(4 spits | +) its the heart afraid of breaking, that never, learns to dance. [15 Jan 2007|03:37pm] For the past few days, I think my brain has managed to allow the usage of certain prominent songs to represent the whole situation and set the mood right. It's just like it gets glued up there and refuses to be dislodged. Do you recall wondering about every single thing and picking apart all possible details and dwell on impossible things then realise after that 'phase' that you were just being an ass and making life a living hell for yourself?  Cliche as this may sound, I think studying will probably be the best time of your life. The luxury of falling asleep and having to people-watch and actually talk to people, ponning school like it was a requirement and just plain stoning or having fun with people who cares about you. I've been spoilt and sheltered. So much that I think stepping out of my comfort zone sometimes scares me. I miss talking to the girls and people about life and the random things, the little nitty grittys that we would pick on about someone and laugh about things. Bogged down by school work and impending examinations, but that was a different set of strings attached altogether.    Right now, even those smelly *** boys and 90 minute bus rides.. I'll trade man. The predicatability of life lies in its unpredictability. I think the life for me has changed so much that I've learnt to accept and be thankful for things that i had, have and will have. I wonder if it'll be the same for everyone else but I guess not because lives are as individual as snowflakes and tongue-prints.  I'm hungry as hell but everything I eat comes out ): I just want to stay at home and cuddle and be happy. I can't help but wonder if that's too much to ask.

(4 spits | +) Same old brand new me [04 Jan 2007|12:59pm] [ mood | blah ] I miss writing my thoughts down religiously at the end of everyday. Just so when the itch comes, you sit and read through the things that have been penned and experience the thick emotions and at times, allow yourself to view and reflect upon things from a different perspective.  I think we're getting all too attached and dependent on technology. Losing mobile phones and virus-striken computers would be disastrous to us as compared to previous times and I know I'd feel extremely handicapped. Isn't that just scary? Presently I am trying to upload my 400 odd photos online to make way for the spanking new comp that will make my live a non-living hell (:  I recently dug out old memories and witnessed the various heartaches that people put themselves through.. It was hard enough to watch and I really shudder at the thought of having it happen to me.  If only all the lemons that life gives us could be made into the yummy lemonades (: Sadly, and most often that not, it's quite the contrary. Wish there was a path all laid out clear right before me so making choices wouldn't give me such a ginormous headache. But I guess if it were that way then it wouldn't be called 'life' right? And then it'd be like communism and there wouldn't be any interesting challenges or competition to set one apart from another.  And also sometimes, I wonder if it'd be alright to lay out everything and make people understand and see things in your light. That way, you wouldn't have to beat around the bush or think up ridiculous hints and small talks that are sometimes often a major pain in the behind. But if only it would be as simple as that. To lay it out and it be alright. Choices, actions and their consequences. Boo you. It'd be a lot easier if a conniving bitchy selfish soul would take over. Then maybe I'd be happier and not necessarily others. But if then, I wouldn't give a shit.

(+) Love, actually is all around.. [17 Dec 2006|07:20pm] [ mood | comfy ] Mark: With any luck by next year I'll be going out with one of these girls.[Shows pictures of models] Juliet smiles. Mark: But for now, let me say, without hope or agenda, just because it's Christmas (And at Christmas you tell the truth) Mark: To me, you are perfect. Mark: And my wasted heart will love you I have no idea why I took so long to catch it(6 months ago was my first, thank you), considering since it came out Kel and gang had their eyes on overdrive everytime they hear that I haven't watched the acclaimed Love Actually, but I must say that it tugged at heart strings, especially at that (^^) part (: It made me go 'aww'.  And who forgets this part too? (; Sam(the cute little boy): The truth is actually... I'm in love. Daniel: Sorry? Sam: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it. Daniel: Aren't you a bit young to be in love? Sam: No. Daniel: Oh, Ok, right. Well, I'm a little relieved. Sam: Why? Daniel: Well, you know - I thought it might be something worse. Sam [incredulous] : Worse than the TOTAL AGONY of being in love? Daniel: Oh. No, you're right. Total agony It's been raining the wholeeee day. Right from the middle of the night last night up till when I woke up bright and early at 8 a.m. and till now, at dinner time. It is really quite a weather to just be a sloth and lay back (: Preferably to cuddle. This morning when the gloomy weather greeted me, I was really rather happy because it allowed me to relive my six year old days (;

(5 spits | +) [15 Dec 2006|05:40pm] [ mood | thankful ] ( And the reason why friends are forever... ) Random but, 2 movies I watched today started with Frank Sinatra's Let it snow Let it snow Let it snow.

(+) [15 Dec 2006|05:32pm] [ mood | chipper ] How. Insanely. Cute. Is. She!!!? And she too, is thee insanely cute siesie that i really really love.  The hum-ci dog that comes right up to my feet, trembling, and sits under the chair upon hearing hammering from upstairs.  Maybe we pamper her too much, maybe she really asks for it.. But we carry her and talk to her everytime the episode happens (:

(3 spits | +) [10 Dec 2006|10:23pm] [ mood | bitchy ] The past 3 weeks have flown by. In these past 3 weeks, I've witnessed different kinds of love, the family love. The kinship that is thicker than water. Honestly, it amazes me that this strong bond can exist between two human beings (or more) and that this bond, will be raging on. A day back, I watched Lorenzo's Oil. To cut the 2 and quarter hour movie short, it films the unfaltering love and determination of a set of parents whose only child has been diagnosed with ALD, a rare chromosomal disease. Although faced with strong resistance and endless obstacles, the sheer tenacity of Lorenzo's parents allowed a cure to be found, eventually. The extent that these two human beings have gone to, just to put up a fight in place of their dying child was heart-wrenching and sincere. It was based on a true story and throughout the movie, many realizations hit me. Amongst them, the very apparent one... In 10 years time (hopefully), I will have to bear the responsibility of sacrificing a part of me for the special someone whom I have given life to. The hows and whats. What Ifs and Buts. Intimidating. I've come to terms with the fact that people who do great things do it with nothing, but sheer determination and faith. The strength of the mind can never be overcomed. Lorenzo's parents selfless and undying perseverance and tenacity allowed so many more boys to live (: I did some research on it and to my surprise, Lorenzo's mother, the woman who fought fearlessly to save the life of her only child, passed away in 2000 from lung cancer. However, Lorenzo's still alive at age 28 (: And his parents' hard work has paid off as this oil has proven to deter the progression of the ALD disease and have, in some cases, minimised the chance of contracting this disease by half. It's amazing. Brilliant show, honestly. Best show I've watched after Saving Isaiah. Far too lazy now.  Sandy throat isn't exactly the best substitute for lost of voice, either. URGH.

(4 spits | +) [07 Dec 2006|06:35pm] [ mood | amused ] Coughing your lungs out or imploding from trying to contain a cough, is not my ideal way of dying ): My first time in 18 years.. Having no voice (:  It's a surreal experience.

(1 spit | +) [03 Dec 2006|02:46pm] [ mood | loved ]   22 days. You and Christmas,  you're much better (;

(1 spit | +) [30 Nov 2006|08:56pm] ( And so this is.. ) 'Awful. There's nothing good about a goodbye... It was a bad bye. Very bad bye.' - Gilmore Girls

(+) [28 Nov 2006|11:37pm] [ mood | relieved ] I feel that the mother-child love is undying. And under certain circumstances, the child-mother love is too, although it is often concealed and shy-ed away from(Asian perspective). It's heart-warming (: And nothing, nothing can take that away.. your arms in mine, anytime wouldn't trade anything you're still my everything to my surprise before my eyes, you were right. no need for reminding you're still all that matters to me. don't worry i'll catch you.

(3 spits | +) [26 Nov 2006|01:49am] The best thing a guy has ever written, yet (; ( The Guys' Rules.. ) Pet peeves A minor annoyance that can instill extreme frustration in an individual.  1. The toilet seat damn it. Put it down after you are done. This goes with the used up toilet roll. 2. Not so pleasant smelling people. 3. Water on the bathroom floor. And hair =x 4. Going without breakfast. 5. Humidity and oiliness. Non-Pet peeves Little things that make you smile. 1. Nice smelling people!!!! 2. Bubbles and all things pretty(OMG SHOES AND GOODLOOKERS IE. LEGGGSSSSS) (; 3. Tess and her kinds/ kiddos. 4. Hugs and kisses. 5. Time well spent, genuine company and happiness (: ALL THE MEANIES ARE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS PLEASE (:

(+) [26 Nov 2006|01:23am] [ mood | mellow ] To fulfill my obligations (: Layer ONE: On the outside Name : jolene Birth Date : 060988 Current Status : taken Eye color : they are dark brown (I'd like to believe) Hair Color: black Righty or Lefty : righty, soon to be ambidextrous!! I'd better. Zodiac Sign : dragon Layer TWO : On the inside Your Heritage: chinese Your Fears : I have too many to list Your Weaknesses : emotional basketcase Your Perfect Pizza : thin crust, preferably cheesey but not overly cheesey Layer THREE : Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow Your thoughts first waking up : roar. what's the time now Your Bedtime : it depends, really Your most missed memory : innocence and pure, genuine sincerity or people and their giving attitude Layer FOUR : Your Pick Pepsi or Coke : neither McDonald's or Burger King : neither Adidas or Nike: adidas Lipton tea or Nestea: lipton Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla Cappuccino or coffee: coffee (: Layer FIVE : Do you Smoke : thanks to the inconsiderate fools, yes I do Curse : when the need arises Layer SIX : In the Past Month Drank alcohol: yup Gone to the mall: blissfully Been on stage: no Eaten sushi: (: Dyed your hair: no Layer SEVEN: Have You Ever? Played a stripping game: maybe when I was little and I did to get me to shower (: Changed who you were to fit in: hasn't everyone in one way or another? Layer EIGHT Age you're hoping to be married : 28.. HECK, JUST, NOW! Layer NINE: In a Girl/Guy. Best eye colour: doesn't matter Best hair colour: same as above Short or long hair: SHORT! SHORT SHORT SHORT SHORT SHORT SHORT SHORT SHORT. S.H.O.R.T. haha Layer TEN: What Were You Doing. 1 minute ago : this 1 hour ago : showering? 4.5 hours ago : playing with my baby cousin (: 1 month ago : cramming like there's no tomorrow 1 year ago : HA. singing my lungs out Layer ELEVEN : Finish The Sentence I love: my loves, the smell of rain and the innocence of a happy kid I feel: mellow I hate: not being happy I hide: and I seek (: I miss: denzyl lee ying zhi, the piano pieces and the sessions of drawing I need: to understand the four stages of life and accept it, to be happy and content (: oh, and sambal stingray. So, to watch as my greatgranddad's body got cremated was hard. Not as hard as the first time, when I witnessed my paternal greatgrandmom's cremation.  I guess I've sort of learnt that birth, ageing, sickness and death or more often termed as 'shen, lao, bing, si', is all part of life. The few days of the wake, it allowed me to have a lot of quiet time for myself and for much thinking to be done. I still have tonnes of unanswered questions and I still need the comforts but I have understood much (: I'm glad. And to all that has happened, all i can say is that education is indeed the key to growth. Those stupid GP packages were not bullshitting at all (: It's therapeutic to 'sor' alone (: haha. Actually it's a welcome change for me to do stuffs alone sometimes. Company is good but being alone is satisfying.  On that note, I watched an episode of Croc diaries thingie on Animal Planet and they were showing the death of steve irwin's dog, Sui. It tugged at my heartstrings ): He said 'you only have a few bestfriends in life'  while he was tearing. I DIED OMG. ): It's hard to let someone you love so much go ): Womans of  ACJC CLASS OF 2006 SD2! whatever happened to our chompchomp glutton spree!?

(3 spits | +) sweet november [17 Nov 2006|11:48pm] [ mood | groggy ] The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. What Are The Keys To Your Heart? You Are 35% Left Brained, 65% Right Brained The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. Are You Right or Left Brained? You Are 36% Slacker You have a few slacker tendencies, but overall you tend not to slack. You know how to relax when the time is right, but you aren't lazy! Are You a Slacker? You Are 55% Normal While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself How Normal Are You? Your Brain is 60% Female, 40% Male Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve What Gender Is Your Brain? Your Hidden Talent You are both very knowledgeable and creative. You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential. Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them. As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there. What's Your Hidden Talent? You Are an Old Soul You are an experienced soul who appreciates tradition. Mellow and wise, you like to be with others but also to be alone. Down to earth, you are sensible and impatient. A creature of habit, it takes you a while to warm up to new people. You hate injustice, and you're very protective of family and friends A bit demanding, you expect proper behavior from others. Extremely independent you don't mind living or being alone. But when you find love, you tend to want marriage right away. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul and Visionary Soul What Kind of Soul Are You? Just for the fun(courtesy of Queks) of it but NEVER trust them. Haha my frist and last contradicts about the marriage part, which I'm sure den and I would like to think the latter (: WHICH I TOTALLY DO OKAYS! -- On another more LIBERATED note, after 12 years of slogging through this spas education system that has warped ways of 'stimulating' your intelligence.. I, Huang Shuqi, Jolene, am done (: Extremely anti-climax and over-rated, the whole feeling of liberation but honestly, sheer euphoria is jiggling through my fat molecules as I sit here and type this because I can officially demote my carbon atoms to my enemies list (: Not THAT bad but hehs, I'll be glad to just wash my hands of them for a while (; So, I'm planning to - read a lot - talk a lot - laugh a lot - draw a lot - WINDOW shop a lot - WINDOW SHOE shop a lot - blow bubbles a lot - sleep a lot(a whole lot) - lose weight a lot (; ... shop a bit? (: A close of yet another chapter and it's time to proceed to the next. Bittersweet though. Never fancied AC that much, after uncovering the mask that it had on, especially not after IJ. The best 4 years of my life(amidst wrong choices and learnt mistakes). But now as I stand close to the end, I realise no matter how irksome this whole system has contorted itself to be, I'm going to miss the untucked uniforms and familiar faces, the comforting routine and the infuriating sessions of torture. Disillusioned teachers and scampering from discipline teachers. The gross PE sessions, the endless void deck talking and watching (: the DEATHLY toilets which have aunties on strike, NL9, horror bio SPAS and testing the waters of that much yearned subject. Deafening squeals and girlish giggles, strings of eyecandies(or LACK THERE OF), shut eyes and unglam sleeping positions. Most importantly, the exhausting 530 getups and one half hour bus rides, gave me much strength though (: ROARS. I'd like to think change is sometimes good but right now, I'm rather apprehensive about that. Just glad though, that I don't have to pick up a pen and furiously chicken-scratch across the paper, like my life depended on it, for the next... 8 months (: Oh wells. Now, to drift off, hopefully in DREAMLESS(freak, they'd better be) sleep (:

(3 spits | +) when you start questioning why.. not why but why, why? [12 Nov 2006|01:13pm] [ mood | bitchy AND angsty ] I think I'm sinking into this pothole. May be due to the fact that the bestfriend is due to arrive this week but honestly, I think it's me and only me. So, the bulk of my papers have came and have flown by as quick as I expected them too (; Not without the bumps along the way, here and there but I can safely say that I can kiss my 5 seconds of fame on the stage goodbye. I've to gear up for half of my chem and geog papers this week. They seal my fate but honestly, it feels all too heavy and far away. (I so know it's so freaking not far away hah) It's weird thought because people normally say you become more centered and responsible as you age/mature but I feel just the opposite. The fact that sitting my(ever non-existant but increasingly ballooning in size, due to the growth and accumulation of fat molecules - triglycerides, just to throw in my pathetic biochem knowledge that once again, has failed me) behind down for hours at end takes more painstaking effort now, compared to when I was kanchionging for PSLE(yes, I was that kiasu siow char bor) makes me rather worried. But then again, who are the 'people' or the 'they's. Why do we often allow people's thoughts, opinions and actions sway us right? Is paperchase the ideal that all are fascinated with? Why are we bounded by practicality and no longer able to resist being compelled to excel. I want to read, draw, stone, think, walks and practise LAH. Give me my innocence back and let me be content. Expectations are slowly eating my soul alive ): And totally random but I want my sexy skinny black jeans. Or grey or white or more flats (; Or accessorize. HEHS. My brother is bringing home with him my beloved Grey's AND Prison Break (: 5 more days of being best friends(gold friends, infinity best friends!!) with my carbon atoms and I'll be more than ready to disown them, for freaking good (: P.S/ MEANIES! authentic pot luck picnic, sit on the grass/ wooden benches kinda, complete with bubbles, sun and water after your mean bio papers okay?!! [edit]Guys and dogs, like guys and baby are adorable. I mean when they're spending time bonding (:[/edit]

(4 spits | +) the smell of rain is sweet (: [02 Nov 2006|03:11pm] [ mood | mellow ] You Are An ISFJ The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. What's Your Personality Type? Extremely out of point, typical and REALLY NOT THE RIGHT TIME.. but it made me laugh! It's all the things i secretly want to be ):

(+) [13 Oct 2006|09:09pm] [ mood | goosh-ish ] With ever what if comes with a But I wouldn't have don't you think? (: That has been on my mind ever since wednesday. Today, I learnt about self-actualization and I really wish there was something out there for me much like what was out there for the team in Australia's zoo. It's seriously enviable, the passion, the giving and the selflessness.

(+) [04 Oct 2006|10:01pm] [ mood | groggy ] People surprise me. That's not surprising right? It shouldn't because every single one of us on this planet does not have the exact same dna template that labels us, 'same kind'. We are different in the ways we view and acknowledge things and the varying choices we make - to speak up or shut up. Why, can't we all be like the family-loving, people-forgiving species that go to bed at night with that beloved stuffed animal and just be? Without pretense? The lady downstairs sings to her baby every single night. When the baby grows up, I wonder if he/she will forget that she(I highly suspect she's the maid) actually did that pr that he/she will repay that touching kindness or sweet act, out of love and just because. Urgh. I'm off.

(2 spits | +) the possession [03 Oct 2006|10:17pm] [ mood | contemplative ] I think I've changed as a person. I'm constantly keeping myself in check. I mean I'm doing so to ensure that I do not go 'off track'(in my books). It's incoherant to me how I have evolved, somehow, to become such a person that I'm rather shocked to realise and come to terms with. It has been really disappointing at some points in time.. I'm fighting a battle inside but it's okay because I know, somehow, eventually it'll all be alright. I wish my fingers could fly like that once again. There's a fine line between what you want and those that you need. I was staring into the fine details of the spread after dinner and just, thought. To say that you don't have enough is absurb and grossly disgusting because you're adequately 'supplied' but I guess it's human nature to keep seeking. If you haven't gotten everything you wanted, be thankful for the things you got, but didn't want I'm guilty of being the grossly disgusting one. But today, I stopped and reflected upon the people I'm blessed with and the many things that I possess. It's not the very first time I've done this but somehow my very being has managed to allow the situations that I've been put in to sway my thoughts. It's so sad don't you think? The fact that how we can actually be so immature and spoilt. I wish i was stronger.. Unintentionally flipped open my very loved note book and it's really freaky to be told that in less that 5 weeks, all that I've been 'working' for for 12 years comes down to this. Heck. It's not even 12 years mind you, it's your entire life! I know there's more beyond the dreaded Alevels but ): I want a life for my kids that doesn't revolve around how fervent you can scribble in that 3 hour period. Life is so much more than this. But this, in Sg, builds the foundation for our so called 'life'. Okay, enough rambling, as we agreed, 13 things we'd say to 13 random people but we shan't say who (: Idea grabbed from estherangshuqian and is being done by the girls (; - I thank you, but at the same time, I hate you to death. - I'm so gosh-damn envious. I wish I was different and had the same chances. But I'm happy that it's like this because it drives me and it's people like you who keep me grounded and allows me the strength to fight so damn hard. - If you die, I think I might die with you ): - I'll so show you. All of you in fact. I'll try my so very best and when the time comes, I'll be nice because what goes around comes around and I trust that. - I miss you ): Please don't stop trying because I'm counting down to the day when I can talk to you again and feel like we never stopped 'talking'. - I love you, for taking care of me and always being strong. You are the only one that truly knows what it is like going through tough times in our case but you never faltered. Maybe secretly but you always remind me to keep going and I'm really thankful that you're the one I know who will be here for the rest of my life. Thank you for always putting my two feeth on the ground. - I wish things could go back to how they used to be. I don't regret it, but i wish. - I'm hell worried ): but I just pretend everything is okay but I'm really scared stiff. Can we have farm eggs, chicken rice and the routine things again? - Tough times will never last. It's been long but just keep trying and everything will be okay, once again. I admire you though, for seriously never giving up. - I wish I could change to become the someone perfect worthy of you. I'll never stop missing you. - What happened? Search deep down to find your true self and stop pretending. It's irksome. - Keep them all safe please and let them know in small ways that I'll always be thankful for them. - What would I do without you? (; I'm an angsty angsty girl. But that shall change. In due time..

(+) [13 Sep 2006|08:22pm] [ mood | sad ] I got a parcel!!! (: It's nice to just be happy for that moment revealing the stuffs inside that mysterious box (: Oh well, I'm really touched and happy and really thankful. I read something about people taking initiatives and making the effort to do simple things that matter. Oh well, it did make me sort of jealous and sad initially but I gathered that not everyone has that characteristic in them so I honestly won't ask for much. But it's saddening because I wish I could be treated like that too. Nothing extravagant or out of reach. Even just a simple something. Is this a case of over-expecting? But I honestly doubt that. It's just a case of wanting to be pampered. And not even all the time.. But just occasionally. why, can't everyone be like that?

(+) [10 Sep 2006|05:02pm] [ mood | mellow ] It's funny that someone can be labeled as 'ideologically unfit'. Oh well, it made me smile while reading the article though (: I'm finding it extremely trying to sit my very jittery behind down and start studying again after such a long(won't call it deserved) break. And that's starting to get me upset. I'm weird. I'm upset at myself for not being able to do something that I don't feel like doing. GO AWAYY A LEVELLSSS! You, like everyone else, should just go home (: I had a good birthday (: not extravagant but very loved and touched. It made me think twice about people and their big warm hearts. At least that small fraction of people in this world that makes it all so much more bearable and good. For a long time since, I'm content. I'm making a deal with myself. And no matter what, I'll make it happen because in a long long run, and bringing myself to see the bigger picture, it'll be so very worth it (;

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