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Saturday, August 16th, 2008
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i just came back from the beach house a few hours ago, and i leave for roger doger tomorrow.
this summer was so bittersweet. i made a lot of money, and i bought a lot of stuff, but i also didnt save as much as i should have.
i worked all the time, but i ended up meeting amazing people at applebees.
i kept in touch with a lot of friends, but i also distanced myself from some people i really didn't expect to.
i got to see most of my friends from school, but not all of them. not jon once.
i just got jordan back around, and i have to leave him again.
im trapped in a glass cage of emotion!
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| Time: | 2:32 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. |
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I LOVE...
...my new haircut. can you say fierce?
...beautiful weather
...project runway
...the people i work with (for the most part, anyway)
...waitressing money
...my mother
...katie fridge
...clubbing
...seth
...daverodin
I HATE...
...Applebees
...annoyed customers
...spending 50 dollars on products to keep my hair looking fierce
...seth
...stupid bitches
...the gym
...zits
I MISS
...ROGER WILLIAMS UNIVERSITY
...co-ed sleepovers
...jon
...seth
...brit
...beach trips
...movie nights at seth's
...mommy's get togethers
...stargazing
...FREE TIME
...low fat soft serve frozen yogurt
...marijuana
last summer was amazing, and freshman year was amazing. i am so freaked out that it's not gonna be like it was. this summer definitely isn't like last summer. next year probably won't be like last year. i'm bummed. in the meantime, i spend the majority of my time at applebees and its starting to wear me out. i need to start saving money, losing weight, and giving myself some spare time.
i am very excited to go to elyse's tomorrow.
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today i got drunk at work, fucked up many orders, made 170 dollars, and was trapped inside applebees for 12 1/2 hours.
jon has girlfriend.
last night was seans amazing birthday party and our waiter's name was face and i love him.
i miss school
fran is one of my favorite people
so is ktp
my feet hurt
seth, where are you?
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summer 08 is a little disappointing only because all i have time to do is work and sleep. on the other hand, when i let myself sleep too little, i have a very good time. kristis been gone for the past week so ive been lonely, but just as kristi left elisa arrived and ive seen her almost every day. i spend time with the boys, and sleep at sara's whenever possible. also, the people from work, although not typically "my type of people", turned out to be pretty cool. and of course, kayla, jackie, and heather have come to visit and this makes me pretty much the happiest person everrrrr. sixflagstodaytheend.
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working at applebees is great because i always have cash on me and because working tables makes the time go a lot faster than it did when i worked at old navy. it sucks because it can often get stressful. i do this thing where i work my ass off for six hours and then i walk out of the building and instantly realize how much strain i had on me and i instantly feel like crap. since i started working there i spend my time going to work, coming home, sleeping forever, and going back to work.
i do have some goals though for once i get into the swing of things:
-eat better! grabbing BK on the way home is not the way to go
-get an appointment with kristi's physician
-join bodyfit.
-finished my effed up education portfolio
-visit brit on BI once every two weeks, hopefully
-put 25 dollars into my savings account every week, at least. if i make more than $100 in a shift ill put 25 from that in too. that way i will have lots of money to spend on alcohol during the year.
-work on getting to a sox game with my dad
that's good for now.
seth's not mad anymore =)
and jordan came home for the weekend =)
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i have now completed my second week of summer vacation. it's been a pretty sweet time. i spend my days sleeping, occasionally working on the bus, tooling aroud with kristi, chillin' with brit, or causing trouble with seth & the boys. i started working at applebees today, and it was SO nervewracking. i only helped one table and the lady was practically laughing at me i was so obviously nervous. everybody there is really really nice though. it shouldnt' be too awful of a job.
i've seen heather, and i talk to kayla and/or jon almost daily, but besides that i havent kept in touch with the rdubbs kids as much as i would have liked to.
i've also only smoked three cigarettes in two weeks. woo. and one was when i was drunk, as if that counts.
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| Time: | 8:24 pm. |
| Music: | kayne. |
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being home is making me crazy.
i love kristi and brit and the uri boys (and the uri girls) and im happy i have three months with them, and i am very happy brit's staying.
but for some reason being home instantly brings back that feeling i thought i left behind a long time ago.
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| Time: | 2:14 am. |
| Mood: |  exhausted. | | Music: | honestly - cary brothers. |
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im so ridiculously tired im not sure how im still able to function
last night was the third eye blind show and it was so amazing. i love my college friends and i love brit to death and it was fun to do something we were all nuts about together. wounded while the lights went up was incredible, and, hate to sound cliche, but i think the best song they played was SCL. it was just great. and we have death cab to look forward to on friday
i love how when the campus "shuts down" for 23 hour quiet hours is when things are louder than ever
i also love having barbeques with literally every single one of my favorite people from school & making foreign friends and lighting things on fire & ending the night off with being interviewed by ABC news.
i am really really sad this year is ending. its making me really clingy to heidi and kayla especially. heidi because shes not gonna be my roomate anymore in a week and kayla because shes my best friend and im not as sure that i will see her this summer as i am about the rest of the girls.
on the subject of relationships, or would-be relationships, or lack-thereof relationships, i feel like i may have gotten in over my head a little bit. it's strange. at first i felt like we handled the whole thing really really well and i thought that i definitely had feelings for him but they were under control and would go away in their own time. it didnt really work out like that. as much as hearing him talk about the same shit all the time gets to me, i hear the door open and shut at the end of the hall and the floorboard outside my door squeak and i hope its him every time, and lately it hasnt been as much, and i worry that im desperate seeming. but at the same time there are moments when im just talking to him and i am not even slightly interested in anything relationship-y and thats when he decides to come up and hold me and thats when he decides to kiss me on my forehead cause he knows i love it. maybe its one of those want what you cant have type of things. i know we're not gonna be together, so now that i've vented, that's that.
i also had a job interview with applebees today. i really hope i did well.
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Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
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yesterday was earth day. who would have expected such a blah holiday could be so amusing.
anyway, it was the best day i've had in a logn time, short of the blow out i had with jackie later in the evening. but i was really really out of it anyway. it's gonna blow over
friday is chameleon club and seth's coming =)
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Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
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today i have a job interview at papyrus, which i sincerely hope i get.
i love margot & the nuclear so and so's. like, a ridiculous amount.
heather berkley and i are going to yet another hockey game this afternoon. maybe we'll get on the megatron again.
i love cuddling.
i hate the 16 projects i have due in three weeks.
i hate having to stop writing so i make it to class on time.
life is good.
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Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
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i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing with anything right now.
but i'm having a damn good time. =)
i have surrounded myself with the best boy(s) and the five best girls. we take good care of each other.
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nyc - 8
minus the bear - 13
new cell phone - 33
third eye blind - 46
DEATH CAB ROUND TWO - 49
rilo kiley - 71
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Thursday, March 20th, 2008
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spring break has been incredible. i've been spending tons of time with sarah. that girl is hysterical. besides that, i hung out with the roger kids in providence. had a hotel party. i slept between jackie and jon and sweat my balls off all night. also, i've been with seth & the boys and i've been spending time with rachel & sam & gina, who i am madly in love with. i feel like if i transferred to uri tomorrow i would have just as many friends as i do at rwu. (not that i would ever leave my home. haha.)
elisa's coming to stay with me at school on wednesday!!! i cant wait. she is amazing. we had a deep talk last night.
yesterday i got my wisdom teeth out. i am doing SO much better than i thought i would be. i mean, my mouth hurts, but im hardly swollen adn the surgery took like ten minutes. easy. so today im relaxing and my best friends are coming to visit and take care of me. the snow family made me jello =)
i just finished making a slideshow abotu high school. im trying to post it on youtube now. i showed my momma last night and she cried.
im tired of hearing the same stuff over and over again. i talked to sarah a lot about this cause she's known me for SUCH a long time and we've realized that i've finally started to say no to people, and as we all know, this is something i've needed to learn for a long time. but not sacrificing my own happiness all the time absolutely does not make me a bad friend. at all. i know that now, and i feel better.
new york city - 9 days
minus the bear - 14 days
new cell phone - 34 days
third eye blind - 47 days
rilo kiley - 72 days
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so yesterday was crazy. it was torrentially downpouring all day, but georges, heather, and reid came with me to the RISD museum to be intellectual and cultured. it was fun. after that reid wanted to introduce us to Antonio's Pizza on thayer street. so we're sitting there eating our delicious pizza and staring at the piercing place across the street. long story short, i now have a nose ring.
after that we walked to the mall and then caught a bus back.
heather, elyse, heidi, greg, kevin, and i are going to see third eye blind on may 6th, and im so excited i cant even stand it.
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Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
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today i woke up and went to class, but the weather was awful so i decided to skip the gym and spend the rest of the day in bed with my friends. thennn to my surprise heather told me she was donating blood today, and i decided to go with her.
heidi and elyse came with us for moral support. i have to say, i am so glad i did it. it made me feel really really good about myself.
afterwards, not only did the two girls help walk us back, but elyse donated her bed to me so heather and i could watch tv and sleep together, then heidi and josh came back from lunch with specially made sandwiches, fries, specially made juices, two different kinds of cake, and fruit for us. we all ate together, and they made sure i was comfortable and not going to pass out. bottom line: my friends are the shit.
they are even throwing me, josh, and kayla a birthday coctail party, where we are actually drinking coctails and we are actually wearing coctail dresses. hopefully kristi will attend as well. not seth dave and billy though. too much is too much.
i miss rachel and katie and gina and sam and liz.
AND this weekend im going home with heather, heidi, and jackie, and we are having a happy hour at the spa, taking heidi to the olive garden, seeing justin at the scituate/n. smithfield hockey game, watching a movie, and monster golfing. i cannot freaking wait.
in the mean time, i need sleep.
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Monday, January 21st, 2008
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im leaving my livejournal for Blogspot. time for a change i think.
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Sunday, January 20th, 2008
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friday night the boys came to my house for some good ol' fashion mommy's house festivities. it pretty much consisted of going to wal mart, all of them acting like tools and nearly getting us kicked out, then we came back to my house and they molested me for a good couple hours. then we watched 'funny' porn. it might sound horribly wrong but its a pretty good time.
yesterday heather came to visit and i was SO excited to see her. shes just such a happy person. i need to surround myself with more happy people like her in my life. we saw rent at ppac. when we got there i still wasn't that excited, but as soon as the show started i was geeking out. it was SO amazing and so much better than i ever thought it could be it just left me feeling awesome.
tomorrow i go back to school and i cannot fucking wait. i am so ready to get out of here and get moving again. whenever i come home i just feel like my life is on pause til i get back there.
today i will be talking to jordan, and that will suck.
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Saturday, January 12th, 2008
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just when i was starting to feel better about myself, i had to come home for a month and gain a shitload of weight back. it's just too easy to do it. when there's nothing in your town but churches & restaraunts, you tend to go out and eat a lot. and when you do nothing but sit around all day you're bound to eat a lot, but when it comes down to it, i have no self control. remember tenth grade and all those awful eating habits i had going on? they're looking really appealing right now.
it just pisses me off when i can look in the mirror and see that my cheekbones are less defined and ive obviously gained all the weight back. UGH. and my swelling cheek has nothing to do with it. i need my wisdom teeth ripped out nowww
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Wednesday, January 9th, 2008
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i am bored with staying up all night so that i can sleep my otherwise boring day away.
i am bored with sitting in an office organizing spread sheets to earn a check i still haven't seen yet.
i am bored with cleaning up after my brother and father.
i am bored with smoking cigarettes alone.
i am bored with fresh water. (well, not really. i love fresh water. it's just dried up right now, so really it's no water.)
i am bored with counting days.
i am SO bored with boy drama. seriously.
i am bored with drama in general.
i am bored with mind games.
i am bored with late night tv.
i am bored with daytime tv.
i am bored by tv in general.
i am bored with the quiet atmosphere.
i am bored with sleeping alone.
i am bored with a pointless relationship, although if it could be different that would be another story, but it can't.
i am bored with sitting on my ass complaining about how much weight im gaining but doing nothing about it.
i miss the RIPTA.
i miss cuddling.
i miss AB conversations.
i miss inappropriate humor.
i miss getting woken up at 7 am every morning by the most annoying alarm clock on the planet.
i miss TAB & vodka.
i miss chinese food/movie nights.
i miss mixed signals.
i miss hot guys & tequila. (not literally.)
i miss the view.
i miss the ocean smell.
i miss getting tooled all over every time i walk into a certain suite.
i miss staring aimlessly at endless games of smash.
regardless of all of this, im going back to school in 11ish days. although to everybody it seems like im aching to get back, i am going to miss kristi, brit, seth, elisa, ethan, eric, justin, dave, billy, sarah, bree, courtney, janice, and all the other incredible people i've been spending time with, soo much. and my parents. and not having to wear a bra to bed. and that boy. and driving down the street and recognizing every car that drives by. and reconnecting with people you thought were out of your life forever. and learning new things about people you've known for years in these beautiful reunions. and cindy's diner. can't forget that.
i dont even know how i feel anymore. im just rambling. isnt that what a livejournal's for?
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Sunday, January 6th, 2008
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today was karmic payback on yesterday
aka it was really good =)
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_black_dresses_'s journal
trying not to be miserable.
ecstatic.