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(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2014::09:29 pm]
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Wedding cheesecake

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(no subject) [Jun. 11th, 2013::12:01 am]
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I could easily and happily fall in love with this guy.

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(no subject) [Feb. 6th, 2013::12:42 am]
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A part of me is dead, and I know I am never going to be the same person I once was. Just like having a child changes you, losing a loved one too soon does as well.

One is a kind of inexplicable joy and the other is a irrevocable sadness.

Life goes on, and each day is another stepping stone that takes me further from the day of loss. But as I lay down that path, I'm also carrying the unyielding weight of all the stones and days that lie ahead of me. Never knowing when the burden will lighten.

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(no subject) [Jan. 21st, 2013::11:11 pm]
photo
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(no subject) [Dec. 3rd, 2012::04:02 pm]
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(no subject) [Dec. 2nd, 2012::01:39 am]
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I've been trying really hard to be supportive and happy for Barbie and her baby, but I just can't right now. I'm so depressed and low over this whole thing. It makes me feel so bad for holly, and I keep thinking about what this means for her relationship with her paternal family and how it's basically going to disappear. I know she has more than enough love and support on my side but it still makes me so sad for her. My heart is heavy and empty. I just want to cry over the whole thing but the tears won't come. I want to be happy, but I don't understand how they could have been so dumb.

And she told me all about how happy James was and how he was gong to support her and the baby and what the fuck was I? Nothing. Did he just forget he has an incredible daughter? It's like she never even existed to him.

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(no subject) [Sep. 28th, 2012::10:58 am]
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2012::09:35 pm]
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Post 123

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(no subject) [Mar. 14th, 2012::06:56 am]
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(no subject) [Mar. 4th, 2012::11:55 pm]
I think Holly has been slowly weaning herself. For the past week I've noticed that she only nurses twice a day, once when she wakes up and once right before bed. Usually for about 10 seconds at a time. So sad, I think I'm heartbroken. All I want is to make it to the 2 year mark, which is 9 days away so I think I will be heavily encouraging her to continue nursing till then. I know my big goal was 2 years and in the beginning it seemed so far away, but now that its here I wish we could go longer. I'm really really not ready for it to be over. I tried to express some milk in the shower and I got one drop on each side :( I think I need to go to therapy or talk to someone about how sad it makes me. She's my baby! I don't know when or if I'll be having another one and this has been such a special bond. I am not ready.

Words of encouragement? I know I am soooo fortunate to have made it this far with the support and encouragement i've had, and especially since so many moms don't even make it to a year. I know I did what was the very best I could do for her with the extended nursing as long as we did. UGH, just not ready.
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