___________________________

_computer @ 2008-06-06T22:16:00

2008-06-07T02:26:25Z

Instead of Oregon, I tried my luck at New York City. Man with moustache, Me & My Brother, Robert Frank, filling a cap with water, putting it back on your head.
New York began to rain so I started to read this book 'Shark: Splendid Savage of the Sea' & when I finished, I started all over again. Dan bought me a French book for my birthday, but I'm not ready yet. The Calypso is crossing the Red Sea for the second time. Bon voyage!

bathtub revelations

2007-12-29T22:14:20Z

i left the money on the ironing board and rose was reading on the bed, some beverly clery book with a marx brothers title and it's about a boy having wet dreams or just some young adolescent girl getting into mischief.
the train ride in april will cost almost two hundred dollars and take about four days. i left the money on the ironing board.
everything is so strange. in the bathtub, listening to your tape, hands over my eyes, watching a concert from last year and then all my hair was on the floor.
there were also buttons in the bathtub.
all was confessed.
the girl at marshalls precariously wrapping jesus in tissue paper. "it was his birthday like two days ago," she said. her nose was stuffed up. he was 50% off. we put him in the backyard.
happy new year.

ebay is a curse

2007-12-04T22:28:07Z

Did I need a rotary telephone? No.
Did I need the fisher price circus ringmaster? Of course not.
And yet, here I am, buying religious medallions and the 1974 evel knievel canyon sky cycle...

The ringmaster is really amazing, though.

fever

2007-10-10T13:14:32Z

i have a fever! but i keep thinking i can take the ten hours of laying-in-bed-time and trade it in for traveling to new york and walking for two hours and somehow making it back before eight o clock. but it's fever-thinking! irrational thoughts!
one hundred and three degrees!
fuck it. i'm going to the museum of science.

oh, sweet little lamb

2007-08-27T04:04:59Z

my life, i am convinced, is just one long series of bad timing.
it's fine. it's fine.
i'm just so impatient.

my old glasses broke in a horrible party incident, which ended in a scene that would be titled, 'gregg & i go to church'.
it is included in the book that will only be written in the mind.

i have been trying to record people talking dreams [sleep dreams]. if you would like to help, please get in touch. compensation includes banana flavored popsicles [as many as you can eat] & buttons [assorted colors & varieties].

my new glasses are tinted dark & look like sunglasses which has been embarrassing at night and this scene would be titled, 'trying not to give a fuck'. also included as a footnote.

summer is over. old love has moved and new love sits one seat away from me in the movie theater.

but, jesus christ, we are all so blessed.

memory:

recent:

_computer @ 2007-06-24T01:52:00

2007-06-24T05:59:49Z

this is the only thing on the wall in the room.

the last day of teen angst

2007-05-14T14:53:18Z

if you want to find me tomorrow, i will be at the bottom of a well.
just like the lion, only delionized.
i am not a leo, i am a taurus.

complimentary heartbreak

2007-04-26T18:06:09Z

it's okay.
we weren't even in love.

_computer @ 2007-04-06T19:07:00

2007-04-06T23:16:13Z

this evening, i found this hidden in rosemary's sock drawer. just one. a bubble gum cigar.
at first, while observing the said 'bubble gum cigar', i mused over how strange it was. but, you know, after some thought, it makes a lot of sense because

pregnancy is exactly, exactly, like blowing a bubble inside of another bubble.

THINK ABOUT IT!

it totally BLOWS my mind.

i am in the process of two projects involving bubblegum.
if you are interested in helping, get in touch, please!
all help is much appreciated. love.

'spring break blog'

2007-03-17T04:27:46Z

this is me and my roomate and my old roomate who moved out but is still around a lot and that's cool because we love her.

i've been in massachusetts.
on wednesday, i thought a lot about natural disasters, specifically, movies incorporating natural disasters, specifically, a russian film dan and i caught the end of this summer at the archive that dealt with gold and forest fires and winter.

the kids had a half day of school. rosemary got a bloody nose and instead of wiping it, she ate a ham sandwich. we tried to find slush, we found lauren instead and ate popsicles and lauren left us at the library and we buried a time capsule. bryan was there. he was reading about determinism, and i was reading about magic tricks. he pointed this out, and i was slightly embarrassed.

that night, no one had lights on in their house while i walked home. it made the walk so much longer than it actually is, there was nothing but disappointment when star constellations turned out to be streetlights every single time.

explain

2007-03-07T02:17:24Z

infralapsarian
1731, from infra- + L. lapsus "a fall." In ref. to the Calvinist doctrine that god's election of some to everlasting life was consequent to his decree to allow the Fall of man, and was thus a remedial measure. Contrasted to supralapsarian, in ref. to the belief that He always meant to consign most of mankind to eternal fire and that the decision to create some men to be damned was his first decree. There's also a moderate sublapsarian view. Here the decree to elect those who would believe and leave those who do not believe to damnation also comes after the decree to allow the fall, but the decree to provide salvation for man comes immediately after the decree to elect.

can someone please explain this to me? i can not grasp this concept and i need to understand what
postlapsarianly means so i can fully understand why the naked man and woman are grinning wanly.
come on, young scholars.

ask me what time it is.

2007-02-13T00:48:13Z

seriously, ask me what time it is.

today

2007-02-01T22:20:39Z

today i got my period

& then my nose started to bleed.

it was almost perfect.

a candy colored clown they call the sandman tiptoes to my room every night

2006-12-10T20:04:19Z

i spent my last $10 on getting my palm read, not so much because i wanted to see what was in store for me in the future, but mostly because when people asked me about my day, i wanted to give them that response
instead of the expected and personally painful,
"oh, i didn't do anything. it was okay."
because i have to fucking do something.
& i have a new toothbrush. it is for babies. it has sparkles and flashes red for sixty seconds so i know, so the babies know, time is up.

weird happenings

2006-10-27T19:23:16Z

so this morning, while wasting time in front of the coffeeshop by poorly playing my harmonica
& smoking too many cigarettes,
i caught, out of the corner of my eye a new face, holding a card, with a cat on it.
the face looked up, and we smiled. he asked if i had an extra pen he could borrow.
i said i did, and asked him what he was writing, to which he replied 'a birthday card, for josh',his friend
he asked if i wanted to sign it.
of course, i said yes.
he was then joined by a older man, wearing sunglasses.
i said hello. i told them my name was christina.
they were named stephen and ari, perhaps. i don't quite remember. i am horrible at names.
they were visiting. they were reading spin. they were passionate about music. but expressed that they had no direction.
i said i played the harmonica. would they like a harmonica player for their band? they laughed and did not answer.
'we are playing up the street.'
'at a bar?' i asked.
'no, at the basketball courts'. i thought this strange.
ignoring my confusion, i invited them to a costume party.
they smiled and said they would join me. though they had no costumes.
but when everyone is drunk, it really doesn't matter much.
i gave them my number. and then it hit me.
it was fucking third eye blind.

via science? via friendships?

2006-10-10T04:20:22Z

kyle found a camera at the goodwill & let me wear his bloody shirt & agreed to stop at the mcdonald's playscape even though i was under a spell.
i have been under a spell for a while. it is very good.
very good in the sense that the long walk home seems so much shorter.
this livejournal entry is dedicated to kyle murray.
who is as majestic as the bronze wildcat himself.

"jillian gets an ice cream & all i get is a stupid freeze pop." -rosemary

2006-08-04T22:21:13Z

we are all stuck in ruts, drinking yellow medicine, hiding cigarettes under the porch & in the metal apple on top of the stove.
so we are going to the cape for a week.
hopefully, this will help. if not, i guess the yellow medicine doesn't taste so bad if you chase it with some juice.
positive mental attitude positive mental attitude.

the past 72hours:

2006-07-31T06:17:22Z

"the persecution and assassination of jean-paul marat as performed by the inmates of the asylum at charenton under the direction of the marquis de sade" on vinyl. & drugs.

my grandpa and astronauts and being embarassed when you are singing

2006-07-17T16:54:23Z

dan made barbara shut off the square light so no one could see him singing, but we could all feel him rocking back & forth on the bed. ashley had smaller hands and hair the color of the middle aged waitress who used to live up the street. we didn't talk, but she shared her tea without us having to ask. she kissed me before she left, which was earlier than everyone else, because today she is going to a car race. when we drove back home, the moon mouthed secrets and forty minutes felt like five.
i'd like to think my grandpa was the kind of man who would have noticed the moon speaking to him. and maybe he was, but he died when i was real little.

wah wah wah

2006-06-25T04:02:21Z

today i counted my teeth with my tongue. i have twenty eight and with wisdom, i will have thirty four. i sat on a bench, thinking popsicles again. then i asked you how fast you climb up stairs, and whether or not you skip steps. except this time, i knew the answers already. you climb really fast, and you always skip them. no matter how daunting they may seem.
i carried a bag of candy like a baby and my teeth smiled like the orange slices i was eating. the man asked me if i was a good person. i started to cry. her hair smelled like flowers, i just couldn't leave. too sensitive. too sensitive. the car that accidently pulled into the driveway made a beautiful design on the ceiling which faded slowly upwards as the strangers drove away. this also made me cry.
excuses excuses.
how many teeth do you have anyway?

for a second today, i thought my uncle was a bicycle

2006-05-07T04:00:36Z

the end of my first year of college, among many many other things.
"are you excited for the summer time?"
i don't know how to answer. i haven't found words in months.
this is how i feel:

stay crazy.

black&white vs. color

2006-03-25T06:44:38Z

the boy with epilepsy has a father who drives a taxi. when his father was younger, he fell in love with a girl in hawaii during some war he can't remember. all he remembers is the terribly sunburn he got on even more terrible locations and how he never lay naked with someon as comfortably again. he is still in love, but aren't we all? and we watch our children grow and pick out the parts that you wish belonged to someone else.
and they always have her eyes and your sense of humor.

&happybirthday to my sister catherine ♥

valentine's day twenty four seven

2006-02-15T22:43:18Z

step1_ throw flowers off bridge into river with sarah miles. encourage passerbys to join in. act surprised when they say yes and watch the flowers sweep themselves away.

step2_ engage in philosophical discussion on the various forms and stages of love. focus on platonic love. begin to kiss all your friends.

step3_ set up a date with two young girls from the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. feel guilty you don't have faith in anything. have someone inform you later they are mormons. listen to them talk about hope because no one else will.

step4_ see your many unrealistic, potential lovers at music event. peer pressure erik swanson into getting you drinks. tap your fingers rhythmically against your leg. leave in time to catch the bus back.

step5_ find your favorite person conveniently located within a one mile radius of where you are trapped. smoke a cigarette with her. graciously accept the candy she sweetly gives to you. smile as you walk back to your room and thank something that may or may not exist, depending on thursday's date, for letting such beautiful people wash into your life.

_computer @ 2006-01-23T19:33:00

2006-01-24T00:52:19Z

so i followed mark back to his yellowgreen house. the yellowgreen like the crayon that was always the sharpest because no one wanted to use that color. we smoked tea out the window of his bedroom.
he wrote a poem about the 152phases of the moon, but it was really about him & his life. i read the dictionary, looking for new words. we couldn't remember how to spell burglar.
a discourse on meditations sits on top of the bathroom sink.

on connecticut mornings, every single one, i would lie in bed counting the tiles on grammy's ceiling. i had this problem solving system which involved multiplication. i didn't know how to multiply though i pretended. factoring in fractions of tiles. each morning i would get a different number. but i was young.

television

2006-01-01T20:17:24Z

sixty minutes asked me, "would you pay to travel in space?" my eyebrows furrowed. i thought long, and i thought hard. i think i would, in fact, pay to travel into space. those astronauts, they come back all religious and enlightened. it might be refreshing. besides, you don't age and the constant music of disaster would compose a separate symphony of appreciation. and, come on, the 'splash-down' alone would be worth it. so, sixty minutes, the answer is yes. for the love of god, yes.

oh i got a camera for christmas:

preface to a twenty volume suicide note

lately, i've become accustomed to the way
the ground opens up and envelopes me
each time i go out to walk the dog.
or the broad edged silly music the wind
makes when i run for a bus...

things have come to that.

and now, each night i count the stars.
and each night i get the same number.
and when they will not come to be counted,
i count the holes they leave.

nobody sings anymore.

and then last night i tiptoed up
to my daughter's room and heard her
talking to someone, and when i opened
the door, there was no one there...
only she on her knees, peeking into

her own clasped hands

leroi jones