_bloody_dicks_'s Journal

travis told me hed go swimming with me this week. i went over there last night, with the intent of swimming at broomfield rec in the morning. well, in the morning im eating and getting all ready and hes avoiding mention that hes going to go with me. he says stomach hurts and mumbling something else and im starting to feel in the back of my head...i knew this was gunna happen, i knew he wasnt gunna come. he walks outside withme and talks to me through my car window, "i think im gunna go buy a cd". i drove away without saying much, especially not goodbye.
so im upset for a few mintues driving down lowell. i knew it, and why is it such a big deal? swimming is my thing, it doesnt mean its travis' thing or anyone elses thing and this is a good lesson that you shouldnt be trying to force yourself on this person. a reminder of what the relationship is...what a relationship can be and what i want right now. a friend, a partner, not a love buddy to follow me around and pretned he likes what i like. then im in the pool swimming and im mad occasionally and wondering if itll be wierd seeing him at work for once. then im enjoying myself swimming. see? its my thing, i love to swim and whatever, he doesnt need to be a part of that to be my friend. only still a bit mad because he did lead me to believe he would come. not sure if he said it, but i really thought he would and even dreamed we were swimming last night and it was sneaky and dissapointing the way he watched me leave alone. ive got the kickboard out and doing dolphin kicks and i look up and some skiiny guy in a red phat farm shirt and white hat is walking down the side of the pool toward my lane. what the fuck? wow...
travis showed up at that place, to say sorry and to watch me swim. im telling him about my exercise routine and hes teasing me about 5 laps to go. he says im good at breast stroke and i swim 4 laps in a row. he tells me they were pretty consistent, 1:00, 1:03, 1:04, 1:05. hes checking out one of the lifeguards and im swimming away with a big grin on my face. im swimming however, ive lost count past 20 laps. i get out and he asks me for one more. he wants to see if i can swim a lap under a minute. alright. i dont want to get out, as usual, but knowing ill wear myself out before work tells me ok just one more. i swim hard and flip around and come back without choking. phew. 45 seconds. ive never really tried to go fast, i go for endurance. ive never really tiemd myself. now i might try once each time, see if i can beat it.
he waits for me to shower and dress and gets me a sandwhich and some dairy products. the whole time were holding each other, hes making fun of the deli lady while hugging me from behind. he said he wouldnt have come if he didnt feel bad. he said he knows it was wrong like he told me hed do something then he totally didnt, and hes sorry. even for the right reason. im impressed and eleated and trying to think or remember or whatever that i was supposed to be mad at him. i told him i would have probably gotten over it by work, but id have lowered my opinion of him, which was the truth. he said he wouldnt have that. now its even higher, i said. he said it shouldnt be, remember, he did wrong.
wow.
so were back in the parking lot and we hug and kiss in front of god and everybody, and were on our way to work. i can see the town of golden driving west on 128. its cloudy up here, raiing on my windsheild a bit, but the sun peeks out onto south table mountain and i can see practically exactly our destination from 20 miles north east of it. this place is pretty cool for that. yep, thats it down there, i can almost see the M carved into the side of lookout mountain. the little srawl of downtown hugging the side of the hill. thats where were headed.
were in the monthly team meeting watching a saftey video on the dangers of power punch presses.
"has anyone told you you look beautiful today?"

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