you were everything I wanted. [06 Sep 2004|02:52pm] [ mood | blah ] WEEEEEEE! Okay, so I just read Nat's last entry and she mentioned the Of Mice & Men essay we have to do. Suchhhh bull crap. Hopefully Richard remembers it from his freshman year and can do it for me.... I'm fucking pissed off about that because...well, myself. I'm such a fucking stupid ass. Like seriously...I'm in the high school and I can't change a fraction into a flippin' decimal. I'm so fucked. I'm fucking stupid. Anyway, I guess since now summer is officially coming to an end in 3 fucking days I guess I'll be like everyone else and look back on summer and rant about it. If I really think hard about summer, it wasn't anything special...at all. I broke up with Alex P, lost a few friends, lost my cousin, and got used...3 times? This is the summer I found out I'm a terrible person deep down, and that terrible part of me is finally lashing out and getting at everyone I really care for. I'm a perfectionisttic (not a word, but whatever) bitchy, yet shy, Asian girl. I also miss Hawaii so so so fucking much and I wanna move in with Josh Hatae since he lives there and he's flippin' sweet XD Now, I'm focusing on the school year. It's probably gonna rock my ass like crazy, but thinking about it now, I think it's gonna fuck ass. Between studies and meeting new friends. I'm not one of those people who makes friends easily. If you don't know me and judge me, you'll think I'm some mute, angry bitch who has hearing problems. Or at least that's what they've thought since I was what...3, 4?  I've got people basically bribing the schools for me to pass because I'm so fucked up. There. It's out. With the help of therapists, mommy, and my ADD, I get (not only) benefits for high school, but for college. Meaning since I'm special, they'll pay for part of whatever. Okay, so besides education, there's all the friends I'm gonna lose. It's not like I want to, but I pretty much know who's gonna fall into a certain crowd. Ya know, who's gonna be a druggie, a whore, a goth, a punk, etc. There's also that someone I'll lose just out of jelousy...his jelousy. I'm more than likely to have multiple romances, therefore he'll completely ignore me and say shit behind my back...just like last year. Now a car alarm is going off and I'm gonna shoot someone if it doesn't go off in 5...4...3...2...1...ok, bye. hAruko™ hope to die

there's beauty in every breakdown. [06 Sep 2004|08:23pm] [ mood | disappointed ] a few minutes ago, my head nearly got crushed in because my dad accidentally threw a chair in my direction. and for a moment when i thought i was about to die, i was happy. 1 cross your heart ♥ hope to die

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