Daydream, delusion, limousine, eyelash.
Oh baby with your pretty face.
Drop a tear in my wineglass.
Look at those big eyes.
See what you mean to me.
Sweet-cakes and milkshakes.
I'm delusion angel, I'm fantasy parade,
I want you to know what I think.
Don't want you to guess anymore.
You have no idea where I came from.
We have no idea where we're going.
Latched in life, Like branches in a river,
Flowing downstream, Caught in the current,
I'll carry you, You'll carry me.
That's how it could be, Don't you know me?
Don't you know me by now?

haha just got back from cross country and omg! mei and i got 10th and 8th respectively (for mass run, NOT competitive). LOL. seriously, this is the first year i actually made myself run properly and was kinda dying by the time i completed three-quarters of the road and had a hard time psychoing myself in my head but YAY it paid off:) and mei was beside me almost throughout the whole race! which makes the whole thing even better. cheers for mei!! and helen (4th woaaah) and hannah and rachel auyong and this other girl in a14:) HAHA humans girls ownnnn. and congrats to ryan and marcus AND claire too:]

vday was wonderful and bright and colourful and sweet, now who ever said you cannot enjoy valentines day without a significant other! haha. purrre rubbish. thank you everyone for the gifts they are very much appreciated:)

/edit ZOMG my mother is in love with the elmo ben poh gave me!! she keeps talking to it and dressing it up in my brother's clothes LOL thought it was very funny so i decided to just write it here. haha thank you mortal!

... and how do i define life? it's just one fucking thing after another.

j2's having its effects already and i never thought it'd be so soon- it really does make all the decadence and luxuriously lazy dec hols of last year seem far,far behind. somehow feel like i've lost all direction/resolution i had for the new year and being thankful is getting harder. the fat load of new responsibilities are hampering what i've always remembered to cherish and the values i used to follow. and now it sounds and feels like a bloody recession. dont want to lose all the new friends i made over the hols and last year (i dont make friends easily) and the ease and knowing feeling that alls going to be well cos to me that is like a survival mechanism. life is going backwards

reality crashing to the floor

one's eyes must forget another's face
one's ears must forget another's voice
one's head must forget another's name

so if i could sum 2006 up in one word i might say, albeit disappointedly, "Cautious". i guess i didnt dare let my guard down all year in fear of losing confidence, faith in myself and in people, and if i could say so more concretely, i was afraid of getting hurt and of saying/doing the wrong things. i think i've said this before, but one of the reasons why 2006 turned out to be a year of changes was because i had completely lost myself in a sea of people who seemed to be bigger (erm not JUST physically) better and bolder. while desperately trying to cling onto some sort of selfvalidation perhaps through my closer friends or through stupid things like grades i'd probably threw away a greater part of myself. i dont exactly know what either but it made me the person whom i was before and this year i was a different person. thankfully, i think i managed to recover most of it towards the end, when i found myself finally settling down and finally being able to let people in. so to all the new friends i made, and people i got to know better: i'm a grateful girl! thank you all so so much, i've probably already said this on my birthday and on christmas day but its never enough, so thank you meiling, HANYUN, yinghui, allison, louisa, tristan, ryan, hee, ervin, kal, seng yg and gb for being such great crapping friends and taking away the boredom,..

and to all the old friends who've always, always been there, tammy jialin lilin lim mian qy (we make a great bunch dont we, a great noisy one!), cheresa, denise (my DUCK! haha for 3 years and counting..), swaysah liu meiling, huiying, and of course my family:)

btw, nye was great except i wish that i hadnt drank that much (much meaning enough to get me too high, meaning not a lot) and done stupid stupid things like slapping people randomly (i'm so sorry i really am!), and other weird things which i dont think i want to remember. alcohol is bad for me. nevertheless, counting down together with great friends is more than i could wish for! thanks denise for organizing the party, take care of that fever!

have a great 2007 everyone. we'll pull through the As!!

i finally turned seventeen! (and ages after everyone else did) am simply overwhelmed by all the LOVE and well wishes! the stayover yesterday was awesomeeeee (THANKS KAL). no wait! it was BEYOND AWESOMEEE. omg love you all.

okay this entry is going to sound a bit narcississtic cos im gonna thank everyone who made my 17th and the Night Before Seventeeth so very very memorable!

tammy, for being my bestest buddy pal friend ever and all the presents; ervin (who thought of it!), yinghui, allison, hanyun, jialin, meiling, louisa, clara, tammy again, hee, tristan, kaleni (whom i've only known for a month but is the sweetest and most thoughtful guy i know) for the SHOES!! i seriously cannot believe you guys did that! it was so so so so so touching to see all your names on the paper bag and to find out that you guys all chipped into the v. expensive pair of shoes i had gushed over on a whim omg:'(, yinghui and kal again for the flowers, denise for the veryvery pretty and UNlazily made scrapbook (very artistic:]) and pink thong and shirt, meiling for the chocolates and the letterwhichyouwroteinfrontofmebutitsokay, ryan for the surprise ben&jerry's, teddy for the teddy hahahaha, lim mian and co. for the ungiven present hahaha and i am looking forward to that, vicky for the unexpected blog entry:), my 6-yr old cousin for the beautiful necklace (cost to be deducted from her allowance!), and the rest of my family. and also, siewch (who is frigging cute), michelle, sihui, greg who celebrated it with me last night. love you all!!

thanks to all who smsed and called, already replied so no need to put it up here haha. <3

the sleepover was great fun, but i only wished jialin and yinghui had been there! jialin: miss you an awful lot cant wait to see you soon!!

hahaha thank you all who made this day very, very special indeed:):)

hello all! so i've been too lazy/tired/notinthemood to update the past few days/weeks but since christmas is just around the corner i really wanna say thank you to all the people i have gotten to know better this year that seriously made this rather shitty year A BETTER ONE! so thank you everybody. here is a smiley for the world :)

and another :)

and a lot more :):):):):):):):):):)

You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realisation of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will.

You are feeling very disillusioned at this time and you feel that you are being left out of things. You know - or you think you know - what you want, but you seem unable to exert the effort to achieve your objectives. As a consequence, you are feeling left out and neglected. You would like to be afforded greater security and fewer problems.

Everyone has to compromise at times and circumstances are such that at this time you are feeling the need to do just that. Put all of your hopes on the back burner and let matters flow for a time - forgo some of the things you want. The good times are just around the corner.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

Since in the recent past all of your hopes and aspirations have been denied you, you are now convinced that the future will hold nothing but anxiety so therefore 'why bother?' You would love to get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.


a little too extreme, but hauntingly accurate!

greg showed this to me online
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/World/2006/12/03/2606667-ap.html

and it is such a beautiful place. its hard to imagine and only three days after we left.. it's so sad.

IM BACK!!! Philippines was AMAZING. im not going to type up a long entry chronicling the trip because im too tired and lazy. the scenery was beautiful and i'd never ever forget star-gazing, sunset watching, seeing my dear friends 24/7 (i have blurry images of them fluttering about in my mind now this is bloody WITHDRAWAL), long bus trips, sleepovers, crazy dancing, getting too high for my own good, late night talking, room crashing.......... im glad i got to know many people so much better and that i made new friends! and i must say our tutors are the freaking coolest teachers in the world, though White freaked me out a little he is still damn cute. those 13 days felt so weightless and freewhen i didnt have to care about anything at alll. now that im back to reality               argh.

sats , family except my father who's staying and my brother who's going to go on a sch trip to japan. which basically means im going to be lonely and stuck in stuffy mean singapore. 

IM SAD TO BE BACK.

FIRC MAN I WANT TO GO BACK (haha WITTY HUH)

and i really miss you all!

_beautifuldawn's Word Usage

1. i (134) 26. dont (17) 51. what (10) 76. something (8) 2. and (107) 27. at (17) 52. going (10) 77. one (8) 3. to (102) 28. when (17) 53. no (10) 78. well (8) 4. the (88) 29. am (16) 54. today (10) 79. too (8) 5. a (47) 30. on (15) 55. her (10) 80. over (8) 6. of (46) 31. we (15) 56. very (10) 81. fun (8) 7. so (45) 32. not (15) 57. good (10) 82. see (8) 8. you (42) 33. can (14) 58. know (10) 83. has (8) 9. me (40) 34. or (14) 59. haha (10) 84. before (8) 10. it (38) 35. anyway (14) 60. how (10) 85. cos (8) 11. this (35) 36. think (13) 61. up (10) 86. even (7) 12. my (33) 37. have (13) 62. out (10) 87. all (7) 13. but (33) 38. just (13) 63. he (9) 88. would (7) 14. for (32) 39. okay (13) 64. get (9) 89. happened (7) 15. was (31) 40. now (13) 65. want (9) 90. finally (7) 16. in (29) 41. its (12) 66. are (9) 91. i’ll (7) 17. that (28) 42. if (12) 67. back (9) 92. they (6) 18. im (27) 43. right (11) 68. someone (9) 93. down (6) 19. is (23) 44. who (11) 69. tammy (9) 94. away (6) 20. really (21) 45. feel (11) 70. much (9) 95. long (6) 21. like (20) 46. after (11) 71. last (9) 96. went (6) 22. be (19) 47. from (11) 72. i've (9) 97. feeling (6) 23. with (19) 48. do (11) 73. hahaha (8) 98. your (6) 24. time (18) 49. them (11) 74. happy (8) 99. more (6) 25. about (17) 50. been (11) 75. does (8) 100. stop (6)

Username: Word Count by Hutta.

haha this is damn cute. tammy you are 69th on my list la wth hahaha

today's the last day of j1 and it seems kinda surreal and i cant really believe that its been.. a year? i cant tell if im feeling sad or not (but thats not the point anyway).. to realize that i've changed a lot since last year. i've become a lot more guarded with people i dont know well enough and perhaps a lot more introverted i think. its so hard for me to completely open up to people. i feel like, socially inept or something. last year i couldnt stand being alone/staying quiet for one minute and i really liked having friends around me but this year its been the complete opposite.. i would prefer to be alone and quiet, than having to maintain conversation with someone. omg. nobody would ever associate this description with the me last year haha. blahblahblah. i've changed i guess. i've become colder, less talkative, and probably less interesting (tammy can testify to all this, the last one i added myself).
okay enough of this self antagonizing shit! i shall. think about something else. this is dumb i hate blogging byebye

okay, that was a mean horrible selfish entry. im sorry.
anyway

LILIN IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU that you found your cat!!! and we shall rip off the fingernails of the culprit when we find him!!!

sometimes i wish youd just go away GOAWAY your face alone makes me so mad ARGH get out stop being so blind and quit bugging people.

finally getting my lazy ass down to blog! anw its been a nice fun eventful week. must say jialin's birthday was the highlight cos at school so much happened (e.g. jack and greg's song LOL. first line: "when i first met i thought you were normal." very nicely put.) and in the evening her parents brought the whole bunch of us out for dinner at brewerkz! this pleasant german-y restaurant at clarke quay.. sleeping over at jialin's hse was hilarious. i forgot to bring my spects and actually changed in the room without realizing tammy was in it too AHHAA. and that was like, five minutes after i finished changing. hahahahahahah sometimes i think i can be really quite dumb.

photos!!







us, near the river. everyone else except lilin and me wore a skirt!






me going crazy. i like this photo though.

/edit i have no idea why the stupid pictures are so big i tried to scale it down but nth works urghh

for the sake of randomness: this is how my hamster oreo looked like. it died when i was in sec three and i cried for two days. :(
.. cheer up lilin:(





haha okay im getting lazy again and so i shall stop blogging. good night!

hello people! im finally back from my loooonnnngggg hiatus. promos are finally over! and so much stuff has happened. but im glad and relieved of the feeling of being bound to my books.
reading denise's letter right now she makes me so happy:))))))))) dont worry im going to make so much time for you i've got so much to catch up with you!! and so does tammy! who came over just now and we made poor tristan so confused in our garbled online conversation HAHAHA whoooooooooooo life's good. am going to visit denise at her new workplace tmr YAY island creamery. i want extra big scoops!
on a sidenote, take care yaoguang! and i really really hope you'll get well soon. ahha though you may not even see this.
i suspect im going to have a lot of fun in the next few days, so expect pictures soon! for the first time in a long time i can really say im.. carefree? this might be shortlived but im going to enjoy it while it lasts:)

you're so cute when you're slurring in your speech
but they're closing the bar and they want us to leave

haha not that this line has any particular significance whatsoever i just like the way it sounds. slurrrrrring in youuurrr speech baby! hahaha aahaha aahhahahah im going mad SUGAR HIGH. OKAY EOM. NOWNOWNOW.

/edit jialin's house today! was fun! 





OMG I SWEAR IM SUCH A NOOB i dont know how to upload pictures!! sdalkfjsdaflk horrible pixelised shit.. anyway doesnt allison look adorable i kinda scaled the pic a little cos i dont know to manage this thing hahaha and look at the shitty cookies

in the light of recent events, and some very dramatic ones if i may add, its consoling to see that even as personalities seem to change and outward appearances deviate, friendship stays. and true friends tell each other how they truly feel even if it runs the risk of hurting the other party.

I AM EXHAUSTED and have reached my wilting point! i wish i had some pictures to put up here this blog is so ugly and dead and bare im beginning to hate looking at it.. sorry for the lack of updates havent been particularly busy but life's been rather empty and theres nothing to say anyway. LIFE IS BORING. i am boring. and i am becoming increasingly jaded and cynical i dont believe in certain things anymore but i guess its okay. random thought i think miles is really really cute even though i dont take history. aaaahaha. okay im tired goodnight.

life doesn't always turn out like how we want it to be. i have absolutely no reason to be upset about anything, yet i am. havent really felt like blogging for the past few weeks because i dont feel any substantial reason to.. and i was afraid i might sound silly and unworthy of feeling this way. sometimes i just want to give up and stop thinking so much. i wish there were someone there to pull me out of this. i even wish i could like someone. seeing cheresa and listening to her gaga over her marc on an almost day-to-day basis really makes me want to fall right into love. haha. i dont know what i want. im going to stop thinking.

Comment on this entry and:

1. I’ll respond with something random about you
2. I’ll challenge you to try something
3. I’ll pick a colour that I associate with you
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog

no attraction. never was. so stop being so vulnerable.