I miss my piercings. I feel less brutal without them.

I finally know whats wrong, why I am so miserable.

Life is changing - too rapidly.

Graduating in 2 weeks isn't lessening that reality either. Friends are moving on, there is no longer the "let's go get trashed at 80s night" vibe. Its more, "let's go drink wine with my significant other and then fall asleep" vibe. It fucking sucks. Everyone is acting like they are getting married when they are only 21-23 yrs old.

Marriage does not exist in my world. Neither does love. I'm good with this. I'm good with not being good enough for those I love. I am just a stone in the driveway that causes a little bit of friction.

Maybe I would be happier if people saw this change too. Maybe I should just deal with the fact that what I want is not what everyone else wants. Maybe I should shut up, say nothing and continue to be miserable.

People fucking suck.

Of people asking me if I have a job yet or if a job prospect called me back yet.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Life is not magic - things take time.

I wish people would let me breathe and realize that my life is kinda shitty now. I'm not perfect. Right now I am moody, sad, frustrated, irrate, etc... Patience and support is what I need. Oh and fun too. Fuck off if you don't like it. Your opinions aren't my problem, they are yours and yours alone.

-Laugh

-Be prettier

-Be stronger

-Not call people all the time to hang out with them (if they want to, they will too)

-Sleep more

-Be more understanding

-Listen

-Watch an episode of Buffy (like I used to before I moved out. it honestly made me happy)

-Tell myself its ok to love people, especially friends

-Read..alot

-SMILE

I think I lost my identity somewhere along the way.

Crap.

I'm at work and I shouldn't be writing this but frustration has set in. Last night I had a dream that I was happy, content. This morning I woke up to find that I was bitter, angry even. This feeling has been with me all day. Starting with the ride to school, idiots driving their cars, then a fight with a sexist group member (Men are worthless, egotistical snobs), and now an idiot fellow intern who is lazy. Yes, I dwell but these are problems that need to be fixed in my opinion.

Why are men pigs? Women are good to you, have been bowing down before you since the dawn of time, love you without expecting love back, and respect you. Men on the other hand think they can act this way because of their gender, because they are stronger. At this point, I may give up sex and men altogether in protest.

People need to stand up for themselves. I do it and I get called a bitch. I'm opinionated and stubborn and I like it that way. It's time for more females to do so as well.

So with that, anyone up for a good wrestle?

You are so blind and I hate you for it.

I'm sick right now and I am feeling really needy. I miss my mom when I am sick. She is the best nurse in the whole world.

Anybody wanna cuddle?

*edit*

They changed things on LJ to go with talk like a pirate day. This makes me smile. Way to go LJ for still being better than myspace!

I start my internship tomorrow and I feel a bit nervous about it. It is weird starting something that is the beginning of my transition out of college and into the real world. I do not want to grow up. The past four years have been a world of excitement and youthful pleasures and now, the clock is ticking down to what it seems like the last days of my youth. While change is good, the idea that I do not know what is to come is not so good. I'm glad to be leaving the Rock Hall though. The place will probably close down at some point and I will laugh on that day. Ugh, once again, I so do not wish to grow up.

On another note, tomorrow is the 5 year anniversary of 9-11. It sucks that so many people lost their lives because this country can't run itself properly. Yes, I do believe that if airport security was strict to begin with that none of this would have happened. And yes, I do believe our government should have paid a bit more attention. I am proud to live in this country and be an american but I will not shush my opinions. Damn, 5 years have gone by. I was a senior in high school. Now I am a senior in college on the verge of graduating. Where the fuck has the time gone??

At some point, a person just needs to give up. You can be angry all you want but it won't ever change anything. Smile and deal with it. Stop wishing you were someone else because you'll never be. Live fast and die young because growing old alone is the most sickening thing in the world.

Sometimes it really hurts more than a person can bare.