alesha got. Apparently, Wetumpka reminds her of "Wrong Turn" or something. "He doesn't live in a trailer, does he? Your boyfriend is country!" Then Matt coined a new term. Genius, I must say. "Actually, he's more punk-cunt."

We picked Chantel up once again, visited Kristin at Bruno's, and rode around some more. Matt took Anthony and I back to my house after a while, and we decided we would finally go on our first date. And so we did. We went to eat at Los Amigos, and it was a lot of fun. I will miss him so much these next few months.

"You pull it up, but part of it stays down... You put stuff in it that you take off of yourself... The stuff in it is really dirty, so your mom might trip." Matt and Justin play Guess What I'm Holding.

At Bruno's. Chantel and Matt read the tabloids while Alesha and Kristin chat it up.

Only 99¢? That's a good deal. For the Goldfish, not Kristin.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.