Out in the real world

Touched...Yet a little pissed.

2006-01-01T01:29:09Z

Hm. I had an interesting conversation with Kalyn at Wal Mart the other night. She first opened up the conversation by saying, "I need to ask you something," And you know, right off you're like, "Er...okay.." And you get all nervous and stuff. Then she went on to say, "This takes serious thinking," So by now I'm like, "Okay, what is it?" So I just wait for her to finish. See, Kalyn has lupus. She's already been told that having children would be very dangerous for her health wise. She's still able to, it would just be very bad if she did. Like, she could literally die if something went wrong. Anyway, you've probably already figured out the question she asked me. She asked if I would consider being her surrogate mother. Not now or anything, just when her and Tyler decide they want to have kids. Naturally I was touched that she asked me. I mean, who wouldn't be? But then Kalyn ruined it by saying, "I'd already asked Abby to, but she's been a bitch to me lately." What made me angry about that is that it's always been her and Abby. I'm actually not surprised at all that that happened, to be honest. She always whines to me about how Abby uses her and I'm like "sucks doesn't it?" She does the same thing to me. Anyway, I have no idea how to feel on this, it's complicated. I know it doesn't sound too complcated but it feels that way. Any suggestions?

So Cold

2005-12-13T02:41:07Z

Well, it's happening again. The loneliness feeling is back. I was doing pretty good for a while there and didn't think about it, but it all came flooding back tonight. I'm home alone, and have been for abour four hours now. I should've gone with Rachel and Dad to Lawton.

Well apparently Aaron has a girlfriend now. Some Stephanie girl, I'm not even sure who she is. I think I might know, but I'm not positive. What's so disappointing about it is that I actually thought I had a chance with Aaron. I always set my hopes too high. This is going to sound extremely lame, but I have a lot of love to give, but no one to give it to. No one understands, I'd be the best girlfriend a guy could ask for if they would just give me a freaking chance. I wouldn't cheat or lie, I've had that happen to me and I know how it feels, so I'd never do that to someone else.

It's not just the not having a boyfriend thing that makes me feel lonely either. I know this isn't true, but I still can't help feeling that it is. I feel like there's no one I could talk to and tell my real feelings to. Everyone has that one friend that would do that, but I don't even think I have that. I mean, there's Kalyn, but she's actually very selfish, and would probably turn it into something about her. There's Vicky, but she's more like my act silly around all the time friend. She's a better friend than Kalyn, I can tell you that much.

Ugh, I don't know what to do. I have my theripist but I don't really wanna go and see her for something this meaningless.

I need a hug.

Christmas Tree

2005-12-05T03:55:01Z

Hello everyone...

I'm bored. I'm waiting for a bit because I'm listening to some new music, and decided whether or not to put it on a cd, which I'm gonna do in a minute.

Today me and Mom put up the Christmas tree, it was actually pretty fun. For once it felt like my mom was actually my friend, and not someone I had to constantly worry that I was impressing. My dad and sister and Taylor all went to Stillwater today to get Rachel's stuff, so it was just me and Mom today. They're still gone, actually, and it's 9:53 pm. They sure did take their time up there.

Anyway, I don't really know what else to talk about, nothing much else has happened lately. Well, I'm gonna go I guess. I gotta get that cd at least started before my dad gets home.

Bye!
Sarah

Endless Day

2005-12-02T02:40:13Z

Hey guys,

I think I've just decided I'm going to put in a new layout again. Even though this one took me a while to put in, I'm getting kind of bored of it, so yeah. I'll go check createblog.com and free-stylin.com and see if there are any new ones.

I'm like, freaking out for tomorrow. My friend Aspin(who's a touch too crazy, by the way) is going to try to get me and Aaron together, this guy I really like. He's in my English 4 class, and I'm really crushing on him. He has a twin brother, Eric, who Aspin likes. They're faternal twins, though, so they look nothing alike. To be honest, Eric is a lot cuter than Aaron, but I actually talk to Aaron, we get along, and I'm pretty sure he considers me a friend as well. Unless I'm totally reading him wrong :P I hope not, lol. Besides, Eric would be the more obvious crush, you know? He's too loud and hyperactive for me. Now I'm not saying he's a bad person or anything, but yeah, ya'll know what I'm saying.

I'm actually kinda glad Brigham never wrote me back. See, Brigham is the last guy I had a huge crush on. I ended up writing him a note and telling him because I'm too scared to tell him(or anyone, for that matter) myself. It was actually a very well-written note, and for a while, I was pretty upset that he just totally ignored it. But I was thinking about it earlier. He's like, very goal-oriented, and he gets things done. All his classes are AP classes, he's the school's mascot, and he's extremely popular. I'm glad he didn't write me back because if he did, I would have to constantly worry if I lived up to his expectations or standards. Anyway, I'm gonna quite talking about that now, it's kinda starting to bum me out.

My dad finally got a new video camera. It's one of those cool kinds that are small and like, come out on the side. It takes still pictures too, I can't wait to use it.

Well, I'm gonna go. My dad's wanting on the computer soon, so I'm gonna go pick out a new layout before he kicks me off. Bye!

Tired

2005-11-11T12:05:46Z

I'm so tired right now. It's 6:04 am, and I've been up since three. I don't know why, I just couldn't sleep. So I got up at four and took a shower and stuff, and I actually did something with my hair! Weird, I know. Well, I dunno what to do now. I still have an hour and a half before I have to go to school, so I'm thinking I'm going to lay on the couch and go to sleep. I'll be cranky all day if I don't. I think I fell asleep while I was curling my hair, lol. Well, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna try and take a nap before I have to leave. Bye!

~ Sarah

Musty November Day

2005-11-09T00:14:07Z

I had a regular day today; nothing unusual happened. In Government Natasha said that Chris looks like Butthead of Bevis and Butthead. It's funny because he does when you look at him(he's still cute though). Mr. Stovall went to the computer and looked it up, too. Everyone crowded around the monitor, it was funny. In Math of Money I actually got my work done *shock*. When the tv turned on for ACTV I thought the music was coming from my CD player in my backpack -_- lol. In English 4 we got an assignment where we have to think of either a person or concrete thing from Beowulf and write a riddle about them using blank verse and at least one example of personification. I already know who I'm going to do mine over, now I just need to write it. The person who stumps the class wins a prize ^_^ I don't know what the prize is, though. In Environmental Science we got color sheets :D It counts as a test, too. That's awesome. In newspaper class I just worked on my article for the Thanksgiving edition. I did Thanksgiving jokes. In art I was supposed to be working on my finished colored pencil drawing but instead I worked on math. I didn't feel like drawing, so Mrs. Roberts didn't make me -_- In Creative Writing I read out loud my "If I were a Rock" poem. Ugh, I hate reading out loud. Speaking of that, Kalyn and I have come to the conclusion that I'm dyslexic, or however you spell it. I honestly think I am, at least to some extent. I can't read out loud correctly, for some reason I get the words all jumbled up, and it takes me a lot of tries before I get it right. Even when I read numbers, I'll read them backwards without even thinking, but I'm reading them to myself right. It's weird and hard to explain. I'm not going to my parents about it though. I mean, I've gotten this far through high school without it being a problem, right? I've always had a suspician about it, but it's never really presented it self until just recently, and it's starting to get extremely annoying. I even mess up when I'm just speaking too. I'll randomly forget a word or I can't think of the right word to use, or something. I'm going to wait until I get another appointment with my theripst and tell her about it, and maybe something can be done.

Welcome

2005-10-30T04:03:42Z

Hello everyone.

This is my fourth live journal. Why? I get bored easily :P Anywho, if you want to be added to my friends list just comment here and ask ^_^ Plus I love to get comments, lol. I'm gonna go. I just wanted to say hi ^_^

~ Sarah