_cheshire

Ah, grad school.

I feel like I'm going to be in school forever. This isn't really helped by the fact that I have class only once a month and spend most my time lounging around my apartment. Doesn't exactly instill a feeling of adult maturity in a person. But atleast I'm meeting my advisor next week, so hopefully he'll say I only have a year left. It'd be nice to get out into the workforce and start my career.

I'm finally back in my nice empty apartment. I feel like I've been at home for ages; much as I love my mom and Kelly there's only so much I can handle, and two weeks at home is definitely past my limit. I haven't done much lately. I went to Cool Springs Sunday and bought a PlayStation 2 and God of War. The PS2 I originally bought was broken so I exchanged it for a new one (a slimline version which is freakishly skinny and makes me think I'm going to break it everytime I touch it). So I've been enertaining myself the past few days mercilessly killing armies of the undead. Unfortunately I didn't get a memory card so I can't save my progress but whatever. I quit my job yesterday because my family decided it was too much hassle to drive me back and forth from the mall for just 50 bucks a week, which bites because yeah the job sucked but it was more than I was making bumming around all day. Hopefuly, however, I'll get the job at Hollywood Video I interviewed for.

Yeah. I dunno. Things have settled down and aren't all dramatic now, though Josh still calls me 92 times a day (I'm half-listening to him right now actually). I'm just like why can't the guys I like call me all the time? Why? It's always got tt be the ones I'm just eh about. Ah well.

Istarted uploading the pictures on my laptop to my LJ scrapbook and the first ones up where the ones I got from Ebony of freshman year. So have fun saving them for Facebook or whatever. (I'm talking to you Ebony...) ( Check em outCollapse )
So anywho. Off to clean or do something similarly productive now.

I've decided to be responsible for once and start planning everything for next year. I want to study abroad before graduation, so I'm thinking next summer is the best bet. I just found out that you have a better chance of acceptance into the J.E.T. Programme if you've had Japanese lanaguage classes and have been there before, so I think I'm going to take classes before graduation (maybe spring semster of this upcoming year, I dunno), and try to do the Japan summer program  sometime. I guess it'd have to be this year, since i'm supposed to be graduating the year after that. Which means unless I can find another program at a difernet time, I can't do a program in Russia like I wanted to...

I wonder if you can do study abroad programs the summer right after your senior year? I bet not. I'd like to find some sort of program to do over Christmas break this year because I'm tired of being stuck here in the Boro, so we'll see.  There's too many programs I'd like to do- an internship in Dublin, a semester abroad in Germany,  courses in Russia and Japan, a semseter at sea program, maybe graduate studies in the U.K......The list goes on and on, and I am totally incapable of deciding which one to do.

Overseas travel should be easier. And free.

That would great.

I'd like to go back in time and find whoever invented hip-hop and shoot them in the face.

Argh.

I am so tired of having to listen to shitty bass beats from downstairs every freaking day I'm in my room.

The people below me are exceedingly gay.

Level 1
(1) smoked a cigarette
(2) smoked a cigar..
(3) done drugs
() kissed with a member of the same sex
() crashed INTO a friend's car

Level 2
(4)been in love
(5) been dumped
(6) shoplifted
() been fired
(7) been in a fist fight

Level 3
(8) snuck out of a parent's house
(9) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
() been arrested
() made out with a stranger
() gone on a blind date

Level 4
(10) lied to a friend
(11) had a crush on a teacher
(12) skipped school
() slept with a co-worker
() seen someone die

Level 5
(13) had/have a crush on one of your MYSPACE friends
() been to Canada
() been to Mexico
(14) been on a plane
() thrown up from drinking

Level 6
(15) eaten Sushi
() been snowboarding
(16) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
(17)been moshing

Level 7
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(18) taken pain killers
(19) love someone right now
(20) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(21) made a snow angel

Level 8
(22) had a tea party
(23) flown a kite
(24) built a sand castle
(25) gone puddle jumping
(26) played dress up

Level 9
(27) been lonely
(28) fallen asleep at work/school

Level 10
() used a fake ID
(29) watched the sun set
(30) felt an earthquake
(31) touched a snake

Level 11
(32) been tickled
(33) been robbed/vandalized
() robbed someone
(34) been misunderstood
() pet a reindeer

Level 12
(35) won a contest
(36) been suspended from school
(37) had detention
() been in a car/motorcycle accident

Level 13
(38) had braces
(39) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(40) had deja vu
(41)danced in the moonlight!

Level 14
(42) hated the way you look
() witnessed a crime
() pole danced
(43) questioned your heart
() been obsessed with post-it notes

Level 15
(44) squished barefoot through the mud
(45) been lost
(46) been to the opposite side of the country
(47) swam in the ocean
(48) felt like dying

Level 16
(49) cried yourself to sleep
(50) played cops and robbers
(51) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(52) sang karaoke
(53) paid for a meal with only coins

Level 17
(54) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(55) made prank phone calls
(56) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(57) caught a snowflake on your tongue
() kissed in the rain

Level 18
(58) written a letter to Santa Claus
() been kissed under a mistletoe
(59) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(60) blown bubbles
()made a bonfire on the beach

Level 19
() crashed a party
() have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(61) gone rollerskating/blading
(62) had a wish come true
() humped a monkey

Level 20
(63) worn pearls....
(64) jumped off a bridge
() screamed "penis" in class..
(65) ate dog food.........
() told a complete stranger you loved them

Level 21
(66) sang in the shower
(67) have/had a little black dress
() had sex at the lake
() had sex in a park
() had sex in a car
() had sex in your parents room
(68) glued your hand to something

Level 22
() got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer
() kissed a fish
(69) worn the opposite sexes clothes
() been a cheerleader
(70) Sat on a roof top!!

Level 23
( ) had sex at a church
(71) screamed at the top of your lungs
(72) done a one-handed cartwheel
() talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(73) stayed up all night

Level 24
() didnt take a shower for a week
() pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(74) climbed a tree
(75) had/been in a tree house
(76) are scared to watch scary movies alone

Level 25
(77) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(78) worn a really ugly outfit to school
() gone streaking
(79) played ding-dong-ditch

Level 26
(80) played chicken
(81) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
() been told you're hot by a complete stranger
() broken a bone
(82) been easily amused

Level 27
(83)caught a fish then ate it
() made porn
(84) caught a butterfly
(85) laughed so hard you cried
(86) cried so hard you laughed

Level 28
(87) mooned/flashed someone
(88) had someone moon/flash you
() cheated on a test
(89) forgotten someone's name
(90) slept naked
(91) french braided someones hair.
() gone skinny dippin in a pool
() been kicked out of your house

Level 30
(92) Rode a roller coaster
() went scuba-diving
(93) had a cavity
(94) Black-mailed someone
(95) been black mailed

Level 31
(96) Been used
(97) fell going up the stairs
() licked a cat
(98) bitten someone

Re-Post With I've Done  98 Out Of 148 things.

Haha. Surveys always make my life look more exciting.

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Man. I have never listened to this entire song. That's pretty crazy.

Well. I have yet to find a job. I think this means either I should look more, or baby Jesus just really hates me and likes to watch me sink slowly into poverty and giggle. I think it's the latter. Went to the DMV Friday and waited for about an hour and a half just to be told 'You can't see! Yay for you!'. So now I have to convince Dr. Kehler to fill out a paper to override the eye exam so I can get my permit, which he won't do probably because I haven't proved I'm safe to drive, but I can't do that til I take the low vision course, which I can't do until I get a permit, which I can't get because I'm blind like whoa.

How's that for a catch-22? Yossarian would laugh. Or something. Either way, I want my permit dammit. Meh. Damn beauracratical paperwork.

I get to go see the wonders of real live jousting next weekend with Brandon, which should be exciting because 1) guys hitting other guys with sticks while riding horsies(!) and 2)see number one. I have a new corset, which brings the count up to four, which means I think I might have an addiction. However, this is okay, because they're pretty and pretty makes me happy.

Um. That is all. I need sleep now.

Argh.


I am such an idiot when it comes to breaking up. You'd think I know to not mention to my ex how I'm still kinda bitter about things, but no.....Mention it I do and then I just get ignored. Yay. Way for me to mess up the whole trying to be friends process.

Damn my awful case of foot-in-mouth disease.

So, I'm just sitting at home, jamming to some Rammstein (that's such a disturbing sentence), when my phone rings. It was Aaron, who was driving home and wanted someone to talk to so he called me. Completely out of the blue-- we haven't talked on the phone in ages--but whatever; I was happy. That phone call made my night, sad as that is, since I used to have the most ginormous crush ever on Aaron (and probably still do, now that I think about it). So, yeah... I'm apparently the go-to girl for guys when they're bored and need someone to talk to. I can't figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing... Any guys out there want to enlighten me?

And I discovered the greatest website ever today-- www.dubyaspeak.com. To convince everyone of the greatness of this site here's a quote:

I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend.
-- Dubya's way of saying he's looking forward to a visit to Denmark, White House, Jun. 29, 2005

Yeah. Bush is a complete moron when it comes to the whole leadership thing, but atleast his stupidity and general lack of speech skills amuse me.

When my father shot himself, the news team outside muted their cameras.

Why do I have to type that sentence? I never asked for any of this; not the shaking as I type, the tears I'm about to shed, the horrible empty feeling I have in the pit my stomach that tells me I will NEVER see my father, hear his voice, even touch him ever again.



I want my daddy back.

That's all I ask; just let me wake up tomorrow and none of the last nine years have happened.

This is why I don't believe in you anymore; this is why I refuse to go to church, why I cannot believe the stories abot your love and your grace. You were supposed to protect your flock-- I prayed, I went to church, I believed-- and you fucked me over June 6, 1996. You took away my father-- my best friend, the man who taught me Russian, how to play chess, watched the Simpsons with me-- and then, after that, I had to accept the fact that my father would burn in hell for all eternity-- not because he murdered, or raped, or stole-- but becuase he simply believed in something besides you.

Do you know how I cried that day? I couldn't breathe becuase of my tears; I sobbed for hours, while my mother and stepfather tried to lie to me again and tell me, in the end, this was part of your plan, and I would be happy one day.


What about my plan? It never included this.


I have no father anymore.


My belief in you died the second my father pulled that trigger, the second those newsanchors outside my childhood home signaled their cameramen to mute the sound.