I've been noticing for a while that I started to post personal stuff friends-only  - while my fandomly rambling and rather inane musings stay open to be read by anyone who comes across this journal. to all of those who read my lj but haven't yet friended me: I DO talk about personal stuff like my friends, my family, my sexuality, my life at university, etc. - there WILL be talk about homosexuality, genderfuck or really anything queer that crosses my mind. - and I'll be talking loads and loads about my writing might it be fanfic, original fiction or university-related.

FEEL FREE TO FRIEND ME - if you want me to friend you back, reply to this post. I'll be happy to get to know you! ^__^

just came back from my Japanese Theorie 1 mid-term-exam. rather dire experience my Japanese vocabulary is still more or less nonexistent.. so yeah... but who cares about rl stuff anyway?! ^^


This entry soley exists to tell you that Dragon Age: Origins is the most awesome game in ga(y)ming history! BioWare I love you so hard right now!!! I've been playing it for a week or so now (what illegal downloads? me?! you surly jest!) and finally bought the collector's edition with shiny new fun-stuff. HOORAY!

For maximum fangirly obsession purposes I recommend: zevran - the community dedicated to the worship of awesome Zevran "fanbait extraordinaire. Born in an Antivian whorehouse, sold at a young age to the Antivian Crows and trained by them to be an assassin, Zevran will happily hop into bed with your character if you ask. And if you don't ask, he'll do the asking." (quoted from the community info, because it made me snort^^). dragon_age and capslock_da. YES CAPSLOCK_DA! I LOVE CAPSLOCK COMMUNITIES! THEIR INSANITY KEEPS ME SANE!!!11!!1!!ELEVENTY!!! *cough*

look forward to fear many more Dragon Age obsessed entries in the future. full with screen caps, videos and maybe even stick-figure porn fun. for dicingalice drew such awesome Naruto stick-figures I just might not be able to resist...

recent Naruto chapter 474 makes me D: and !! and no WAY and ;_; also *_* but mostly ;;;_;;;

anyone reading the recent chaps, dear f-list?


( thar be MASSIVE spoilers )

dearest Zeus on Olympus! Have Bleach filler ever been so fabulous? They're killing me with their random slashy subtext. it's everywhere. they are planting a bunch of happy hopping slashy plot bunnies in each episode. crack!pairings they may be but then I'm all FOR the crack. want some shota? well here you go have some Hitsugaya/Hyōrinmaru. no? what about some tentacle-rape bondage? well here you go! if yuri is more to your taste - look it's Soifon and Yoruichi! stealing a macro for capslock_bleach to illustrate my point.
← by yukari_kaiba
( and have some caps as well )

and as if that weren't enough they also have to put two of my favourite characters into a swordfight full of innuendo. as if that shinigami's cup from WAY BACK wouldn't already have me sold to the craptasticity that is Ken-chan/Byakun. in case you forgot (how COULD you?!) here's a small reminder:



and: LOL Mayuri's such a practical guy!

( so bad it's worse and I cannot motivate myself to even criticize properly  )

well, I for one am done with this show.

Finally watched the unaired episode of Dollhouse S01E13 Epitaph One.

I have no words. This episode is awesome. A total mindblow and to me it was what Dollhouse should be like. Mindscrewing awesome. Of course they did not air that episode because it might have happened that someone suddenly would have thought Dollhouse might be a really cool show about what actually might happen if you create Dolls and what consequences as a whole (not "only" concerning the Dolls) that technology would and could have.

If they don't touch some of those issues this season I don't think the show deserves to come back for another. Because seriously most of the episodes suck, the issues they touch only scrap the surface of what gets unearthed in "Epitaph One". I've been asking myself why this show didn't feel innovative at all, why it never really bothered me or had me thinking about the concept of "creating humans".. Sure they make an issue about morals and most of the time try to show that it's really unethical. Well DUH of course it is. That's not really surprising. But with this episode they finally got me I'm finally fascinated. yays. problem is - as it looks now - it might well remain the only episode that manages that. But at least it gave me some tiny spark of faith that Joss Whedon really does know how to blow your mind... If only they'd let him...

--> The Guild

and because once I start I cannot be stopped. I finally have to bitch about Eliza Dushku in Dollhouse. That woman sadly cannot play different types of character. Why would you choose someone like her who can only portray the same kind of character again and again and again for a role where you have to play many DIFFERENT characters each episode? Dichen Lachman on the other hand makes me forget that she's actually a doll the very moment she is on screen in one of her engagements. Good casting - bad casting. yes, I know, I know Joss likes Dushku but dear Zeus! she really doesn't have any acting range at all. I'm sorry.


Episode 2x04 of Dollhouse was AWESOMESAUCE btw ^_^

why, yes I really don't sleep at night. it's 4:46 am over here and I just stopped playing Risen because my CPU overheated. I'd really move my tower some place ELSE - i.e. some place that isn't next to my radiator but alas there's NO SPACE in my crammed room. but I thought I'd put this annoying malfunction to good use and write a long overdue entry instead. *insert cheerful applause here*

Being a Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis fangirl I of course watched the first episodes of SGU. And dear Zeus it DOES suck, doesn't it? There is one (ONE!) character I can enjoy if I try really hard to find that little caring part of my heart to open up just a bit - it's - you might have guessed - Eli. Yeah of course he annoys me but if I had to chose a character...

Reading the forums over at televisionwithoutpity did soothe my bleeding heart... I really, really wished that I would be able to like the show without having to ignore sexist crap (well OK, it's not BLATANT sexism, but that shower-scene HOW LONG CAN ONE TAKE A SHOWER?! it lastet more than the half episode, or so it seemed... and what about the shots of Seargant Boobtastic's breasts and her perky little erect nipples showing through otherwise decent clothing. If you know me, you know that I'm a friend of boobs and porn and all those things that spice your life but it's so completely OUT OF CONTEXT and so UNNECESSARY) I mean what the HELL happened to smart and intelligent women who are sexy without having to show up naked or having to flaunt their nipples in close-up? Women like, you know, Carter for example...

And I won't even start on Lt. Horny McCathocrite...............

Oh I have not yet mentioned that the "plot" is complete crap and so -oh- so many things do not make sense (exempli gratia: why the heck don't they use the long-range-communication-stone-thingies to actually get someone USEFULL over to figure out the ship's controls, translation problems, you name it.... gah!)


Will I watch it nevertheless? Yes, at least for some time... There's still this small demon of hope whispering to me that it could get better...

this should really inspire me to finally (5 years have passed) finish the second part of my bible-slash story... maybe there's still hope for it?

you remember this?



Lo and behold: Alice Returns!

discovered this a while ago but never got around to post about it. so it's old news but still good news.

back from Croatia and Slowenia.


I keep promising myself to post more frequently but I'm such a lazy bum.


I'm about to finish Havemercy by Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett which I'm enjoing very very much. but it has mechanical-magical dragons and a gay wizard so that doesn't really come as a surprise... ahem.
Fire from Heaven by Mary Renault seems decent so far. I've only read about one third of it. Haven't read a historical novel in ages so I'm delighted that it hasn't bored me for a second.

I'll have to stop ignoring the fact that I still have to study for exams from last term. If I start tomorrow I should have enough time to finish the books and get my literary history in order.


I'll be fangirling about my new obsession Kuroshitsuji as soon as I finish the 1st season. only 4 eps left.

and find it the very next day again in a completely different context by pure and spooky coincidence" day

"syzygy" - yesterday I watched an X-Files episode bearing that title. today I find it in the comments to a linguaphiles post. I don't know why but everytime this happens to me. it creeps me out a little. somehow it feels like a déjà vu only that it's, you know REAL.

does that happen to you to? and how do you feel about it?

first day of the aninite in Vienna. yays!!! went there with dicingalice . thankfully the crowd wasn't overwhelming but the HEAT was. Tomorrow it should be cooler.

I bought things! lookie:

daw little orochimaru-chan isn't he cute?!


oh! and I had my ultimate fangirl-moment. dicingalice  was kind enough to talk me out of being a shy little sissy and took a photo of me with KAKASHI! *flail* why, yes such is the nature of my fangirlyness!
loooooook it's KAKASHI (and I'm too big darn it!)



^_________________^

still have to find an awesome Kakashi-plushie, but aside from that - I'm a very happy fangirl.

cause you know from time to time, there just has to be one

dicingalice and I were putting together a list of worst books we ever read.  After some thinking and digging in boxes of books I just cannot stand to have in my shelves I finally found Vampire Vow one of the most hilariously bad gay porn books I have ever read in my life full of gay pr0n love.

and so we decided to share some gems:

it goes medias in res and these are the first sentences:


Chapter 1

I wanted Jesus. That's how it started. Yes, the Jesus they built a religion on, the one they say rose from the dead. (I should be the last creature in the world to doubt that.)
There we were, on a quite, stony hilltop overlooking the city, the stars above us, like light through pinpricks in black velvet.
Just he and I, years before the 12 dolts who formed his entourage. We huddled next to each other as we often did, and I finally asked him.
"Joshu," I whispered - that was my name for him. "Why resist this? You're always talking about the vanity of human law, about wanting to strike out against the old order."
He looked troubled, a young man of 23 still as idealistic as his disgustingly naive, dull Nazarene parents, who actually believed me, when I told them I was a Jew - I a Roman Officer serving under Pilate!
"I'm troubled," he said, he leaned back on his hands. The moonlight washed over his lean form, his fine brow betraying his sensuality as much as it did his intelligence.
[...]
"You're talking about forbidden relations."
"Forbidden to whom?" I asked. I could hear him weakening, see him eyeing my strong calves, my bulky thighs. It was hot and I had thrown off my tunic to tempt him. Nature had given me a square jaw, a cleft chin, a dark mane, eyes that could bring a vestal virgin to her knees - a cock that could keep her there.
[...]
"[...]We race along the river, buck-naked. We even bathe each other! Ours is the only ultimate bond."
Right there, the Jew temple of Jerusalem beneath us, I swore to myself that I would finally enter him - the boy prophet, the ultimate challenge, my obsession. I would enter him, the way I entered the emperor's gates after a campaign: invincible, majestic. But hailed by his groans rather than by the cries of banner-waving masses.
I reached beneath his robe.
He pulled away. "No, Victor." His voice was not without regret. "I'm not ready to throw out the law of my fathers. This cannot happen."


( more cock )

ordered pizza. too lazy to cook and frigde is empty anyway. going to watch the very last stargate sg-1 episode. spent the last weeks occasionally watching the whole series. might have to watch stargate atlantis next. and the movies. but exams are coming up so I'll be busy with reading and studying and translating Latin to German and vice versa and what not.

started to read Stiller by Max Frisch. yes I finally started to read some German "classic" literatur again. I noticed that I haven't read much yet this year and it's already June! this cannnot be tolerated! next on the list is to finish Karl Kraus' Dritte Walpurgisnacht. and there's still much to be read from my reading list for the Deutsche Literaturgeschichte 1500-1848 examn... for which I'll hopefully can still get an apointment with the Prof to actually take the exam........ as it is a course from last term.... LAZY ME! oh well...

Comtraya!

haven't been posting much, have I? just here to tell you that I'm still alive an' all.

short reading update: I've finished Storm Constantine's Wraeththu and it was awesome. Aside from those books (the first 3) being definitely well written with quite a larger vocabulary than I'm used to in fantasy-literature, they are also full of rich and intriguing characters and the plot leaves nothing to wish for (except the desire for even more than those 800 or so pages. which you can actually get by buying even more books that take place in the same universe - so no harm done there). If that doesn't already convince you to GO READ IT ALREADY you might have to admit that a world full of prettyful hermaphrodites, yes HERMAPHRODITES as in hermaphroditic hermaphrodites is so very worth diving into. At least I sure as hell love to screw gender. yes, go read. I will tell you time and time again. did I mention it has hermaphrodites?

ahem.

that's that. other book I read: Corambis by Sarah Monette (truepenny ) 4th and last in a series. which makes me a little SAD. but same as the other three I highly enjoyed reading it but I won't say anymore because dicingalice  hasn't read it yet.


university-related stuff:

Latin. I really do love it. But it's WAY more difficult than in school and German Philology seems like preschool in comparison. The few lectures I'm attending this term are really time-consuming. they are:

Grundlagen der Grammatik - in which we have to translate German sentences into Latin
Lateinische Lektüre: Ovid, Amores - in which we read and translate - who would have guessed Ovid's Amores
Metrik: in which we learn how to correctly read/pronounce/chant all and anything the Latin metric system has to offer. (that's the most difficult one)

there is no peace that I've felt so far the laughter penetrates my silence as drunken men find flaws in science

this post is here to remind me that I wanted to make some anime/mange related icons with Tori Amos quotes on them, yes. like that one

rejoice and cry with me the tears of utter joy that every fangirl has to shed in tremendous amounts at newfound FANDOMLANDS/shinyverse whatever you may call it.

why YES, I've been sick, still am rather weak and because I'm super bored I ordered me some new fantasy that has been on my amazon wishlist for about 2 years now - it arrived two days ago and I'm already in love and all that crazy stuff that happens when you plunge head first with a fever addled brain into a new fantasy universe. it's the 3 in 1 edition of - as some of you might have already guessed by new shiny icon presiding over this entry - Storm Constantine's Wraeththu. why I haven't ordered it sooner, is beyond me but I had clearly not known what utter joy it would bring me.

at the moment I'm about to finish the first book my mind is already totally absorbed and I cannot think straight (but who'd want that anyway?) point of this entry being....... pouring out my fangirlish craze of course.

as always, I'm a wee bit afraid of teh DRAMAH that surly will smite me as I tend to get very much absorbed in the world and characters of fantasy if I'm that much in fangirly-mode but alas, that's what it's all about, isn't it? wish me luck on my journey through this new universe! may I return unscathed! dear Zeus, watch over your acolyte for thou knowest best her debauchery ways.

oh Ganymede don't distract the father of the gods too much...

I fell ill ;_; cough, headache, fever an' all. lying in bed all the time is really BORING. but my aching head affects my eyes and I can't spend too much time reading, watching TV or in front of my computer D:

anyway. I was checking the list of reserved/reported Diplomarbeitsthemen (diploma thesis topics) for German Philology. I STILL don't know what my topic will/should be. it's not THAT urgent as I'm not yet ready to start working on it... BUT I really should be thinking about it... and therefore I started reading aforementioned list for inspiration.

I like those:

Literarische Bearbeitungen des Phaedra- Mythos
Der Dialog in Ingeborg Bachmanns Roman Malina
Deutschsprachige Star Trek-Fan Fiction. Genre, Kanäle, Motive (--> yep, Star Trek Fan Fiction -- AWESOME -- maybe I shouold write about slash fanfic? that'd be way too much fun. or I could write about media adaption: writing fanfiction for manga/anime LOL)
"Von Hexentieren, Gelehrten und Gefährten" - die Katze in der Literatur der deutschen Romantik
Ingeborg Bachmann und Ludwig Wittgensteins "Philosophische Untersuchungen"
Die Stiefmutter in den Grimmschen Märchen (I loled)
\"Seht euch die Lilien an, entspringt nicht Gatte und Gattin auf einem Stengel?\" - Androgynie in Johann Wolfgang von Goethes \"Wilhelm Meisters Lehrjahre\" (Arbeitstitel)
Tod und Eros in den Exilromanen Klaus Manns
Die Darstellung der Frauenfiguren in Thomas Bernhards \"Auslöschung. Ein Zerfall\"
Michel Foucault und der Homosexualitätsbegriff und der Versuch seiner Anwendung für die Analyse literarischer Texte unter besonderer Berücksichtigung von Hubert Fichtes Roman \"Versuch über die Pubertät\"
NS-Sprache in der Dritten Walpurgisnacht von Karl Kraus
Pornographie und Sexualität im Frauenbild der Gegenwartsliteratur
Frauenzeitschriften im Nationalsozialismus

dear dicingalice ,


don't get the ninja too drunk, they've got work to do!

dhurhurhur I totally dig that XD

also joined bleach_yaoi  ^__^ not that I have much time to read anything anytime soon, nevertheless...

random stuff, yet again XD

right now downloading 1st episode of Dollhouse the new and hopefully sparkly awesome shiny TV series by Joss Whedon <3 I'm damn curious!!

also! I finally started watching Bleach again. right now I'm watching ep 113! (ok, I admit it I skipped those damn BOUNTO-fillers)

what else? research for my college paper is eating me up - which always drives me to excessive anime-watching so my head won't explode from all that literary and scientific BLATHERING texts of highly intellectual merit. (have been cleaning my room for two days now, so there is not much left to occupy me with to avoid studying/writing.)

ya see...... I got nothing interesting to say, but I felt like updating XD ....sorry....

oh and dicingalice  I PHYSICALLY ITCH for a good ol' pen&paper RPG session! something needs to be done!

which reminds me - if you love H.P. Lovecraft - GO READ The Bone Key by Sarah Monettetruepenny! my copy arrived on Feb. 10th and I read it in one go. it's awesome and I wish there was more! and because I'm lazy I just copy the review I wrote over at anobii.com*:

"If you like Lovecraft you most probably will love this collection of interconnected stories by Sarah Monette. They are odd and enchanting.
The narrator is a museum archivist. He is a withdrawn bibliophile who tends to attract mysterious beings between life and death. Probably because he holds too much theoretical knowledge about necromancy. (And considering one particular story - it's not only theoretical...)
And I have too add that there is a story about an incubus which is particularly stirring.
I highly recommend this collection, though I'm usually not into short stories. "


* anobii.com is btw AWESOME. For those who know me in rl they might also know that I'm not only obsessed with reading and buying books but also with cataloging them. Since 2000 I've got list about when I started reading which book, when I finished it and now even where and when I bought it. up to now this list was a vulgar .odt file over at anobii.com it's a (not yet complete) collection of awesomeness. TRY IT OUT!

this is awesome. and I know we know parts of it beacuse of the video starring Orihime and her leek. but this is awesome

in Wien, im Theater.

maybe I'd like to see that. maybe with you, dicingalice ?

redoing an old meme:

"On your current play list, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing), and write down your favorite line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line. Then, have your friends comment and see if they know the songs."


1.) "and Mathilda asks the sailors are those dreams or are those prayers"
2.) "lieber und reizvoller noch als den König"
3.) "I can scream as loud as your last one. But I can't claim innocence" -- [almost^^] guessed by dicingalice 
4.) "ich lass mich auf alle Laster ein und Pfeife auf die Tugend"
5.) "and I don't know what's good for me" -- guessed by dicingalice 
6.) "but the grass is greener here and I can see all of your snakes." -- guessed by regenvogel 
7.) "You know the way to stop me, but you don't have the discipline"
8.) "There to dwell with the immortals"
9.) "You sign Prince of Darkness/Try squire of dimness" -- guessed by dicingalice 
10.) "Oh, and I'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off"
11.) "Shout, shout your praises to the man who kissed the Lord"
12.) "Make it charged with controversy/ I’m straight, I’m queer, I’m bi"
13.) "If the Devine master plan is perfection. maybe next I'll give Judas a try"
14.) "in you I feel so pretty. in you I taste god" -- guessed by regenvogel 
15.) "I gave my soul to someone else. she must have known that it was already sold"
16.) "Luna hängt sich Schleier über ihr Gesicht" or "Wo die Stürme nicht ruhen bis der Nachen sinkt"
17.) "They call thee fickle, they call thee false one and seek tae change me but all in vain"
18.) "Where is the face that I knew before. I am awake and cannot sleep"
19.) "Der Wellenschalg bezahmt mein Herz" -- guessed by dicingalice 
20.) "Kimi ni aitakute aitakute" [my Japanese is still almost non-existent so I just picked a random line XD] -- guessed by dicingalice 

GUESSES, please! (yes, I realize my tastes are odd and some of those musicians are rather... um... not well known but I like them... sorry^^)

dear dicingalice ! rejoice! chapter 19 is written. BUT I won't post it yet. I'm not sure if what happened in that chapter is really what I wanted to happen. but first Michi and then Noah got totally out of hand! it's scaring those things they do. I think there is something to Noah that I didn't know about him........ argh! mustn't spoil anything. wake me/call me!

You Scored as Kakashi You’re a bit of a mystery; no-one knows when you are smiling behind that mask. You genarally appear laid back, have a bad habit of being late and don’t seem to care much. However, you’ve got the sharpest mind. I never ever would want to get in a fight with you – you can be very dangerous when you want to. Kakashi 69% Genma 63% Rock Lee 63% Sasuke 63% Iruka 50% Shikamaru 44% Naruto 44% Neji 38% TenTen 38% Hinata 25%

not what I would have guessed... (must have been the pron-question) but then again, as neither Jiraiya nor Orochimaru were an option... ^^

yesterday I started downloading the whole Sailor Moon Series. that's 37GB. I might be crazy but I thought this would be an intresting project. it's a feasibility study. just to keep you informed.

2009. and already orderd an amazon package. good thing I don't have any new year's resolutions. (like stopping to spend money on books I don't need or DVDs or any other fun things I need to nurse my nerdy/geeky desires)

years I've been looking for this version of "The Snow Queen" (because I loved it as a child and the video is broken. and it has such a lovely soundtrack.) and suddenly they sell it on DVD it's like a late christmas gift. As soon as it arrives I'll have to make icons. - which reminds me! dearest dicingalice ! I thank you again for your most awesome christmas present! one year of incredible 105 icon joy! I love you!!!

finally watched Naruto Shippuuden 90. crazy filler woman is crazy. Kakashi was fun. And Jiraiya's back. aww you pervy old guys <3. so Konohamaru's jutsu was cut in half. only the girls got action and only the guys had fun. sad thing Sakura and Moegi cannot appreciate the beauty of to naked women. BUT that still is no reason to deny us all the enjoyment of SasuSai. Not that I ship them. BUT the scene was hilarious. now we got only the first half of it and it was only half as funny. BUT I still believe hope that we will see the other half some episodes later. I want to see it animated. And I don't see why we shouldn't. (also it is indeed sexist to show that it's ok to show two naked girls but not two naked boys - as already mentioned over at chuunin ).

so. am out of cigarettes. off to buy some. (why, yes I do smoke and as already mentioned no resolutions no regrets ^__^)

yessssssss! I'm so fucking proud!!! just finished my very first linux installation completely on my OWN. yays!

Blingee

in case you needed something to crack you up...

AWWWWWW. I tell you people: watch Merlin! I don't care if you think it's cheesy and soppy. it has HOYAY (in every possible meaning and constellations) and it's super cute. and it has ANTHONY HEAD. And pouty-mouthed Arthur. oh and I'm in love with both Morgana and Nimue - how's that even possible? I don't know. (there should be femslash!) OH, and it has a DRAGON! (with a tremendous slash-spirit, BELIEVE IT!) and it's so magical and mythical and totally screws up the so-called Arthurian-canon - it blows your mind - in a good way.

ramblebamble. it's 06:06 AM I should go to sleep. should be asleep already but damn download of Merlin's season finale took so long and I've been way to curious to wait till tomorrow - which is now today. Ah, it get's so confusing not sleeping at night and being all tired and brain is addled with lovey-dovey Arthur/Merlin.

( tiny spoiler )

(also, Merlin almost makes me feel like back then in ye old days when Princess Fantaghiro introduced me to a whole new world of fantasy and magic and also induced my first dark-wizard crush, I still love you best TARABAS <3)


EDIT: Oh and how awsome is it that Uther hates magic not because of some fucked up christian reasoning!? I hate all that Merlin book/movies/shows/... that do that. (and the WORST absolute WORST is the book-raping movie version of The Mists of Avalon - but I better NOT get started on that imense amount of fail right now.) ( though Uthers mentioning of "a guardian angel" made me a little afraid...)

note to self: despite the fact that cellphones do exist and to a certain extent are really useful - remember the landline for zeus' sake!

communication isn't utterly impossible. if you try the right means...

gah. annoying shit.......... - I think I hate interpreting "Komik" and how we recieve it and why or why not and yadda, yadda, yadda in literary/autobiographical works. I think I hate it really much.

>_<

me wantes some chai-tea now. gonna make some. blah.

vielleicht habe ich aber einfach nur zu wenig zeit zu spielen. und spiele immer nur halb. so wie ich alles immer nur halb mache. und weil ich so viel mache (man denke nur daran, dass ich gerade dabei bin 3 Fächer zu studieren und mich mit 3 Sprachen intensiv  und mit zweien peripher beschäftige und außerdem noch meine ich müsse nebenher ein wandelndes Philosophielexikon werden... ganz abgesehen davon, dass ich still und heimlich an 5 völlig unterschiedlichen Texten arbeite...) kommt alles zu kurz. ALAS. es würde mir schon helfen zu erkennen, dass ich nicht zu wenig sondern zu viel mache. woran es vor allem mangelt ist erkenntnis. was auch immer es sei. dann könnte ich nämlich verstehen und danach handeln. hm. das hat jetzt fast schon geholfen. man soll sich ja auch nicht zu ernst nehmen (ich wenn das vermutlich wieder mein omipräsenter verdränger ist und ich mir vielleicht erst über ein paar dinge klar werden sollte, bevor ich sie im vergessen einsperre...) lalala...


Today I got my hair cut. By the most wonderful emrebekka . Thank you! :D

*exciiiiited* posted chapter 17. it stayed short. But that has to be ok. Will try to post next chapter soon. (as soon as possible.) will be needing dicingalice 's help for th "filler" thingies. yes. It's so exciting it's almost been a year since I posted the last chapter so... it felt like a personal historical moment *lol* because, well it's been two years since we started writing this stupid but cute story and I've thought and talked about it so much -- possibly, definitely more than I talk about my "real" work i.e. the writing that I don't show anybody because it might embarrass myself OR the reader... ....... um... so excited and happy and soooooooo looking forward to reviews. I HOPE there'll be at least some! I'm afraid not many remember the story... or want to read on because it might be on hiatus AGAIN. *angsting away* -

anyways I'm curious about how all the plot points in my head will evolve and fit in the whole storyline and all. Writing with feedback is so much more fun! should do this more often (but I tell myself that all the time...)

stopping babbling now. :)

[oh and emrebekka  : I'm soooo curious about your thoughts concerning m&n!!!!!!! --> seven exclamation marks - the sure sign of an insane mind... muahaha.]

 than just one reason why I love this song.

they say he crashed and burned
I know I'll never learn why any boy should die so young.


( the whole story )

chapter 17. 2 1/2 pages. 2 1/2 to go. not sure how I want to proceed. will have to talk about further plot-points with dicingalice  my ever flowing fountain of inspiration. and of course with p&k.

das ist eine Erinnerung. weil ich die Faszination* ja ohnehin nicht erklären kann. es ist nicht nur der interessante und unkonventionelle Vergleich. Das große Bild, die archaische Metapher. auf musikalischer Seite vermutlich auch der Chor und ja die Komposition der Instrumente überhaupt. und weil es mein System nicht verlässt, gebe ich dem Drang nach:



( I used to rule the world )

*fascinare: beschreien, be-, verhexen

gah. so viele Metaphern die mich treffen. ingenious. und deswegen, zur Erinnerung.

finally I'm in the mood to write again. this news will hopefully make my dear dicingalice  happy as it concerns M&N! amazing, isn't it. I already read the whole thing again to get into mood and "style" AND the best thing: I know what will happen next and how I want to write it. now I just have to find the time...

Latin was fun. Now we have to read Catull's Carmina. As we asked, when he would give us the reading list for the whole semester he surprised us by saying: no, he won't... there won't be a list he'll just tell us every week what we should read till net time... he's definitely a nice guy but he is strange. and he seems to hate Vergil's Aeneis... well I'm curious about his next act of strangeness.

what else. Japanese is way more difficult than I thought. Now I'm challenged and amazingly enough I like it, the challenge that is, that I like Japanese doesn't come as a surprise ^_^

I wish I could write about M&N NOW. but alas... there are three books to be read: Catull: Carmina, Andreas Gryphius: Großmütiger Rechts-Gelehrter, oder Sterbender Aemilius Paulus Papinianus (*shudder* Baroque Tragedy *shudder*), and Thomas Bernhard: Alte Meister (which is a great and hilarious book).

ta-ta

my university timetable is becoming ever more colourful. this time red marks my major courses i.e.: German Philology stuff, purple is Philosophy, blue stands once again for Comparative Literature and my NEW AND SHINY GREEN: Classical Philology YAY! CHEERS! I'm happy I finally decided to study Latin. Don't ask why it took me so long... happy now :) - oh and ORANGE is also something new and exciting: it's a tutorial that will be going on for 2 semesters, it's at the University of Technology, Vienna (yes, it is strange) and they will teach us to read and understand Japanese in only 1 year. amazing, isn't it? I'm sure I will be talking a LOT about this course as the first lesson was already more than awesome(- if strange...).

[damit ich auch wieder mal was sag.]

Was ich zu lesen habe, ist ein schier unüberwindbarer Berg; mit Klippen, Gletscherspalten, kopulierenden Gemsen und mystischen, uralten und zottigen Bären. Dann ist natürlich auch an die Sekundärliteratur zu denken, unquerbare Felder voller knospender Blüten, die ihre Samen fliegen lassen und ich fang sie auf und schlage Wurzeln mitten im Tal und zerreiße mich, oder die Wurzeln, in Sorge nicht zur rechten Zeit den Weg weiter in die Berge zu finden. ob ich die Flur noch vor der nächsten Mahd werde verlassen können?
Selbst bleibe ich beim Säen hängen, gerate ins Stocken... was sich hinterm Horizont versteckt, hinter den schwarzen Wipfeln, selbst- nein gerade die Mondsichel macht mich die Saat achtlos auf den zu fruchten dürstenden Boden werfen. Es sind wohl die Spatzen, die dann fruchtragende Kerne fressen, bevor sie ausschlagen können. Bestimmt sind schon viele dem Mond nachgelaufen, ihm entgegengeschwommen, zugetaumelt, nachgeflogen auch, jeder nach seiner Art, und soll es nicht so sein? Wer nach Schönem strebt, wird doch auch Schönes finden. Aber noch bevor ich ihn ganz sehen kann, hör ich Rufe aus allen Winkeln, von allen Seiten glitzert es in der tauweichen, nebeldurchzogenen Nacht. Noch weiß ich es nicht, aber die Schimmerscheine, die Schatten, die Stimmen, und ja, die Düfte, sie alle - und ich glaube an sie und erspüre erfüllbare Träume, wünschenswerte Wünsche, lebbares Leben hinter ihnen - alle sie muss ich als Irrwische erkennen. (während ich mich noch quäle mich nicht daran zu erinnern, dass ich ihnen nicht glauben darf)

und immer wird es Nacht, und immer jage ich in die Nacht und immer suche ich in die Nacht, und immer finde ich in die Nacht und immer träume ich wachend in die Nacht und immer glaube ich, in jeder Nacht.

bis so gräßlich und schneidend und brennend und so sanft sie auch hervorzukriechen scheinen mag aus dem Sumpf der Dämmerung, die rote Sonne ihre klauenartigen blendenden Strahlen nach mir emporreckt. was greift sie mich an? was weckt sie mich aus einem Traum, der mir nicht vom Schlaf eingegeben wurde? Kann ich denn anders, als erschöpft mich verkriechen in einer Höhle, die zuvor mich nicht ein Augenblick verlockt hätte? Wo doch alles still glänzt, ohne gleißende, blendende Helligkeit, sondern ruhig, melodisch. wo soll man denn hinsehen, worauf sein Auge richten, wenn man alles sehen kann? Vor diesem allem fliehe ich in einen Schlaf ohne Traum, ohne Glaube, ohne Kraft. und bis ich erwache, finde ich sie nicht. weder Ruhe noch einen Geistessinn an dem ich mich erquicken könnte.

aber. es bleibt meine Schuld, wer in der Sonne nicht zu leben weiß, muss über einen noch größeren Schatten springen, als den der Erde.