i just read a bunch of entries out of my old old ooollld live journal which is surprisingly still around.  it was like reading a stranger's writing.  kind of sickening how sappy and emo i got sometimes, but kind of cool that i was so open with how i felt.  just wrote it all out.  it's not something i would do now.  really bizarre.  i think it's time i start getting serious about recovery.  i've been blowing it off and i'm in a worse state than ever now.  my resolve always comes at night and fades with morning.  but if i don't start working at this for real everything is only going to get more out of control.  i'm exhausted, off to bed.