Girl Anachronism

_chloedancer @ 2008-10-03T20:52:00

2008-10-03T13:46:38Z

Magalit na kung magalit. I'm going on an internet detox -- which basically means I'm going to have the most minimal interaction with social networking sites (hey, baby steps... I can't do cold turkey. I'm stuck in an office for around 8-9 hours each day). I'm about to forget what it's like to live in the real world, and it's getting unbelievably petty in internet land already.

So before I bid goodbye, I'll leave you with yet another one of my lists.

Getting pissed off over a person's online persona is pathetic and sad.

There's a thin line between being kulang sa pansin and expressing yourself/trying to prove a point.

Making parinig online is possibly one of the most cowardly things you can do, and if you're doing it to get sympathy votes, then you might want to consider what exactly is missing from your life if you can't talk it out without washing your dirty laundry in public.

Which eventually made me realize that knowing the details of my life is a PRIVILEGE that I shouldn't carelessly throw around for anybody.

It's sad how popularity contests manage to transcend themselves to the virtual world.

It's beginning to get scary how just about anyone can assume everything and anything about you because of the way you write and because of the pictures of you that are uploaded online.

Sometimes we get so caught up with the little bubble we have created here that everything we say or do can be easily misconstrued or taken way too seriously.

So, please. Let's just all go out and live. You all know where you can find me, and I hope you guys do, I miss everyone a lot.

_chloedancer @ 2008-09-30T18:08:00

2008-09-30T10:15:41Z

"Let's say all the things we never said."

-Almost Famous

Nicked From Ala

2008-09-28T12:37:10Z

1. Who knows the real you?
No one. Even I have a hard time figuring that out.

2. When was the last time you went out?
Last night. We hit up the Brasilipinas event at Rockwell. That was really awesome, and it would've been more awesome if my stomach actually recovered from the hangover the previous night.

3.If you could kiss anyone who would it be?
No one. Ok, I'm lying. Pffffft.

4 . What song are you listening to?
India.Arie - Back to the Middle

5. Whom does it remind you of?
Saj

6. Last movie you watched?
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Hehe.

7. Which of your friends live closest to you?
Seka lives two streets away from me.

8. What is your favorite shirt?
This sheer white t-shirt from Mango.

9. Do you drive?
Nope.

10. What did you do yesterday?
Eat, drink, dance, clap, shake, shimmy, pass out.

11. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
Glasses.

12. Do you trust your friends?
Yup, generally.

13.Who was the last person to call you?
Hmm... Saj? I think.

14.What annoys you?
My life.

15. Do you want multiple piercing?
Define multiple? Then again I don't really wanna have anything pierced anymore.

16 . Your favorite song in your player?
According to Last.fm, Cartel's version of Wonderwall, Glassjaw - Her Middle Name Was Boom, and some Radiohead and Pinback. I didn't really answer that question, did I?

17. Last time you went to the mall?
Yesterday

18 . What was the last thing you ate?
My dad's cooking.

19 . Which of your friends would make the best roommate?
They all would, they all can cook and maintain a house better than I could.

20. Last thing you purchased?
Duck Pao. Wait, that's food. Um... a pair of hair clips.

21. Last vacation you were in?
Vacation? Last summer. Bah.

22. Do people ever spell your name wrongly?
Sometimes.

23 . What's the last compliment you received?
"I love your dress!"

24. Who was the last friend you hugged?
Mira

25. Which celeb are you eye candying?
No one new really.

26. What's next on your wishlist?
Chunky toeless shoes, statement shoes, sneakers (hopefully a new pair of Chucks, Etnies, or DC's), beanies, iPod nano, Mac Mini, ink job, a skateboard, a vacation.

27. Which band's concert would you want to watch?
Locally? Wala. I haven't been to a gig that I've actually like in ages. Last time was probably Deftones night pa, I think. Oh wait, West End Boulevard was amazing, but they're not local. Pffft.

28. What color are your nails?
Normal nail color.

29. Date down a special day for you?
Days should always be special, yeah.

30. In just one word, describe yourself.
Coasting.

_chloedancer @ 2008-09-22T13:24:00

2008-09-22T05:33:56Z

Marla's Top 5's

2008-09-19T09:55:23Z

The Next Big Purchases
1. Camera
2. Skateboard
3. Mac Mini
4. Statement shoes
5. iPod.. or a bong

Style Inspirations
1. Alexa Chung
2. Rumi Neely
3. Rachel Bilson - dude, I love what she wears. That bitch.
4. Nikki Monninger - from Silversun Pickups
5. the Element Eden girls

Recurring Trends Among the Guys I Date
1. Musician - all of them can play the bass guitar and sing better than me
2. Artist
3. Alcoholic
4. Ill-fitting pants - I have photographic evidence lurking somewhere for this.
5. Baggage - to match mine, of course. -_-

Favorite "Sagutan" Songs
1. Total Eclipse of the Heart
2. Taking Back Sunday - Cute Without the 'E'
3. Alexisonfire - To a Friend
4. Air Supply - Making Love Without Nothing At All (is that the title?)
5. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

Read: I like singing all the parts. The second voice, everything. Pati na rin yung gitara.

I Wish My Life Were Like These Movies
1. Dazed and Confused... or Accepted
2. Orange County
3. Almost Famous
4. Empire Records
5. 9 Songs - what.

Secret Dream Professions
1. It Girl
2. Travel Show host
3. Break Dancer
4. Rock Star
5. Pro Surfer

Best "Trips" of the Year
1. Shrooming at Andy's - I was talking to Fantasia-like creatures in the sky
2. Baler Basagan - rolling in the sand with my boy, Empoy
3. Birthday smorgasbord - a buffet of beer, cocktails, and numerous varieties of... stuff.
4. Timmy's birthday - Mango Tango/Bacardi/Tanduay... goodbye!
5. End of Thesis/Saj's Birthday tied with Nacho Libre Night at Timmy's

Dumbest Injuries of 2008
1. Minor concussion from longboard accident
2. Bombed hill, hit cat's eye - road rash, goatee bruise, tocino on my arm, hands, hip
3. Sprained ankle from walking drunk along Alabang-Zapote
4. Gashed nose from falling over chair drunk and V'ed out
5. ... oh, wow. Apat lang. Yay.

Nobody Likes You

2008-09-18T03:58:52Z

I can't contain myself. I'm such a happy camper right now. I bought this book on Green Day last night and began reading it this morning. I couldn't put it down on the train and I'm still reading it while I'm working. It's reminding me of the times I'd have a book on my lap (hidden underneath my table) during class in high school... not paying attention to my teachers and preferring to retreat into my hovel of a world in my head.

BUT YEAH. I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF!!! I SPENT A GOOD DEAL OF GRADE SCHOOL CRUSHING OVER BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG AND I HAVE THIS HUGE EAR-TO-EAR GRIN WHILE READING.

Teehee. Aaaayyyiieeeee! Come on, everyone loves Green Day. ♥

* I'll write something more coherent when I'm less flabbergasted.

Jay Boy

2008-09-17T05:53:00Z

How are you coping with all the tragedy in your life?

I think I just kind of put it back on the shelf and never really dealt with it. I’m hoping one of the main reasons I did drugs was to kill the pain of thinking about grief issues, just get high and everything’s alright. Since I went to this little rehab thing they kind of brought that shit out. Shit that I never really dealt with like my brother got murdered and my dad died, then my grandma died and then my mom died and that was all in like a one year period of time. Then I had a girlfriend that I really loved and I caught her in bed with another guy. That one hurt more actually than the other things...

http://denniscooper-theweaklings.blogspot.com/

It's no big secret that astrology is one of my little hobbies. I also have this belief that you have a lot in common with people who have the same birthday as you do, whether you're aware of it or not. The main reason why I got into astrology was because it helped me understand people more and it shed some light on why we're wired the way we are.

Jay Adams was an amazing character and my fascination for him grew when I found out that we shared the same birthday (not to mention that he was just so exciting to watch). He's nuts, plain and simple. Reading his reply to that question on personal tragedy almost felt like something I would say.

I dubbed 2008 as the Year of the Stupid, and over time I also came to realize that it was also the Year of the Emotional Rehab. My personal tragedies are shallow and pathetic compared to most people; but this time last year, something that tore my fishbowl world apart happened. I only acknowledged now that I refused to deal with it. I shelved whatever I was feeling and the minute I was feeling the pain, I'd do everything in my power to stifle it.

I split my time between feeling like a catatonic zombie and being a hyper, cheery doofus. Well, don't get me wrong, I was having the time of my life... back on a sarong, examining the colors of the moon, guzzling one drink after the other, laughing over inane things, doing my best to coast along the last remains of my schooling.

Emotional catastrophe happened again at the first quarter of the year. I wanted to set everything right in my life, and once I made that choice, a dam ruptured and all the pain I was holding back descended upon me. I'm no saint, and I'll admit I spent my entire summer doing the same antics (ok, it got worse), but I was on the road to purging and dealing with myself. I would be crying and allowing myself to feel loss, loneliness, resentment... everything.

And I realized that it was necessary for me to go through that, and I owed it to myself and everyone around me. It was only recently that I saw that even when I ignored my pain, it still somehow managed to leak its way out to affect something/somebody else (i.e., getting into a new relationship minutes after you danced over the ashes of the last one, no matter how beautiful and amazing the new one was). That was pretty unfair.

And you know what? It's true when they say that things have to get worse before they can get better. I didn't think I'd be here right now... genuinely happy and sane. I was always one for learning everything the hard way, but this truly was one of the best lessons I've ever learned.

Bored.

2008-09-13T12:14:55Z

1) If you married the last person you kissed what would your last name be?
Pelayo. -_-

2) What did you do this afternoon?
Did the groceries, caught a bit of Nirvana Unplugged, waste away in front of the computer.

4) What`s the last thing to make you laugh?
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

5) Can you take a bra off with one hand?
Sows. Oo naman.

6) Can you use chopsticks?
Yup.

7) How old were you when you lost your first tooth?
4 years old, I lost two in one go. Haha.

8) Were you a hyper or mellow kid?
Bi-polar.

9) Why did you throw up last?
Couldn't hack a beer bong.

10) Last time you were drunk?
Last night.

11) What's for dinner?
Seafood, but I had barbecue along with my shrimps.

12) Ever been to the Statue of Liberty?
Nope.

13) Voting for Hillary?
No. She didn't win anyway, hah.

14) How many e-mail addresses do you have?
Three.

15) Do you HAVE to have brand name stuff?
No.

16) Last time you washed your hair?
A while ago.

17) Is the last person you kissed attractive?
Yes?

18) Do you like Oreos?
YUP!

19) Do you send out Thank-You cards?
Nope. I would if I wasn't such a lazy 'tard.

20) Can you ice skate?
Yup, but I'm not really good.

21) Do you have a brother?
Yup.

22) Do you know how to change a diaper?
No.

23) do you flip people off while driving?
I probably would.

24) What color is your car?
Gold and silver.

25) What are you listening to?
My relatives talking.

27) Who's your favorite American Idol judge?
I don't watch AI.

28) Do you like to grocery shop?
Only if I'm stoned and in the mood for munchies.

29) Are you in a happy mood?
I'm alright.

30) Last time you cleaned?
A few days ago? Tried.

31) What is the last song you listened to?
Limp Bizkit - Rearranged. What, you asked.

32) What pills do you take daily, and what do they do?
I don't take pills daily... but I should be taking Vitamin C daily. I try.

33) Do you like anyone?
Nope.

34) Do you do your own laundry?
Nope.

35) How many people have you kissed in 2008?
4? I dunno.

36) Are you single/taken?
Single.

37) Baths or showers?
Showers.

38) Do you take out the trash?
Sometimes.

39) What are you doing this weekend?
Go out, have some drinks, do freelance work.

40) Are you getting engaged anytime soon?
Fuck no.

41) Paper or Plastic?
Paper.

42) Do you watch "The Hills"?
No.

43) Last CD you played?
Mix CD I made.

44) What did you do last Saturday night?
Hahaha... it was fun.

45) What are you thinking about right now?
What I'll be doing later.

46) Which one of your friends is going to have the cutest baby?
Saj. Andy. Hahaha, I dunno.

47) What was the last thing you drank?
Water.

48) Wearing any bracelets?
Nope.

49) Last thing someone bought for you?
I don't remember.

Ah, Joy

2008-09-12T06:23:50Z

Nothing like seeing your work up for the world to see, nosiree.

GOOD MORNING!

2008-09-10T04:03:33Z

Last Movie I Saw In A Movie Theater?
The Mummy 3. It was shit. I fell asleep.

What Book Are You Reading?
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Dave Eggers

Favorite Board Game?
Risk. 13 Dead End Drive. Life. Hmm.... Scene It?

Favorite Magazine?
Nylon, Wallpaper, Rogue... lots, actually.

Favorite Smells?
Freshly laundered clothes and sheets, cigarettes on my boyfriend's clothes, garlic roasting in olive oil, brewing coffee, cannabis, Ivory soap, crisp early mornings

I'm really interested to know how this smells like, then if it works for me, I'll buy it. Though I worry that it'll only appeal to a certain "happy" demographic should I try to use the scent for luring purposes.

Favorite Sounds?
Waves, giggling babies, the cracking sound when you ignite something, sitars, skateboard wheels on concrete, bamboo chimes, purring kittens, a lover breathing in his sleep

Worst Feeling In The World?
Being given up on. Guilt.

First Thing You Think of When You Wake?
"Can I still delay actually waking up?"

Favorite Fast Food Place?
Te quiero Taco Bell. McDonald's. Sbarro.

Future Child’s Name?
I don't know yet, most likely I'll kick it old school. I want my kids' names to look good on wedding invitations and tombstones, haha.

Finish This Statement—“If I Had a Lot of Money,”
Travel, pig out, surf, shop, get inked, buy my friends presents, and move out.

Do You Drive Fast?
I don't drive, but I'd imagine I'd drive like a madwoman.

Do You Sleep With a Stuffed Animal?
Nope.

Storms—cool or scary?
Cool. But only if I'm home.

What Was Your First Car?
Nada.

Favorite Drink?
Water, Lemonade, Strawberry shakes, Strawberry-Banana shakes, Strawberry Yogurt shakes, Grappa's Czech beer, Ice cold San Miguel...

Finish This Statement—“If I Had the Time, I Would…”
Learn to ollie, finish my paintings, make more art, join an art class or creativity workshop, phototrip, travel

Do You Eat the Stems on Broccoli?
Yup.

If You could Dye your Hair Any Other Color, What Would It Be?
I love how brown is working out for me. Maybe I'd put wine and reddish copper colored streaks.

Name All the Different Cities In Which You Have Lived
Pasay, Paranaque, QC

Favorite Sport to Watch?
Futbol, gymnastics

One Nice Thing About The Person Who Sent This To You
My safety net and resident ball buster. Hello, Ria!

What’s Under Your Bed?
Shews.

Would You Like to Be Born As Yourself Again?
Yes ma'am. And let's hope normal body parts arrive on time this time.

Morning Person or Night Owl?
Morning person. Seriously. Then I get cranky after 10 a.m.

Over Easy or Sunny Side Up?
Scrambled and fluffy!

Favorite Place to Relax?
Bedrooms. Beaches. Gardens.

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor?
Anything with chocolate fudge, brownie chunks, peanut butter, caramel, cheesecake, blueberries, and cookie dough. Oh, and Manila Vanilla.

Of All the People You Have Tagged, Who Is the Most Likely to Respond First?
TIMMY!

List for the Lazy

2008-09-08T05:47:56Z

Putanginang weekend 'yan. :p

Kicked off with the Oktoberfail launch. Mordor. Orctigas. No 5 peso beer, no Third Eye Blind. Screw that.

Went to Dencio's, mourned over said failed Oktoberfest. Had the brilliant idea to migrate to Timmy's garden for an anti-sober fest celebration.

Lulu and Ian down South! Paid a visit to Nomad ink!

Woodrose high school reunion. Loaded up on beer. Got together with long lost friends. Good times, I seriously had a lot of fun. Introduced herbal aromatherapy to some first-timers, har.

Fun continues at the twins' birthday party. Highlight of the night: former paramour getting so shitfaced that he proceeded to take off his clothes. What else is new.

Poured beer on said former paramour.

Children's party yesterday. Played on the playground... and tried to grasp the idea that I'm one of the "grownups" now. Yech.

Oktoberfest Launch Today

2008-09-05T02:48:18Z

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Yup.

Do you believe exes can be friends?
Yes, but it depends on so many factors. It depends on the break-up, the maturity of both parties, if the chemistry has died, and if both of you can honestly say that there are no more ulterior motives.

Do you have any gay guy friends?
Yup

Who was the last person to tell you that you have changed?
Dunno.

What woke you up this morning?
My parents' voices.

What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
Hmmm... getting out of debt. More racket. More money. More trips. Halloween with the girls.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
Right now? No.

Would you ever donate blood?
Nope, and I'm not qualified.

Ditched school to do something more fun?
Ako pa.

Do you take compliments well?
Yup, I think I do.

Has a boy/girl ever called you babe/baby?
Yes.

Does anyone hate you?
Hate? Dunno. Don't really care.

Do you miss anyone?
Yup

What is stressing you out most right now?
Circumstances

Does anyone love you?
Yup

What are you doing tomorrow?
Go South.

Are you easily confused?
Yup

Looking forward to something this weekend?
I guess.

Do you hate it when people smoke around you?
Yes -- but I'm pretty ok about it.

Last person you let walk out of your life?
Let? I don't control people.

In the past week have you cried?
Nope.

Is there something you will never forget?
A lot. Enough material for me to make a memoir.

Has a friend ever let you down?
Yes.

Have you ever felt betrayed by a friend?
Yes.

Is any part of your body sore?
My throat and my right shoulder.

Are you a morning person or a night person?
I feel at peace during the hours before sunrise, and early morning.

Are you classy?
I try to be?

The last person you argued with?
Jay.

Have you been ignored lately?
Yes.

Did you ever sneak into an R rated movie?
Hahaha, can't remember. It's funny that right now I still look like a kid, but back in grade school, everyone assumed I was a lot order than I looked.

What always makes you feel better when you are upset?
Eating my feelings. New clothes. Being with my friends over some beers and bud.

Do you know anyone who is racist?
Yes.

Who was the last person you called?
Macky? Saj?

Are you smiling?
No. Pouting, actually.

Have you ever made out on a boat?
Hmmm.... nope.

Look to your right, what is there?
CD case.

In no particular order:

James McAvoy

Robert Schwartzman ♥ (ok, who am I kidding, he's #1!!!)

Teppei Teranishi

Pre-Anorexia Brandon Boyd

Misanthrope and Musing

2008-09-02T06:14:09Z

Most of us are entities of paradox, I'm no exception. Heck, "Do as I say not as I do because..." or even, "...I'm a smart ass but I'm playing dumb."

Nah, I guess I'm writing because I'm once again entering one of those phases where I really can't stand being with people right now. People repulse me. I hate crowds. I hate having to bump elbows and have handbags bash my shoulder each time I step out of the office to make my way home. I hate having to make small talk. Sometimes I pull out the, "I'm lost and dazed" card just so that I can minimize social interaction.

Then there's always the fort of books.

I just find it strange because I can also actually say that I like people, that I love being around people. Tres weird, that's all. It's September. The -ber months do a good job of screwing around with my head and emotions. For the past few years, the last quarter of the year has always housed the lowest lows of my life.

This people thing, it can get pretty overwhelming. Most days I never really do know how to place myself. Shy, polite, brash, crass, sullen, friendly, engaging, wallflower, village idiot... that's all me.

Another point to ponder:
(something I lifted from Datingthoughts.com by way of The Paradox of Choice)

"As the number of choices keeps growing, negative aspects of having a multitude of options begin to appear. As the number of choices grows further, the negatives escalate until we become overloaded. At this point, choice no longer liberates, but debilitates. It might even be said to tyrannize."

An explanation as to why lots of us have trouble committing to anything these days. It makes sense.

Southern Hits

2008-08-31T03:49:02Z

Didn't get a chance to watch Eheads, I wasn't able to ask some people on time to help me get a pass (didn't have funds to buy a ticket) -- but it's alright, my gut tells me the reunion will happen again, just don't know when.

I had some hope when Saj told me that if she found her driver's license, I could impersonate her and use her pass privileges, I dressed up for an open air concert when I headed to BF yesterday... but lo and behold, she couldn't find the license. Point? I hate dressing up when I'm down south. I take great joy in being able to dress shit and look fine when I'm there, haha.

Met up with Macky Angels in Bona Coffee but not until after I took a grand tour of a good part of Elizalde street because the trike drivers didn't know where to go. I wanted to smack myself because I should've listened to Anton's directions in the first place.

I love how people would really just come to your help when you're lost. I was at the rice store at the Elizalde-Aguirre intersection (oo, umabot ako doon, shattap), and I was asking for directions from the people there. They didn't know and as I was walking away, one of the manangs suddenly screamed for me to come back because she found a Bona Coffee business card that one of her customers left there. Then their security guard helped me get a trike and gave the driver directions.

So I met up with Macky, had a drink, ate an awesome Chocolate-Orange muffin, then headed to Saj's. Holed up in Saj's room, feasted on hummus and pitas (Arabic invasion in the words of the fair Sarah), and watched stupid videos on YouTube.

Then we explained the concept of ronda to Macky and we precisely did that right after... went all over Alabang, then went on a beer run to the 7-11 near Tahanan. Set camp in the park near Saj's house where the girls tagged walls, trees, and the playground... Saj even spray painted over an ant infestation on one of the bars of the swing set. It looked really trippy. They were encased into the paint and couldn't move, sort of like a House of Wax thing. Then there would be an ant spared from the genocide, frantically running around its friends as if in shock as to what happened to his peoples.

Had a mad game of Hairy Balls in the park. The beer went down quicker.

Then we stopped by the Queso gig in One Luv bar to say hi to Lucy (and Ian, yes), then I headed home.

I'm glad I didn't stay home. It's always nice to be with the girls and be able to share stories and do all sorts of hooliganism. I can only laugh that hard these days when I'm with them.

The Class 1 Experience

2008-08-27T03:26:08Z

So my day of rest proved to do me a lot of good yesterday. Spent it curling up in bed, getting up to do dish duty, talking on the phone when the electricity went out, and singing You're So Last Summer again and again. Not that you had to know that last bit, but I found myself singing it again on the way to work ("maaaaybe I should hate you for thiissss.... I never lied to youuu! ...Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentiooonnnns ....IF I'M JUST BAD NEWS, THEN YOU'RE A LIAR..." -- tangina, ang panget lang eh).

I also caught up with my reading and even took the time to go through articles and blogs online (which is turning out to be one of my favorite hobbies lately). I came across the idea of the Class 1 Experience in one the blogs I was reading and the author basically summed up significant experiences this way:

Things that feel so good in the moment but are really bad for you in the long run.

Things that feel horrible and crappy but are ultimately good for you.

Things that feel awesome and just so happen to be good for you, too.

Number three is supposedly the Class 1 Experience (which I will now dub as the "C1E" from hereon). In the smaller scale of things, I've been having way too many of the Number 1's. Any sane, rational being would detest the idea of puking one's guts out, tripping on sidewalk cracks, gashing your nose because you fell from the chair you were sitting on... but I swear, at that moment where you feel like you're just swimming through the world makes you forget about those repercussions -- in fact, you'll be asking for more of that shit. Then you wake up not remembering anything and having a killer headache, then you once again make your weekly resolution of, "I shall have none of that anymore!"

The same goes for bombing hills without protective gear. And hooking up with someone you'll be repulsed with a week later. They make for hilarious, interesting stories, yes. But it only serves as a clever veil for the shame and remorse.

On the grander scale of things, there's is no doubt that I'm submerged into one big Number 2 sort of experience. Flying solo, post-college blues, finding myself. It's no cake to go through these and mind you, these are currently the things that perpetually plunk me into melancholia. I'm hating it but I have faith that this will be for the better; everyone's personal history will vouch for that. Getting dumped, studying for finance, having your wisdom teeth pulled out, it's all for the good.

Then we have the evasive C1E's. It's funny though how the C1E's that stand out from your life don't necessarily have to be something extraordinary, they might not even be blog-worthy enough. Yet when you remember them, you do remember them as something pure and something that made you appreciate life so much. For me, it would probably be the time I was through with thesis defense, or when I got two little kids to get over their fear of skating with grownups, or the times I have dinner dates with friends I haven't seen in ages.

It's not really the kinds of things that would have people hanging onto the edge of their seats. Even the lovey dovey moments that I fondly remember would just make people gag.

I just think we all need more C1E's in our lives. I am so far from being perfectly well-adjusted, but I think I'll make it a point to have the C1E in mind whenever I do something. It's time to raise standards because I know most of us are long overdue for the things that we really deserve.

I Wanna Have a Do Over on My Life

2008-08-26T04:41:28Z

Skipped work day. I feel so much fatigue. I'm struggling to lift a finger and to even get out of bed. My head feels like it weighs 300 pounds. And honestly? I haven't been doing ok, I spent a good amount of time early morning contemplating where my life's been headed. Whenever I have a hard time putting in words what I want to say, I resort to lists, and here it is:

My weekends are all beginning to look alike. Different people, different vibes, different places, but the nights remain the same.

It scares me now that I don't know how to have fun and let loose sober.

And don't get me wrong, I can still be witty, funny, and engaging -- it's just I think I've gotten too attached to the spacey void I create when I'm intoxicated. No more awkward silences, and I can just talk like there's no tomorrow and still feel at ease.

Sometimes I wonder if I managed to stay single this long because there really hasn't been anybody special. I know it's by choice why I choose not to get too involved with anyone, but I'm also beginning to realize that I can't meet anybody amazing with the kind of lifestyle I'm leading now.

Is this growing up yet again? I don't think it is, I think this is me finally on the brink of the tipping point. This is me getting tired of having no meaning in my life.

I want 2008 to be over already. I have dubbed it as the Year of the Stupid, and it has been legendary, no doubt about it. More purging and coasting along. Time to brace myself for the "Ber" months. Then hopefully a new chapter dawns upon me soon.

And you know what? It took a lot for me to admit that I still am in a lot of pain. People just get really good at hiding it and being able to go through life acting like it's not there -- but it's there, and I'm just sad there's really no way to fast forward yourself out of it.

_chloedancer @ 2008-08-22T16:47:00

2008-08-22T08:54:07Z

"It is no surprise to me that hardly anyone tells the truth about how they feel. The smart ones keep themselves to themselves for good reason. Why would you want to tell anyone anything that's dear to you? Even when you like them and want nothing more than to be closer than close to them? It's so painful to be next to someone you feel strongly about and know you can't say the things you want to."

-Henry Rollins

_chloedancer @ 2008-08-20T10:04:00

2008-08-20T02:53:32Z

That was fun. *looks up* Yesterday was fun, too. JM and I met up to watch Confessional in Galle (the director's his prof, apparently) then went on a mini-adventure to commute to Jenna's despidida. Saw everyone (and I mean everyone) at 32nd Street and all the sets were mind-blowing. Highlight of the night was the Wicked Tarsiers going up for an encore with Cosmic Love's singer to cover WHAT I GOT. Oh, man. Me, JM, KC, and Gab were just up in front singing and singing. Prior to that, Faspitch did an excellent cover of Be Quiet and Drive -- and Jay and I were belting out the lyrics as loud as we can.

JM and I made this agreement that we're just going to get "tastefully tipsy" at the very most last night because we have work the day, but shit, the beer just kept on coming... and so did the jill. SOLID. Good night, good fight.

And because I was tagged...

Guys who have absolutely no sense of responsibility and accountability in their system. I like good guys with good hearts and integrity.

Guys who are prime candidates to be lung and liver donation recipients.

Barok English. I'm sorry, but I really draw the line at this one. <-- me too!

Machismo! Possessive guys. "Bros before hos" sort of guys -- the kind that takes great joy in objectifying women, or can't function without the consent or approval of the "bros." Aggro guys. Guys who are always out to prove something, read: tremendously insecure.

Guys who are vainer and prettier than me. With that in mind, I also can't stand guys who have bad taste in clothes and shoes. Especially with shoes, they're the first things I notice after their faces.

Humor and trains of thought that I really can't get. Tasteless jokes, generic quips, zero wit, etc.

Guys who aren't interested in music (good music!) and who don't have an eye for aesthetics.

Guys with no humility. The ones that balk at the idea of commuting or eating/drinking in a hole in wall place, as well as the ones who find a need to push their weight around wherever they go.

Guys who play games. The ones that drive me insane by not being straight to the point or do things that are contradictory to what they say.

Guys who don't read and who aren't up to date with what's going on in the world.

_chloedancer @ 2008-08-19T18:12:00

2008-08-19T10:29:31Z

How do you usually introduce yourself to people?
- Hi, I'm Marla.

Where do you usually order pizza from?
- Yellow Cab or Brooklyn.

Have you ever tripped going up steps?
- Story of my life.

What's one thing you did last summer?
- DRINK MYSELF INTO OBLIVION! WOOT!

Do you have a best friend?
- Yes.

Where will you be in 12 hours?
- Asleep.

Have you ever thrown something out of a window?
- Yes.

Last wedding you attended? where?
- Might have been Timmy's Ate's. In a beautiful castle in Laguna, haha.

If alcohol is banned worldwide, what would your reaction be?
- Shit. Whatever, that's not gonna stop me.

Can you see a phone right now?
- Nope.

When is your birthday?
- February 3

Are you a jealous person?
- Not really.

Ever skipped school and spent the day at the beach?
- Does ditching thesis count?

How are you today?
- Irritated with my sunburn.

When you're in a bad mood, what will always put you in a better mood?
- Food. Friends. Toke. New clothes.

Does everyone in your life know the real you?
- Everyone? Nope.

What were you doing before you started this survey?
- Photoshopping.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
- I'm not sure.

What was the weather like on your last birthday?
- Nice and breezy.

What are you listening to?
- 311 - Beyond the Grey Sky

Can men and women be "Just Friends"?
- Yes.

what woke you up this morning/afternoon?
- Body clock. Hehe, on my own, I can willingly wake up around 8.

Who was the last person to leave a comment on your Friendster?
- Dunno.

Do you listen to music everyday?
- Yes!

Initials?
- MITC

Where was the last place you went besides your house?
- Work? High Street?

Do you enjoy fighting with people?
- Not really.

Have you ever been in the emergency room?
- Yup.

Do you drink coffee?
- Nope.

Are you a bad influence?
- I don't think so.

Do you close the door when you pee?
- Yes.

Wallpaper on your desktop?
- Element wallpaper. The one at home is an Audrey Kawasaki painting.

Doing this weekend?
- Hopefully go out of town.

Do you sleep naked?
- Nope.

Orange or apple juice?
- Orange.

What was the last text message you received?
- It's from Guada, telling me where she placed the necklace she gave me. And it's purdy.

What do you wear more, slacks, jeans, or sweatpants?
- Jeans.

What's your mood right now?
- Slow and stupid.

Lamedom

2008-08-17T16:34:24Z

Hitting up skate fest tomorrow. Hoping I can mess around with my board and have fun. Fantasizing about meeting my soulmate or a hot date, at the very least.

Wanna Go Home

2008-08-13T10:52:13Z

Besides your mouth, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?
My nape.

How many people have you kissed in 2008?
4? Dunno.

How did you feel when you woke up today?
Same old.

Kiss on the first date?
Maybe.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
I can't remember anymore.

Would you ever donate blood?
I'm not qualified, I'm underweight.

Ever driven without a license?
I don't drive.

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
Yup.

Do you want someone dead?
Sometimes.

What does your last text message say?
Anton saying he'll be online later blahblahblah.

What are you thinking about right now?
I wanna sleep.

Who did you last hug?
Jay

Do you wish someone was with you right now?
Not really.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
Early.

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
An ukay-ukay in Baguio.

Ever kissed someone who smokes?
Yup, I find it repulsive when I kiss them right after they smoke though.

Have you kissed someone within the past two weeks?
Apparently...

Is someone on your mind right now?
Nope!

Have you ever been in a hotel room with a friend of the opposite sex?
Yup?

When was your last encounter with the police?
Probably when my brother violated some vehicle ordinance something in Makati a few months back.

What are you listening to?
Dinosaur Jr.

Did you sing at all today?
Nope, sadly.

When's the last time you cried?
Recently.

Who were you with last night?
Jay

Who were/are you going to be with tomorrow night?
Dunno.

What do you think of Fergie?
It's unfortunate that she has no control over her bladder during her shows.

Do you believe in love?
I do. Really.

When was the last time you were so drunk you threw up?
Around two weekends ago. I failed a beer bong, puked on my hands. The end.

What do you regret in 2008 so far?
My being stupid and immature, then again I have no control over that. Nope, don't regret anything. Everything happens for a reason.

Do you miss anyone?
Yes, I do.

Do you swear a lot?
Yes.

Who was the last person in your bed?
Uh... Let's not go there.

Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
He has yet to arrive in my life.

Are you too forgiving?
To some certain extent.

Ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?
Yup.

What does your second sent text say?
From Rina, something about e-mailing stuff to me blahblahblah.

Who do you like to spend your nights with?
Friends who can make me laugh.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Dunno.

Do you want someone you can't have?
No.

Have you been to North Carolina?
Nope.

When did you last talk to your brother or sister?
Last night.

Do you ever wanna know who you're going to marry?
Maybe?

What color is your phone?
White, black, and silver.

1. What's your latest addiction?
None?

2. What are you listening to?
Alexisonfire - To A Friend

3. How late did you stay up last night and why?
11:30 pm. I wanted to get something off my chest, then I wanted to sleep early.

4. Who were the last 2 people to text you?
My mom, KC.

5. Who were with you last Saturday night?
Saj, Andy...

6. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
Nope. But who knows?

7. When is the next time you’ll see your close friends?
Tomorrow!

8. What were you doing this morning?
Stuffing my face with bacon.

9. What’s the fifth text in your inbox say?
"Who are you going with?" -Joel

10. Where was the last coffee shop u went to?
Starbucks

11. When did your last hug take place?
Tuesday

12. Do you drink tea?
Sometimes. I don't really go looking for it, I used to though -- when I lived near a 7-11.

13. Have you rode in someone else’s car?
Stupid question.

14. Have you made a mistake this past week?
Yes.

15. Who was the last person you texted?
My mom.

16. What’s the connection between you and the last person you texted?
Hahaha, she's my mom.

17. Who do you hate?
No one, really. No one's worth it.

18. What do you wear to bed?
T-shirt and shorts.

19. Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years?
I'd like to?

20. Do you miss someone?
Yes.

21. Who is he/she?
A good friend, who has wisdom I value a lot.

22. Whose car were you in last?
The family's.

23. What perfume are you wearing?
Don't really wear perfume.

24. What color shirt are you wearing?
Gray

25. How long is your hair?
Almost till my bewbs.

26. What color are your eyes?
Dark, dark brown.

27. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
Couple of months ago.

28. What is your favorite store?
Fully Booked, Top Shop, Aloha Boardsports

29. Who makes you happiest right now?
Ria, yihee ka rin.

30. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?
Red Horse, but of course.

31. When is your birthday?
February 3

32. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Mom

33. How do you feel about your hair right now?
Needs some grooming. Pondering if I should bring back the bangs. Trying to grow it as long as I can.

34. Do you have expensive jewelry?
Not on hand.

35. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
I wanna sleep some more.

36. What was your favorite subject in school?
Literature, History, Marketing, PR, Spanish, Fitness Walking, Futsal, Recreational Activities, Strategic Management....

37. Could you handle being in the army?
No. I'm a pansy and I have big issues with authority.

38. What color are your nails right now?
None.

39. Highlight of your week?
Payday, stupid conversations with Ria, poignant conversation with Anton, going home early... meh, it's only Thursday.

40. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
Have it fall into a toilet.

41. Last time you were sick?
Stomach problem... sometime last May or early June.

42. Last person who wrote you a comment?
Here? Mark

43. Last song you listened to?
Alexisonfire - Pulmonary Archery

44. What is people’s first impression of you?
Skinny bitch.

45. Can you dance?
No. ;p

46. Do you believe in God?
Yes.

47. Name one beautiful insect you’re afraid of?
Ghostly looking butterflies that appear out of nowhere -- especially when you're far from a garden.

48. Do you like rollercoasters?
No. I'm the wuss that holds your things and waits for you when you hop on those things.

49. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Yup!

50. Are you shy?
I am. I really am.

51. Are you a good cook?
No.

52. Best persons in the world?
The people I love.

53. Shortest relationship?
4 months.

54. Last time you cried?
Tuesday

55. What do you like most about yourself?
I do what has to be done and I'm multi-faceted.

56. Hate most about yourself?
I don't believe in myself enough. I'm lazy.

57. Can you sing?
No.

58. Do you smoke?
Nope.

59. What time did you wake up this morning?
7:30 am.

60. Do you have a sister?
Yup.

Money Woes

2008-08-10T06:51:31Z

It's either I starve, not buy clothes or books... or choose not to see anybody. Fucking sick of this.

Ang mahal mag-commute, putragis.

Meme Time

2008-08-05T11:07:54Z

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:

Please, please be patient with me. I'm tired of being an idiot, too. I love you!

Thank you for being safety friend. I love that I can just dump all my lamedom on you and you don't judge or chastise me horribly for it.

"Dear Terrance, I love you muchly. You've been nothing but open hearted and emotionally available and supportive and nurturing and consummately there for me. I kept drawing you in and pushing you away. I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch and cry in front of you for the first time. You were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself. What was wrong with me." - Unsent, Alanis Morissette

You made such a difference in my life, and you're right, if we don't see each other for a long time, we get crazy.

Grow up. I'll be so glad for the day that karma will finally bite you in the ass. I know deep down inside you know that tons of people are wishing for the same thing, too. TONS.

You had no right to talk to me that way. I have sooo more meaner things to say about you, but no. I won't.

Sometimes I don't know if you're being plastic with me, and it's a pity because I happen to like you a lot.

I don't know what to do with you, just cooperate with me already. Or maybe I'm just too damn impatient. Sometimes I feel like the vibes we send out to the universe repel each other.

I'm so sorry that it's so difficult to love someone like me. If I had me as a daughter, I'd have a hard time, too.

I miss you a lot, buddy. More than you realize and I hate hearing that you're not really in a good place right now.

Some of the statements can apply to a lot of people though.

Nine Facts About Myself:

I chomp my feelings down when I'm super happy or depressed. One time, when me and Anne-tohn were on the brink of a fight, I demolished two giant plates of lasagna in one go. I couldn't move after, and when he came over to "reconcile," I insisted on walking out all that oil and cholesterol around my entire village. Poor guy. Then on another instance when I saw Saj after a long time (and I haven't had pork in a while), I gobbled down Reyes barbecue while talking excitedly -- then got heartburn.

I have had more dumb accidents this year alone compared to my entire 4 years in college -- or my entire life, actually.

I still can't drive. I should.

A year ago, if you told me about this year and all my adventures and misadventures, I'd think you were pulling my leg.

5. An online quiz says that I'm a "touch" sort of person. I'm sensitive to how things feel, and it's surprising because I always thought of myself as a visuals sort of girl.

6. I can see auras, apparently. I should actually try to study what the colors mean.

It scares me that I can down San Mig Light like water now, and that I've moved on to Pale as my beer of choice. And only if there's no Strong Ice or Red Horse. But hey, I've cut down a lot. REALLY. Don't you dare bring up last Saturday.

The one thing I miss the most about being a student is sitting in class and taking in an amazing lecture by a great teacher. I really do -- the feeling you get when you're lost in what you're discussing and then you're itching to contribute your own insights and ideas. I love that!

I hate talking on landlines. It's an irrational phobia of mine. I hate having to call a friend's house then having to deal with a parent, helper, or sibling before I reach them. Not even, just plain talking on a landline just skeeves me out for some unexplainable reason. I'd actually much rather talk to you on YM, even my boyfriends, haha. So when I actually have your landline numbers saved on my phone, mahal ko kayo, ok? It's strange because I used to be quite telebabad in grade school and some parts of high school.

Eight Ways to Win My Heart:

Good conversation

Good heart, with a lot of integrity and grit

Childlike and can get my humor, read: you're insanely funny

Just plain get me, really

Driven, achieving, committed, and focused

Patient, wise beyond your years, steady

You look like the Warped Tour boy of my dreams

Wordly, adventurous, a tad bit insane, and an amazing storyteller

Seven Things That Cross My Mind a Lot:

"Now what?"

Someone who actually doesn't deserve to be in my thoughts.

"I'm hungry."

"Money, where are you?"

"Sleeeeeeep...."

"I'm bored."

"RASEM FRASEM."

Six Things I Usually Do Before I Sleep:

Change my clothes.

Read.

Turn off the computer.

Fluff my pillows.

Clear my bed of my junk.

Overthink.

Five People Who Mean a Lot (aside from my family):
In no particular order...

Timmy

Then everyone else.

Four Things You're Wearing Right Now:

My soon to be iconic gray hoodie from H&M

Purple-magenta floral printed beach dress

Boyfriend pants, one of my favorite pairs

Turquoise necklace

Three Songs You Listen to Often:
Lately?

Lost Prophets - Last Summer

Head Automatica - Please Please Please (my ultimate feel-sexy song)

Taking Back Sunday - What's It Feel Like to be a Ghost

Well, you asked.

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die: (right now?)

Ollie. Then kickflip. Seryoso, masaya na ako doon.

Travel on my own all over the world and have the time of my life.

One confession:

Everyday I keep praying that good things come my way, and that I'll manage to get by on my own one day at a time.

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? My guy best friend.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Actual love? Yup.

What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? Beer. Haven't we all been tricked into drinking it as kids?

4. What was your FIRST job? preschool art teacher

5. What was your FIRST car? WALA.

Who was the FIRST person to text you today? Jay Boy

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? Me. I'm one conceited fuck.

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Mrs. Blanch (spelling? anyone?)

Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Baguio. On a C130, with a huge snarling German Shepherd in a cage in front of me.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them? Denden. No, we drifted apart when we she got to high school. Then she moved away.

11. What was your FIRST sport played? No fucking clue. Gymnastics was the first sport I took seriously though.

12. Where was your FIRST sleep over? Dunno. Though the first legit sleepover I had in college was in Saj's house. :p

13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? My mom, I think.

14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? Dunno. But I'm placing my bets on that wedding where me and my cousin Steve were flower girl and ring bearer, respectively (obviously).

15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Snarl.

16. Where was your FIRST vacation? Baguio?

17. FIRST tattoo or piercing? Ears. Age 12. Ink? Second year high school.

18. FIRST foreign country you went to? France

19. What was your FIRST run in with the law? Law? None pa naman. But I've gotten busted by my condo security and the village tanod. All during college... *twiddles thumbs*

20. When was your FIRST detention? NEVER. Fuck that.

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? Metro Manila?

22. Who was the FIRST person to break your heart? -_- He's on lj, haha.

23. Who was your FIRST roommate/s? Ruby, Cha, and Mara.

24. Where did you go on your FIRST limo ride? Moi?

The Press Release

2008-08-03T03:21:59Z

Don't ask about last night. Please don't. I can only remember up until my failed beer bong attempt. I scraped my nose, too. Don't know how that happened. Everything else is nil -- shot to ashes. Don't ask me, I have nothing to say. And I don't want to know. Move on and forget about it. Ok? Ok. I'm on hibernate mode now. Peace.

[Update 2:54 pm]
Scratch that. I just got a blow by blow account of the drunken buffoonery from KC. Thinking of wearing a paper bag over my head now.

_chloedancer @ 2008-07-30T19:46:00

2008-07-30T11:54:27Z

When I'm in a foul mood and in the mood to rip something in half here in the office... I play a lot of The Used.

I don't know what's worse, that I listen to the Used or that I air drum and growl my head off when I do.