Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in _castro_'s LiveJournal:

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Friday, November 17th, 2006
6:32 pm	The Sony PS3, my shattered sanity, and 23 hours. Jesus...this has got to be one of the msot insane days of my life...instead of long winded description I'll give you a timeline of my last few days. 10pm wednesday: Meet up my my college roomie and decide to hit the local shops for what the ps3 waitline are gonne be like. 10:15: Wal-mart is our first stop confirmation of 7 units and 5 rainchecks, current wait line at 10:15 for the 12:01 friday morning launch is like 11 people the first of which has been there since 10am wednesday, they are calm collected, sitting in lawn and garden the chances f a hard unit on launch day is zero. 10:25pm: Miejer is our second stop withion big rapids, they also have a small nu7mber of units coming however they have a No line policy until midnight thursday morning, however the entire store is filled with roaming groups of young men and women stalk around the line area, violent threats are utter massive complaining seen all around and people looking like hungry wolves, thier launch shall be hectic and maybe envolves violence, they have no coherent plan of action. scared and disshearted by this we plan on leaving. 11:05pm Back at the room I revise my plan of heading to caro from 12pm thursday to right now, my roomie decides he also wishs to get his hands on unit on launch day, we are both profiteers not fan boys, pre-order 60GB uniots are selling at $1200-1400 per unit on ebay at that moment, we see the 100 percent profit margin. We pack our bags and jump in the car. 1:20am we arrive in the parking lot of caro walmart thier are 3 cars there and kids waiting the first group arrived at 10pm, they are not being let inside, the current temp is 37 degrees and it is sleeting quite hard. we head inside to investigate, we are told little as our local wal-mart has about as much communication with corperate as a blind man sees color. 1:30am we head outside to speak with the group of which 8 member are waiting for the precieved 6 units. they are however in a basically illeagal line with no official numbers or head count, they ask us to write a number on our hands, not liking the fact thier is 0 real rules we decline and head home. 1:45 heading bhack to walmart with soem supplies, pillow,food,extra clothes and vodka/coffee. We arrive to the same group and tell them we are joinign them but declin number yet agian until and official system is present. 2:30 A Manger comes out to offer us her heartfelt apology but she knows nothing but sets up a roped off 4 parking psaces in which "You must wait in, if you leave the box your are infact forfeiting your spot in line. 3:00am we after a half hour of tense talking and standing in freezing rain decide that we are headed hoem to gear up for the long haul. 3:20am We return fully gearing in wate proof snow gear, thermal underwear, gloves, and motorcycle helmets, we look the part of storm trooper ready to well a riot. To our pleasent suprise 4 people remain after the annoucement of waiting box. they are 2 scrawny looking 19 year old kids, a argentinian fry cook, and his thugish white friend, no of them are well dre4ssed all of them look as if they will die of exposuer withen the next 20 hours or so we are dry and as warm as can be we stand around laugh at the others coldness and bullshit, there is still distrust and no one waznts to leave the box. 3:50 The kids in the box are hurting I see them breaking, however we come to a consesous we are all early arrivers and the3rer should be 6 units, we think we can have honor enoguh mto allthough people into the store...also we all fear violence if anyone takes a spot. we allow the thugish white man inside to purchase a larger tarp...if we must sit in the box we msut find a way inwhcihc we will not die of exposure toe the wind,cold, and rain. 4:00 we procede to steal all 3 benchs from walmart and use the to hold the traps back end and curl it over us as a wind and water break, we name it the bubble it is our home until launc or so we think. hours pass nothing happens we exist in our buble we chat in some ways we coem to bond, while we are all competitors and there of our own volition this situation over tiem becomes like stockholm syndrome we are all our brother captors and yet we are all bonding in a way that only extreme situations lead to. 8:30am the warmth of the day break is not happening temps are hovering around freezing the rain is harder, we are told 10 spots in combination of units and rainchecks are aviable andc the first of the "early" waiters arrive. a old loady waits with us holding a spot for her grandson the first gamer in the group who wishes to own for enjoyment not profit. 8:45am He allogn with friend arrive turns out I know them it is Dustin Babcock, however I quote at this ponit "In project mayham we have no names only number" this is the die caste for the day we refer to everyone in the bubble as thier number it is far easier then names, it's also de-humanizing, and helps as all flaunt soem preceived feeling of higher positon. 9:30am by this point 11 people stand before us while we tell 11 there are only 10 units and rainchecks he stick it out until the word comes down. He has a stroke of good luck as coffee is brought to us, we are told 12 units/rainchecks, after which we quickly calls his son to round out the 12 we are project mayham, the twelve angry men(plus 2 women), we are it everyone else after us is out of luck and angry, but we pact together to allow breaks for the bathroom we guard seats agianst vultures. 10am We expand our shanty town, we pull a car intot he boxe and use rope to left the tarp over the others, lawn chairs benchs and gear spread out under our tarp we are the homeless, the dead, it feels liek summer camp in somalia if somlia was 35 and sleeting. hours go by while we waiting in our own personal freezing hell however, we know no one is really walkign away empty handed however the exact number opf physical nutis is being held secret frommus to either keep us from riot or keep us stealiugn each other places. we all work well, we grow to accept the mornign crowd of 7-12 into our group however we still are the first 6 the die hards..the night group. 1pm My father brings us pizza we pass it around the communel feeling grows, we share items, stories, etc. we bond further as a group. 3:30pm after 13 hours for my roomate and myself and as high as 15 hours for the other in night rgroup we have all finally been let inside the bui9lding to wait in small roped off area in lawn in garden soemthign the walmart in bigrapids has been doing for nearly 20 hours, we are relieved and spirits run high however we are now hitting the crunch people out of school and work assume they are early enoghu to get a unit, we receieve threats and snipers trying to take our positoon, walmart refuses to give us tickets or numbers, they tell us to wait in our roped off box. they tell us to eat or piss we must have a stand in. 4:30pm while we have decided to hold our emtpy seats and turn people away we know we really donbt have the power too, at elast not officailly...after a lull of on comers number 4 and myself decide we need to get up take walka nd see whats going on, we hope our space are saved. while walkign out he heads out the front door for a smoke, as he passes I see a woman talkign no cell phone moiving very fast, I jogging to catch up she is b-lineing to our area, she is trying to steal seat I over take her just before she reachs the ropes. The group tell her there are already 12 as I push aspt her and get back in my seat 4 is MIA, she counts 11 and proceeds push her way over the rope, at which point half our group stands and looks around not knowing what to do, I block both 4 seats and mine the group tell her to leave that the ps3 are spoken for and she is not getting a seat her, we have all bonded from the pain of the elements and the waiting game there is no outsiders we exist in the buble we are project mayham, we are #1-12. Times passes more people crowd around our area we kill time joking, tellign stories, playing cards, bitchign about the night outside hopeing for info takign breask, eating. This is in alot of ways like some sorta twisted summer camp. 8pm We are moved from lawn and garden to layaway, our final destination these are the final hours, each secodn until 12:01 is slower, the days of awakeness and cold, and sitting, are getting to the best of us, half of night group is alseep tring to dream the hours away, I stay awake with day group, we play some DS mario kart, we talk about music and movies, we playfully insult each other, we laugh at jokes that are so wrong they should not be uttered in mixed company, these hours while slow are somewhat fun, but also i wished I was asleep or elseware, this was my first "Die hard" launch and perhaps my last. 11:30pm Late schmucks show up thinking the launch day is a joke and they can waltz in a get one, they are met with the stone wall of project mayahms solidarity, we are concerned ove rnews reports of robbery and theft, we are assured by a large staff of big men we shall be seen safely to our cars, after launch we are still not told how many actual units are in walmarts possesion this is in a way somewhat insane, we have been clashign with the manager all night she is in no uncertian terms a huge egotistical bitch, she is uninformed , unaccomidating for whats abouts to nearly $8500 in sales in about five minuetes for the store. She finally caves and gives us some coffee probably after going up her chain of command to learn she is a crazy bitch. 11:55pm everyone is awake and alert msot are tapping and fidgety we are withen sight of our goal, the ps3 will be ours or rainchecks we don't know, msot of us beign profiteers hope we get solid units. even our seating project the nught and day groups we are seat 6 on side looking at one another. 12:00am Friday: The units are brought out from the back 6 boxes sit in front of us, night group is all walking away a ps3 tonight day group while walking away empty handed is the first in line for the next shipment, now we count down the last minuete allloud, cult like, bonded by the adversity of this situation no one in day group is angry at us for gettign units, all is calm, we have all weathered this storm, some more then others and the most deserving receieving the greatest prize. me and and roomate recieve the last units, this greatly lifts our spirits while they are only the 20GB core units we still have a hot commedity on launch day and our profits will kjsot likely still be great. 12:10am Home at last, we crack a box for pictures and to boot the system to see it's in good workign around and the look and feel of the system, personlly the graphica dn psycics of the games are unimpressive however the blue-ray movie even on standard def tv is impressive, the depth of color and smoothness of it is. Boxed up and good to ship we list our Ebay auction s hoping to ride the wave of launch day insaity to a profit, we have coem full circle, we have endured and succeeded in one of the msot insane launch days in recent history. Project Mayham only existed for just under 24 hours but being number 5 I think will be burned into my mind for some time. Do I reccomend this experience for people, no not really it's brutal waiting game filled, with paranoia, angry, and defeat. However it is unique and the taste of victory is quite satisfing. Wouyld I do it agian, this remians to be seen if the profit margin is great enough then perhaps, but thank god it won't be for a while, for both my mind and bodies sake. To all the Die hards in Cali, I shake my fist at you and your easy warm weather. To those soldiers out in the north east, the northern states already in snow and Alaska I feel for all of you, you ghosts in the parking lot, you men of steal, you waiters....we are all a brotherhood out there, sane normal people taking part in soemthign beyond the norm...beyond what regular people would deem exceptable. I hope all of you who suffered profit or enjoy your game. -Launch Day over P.S. I Have just changed my auction to a buy it now of $1400 due to the fact it is a core unit and I suspected to make $1700 on a 60gb unit and due to the coming satuaration of the unit(i.e. 13000 units on ebay) I figured a profit of $8xx was not bad, my unit has sold within 5 minutes. $8xx buxks for a day in cold makes it worht while, I guess I should have gone higher, but such is life. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 28th, 2006
6:21 pm	Slander! landmines of homogenous collectives. I am alive...I repeat this, the rumors of my death have been greatly exagerated..however the rumors of my life have equally been overrated. Turmail, strife, wicked fights, hot sex orgies, gangster rap, boredom. One of these things is not like the rest...that being boredom due to the fact that it, unlike the rest of those pearly flights of fancy is what my life is really all about. If bored was cologne I'd prob be able to bottle my sweat and sell it. This whole college thing whilst being fine and dandy in general has led me to quite an idea..perhaps the place I'm at aren't boring perhaps I AM Boring...which sorta makes sense. But who's doing is this other then my own, I spend most of my free time reading, on this monkey box, in my room, or hanging out with fellow caro'ins..the safebet..the comfort zone...well mien droogs..this is kinda boring...I need to go out and steal a car or a knock a bitch up..or in general have bit more fun then I'm having granted this could al be due to the fact that i have been home just baout every weekend and perhaps friday brings with a freedom like ripened fruit..perhaps my salvation is only a drink(or 6) away...perhaps my soulmate plays beer pong at the belly of a frat house.and perhaps my voice.the adult one that little jimminy cricket killing illusion pealing real world self is waiti for me beyond the foam of that next keg stand. But this to is dissalution..as are most things in this world and I am to still soemone I don't like being around, the surounding do not change a man the clohes do..or is it the vast amount of therapy..or techno..eitherway this road we walk onward to adult hod ceaseless like sperm on the march to war is for me an all togehter boring expereince..my jaded nature has even me convince of my own bullshit..that i have seen, done, smoked, snorted,fucked, and crushed my way through possible dor,window, and staircase...that I am become death ..opinhiemer style.......but alas i no even that is junk that i fed myself like so many wasted calories and candy bars...fodder for nihilism...school boy crushs and hand grenades. P.S. I loved that chick from hanson. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
10:03 pm	I'll even puts rims on your wheelchair. This made me giggle. 0 editing becasue thats how i rlol! CastroJub: what are you up to saturday? CastroJub: we are having a party for welcomign wayne hoem and sending ian off CastroJub: at ians place CastroJub: kegs strippers cocaine CastroJub: well one outa three aint bad somersmith06: lol where does ian live? CastroJub: gilford road CastroJub: past the cruves somersmith06: sounds pretty sweet CastroJub: that it will be somersmith06: if kendall and i are totally broken up by then (i usually stay at his house on the weeknds) i'll be there... CastroJub: peep it sucka... CastroJub: lol breaking up eh somersmith06: yeah he's being a dink... CastroJub: if your thinking of breaking up fuck it coem party we'll beat up soem homeless people and start a fire CastroJub: it'll be a good time somersmith06: lol sweet CastroJub: sans the drama with yo babies moma somersmith06: lol yeah CastroJub: get a bit shart faced and play soem beer pong...kickign it oldskool somersmith06: fucking right CastroJub: so fuck that bitch with whom your breakign up with CastroJub: you beter be there i dont coem to caro much anymore somersmith06: i might... i might... CastroJub: Do it CastroJub: lol CastroJub: dooooooooooooooo eeeeeeeet!! somersmith06: there's a concert in cass city saturday that we wanna go to CastroJub: you know you want to somersmith06: buuut we might come out afterwards CastroJub: I'm way cooler then that..lol somersmith06: lol somersmith06: of course you are :P CastroJub: damn right you know its ture CastroJub: I rule with the 401k and shit somersmith06: lol CastroJub: plus i mean I know i'm so hella hot so hang can you turn down hanging out with me, it's like being in the presence of greatness to all that are around I'm the por mans brad pitt..all the ladies know it somersmith06: lol and why the hell hasn't anyone told me this?? CastroJub: duh cause you msot by blind deaf and dumb..but you're still cool..that how i roll with the handi-capable somersmith06: lol jerk CastroJub: i'll even put rims on you're wheelchair CastroJub: it's all gravy somersmith06: lmao CastroJub: I am totally noit jerk CastroJub: i saved like family of baby seasl once CastroJub: with my teeth CastroJub: MY FUCKING TEETH CastroJub: lol somersmith06: lol but hey i'm gonna go grab a pop, smoke a cigarette and let megan on her own computer but i might be back later... but then again i work at 6 o'clock in the A.M. CastroJub: yeah i gotta be up at 8 so i feel ya CastroJub: i beter se yea this weekend CastroJub: or you can forget about this rims CastroJub: and i might even club that seal somersmith06: lol ok ok i'll keep that in mind:P CastroJub: aight CastroJub: peace somersmith06: later tater somersmith06 signed off at 10:00:44 PM. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 7th, 2006
8:44 pm	All bottled waters are not the same. Sitting out on my stoop and smoking allows me time to observe, to use that keen sense of sight, sounds, and smell that this body has blessed me with. Tonight as I sat and enjoyed a slow cancerous pasttime a young asian couple co-ocupied my space. The women was petite and beautiful in the way that many asian women are, the men was well dressed and had a polished lok about himself. Living here in the international dorm has had some interesting by products, I think I am being more exposed to a world population then the rest of the glumfucks about this place. This has been some what of culture shock coming from a reasonably diverse college in flint to this tiny west michigan town, but it's not without it's moments like tonight. So back to the main event, as I sat enjoying the night air and my smoke this couple stod by and talked in soemwhat hushed tones, either out of respect of thier new founded company or some form of socail morray in thier home culture or both. Either way though they were speaking a pigeon form of language that utterly amazed me, from what i could pick up they were fluently speaking both thier home langauge and english at once, like some sorta mixed brew of asio-english. This in itself made me feel infinatly small in this world and completly culturally bankrupt. I know but the language of my home land, it's cultures, history and ways. While i pride myself on being informed and soemwhat wordly as much as my small town up bringings have let me be, this was a wholely humbling experience. So Asian couple my hat is of to you, and my night has lend me into a bit of an introspective mood. -peace (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 2nd, 2006
1:54 pm	Tu thouzands sixxle. In the Year 2005...... [P E O P L E] 1. Best friend(s)?: Ian,Russian,Kyle 2. Best boyfriend/girlfriend?: yo momma 3. Lost any friends?: eh...who can say. 4. Gained any friends?: maybe 5. Met a new good friend?: nah. [P L A C E S] 1. Went out of the country?: no actually. 2. Moved?: No 3. New school?: nope back at Mott full time. 4. How many times on an airplane?: none 5. Road trips?: none...I didn't vacation at all. [Y O U] 1. Have you changed?: somewhat. 2. New look?: my hair is short. 3. Any new additions?: none body or otherwise 5. Most depressed time this year?: not sharing that. [L O V E] 1. Did you fall in love?: no 2. Did you get a heartbroken?: No 3. Who was your summer love?: fuck I don't know, how about jamie if that can count. 4. How many boyfriends/girlfriends this year?: 0 5. Favorite date?: 0 [S E A S O N S] 1. Favorite Season?: sprins 2. Least favorite season?: fall 3. Good birthday?: I don't remember all of it so yes. 4. Any snow this year?: Yes, but mostly rain though, its lame 5. Highest temperature?: low 100s [F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S] 1. Snuck out?: Don't have to. 2. Met a person who will change your life?: no such luck. 3. Kept your resolution?: Dont make any 4. Got arrested?: No sir. 5. Had a first something?: membership to a gym? 6. Drank Alcohol?: yes of course 7. Smoked weed/drugs?: couple times 8. Did anything illegal?: yes 9. Kissed a boy/girl?: Yes 10. Had a crush?: Yes 11. Liked someone?: Yes 12. Lost a family member?: yes 13. Got bad grades?: not really 14. Got suspended?: No 15. Moved states?: No 16. Got a myspace?: yes 17. Started a band?: No 18. Spent over 1 million dollars?: on cocaine 19. Went streaking?: no 20. Done something you shouldn't have?: yes 21. Kept a secret?: Yes 22. Told a secret?: Yes 23. Done something you totally regret?: yea at the moment. 24. Changed your view on things?: yes I have. ~*~*~*~ 1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?: went back to school by my choice and paid for it my self. 2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?: no, i half ass made one this year...we'll see. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth?: nope 4. Did anyone close to you die?: not really 5. What countries did you visit?: None 6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?: travel, health 7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: october, sept, and spring. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: going back to school 9. What was your biggest failure?: not gettign a job yet, maybe someone else. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury?: No 11. What was the best thing you bought?: My 748. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration?: anyones? 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: Mr. johnson....that guy needs a dog. 14. Where did most of your money go?: Thai hookers and blow. 15. What events did you get really, really, really excited about?: Nothing 16. What song will always remind you of 2005?: The Casualty, by Cursive. 17. Compared to this time last year, you are...: Older, better understanding of my self, in school, somewhat sadder. 18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: Felt 19. What do you wish you'd done less of?: rationalized 20. How did you spend Christmas?: getting drunk 21. Did you fall in love in 2005?: sometimes we like to pretend. 22. What was your favorite TV program?: Nip/Tuck 23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: yeah maybe. 24. What was the best book you read?: The Manticore-Robertson Davies 25. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery?: Cursive, decemberists, letters organize. 26. What did you want and get?: my 748, a kiss, a little more of who I am. 27. What did you want and not get?: to much 28. What were your favorite films of this year?: Crash, Cinderella man, Elephant, devils rejects, more. 29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: I got drunk, I was 21. 30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: focus, structure, less stress, more.... 31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?: Poor dumb shit. 32. What kept you sane?: amphetamines...j/k 33. What political issue stirred you the most?: Illeagal Wire-tapping anyone? 34. Whom did you miss?: Wayne..bitches! 35. Who was the best new person you met?: megan or matt 36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Quit being so cold and logical, winning is not always the best, sometimes we must bow out. You're better then that. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
8:08 pm	What up Ninjas. List ten songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Livejournal along with your ten songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to. 1.Cause = time- broken social scene 2.Please Please Pleasw- head automatica 3.True dreams of wichita- soul soughing 4.This modern Love- Bloc party 5.Empte-Skinny Puppy 6.Matador-The letters organize 7.Jet Black New Year- Thursday 8.Calfornia Highway one- The Decemberists 9.White Tar- The Bronx 10.Pattern Agianst User- At The Drive In You under this line are tagged 1. Jamie 2. Ambe 3. JP 4. Stevo 5. Drew 6. Nikki 7. Don (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 12th, 2005
4:20 pm	I want it to known I have never watched this show...even once....but sadly I can agree with most of that quiz. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
11:24 pm	Fucking shit up the American way, with big big guns.... wow..i'm emo fag perhaps but fuck off...i'm a stupid schoolgirl sometimes...and I wouldn't want it any other way. I. Rushing onward hand in hand growing up one night at a time Thoughts and words tangle time passes, nothing pauses girl next door, best bet that old american dream heart tempered by friendship nutured by someunder current Dark hair flutting in autumn wind rain, beats the face a rosie palor with each year ,more beauty pushing it's way up to the surface II. So tonight I sleep Triumphant cool blue hues, casted shadows windows dim grime, light fog Tonight I am free from thought Empty is the head, who's heart is full gones in seconds is doubt, shame raplace by exalted joy, weightlessness a want fufilled, flesh out looking backwars through photos smallkeepsakes, of past pleasures looking ahed, no time but now no place exists but here Hearing her speak I know tholse words wiser then I could craft let it go, you can't own it give in, you can't think it over bursting like a tiny flash, bonds seperate holding the small body in my arms lips cling, sticky from drink and smoke as if they don't ever wish to let go her eyes locked upward, seeing nothing and I am free, more then ever in moments like this, right now I am as empty and perfect as space and she has given me this and more (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 11th, 2005
8:49 am	What The Fuxor! No updates in very very long time. I guess I have been busy not doing much. quick update list. 1. I quit my job 2. Started school again(getting my assoc. this year) 3. Crashed my motorcycle(not bad only doing 30mph) 4. I'm still stuck being pretty nocturnal 5. Kate is gone maybe forever. 6. Greg came home from korea. 7. I've given up my damn year+ long crush finally. 8. Friends are getting hitched, others already have children. 9. Feeling old these days. 10. May move out sooner then I thought. So there are no still lives. Everying in motion just at different paces, kinda feels like life these days. This year is gonna be a different one just like all the rest of them. Time to shut, put up, and grow up. catch you all on the flip side. -castro (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
5:15 am	Kick my Teeth in with that Celluloid grin. Please Droning metal clanging against unyielding metal Softer sounds of flesh connect, hard packing sounds Dry like burlap on pavement, fist against chest This is the hours I waste away, a path, a u-turn Native sons without illumination, graveyard shift Rusty once oiled bearing hissing a dull melody Buzzing into my heart and telling me static Every night is the same song, radio volume Across a vase sits empty, no plants here Only brackish foul water occupies The water seems to have it right, this place Slow decay, a filth you cannot get clean from Silica in you lungs, iron in your flesh It's brave new world a pinnacle of industry One whose hothouse smog surrounds you The smell gives a nauseous tinge even in this My second year hardened palate, choke Migraines waft in like the scent of molten iron Forged in heat, on hot humid summer nights Compounding scrap,iron,pig,coke,flesh,sweat To build New, to make quotas, to give praise To oil fields, and automobiles, the American way My way, the flow of money, the scent of blood My blood,sweat,soul all in that hutch, perspiring For a paycheck, for things I can’t afford For ways of life I cannot sustain This is what it feels like at 5 a.m. This is how the sweltering humidity tastes Iron mixed with dust and rust. The water looks just a bit greyer So do I (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 14th, 2005
11:35 pm	der absoluten Zerrissenheit! This book I'm reading(House of Leaves-mark z. Danielewski) is amazing...simply amazing. I just had my mind blown. there are like 2 main stories going on not like back to back but withen each other footnote fighting the wrestle the page away from the meat text...this is one of the strangest and msot rewarding novels I have ever read...this is the book I would write if I was genius. it builds faslse mythos like Borges(even gives nod to), play with langauage like nabokov...it's so layered that if you could make a written descrition of the taste of a a good stout this is it. this part of the story the partner of the main char navidson, her name is karen is talking about her cheating on him..but not jsut that about her not being grounded as person and also being torn between Navidson and herlife..between fear and solidity, between the house and her city life, between past and future. the lines talk about her being picked up of the street by her lover to be after she falls on curb spralling her purse all around followed by the line -der absoluten Zerrissenheit!..normaly the extra langauge line(of which apear in everything from brail to hebrew) have footnote...but the foot notes are increasing the downward spiral on the life of the finded and origonal edititer of the main text and his friend that does the german passages is no longer aviable so I had to set out on my own quest to give meaning to this passage. it mean roughly the absolute state of being torn to pieces perpetually...so so important to the karen she is always being torn between things...the word itself isn't really tranlatable but i think it's the perfect word on earth to describe Karen...and the way around this state is being alone/beingoneself...finding the self...something Karen the pretty wife model of photography has spent her life avioding becuase withen the self is pain and memory and realizing your broken dreams etc. she runs from who she really is and therefore torn both by the events of her life and the core of her being.../.this book is amazing...I will ahve to reread it many times. I suggest it if you want challenging but very rewarding read. pick it up now. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 10th, 2005
9:02 pm	Dandruff is 30 percent human ashes! or sunscreen it's whats for dinner This is not finished...this is just the begining...nothing is over....over and out....out in the cold fusion...breakdance the dead...splash in the waters with me....work it over....work it out. anybody wanna play skeeeeeetskeeeetskeeeetball? the pandas are argueing agian i'll have tofind my tranq's Flabrogasticmyphaliagrengenicormorpheustitalinis sir yes your test came back positive if you'll just go see the badger down the hall well have you all patched up in a jiffypop. POPCORN IS PEEEEEEOOOOPPPPLLLEEE!...it's PEEEEEEOOOOOPPPPLLLLEEE!@ masdlkIFkjdhsuYOUkglksdgkfCANhdgjkREADhdfghdTHISkfjghkTHEYdfjhgkjdhgkALREADYjhajheHAVEijcnokijncWONpiunpsdjnc FIGHT THE POWER>>>>>>>>>>>>>WITH KIDGLOVES..........or fist the kids with powered gloves! that is the unquestion dance for me plz :) (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 9th, 2005
4:34 am	Holding hands with mercury...life at the speed of light Dreams Differred Time does not flow It weaves knots together A patchwork of events Influenced by emotion Dulled by chronology And a single moment Is a paradox, a ruse Both a part of the whole And a thing in itself A section of quilt I have these many years Grown, matured, calmed I have carried weight Destroyed mant parts Risen from ash, still myself Holding you for a moment Crosses time's boundaries Locked in nonlinear kiss But the moment just is Intense but singular From head long pursuit We grasp with tiny hands At the firmament of meaning But all symbolism is lost Fatalism is a false profit Soft words and pale limbs No time passes for us I am still fifteen, shaking But it is what it is A rose is still simply a rose This week end has been odd. Saw kate which was good it was as if we had hung out the day before...that kinda thing doesn't have a price it felt good to talk and hang out I miss the K-zoo kid and i hopew i'll keep more in contact with her now. It is very nice outside even right now, can't wait to ride the bike home. later kids I got work to do. -Mr.Roboto (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
8:21 am	For over 130 years Lucky Strike has been....... It's been a while kiddo's...I thought I'd bring you up to speed. school is over...I did well,it was easy. the ducati is on ebay, moving on to yet another bike. still 0 progress on the romance front..lol I have read like read like 8 books in the last couple weeks!..Bling bitches and now a random rant/prose/cliche/bloglike/postmodern lj whine/yadda/etc./suchforth blah blah blah i have problems...blah blah blah....dumb song lyrics " i remember this one time and then i said something whitty and she looked at me but then she broke my heart...arg man i'm sad now i gotta go write crappy poetry and drink myself to sleep....My vocab is huge, and I look better then most women but damn am I a lonely guy...woe is me" By some guy who gets laid more then any of us and gets paid alot more money. Man that songs is so awsome I mean it's deep it really speaks to me.....blah blah blah....my parents are mean...blah blah blah...school is tough...blah blah blah blah.....jenny/cassie/bill/Flemingsworth/ called me last night , man he/she/it is so cool we may hang out this weekend I hope it goes well...blah blah blah blah...you guys now that quiz about the "what kind of white trash barbie doll are you?" well I got ""...OLOL OMGZORS ISN"T THAT FUNNY!!!!....bla blah blah....I hate president bush....he's douche....blah blah blah.... [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<insertrandom"is>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] It's been a while kiddo's...I thought I'd bring you up to speed. school is over...I did well,it was easy. the ducati is on ebay, moving on to yet another bike. still 0 progress on the romance front..lol I have read like read like 8 books in the last couple weeks!..Bling bitches and now a random rant/prose/cliche/bloglike/postmodern lj whine/yadda/etc./suchforth blah blah blah i have problems...blah blah blah....dumb song lyrics " i remember this one time and then i said something whitty and she looked at me but then she broke my heart...arg man i'm sad now i gotta go write crappy poetry and drink myself to sleep....My vocab is huge, and I look better then most women but damn am I a lonely guy...woe is me" By some guy who gets laid more then any of us and gets paid alot more money. Man that songs is so awsome I mean it's deep it really speaks to me.....blah blah blah....my parents are mean...blah blah blah...school is tough...blah blah blah blah.....jenny/cassie/bill/Flemingsworth/<insertnamehere> called me last night , man he/she/it is so cool we may hang out this weekend I hope it goes well...blah blah blah blah...you guys now that quiz about the "what kind of white trash barbie doll are you?" well I got "<insertretardedquizresult>"...OLOL OMGZORS ISN"T THAT FUNNY!!!!....bla blah blah....I hate president bush....he's douche....blah blah blah....<insertrandom"Is love"tag>.....blah blah blah...I got really drunk this weekend and woke up with my pant around my ankles and a sore ass...but that party was the bomb...aren't i hardcore.....blah blah..blah...I am completly deviod of anything intersting to say or do...I am but a another stupid mother fucker standing in queue on LJ spouting verbal loose stools...I am unimaginative,crash,and completly retarded....please shoot me in the face and do the world a service..actually that would do nothing as ten thousand other mother fucker just like me would stand up and take my place....there are enough bullets...thank god condems are free...DO YOUR PART TO END WORLD BLOGGING!!!.....STOP BREEDING WHILE THERE IS STILL TIME....blah blah blah.... If you are offended by this tough shit....I'm jsut to tired to actuallytype anythign good so i did this it's kinda satire....oh and I am made of ham. snoochie bitchs...pieces. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 10th, 2005
3:41 am	fandangled today was fucking sweet! sledding with crisco!...you know damn right bitches I'm that crazy. RISK the game pwns all of you! talked to jamie it sounds good I'll let you know I'm in a retarded good mood. snoochie boochies (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 4th, 2005
8:12 am	Head full of acid , half tank of gas,let this motherfucker roll. I'm done with the drugs. I will have a few beers...I may toke a bowl...but nothing in excess...that is done...I'm done with it...period. 3 little pieces of paper had my name on them...nothing bad happened...it was pleasant...but it got me thinking...why? I couldn't answer. However, the why not is easy....it offers nothing...at all...there is nothing deeper then simply being alive...there is no need to praise the clouded mind...and frankly I'm very much tired of it...and I'd tired of the friends that are wasting thier lives on it. Look kids...drugs were fun, and daring, and new, and dangerous....I had some great times on them...but in the long run drugs are a drag...they are fleeting and stupid...and get in the way of what I should be doing with my life. The experience is stale and done for. --------------------------------------------- She says, daddy used to hit the smell of cheap perfume stale cigarettes the discheveled shell of a woman nails cracked, face a sickly pallor I pour her another drink all fists are made to hit, I say some just land softer blows she pours it back (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
12:57 am	I'm a genius, ask my publicist! "In 2004, avian flu infected at least 44 people in eight south Asian countries, killing 32. Until the late 1990s, it had not been thought that the virus strain - H5N1 - could spread to humans." bbc new Jan 28th 2005 food for thought Now don’t assume I’m some sorta crazy end of the world fanatic or anything. I have been reading about eh black plague and it has the gears in my head turning. Imagine if you will, a world were a super flu is running rampant; statistically one in three people are going to die. Imagine a world were the disease’s progression is rapid and frightening. Imagine no social infrastructure, no police left, no electricity, not cable TV, no city water, maybe an Army in martial law until they start to die off. America contain nearly 300 million recorded souls could you fathom if in the span of 2-3 year 100 million just dropped dead? Bodies would over flow into the street, chaos would rule. Running away from the city center would do nothing but spread it further and faster. I talk about this not because it’s grim or because it just fascinates but because it has happened before. 25 million people died in Europe alone. In 4 years from a simple blood born illness from fleas. Now I know our medical field is by far more advanced now, but that if we know what we are dealing with. I got onto this whole because of one thing, avian flu. This is scary shit, without a doubt and it could become a real problem. We can’t even stop its spread in the bird population or even study it fast enough. There have been a few remote human cases but the mutation is not wide spread…yet. A few years ago the disease would not even spread to humans, now it can. In its current stage it cannot be spread human to human. Then again that’s the bitch about disease it’s always growing, always changing. So if or when it does, will we be ready? Can we ever be ready for that? What would you do if a fast spreading flu smashed through the world so fast that the response time for containment was passed? What would you do if everyone you knew and loved were rushing headlong to painful and gruesome death? One in three, a good chance you’d die and just about everyone you’d know. So that’s the scenario…extreme chaos and rampant death….these would be your last days. So what would you do..i mean might as well make it count…your probably going to die. Would spend it with your family, your lover, rob bank, sky dive, run off to the mountains, pillage, finely tell your crush how you felt, light fire, pray to god, lose your faith, go nuts, have sex, smoke crack, write poem, etc.? This is your last days what would make sure to do? (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
1:13 am	For you, good night Grandfather They say he passed calmly Like drift wood around the hull 6 year’s old, summer breeze His weathered yellow skin Like that of the boat They say he went quietly Like our time out there Cass river days, sunshine Juicy fruit, am radio We’ll always have that So that my eulogy, stoic and simple, it fits him. These past few days have been odd. The perceived drama faded away into nothingness. In fact the whole family just worked, in ways I never would have believed. We lived a lifetime of missed good days in this past week, we lived a lifetime without regrets. It was perfect, surreal, and enjoyable. That was our lifetime, a few precious days celebrating the passing of his. Like a family, like we understood, like we didn’t hate. If I learned one thing out of this, it’s that callousness has gotten us nowhere; it’s that politics, money, religion, and bickering have driven a wedge deep within my family. It has more importantly taught me, “Froggy” (though a man of faults) had a stoicism and calmness that just soaked it all up, and for that we could all take example. My grandfather would not complain regardless of the hands dealt, he’s just give that little half smile and roll on. Something most of family had forgotten. I was never that close to him, he was dieing most of my life. I was never the hunter, the fisher, and was too late to be the tinker’er that he was. I was the odd grandson; I never knew what my grandfather thought of me. Then again I don’t think any of us really did, he was not a man of words. He was Hemmingway with out the rage, he was calm, he was patient, he was my only grandfather, and he will be missed. Arold Grice 3-12-05 See you in frog hollow (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
4:28 am	Make what you will of string, leaves, and coal. Life is fubar....lets update, shall we? My grandfather dies, my uncle wants to exclude me from being a pallbearer...how nice...huge family drama. My dad is getting drunk(drinking alot now)...never in my life have I seen this before. My parents are blinbdly lashing out at one another for seemingly inane retarded things. My home is filled with trash..and is god damn unlivable. I'm still a stupid townie..but at least I'm going to college(slowly) I am going to look for apartments after I get my taxes back. I am going to not cuase a scene at my grandfather funeral. Wayne is home, it is good, he will be gone to soon. Ian is homeless, and reltivly prospectless given his truck payment and job shittiness. I want a ciggerette, and I hate myself for that. DURP timing..lol I need a revolution. I need more ammunition for my Fun machine. -castro (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 26th, 2005
4:03 am	Socrates was a prick.... The speed of sound is roughly 1088 feet per second. The speed at which we process those words, laughs, cries, groans, and moans is infinitely quicker. The speed of thought in the passive sense, comprehension so to speak. The speed at which we accept those words, ideas, and philosophies differs. It is slow process one without measure or quantifiable nature. Philosophy is the path to explain the feeling of emptiness within man’s existence, his moral groundwork. Pseudo-science/ pseudo religion, at its core unaffirmable idea’s vying for space on the black board of history. Philosophy has been spoken from the lips of saints, killers, madmen, kings, teachers, businessmen, and hobos. A giant pulsating homogeneous mass of social thinktankism, pushing its way into all interactionary aspects of life. I am done with it. Fuck the moral compass, I’m going by starlight from here on out. My problems stems from the fact that all philosophy, at least to me, becomes a hapless fit of linguistics in the debate or defining exactly what a term “means”. It’s highfalutin passages offer little more then intellectual masturbation. Laying ground work for circular logic and useless unending bickering. Don’t get me wrong I’m not nearly simple enough to take sides with the post modernist, nihilist idea that nothing is important. Far from it, to do so would be down right unacceptable to who I am as a person. However the idea of philosophy itself of moral framework is as useless as it is ridiculous. A dinosaur loose on the streets of New York, cutting your grass with an electric shaver. Religion, philosophy, politics, tribalism, all of these have vied for space at the top of our garbage heap for the last 10 thousand years. Leaving in there wake both empowerment and destruction. I’m be wrong if I called any of these objects bad or made a judgment call on them as they have effected far more then the scope of my tiny brain is able to understand. I will however stand by my new resolution in thought, they are all not wrong. Within any thought, deed, god, prayer, word, or sound there is somewhere a redeeming quality even if it’s beyond me to see it. I propose to become whole objective, as much as I can, not hippism, not libertarianism, not anarchy, but something that lies between all of those ideas. Hedonistic realism, the moral compass is unimportant, the ultimate goal for having smooth functioning social interaction is seeking what is pleasurable (writhen boundaries of harm) and not impeding what is pleasurable to others(within boundaries of harm). Happy people work better, they act better, they are less likely honestly to be assholes. This isn’t utopianistic, it’s far to simple for that, it’s just a byline, one small simple idea in black and white. Just don’t step on other peoples shit, and do what you want to do, not because it’s what cool or it’s what’s “right” or because it’s what your parents would want. Do it because if you didn’t you couldn’t sleep at night, doing because if you don’t you may explode, do because you don’t have any other choice. It’s that simple to point but I don’t purpose this as a end all be all philosophy. In fact it’s the opposite of all that. Just do what you want within the boundaries of the greater good, happiness and mutual respect of other happiness. So if you wanna sing and dance do it! If you want to jump around do it! If you wanna hug a tree do it! If you wanna write poem do it! I know I’m being simplistic but it’s really just a simple idea. If I refined it anymore it would become nothing more then what I’m so trying to rail against. So I could be wrong, hell I probably am wrong. Maybe all those circular conversations I’ve had on all those schools of thought have embittered me to the idea of a moral framework and philosophical thought. Maybe you modernists are right that things do have intrinsic value and worth. “Isn’t it pretty to think so?” (5 Comments |Comment on this)