| Right where it belongs... |
[Tuesday
January 24th, 2006 at 9:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thankful |
] |
See the animal in his cage that you built,
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye,
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built,
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart,
And it's all...right where it belongs
What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself...find yourself afraid to see?
What if all the world's inside of your head?
Just creations of your own
Your devils and your gods all the living and the dead
And you're really all alone
You can live in this illusion,
You can choose to believe.
You keep looking but you can't find the woods,
While your hiding in the trees
right where it belongs....
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| Breaking Point... |
[Tuesday
January 10th, 2006 at 8:45am] |
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When is it that a relationship reaches the breaking point – that time when a relationship slides from worthwhile to no longer worth the effort? Can it be identified? Imagine the money you could make if it could! I see many friends of mine in great relationships, and even some in not-so-great ones, where it looks like they’ve built the base of it on a slippery slope. Some are steeper than others, but the end result is the same. There will come a time when love tips and that relationship will fall into oblivion. It’s sad, really, to see something that was once so good become more of a detriment in your life. I want to take these people aside and point out where things are heading. I want to say stop wasting your time. Life is short. Spend it with the right person or in the search for the right one. Imagine you had the power to see a relationship when it hit its breaking point. You would be rich!
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[Friday
December 9th, 2005 at 8:48am] |
hmm. things really have changed a whole lot this year, and i'd like to pretend I dont care, but I do.
it's so cliche and annoying to say I miss how things used to be, but I honestly do and I dont really know what to do with myself anymore. I'm tired of trying harder than I should be to make things that used to come naturally feel normal.
I guess I'm just bored and lonely lately and if I used to hangout with you often but barely see you anymore, call me please, I probably miss you a lot but am too scared to do anything about it.
how nice.
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[Wednesday
December 7th, 2005 at 1:20pm] |
| Your Birthdate: May 23 | 
You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.
You're good at so much - you never know what to do.
Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.
You are destined for a life of travel and fun.
Your strength: Your likeability
Your weakness: You never feel satisfied
Your power color: Bright yellow
Your power symbol: Asterisk
Your power month: May |
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[Tuesday
November 22nd, 2005 at 3:39pm] |
...ugh....
all these entrie below disgust me...
my new senior pictures are blaring insecurities and thats scaring me...
i need to quit copping out
"you would be the last person i'd expect to squirm in american babbittry"
then continue to waste my years in front of the mirror,
and let the reflections confirm my courage and spirit
making my friends stand below in my mess and my debris.
I escape from being miserable by spend precious nights alone, pretending there's glamor and magic as I drink champagne from a paper cup by the candle light
And withered through autumn leaves, I found myself old
If our egos grow too fat, we will never see that happiness was waiting at our feet.
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[Wednesday
November 16th, 2005 at 8:39am] |
this was something I had to write in creative writing class .. i ended up liking how it turned out, so i decided to post it and share it with the whole 2 people that read this (occassionally)
You Know
You know time will find a way,
to heal the wounds of life’s despair
You know time will find a way,
to unravel the truth of yesterday.
You know the wind will come,
to whisper the fall of sadness.
You know the wind will come,
to dry the tears of misfortune.
You know the sea will seek you,
to share her depth of sympathy.
You know the sea will seek you,
to uphold your profundity.
You know moonlight will find you,
to provide sanctuary taken from you.
You know moonlight will find you,
to promise you dreams of serenity.
You know I will find you,
and nurture you
in the chamber
of my heart.
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| 100 random things of yours truly |
[Monday
November 14th, 2005 at 8:54am] |
I seriously doubt anyone will read this but hey .. it was fun to fill out.
01. My hair is still its natural color
02. I paint my toe nails
03. I get annoyed when i don't get to finish telling a story
04. I like to wear pink .. sometimes
05. Sometimes I wish I could do something really, really amazingly well
06. I drink a lot of water
07. I've never taken a hit of a cigarette
08. I love fat people!
09. I'm such a health freak
10. I love taking pictures
11. I have really tiny wrists.
12. I can identify some close friends by smell *like cologne/body sprays*
13. I'm far too nice
14. I hate when people confuse "your" and "you're"
15. I think dorkiness is attractive
16. I've never had a fake screen name
17. I wish I had a chow chow
18. I miss elementary school
19. I have pretty good eating habits
20. I have a hard time making up my mind sometimes
21. I wish my hair naturally curled
22. I can't live without lip gloss
23. I wish I could sing
24. I like classical music
25. Striped girl pants are so emo
26. I think Malachai is a really cool name
27. I usually don't get sarcasm
28. I wish I could look in a mirror and constantly be satisfied with myself
29. I shift between being sleepy and awake when I'm really tired
30. I hardly ever vaccuum
31. I hate racism and nazi's
32. I want him to hold me
33. I like watermelon flavored things
34. I'm a snob about grammar
35. I am a terrible liar
36. ADIDAS smells WONDERFUL
37. I wish I knew how to speak in Italian
38. This "100 things about myself" list is harder than it looks
39. I am learning to be happy wherever I am
40. I think I'm the reason Baby Phat puts tags on their clothes.
41. I appreciate honesty
42. I need a manicure
43. I love Pepsi
44. I twirl my hair
45. I love kissing
46. I don't own an MP3 player or iPod or.. whatever
47. I want to learn to play guitar
48. I'm not old enough to vote
49. I live in the past far too much
50. I need to remember to be a teenager sometimes
51. I want to see most of the world
52. Sometimes I wonder what's going on over in London
53. I hate being lied to unnecessarily
54. I believe in a thing called love
55. I go shopping usually once every few weeks
56. Today is Monday
57. I've read more than a 100 books
58. I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme
59. I like feet
60. I like getting compliments, but I won't believe you
61. I want the world to see me
62. I think it's funny when girls wear so much makeup that their faces become incandescent *giggle*
63. I hate seeing kids/people that think they're different because they like Slipknot, etc. and shop at Hot Topic
64. I have a fear of wearing too much perfume
65. I wear pants more than I wear shorts
66. I am tactful most of the time
67. I'm afraid of spiders.
68. I get too attached to some people
69. I'm usually on time
70. I forgive but I don't forget
71. I think way too much for my own good
72. My current friendships are teaching me a lot
73. I like salads from McDonalds
74. I read for at least an hour every night before bed
75. I talk to a lot of people I don't like because I hate being rude
76. I sing in the shower
77. Laughing turns me on
78. I wish I were asleep
79. I love reeses peanutbutter sticks
80. I never have enough energy to do what I'm doing
81. I have a friend who has an outtie bellybutton
82. I have driven a car
83. There is chipped nailpolish on my nails
84. I am unafraid to change, but I don't think I realize the boundary between change and utter transformation
85. I wear silver, thin-rimmed glasses
86. Goodbyes make me sad
87. 5.6.7.8 comes after 1.2.3.4.
88. I love cuddling
89. I eat when I'm bored
90. I wish I were more attractive to others
91. I worry too much sometimes about what people think
93. Compliments make me happy
94. I like long car rides with certain people
95. I drink a lot of apple juice
96. I wonder a lot who I'm going to end up marrying
97. I listen to the things no one else really cares about
98. I can't draw from imaginiation
99. TyPiNg LIeK diS anNoyes mEeeh UGH!
100. This took too long way too long.. but i'm bored
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| Beauty? |
[Thursday
November 10th, 2005 at 8:48am] |
Beauty is a thing seldom seen
No one sees it because no one looks
Or at least not in the right place
Beauty is held by all
Within the soul it lies
Waiting to come out to the surface
Only it can't
Only love can bring beauty out
Once seen
Beauty never hides again
Not even hatred can deny beauty
Of it's true design
Beauty although possessed by all
Will only ever be truly seen by few
And fewer yet will ever see
One of the most beautiful sights
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[Thursday
November 10th, 2005 at 8:27am] |
Beauty is a thing seldom seen
No one sees it because no one looks
Or at least not in the right place
Beauty is held by all
Within the soul it lies
Waiting to come out to the surface
Only it can't
Only love can bring beauty out
Once seen
Beauty never hides again
Not even hatred can deny beauty
Of it's true design
Beauty although possessed by all
Will only ever be truly seen by few
And fewer yet will ever see
One of the most beautiful sights
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| im on a tangent... |
[Tuesday
November 8th, 2005 at 8:58am] |
it's late and i am not rested and this will sound like a train wreck.
i have been called a hypocrite 3 out of the past 4 days. i can't stand hypocrites. so don't label me as one. i have done nothing. this is stupid and pointless anyways. i guess that is why we have high school though, right? for stupid and pointless situations and arguments and relationships. what would we do without highschool? we wouldn't learn a damn thing, that's for sure. i'm not saying we learn in class. we learn out of class from our peers. that is the kind of knowledge we gain in highschool. the kind that will contradict math equations and science and "truth". i effing hate it...high school that is. and i'm awaiting to leave.
existence is what allows us to have the things we have and live life however we choose yet we often do not appreciate our existence. we overlook it. we take it for granted. i've realized that i overanalyze every situation in my life. i overanalyze your words and your tone and your looks and your subtle comments that make me cringe and make me happy all at the same time. i have to find an answer for everything, and if it isn't there, i convince myself of a false one. just to settle my doubts or worries. i hear laughing in the room next to me and it is my mom and her guy friend. they laugh all the time. they share their stories and their embarrising moments and their good and bad days. i tend to stay away because for some reason i don't feel like laughing all that much lately. it seems everyone has a mood that they go through where they could just care less and i know that right now i am in that mood. not that i could care less about life... but i could care less about the things in it right now. it's selfish and cliche i know but it's part of growing up and it's part of learning and it's part of shaping yourself. they are talking of beauty and what defines beauty. they are saying that "beauty" is an overused word. i see it as overused and under emphasized. we use it too often, however, it is hardly ever used in the way it should be. beauty is special and beauty is pure and beauty is real. many things today aren't real and hardly anything is pure. once you find something, real and pure.. you have found beauty. you have struck gold. whoever said ignorance is bliss was either a dreamer or they have had their heart broken. or both. 'ignorance is bliss', is the most ludicrous statement i have ever heard. unless it comes to love and love lost. then ignorance proves all too healthy. right now in my life everything seems to be a blurr. nothing is real. i picture myself walking down the halls and i hear music. i hear the monotanous drone of that old record playing and i see colors. i see blue and yellow and green and brown and black. an ugly combination but somehow it all portrays purity and gives me a sense of hightened awareness and extacy. it's funny how music can change your mood so abruptly. i listen to a mellow song that gives me no cares and i speak of colors. i listen to a mellow song that gives me a reason to keep pursuing love and it makes me sick. you don't pursue love..you let it come to you. you wait and you wait until you find it and once you do.. you know you have it. music will be my lifeblood and it will be the death of me. somehow both of these statements will turn true. when i look back on everything..there is only one thing that actually matters to me and only one thing that should be important to me. it is my existence. without existence i have nothing. i am content to be existing and i am content with what i possess. i couldn't ask for more and it upsets me to see ungreatful teenagers who just want more and more. there is no sense of contentment and thankfulness. there is no appreciation of existence. i could go on forever because i am in that kind of mood where everything that has been bottled up in my head can no longer contain itself. it is all spilling out like cheap wine into a poor mans throat. i won't go on forever because then i will start to question and that will bring me back to where i was 10 minutes ago. i have accomplished nothing, i have learned nothing and i have gained nothing but i have accepted and appreciated my existence and that is fullfilling.
i'm sorry if you read that. i ramble about things i don't even understand so i am sure none of that made any sense. i sure have no idea what i was talking about. i'm sorry i am so random.
i don't know. things are weird. and people make me angry. including myself. i change my mind too often and to impulsively. i'm sorry for that too. and i apologize tooo much. so nevermind, eff you.
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[Friday
November 4th, 2005 at 9:39pm] |
Touch my skin,and tell me what you're thinking
Take my hand and show me where we're going
Lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me, oh tell me what you're seeing
See my eyes, they carry your reflection
Watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart and show me, show me what you're doing
Feel the sun on your face and tell me what you're thinking
Catch the snow on your tongue and show me how it tastes
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
I'll always be alone
if I'm lying to you
Take your time, if I'm lying to you
I know you'll find that you believe me
you believe me
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[Friday
November 4th, 2005 at 9:05am] |
Fill out for yourself :)
A - AGE: 17
B - BAND LISTENING TO MOST RECENTLY: Wumpscut
C - CRUSH: don't really have one right now
D - DAD'S NAME: Eric
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Candis
F - FAVORITE BAND: The Flir
G - GIRLS BESTFRIEND : mmmm vibrator ;x haha jk
H - HOMETOWN: Bothell
I - INSTRUMENT: GUITAR is my fav
J - JUICE: Sobe Orange Carrot...yumm
K - KIDS: i want 2 boys
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: either Spokane or Oregon…
M - MOM'S NAME: Shirley
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 0
O - ONE WISH: To be in Playboy... (Once I get massive surgery of course)
P - PHOBIA(S): you...LOL
Q - (FAVORITE) QUOTE: I love it
R - REASON TO SMILE: knowing my friends will (usually) always be there, no matter what state of mind I may be in.
S - SEXUAL POSITION: they don’t have names..just my own freaky style
T - TIME YOU WAKE UP: usually 10am or even later =) not a morning person
U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: i'm ridiculously flexible.
V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: lima beans
W - WORST HABIT(S): procrastinanting
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: broken wrist, and my knee
Y - YUMMY FOOD: warm, soft chocolate chip (with oatmeal) cookies…*drool*
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: GEMINI yay =)
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[Thursday
November 3rd, 2005 at 7:18am] |
Everything is pretty much always what I expect it to be. Everything happens that I predict. I'm pretty sure that everyone is too worried about image and what people think of them. don't think anyone really believes in compassion or individuality. Don't listen to anyone but yourself because everyone else is not you...
I should really learn to take my own advice... but it's not as easy as it seems. [[Practice what you preach]]
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[Wednesday
November 2nd, 2005 at 8:44am] |
argh the hypocrisy of mercer is killing me slowly.
(17:17:30) Jules: yay. i knew there was a reason i loved you so much
(17:17:45) xx Kirstie: haha yeah i mean.... sandy creek is about a million miles away in my head
(17:17:56) Jules: its true...and i couldnt be happier
i can't wait until all of you grow up. it's like the day you realize your mom was right the whole time.
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[Tuesday
November 1st, 2005 at 9:13am] |
i just went from 34 subscriptions to 10. thank god.
i'm bored. too bad for you. stole this from april.
10 years ago:
I was in the second grade.
I still didn't really know my multiples of 9 and learned the finger method
I met Candis Belkonen, who turned out to be an amazing friend.
Life was much less complicated. Or maybe it's just that I didn't care.
5 years ago:
I was in the seventh grade.
I was so worried about high school.
I thought I was an adult. Oh how wrong I was.
My biggest aspiration was to be popular.
1 year ago:
I had a phobia of relationships.
It was the fall of my junior year.
I let loose and ended up getting myself in big trouble.
I couldn't wait for this year to be over.
Yesterday:
I slept in. It was wonderful.
I remembered at about 4 pm that I had a 9 am exam today.
I went to a haunted house that ended up being kinda stupid.
I hung out with some of the coolest guys I know. They make me feel loved.
I met Tiarras' kitten.
Snacks I enjoy:
Otter pops.
Gushers.
Mini pizzas.
Reeses stix.
Cookies.
Songs I know all the words to:
A shit ton of rap songs. More than I should know, being caucasian and from snohomish county.
MY HUMPS! - black eyed peas what what
Pretty much any Britney spears, postal service, frou frou song... i'm sure there are others
What would I do with 100 million bucks:
GO SHOPPING!.... forever. haha.
Buy my friends stuff they really want (plus to make up for when I never got them gifts).
Places I run away to (when I'm upset):
Candis's room.
My room.
My friends always makes me feel better.
Somewhere where I actually get cell phone service to call Candis, or David.
Favorite Television show:
The Girls Next Door.
Bad Habits:
Procrastination.
Biting my nails.
Giving up easily.
Biggest Joys:
lots of things. i can pretty much entertain myself and keep myself content. i like being by myself. and my friends.
Accomplishing anything, maybe getting a good grade for once.
Things I would never wear:
Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, Aeropostale, American Eagle… *shudders*
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[Monday
June 20th, 2005 at 11:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
Im going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everythings perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me.
im kinda over it... i hope you got what you wanted
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[Friday
June 17th, 2005 at 11:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 complacent |
] |
let's tune out by turning on the radio.
life is such a blur lately. the days fly by and i feel like i'm standing in a room, watching calendar pages float past my window. i don't feel like i'm doing much, but hell, laziness has never felt this good.
& some parts of my life feel so right at this split second. i'm fearless and it's like nothing can shake the party atmosphere - the high i'm on from affection and silliness. man. i'm so into this.
there's still that little voice in the back of my head warning me... but i'm trying to turn the volume down. i'm falling hard and i like it.
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[Wednesday
June 15th, 2005 at 8:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
People say that when one door closes another opens. But what if you don't see the opening door? We all become so distracted by the change and sadness that we often miss the beauty of something new.
This idea scares me. I want to be living my life to fullest, && I want to enjoy everything. But I do not. I focus so much of my energy of seeing the negatives, that I often do not fully enjoy the happiness of my life.
I need more happiness. I am thankful for what I have, but I need to enjoy it more. I have roughly three more months before my senior year begins, && I see myself wasting my summer by sleeping till one in the afternoon && bumming around on my computer all day until I work, if I do work.
I'm asking you, my readers of this dreadfully boring online journal, to help me see the good things, and help make the good things with me.
"The future freaks me out."
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[Tuesday
June 14th, 2005 at 9:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
I run from my problems...
I need to run faster.
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[Monday
June 13th, 2005 at 1:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
well uh...
hmm.
i dunno.
***
yeah.
well...
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_bruisedrainbow
