for once, london weather has consented to commiserate. the skies are gloomy, the winds are howling, and with each thick gust, the tree branches flail more helpless than before. the soft pitter patter of the rain against the window panes lulls me to sleep and i dream  of monsoons in the tropics. 

conflicts is making me cry. 

like the short termism of the attention span has been significantly reduced. 

rough day? how about a predicted rough month of equal measures of indifference, fear and zero determination. 

but i saw this on the facebook feed and it really made me feel waaaay better

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/13-simple-steps-to-get-you-through-a-rough-day

so, yay. especially to all those funny pictures of dogs. i love dogs. i love love dogs. 

and a mini yay to walkers sensations, i dont know how they did it but they managed to get peking spare rib on crackers and it's amazing. it's really like pork and the sweet sticky sauce.  

i like how my notebook and table smells of coffee after i tipped it over and freaked out and thought my computer and hard drive might never work again but now it does, so i like how my notebook and table smells of coffee. 

this is sam. on my new pillow. in my room. on my bed. i am so pleased. 

i have dreams of serving sables and tarts with my record player at the corner of a room. a sweet little room barely enough for 10. playing nat king cole and christmas songs all year round. vanilla black and good chai tea. copious displays of sweets arranged daintily on large porcelain platters on a big wooden table with gnarled feet. cushy chairs in slate. madeleines. no macarons. a big antique mirror at the back end with the vinyls. old lightbulbs hanging upside down from the window sill with flowers. daffodils. 

it is a realisation from a deep rooted consciousness that we are in this boat of what does it matter to anybody else that your non-conforming activities make you happy. and the indefinite thrill of being self aware and satiated on that boundless eagerness for the discovery of the uncertain and fantastic. and then contentment of your own actions regular or irregular. but the point is about satisfaction. and it's almost there. and it feels great. 

when i get to decorate my 3 room HDB flat (after the 5 year wait) this is going to be front and centre so that this is the first thing everybody's going to see when they enter and i will not stand for it when guests at the housewarming ask me what it means. i suppose i could put that part of Friends on loop so there's a point of reference for the classic american sitcom illiterates but that might just be too nice of me. 

happy feelings are just shooting out of every pore of me right now. even though there's a backlog of work, i just can't give a damn.