Breathe In, Exhale

ex ex, ohs ohs, bomb hella throw throw

2008-07-18T19:24:17Z

PandoraBoxpixie (2:37:02 PM): soup

youtoldthisstory (2:43:09 PM): i want to eat you as soup

PandoraBoxpixie (2:43:17 PM): mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

youtoldthisstory (2:43:27 PM): mmmmmmmm

PandoraBoxpixie (2:43:30 PM): I slurp you as soup

youtoldthisstory (2:43:42 PM): i want two portions of you

PandoraBoxpixie (2:44:20 PM): I want to sallow you and htne laugh and have you come out my nose

youtoldthisstory (2:44:57 PM): mmmmmmm

youtoldthisstory (2:45:12 PM): i want to swallow you and laugh and then not control my fart but then its you coming out all wet in my boxers

I have been on a beach kick lately. Laura and I go after work at 5ish, and the waves have been super big and we just get klobbered and wash up on shore. VERY much fun. We aint liek those lame type of girls who lay and tan, we man up and go stright for the ocean the whole time. Except yesterday after we got out we were sitting no our towels adn these two dbags walked by adn we checking us out for like...the entire until they were out of our distance, so to messwith them we booked it to the car, drove down like 1/16th of a mile, sprinted back on the beach, layed down our towels and acted very chill as they walked by again. They pointed adn clearly said to eachother "hey its those same girls as before" but they were not nearly as confused as we hoped for. I wish I wrote in this more, but its hard. Another fun thing that happened recently was Elisa's Kostume Kegger (BYOK) that she threw. Laura stole SO MUCH Hannah Montana stuff from walmart as well as some Dora the Expolorer stuff, and she dressed as a very cocky Miley Syrus wearing her own merchandise and I dressed as myslef wearing lots of Dora the explorer stuff. Beacham and I won at beer pong because we are amazing. Of course he drank all the beer, but he said that helped him. I drove Laura Spencer nad Roo home, adn they were all extremly high and drunk adn kept saying "lets get hamburgers!" adn then falling asleep. It happened liek three times. Oh spekaing of Beachem, I saw him at Sailfest that was soooo much fun. after the firworks I made Josh walk from New London to Waterford, and Phil gave me a mix of lots of vodka and very little gatoraid for the walk. funnest walk of my life. we walked past trafiic for like 6 miles. I think it would have been just as fun if I didn't randomly and almost accidnently get so intoxicated.
Okay I ahve to go practice the drums NOW.

Somebody took the time to make deviled eggs and throw them at my car

2008-06-14T03:22:07Z

I have briuse on my forehead. While opening the car door, I slammed it in to my head, and I wasn't even distracted by anything, I am just an idiot.

This summer is looking like it will be interesting-for a number of reasons, but in particular my sister is moving in for a few months. Her zeb are broken up, and she was looking for a new apartment, but since the split between Tom and Ma Mere has occured, she realizes my madre's dire finicial situation, and has opted to move back in and pay rent so that momz does not have to sell the house. This is good, ultimitaly. I am excitied because Carrie and I are on the level of friends now, and I always...eh, I almost alwyas enjoy it when she comes over to hang out, so it if it goes as I am picturing it, I will have someone to hang out with all the time, which would be really fun. Yet, this could be bad. She is a lot to handle, verrrry overwhelming at times. Not to mention her incredibly mean streak, which she likes to take out on me because I yell back at her in my head only. So, interesting, if nothing more.

Josh: Oh, it was from "Earserhead", not "Blue Velet", duhhhhh
Me: Both David Lynch
Josh: Fuck David Lynch??
Me: No, I siad both,
Josh" Ohhh, I just got a hard on when I thought you said 'Fuck David Lynch'
Me: But you love David Lynch...
Josh: Yeah but...fuck David Lynch!

Yeah yeah, you had to be there, whatever. Actually, more like you had to be me in order to get it. I just understand comedy better than anybody.

OhmygooodnessImissLani.

These problems are way bigger than me

2008-06-01T21:48:43Z

Dear Mom,
You will never see this letter, and that makes me incredibly sad. I don;t know why we can't communicate, or where the problem originates from. I wrote you a letter once, as I have never really been able to say how I feel. It was with crayon on the back of an envelope. I left it on your dresser, but we never talked about it. Incidently, that was also about a boyfriend of yours at the time, one who I disliked very much for no good reason. This letter is less selfish. I would like you to know how upset, astonished, and angry I am that Tom broke up with you. And how I feel forever guilty for being a brat about it in the first place. Although I never seemed happy for you I fully was. I had weird resentment, for stupid reasons, and apparent jealously over new son, but I was always sincerely happy that you had put yourself in a poistion where you were finally treated right. I could tell how happy you were because you started saying "I love you" right after you first starting dating Tom. Although it was awkward to say that to each other after never saying it I soon came to really appreciate it.
I don't know how it would make you feel to see me crying so hard for you right now. It could make you more sad, or it could offer some comfort. I know you understand my apprehension about letting you know I am sad. Erin told me how you were sobbing while sitting at the computer the night I found out I didn't get in to Hampshire. I would not have ever known you felt my sadness if she did not relay what she saw.
I feel so guilty for acting so selfish. I always thought about me in terms of your new life, and how it isolated me and made me feel uncomfortable in my own house. I didn't let the fact that you were finally happy stop me from thinking about my own comfort level. I am so sorry. Now that it is all gone, now that all the people you love and have surronded yourself with are all taken away, now that all the expensive and new things intruding on our house are taken away and have nothing to replace them, now that we will have to move to a house we can afford....now I can see how good it was before.
You took me out to a fifties dinner for lunch. The food was awful, and the restaurant was too open and empty kind of resembling a theatre set. We talked about how your life was falling apart so suddenly and unexpectedly while 50s pop played in the background. It kind of made sense that way-The 50s had that facade of pretending to be okay when really everything was crumbling around you, and I feel like the cheesy nostalgia 50s dinners go for now had the exact same feel to them at the time. We laughed instead of crying about your loss of a job and a boyfriend-of a life more or less.
What I want you to know is that I feel your pain as much as if were mine. I can't stop crying, and I don't want to do anything to get my mind off of it, I don't want to talk to anyone, or leave, or do anything except sit with you so you know you are not alone.
But you won't know that. And when you say something about it I will just shrug my shoulders and grimace, because I can't speak about it to you. I am so overwhelmingly hurt for you right now, but there is nothing I can do. I think you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for though. Maybe we should get out of this town of judgemental PTO housewives anyway. Maybe it will all work out, right? I mean if I were to talk to anyone about this I am sure that's the sage advice they would give. Everything is falling so quickly... I am sorry I was not, and still am not a better daughter.
Love,
Renee

This is why I'm hott...

2008-05-03T20:32:47Z

Hustle hard, money stack, sell that dope, sell that crack, sell that pack, sell that gat, sell that pussy, holla back!

Me: You are passing out in your chair, why don't you go to sleep?
Him: Do you want to know the truth?
Me: Yes.
Him: Because I am not going to sleep until I am laying in my bed listening to This American Life kissing you.
Me: Do you want to know the truth?
Him: Yes.
Me: I never kiss to NPR.

Hustle hard, money stack, sell that dope, sell that crack, sell that pack, sell that gat, sell that pussy, holla back!

bye bye babee

2008-02-04T21:53:38Z

SASPERELLA IS MISSING!
I went to NYC this weekend (and had a very good time) and when I got home the first thing I did was check on my baby Saspy. She was not in her cage. I searched for a bout an hour, and no sign yet..
I think it was LittleZach's bratty cousin. Apparntly he was asking to see the snake adn was alone in the room with it, and then it was missing.
I loved Prella so much. We would always watch movies together, and she would sleep on my chest. She was the sweetest snake I ahv eever met.
There is still hope.
Sasssssp =(

I'm seeing Red

2008-02-01T03:51:03Z

I feel frustrated right now, and I am sick of transcribing. I feel unmotivated, but to restless to watch TV. I think I am ready to go back to Bennington.

Time to get paid, blow up like the world trade.

2008-01-28T02:33:13Z

Weird Ghostly encounters, reminiscing, joy and nostalgia, getting over some anxiety while shifting my neurosis.
FWT is going very well. I feel incredibly relaxed and overall content. I am in a good spot. I wrote down all the stuff I left do during my continuing time. I gots three weeks left. I have two more paranormal investagations and one big meeting, and hopefully and at least one more personal meeting with Donna, who is so wonderful. She started ending emails with "I love you." So cute. I like adults who act like kids. I have been hanging out with my mom a lot. Not really hanging out, though. We watch lame TV together, like Desperate Housewives-so gay. But it is nice in my comfy living room laying on the floor next to the woodstove with Pepper.
Anyway, I am really exctied about all my FWT stuff left to do, and I also am exctied to go up to Burlington and chill with Corey and see Girl Talk. School will be rad, the more I talk to Lword the more I want to be back there, with Katttarah and Manos and Elisa and MikeBike and everyone else-I decided there is no point in making a list. But at the same time, these are my last three weeks with Josh, and I very very much want to prolong it and just lay around in the loft watching 80s Italien gore movies and 70s exploitation films with him. occasionally taking a break to go get Pizza. Yeah, I am not ready to stop dating him, but I am happy to be ending on that note rather then our love corrupted. Last night after my investagation I went to Elias' house for his birthday. His SVA NYC friends were there and I loved them. Lydia was basically Juno, she looked an d acted, and even sounded liek her. So she was sweet. Ayres and Mike were both wicked funny and awesome. Ayres was incredibly beautiful, like he had a very semitrical and nice face, but he was kinda not intrested in being friendly. Mike was much more friendly adn we had a nice long conversation while everyone was outside. Elias was even sweeter than normal! He was making me laugh so much last night. It was a really good night. Josh even watched Scary Saturday night Sleepover on Discovery Kids with me when we got back to his house.
Thursday night and all friday was really awesome too. I hung out iwth Laura and Spencer Thursday night, and then slept over lauras house because we stayed up so late scaring ourselves, then in the morning went to walmart with laura and spencer. Our sole purpose being to steal food for breakfast. Spencer stole us a bunch of food then we went back to her house ate sooo much. Then Laura and I went to Mystic adn met up with Elisa and chilled for so long. It was probably the highlight of this whole vacation. I did not stop laughing the whole time . I think I want to live with Laura at some point inthe future. I do not getto see her enough.
Aiiight, I think I am going to try and get some transcribing done now. I will try and update something less vague before I go back.

_ava_adore_ @ 2021-12-26T15:12:00

2007-12-26T23:13:09Z

Only 364 days until Chirstmas!! I can't wait.

I wanna be a balla, shota calla, 20 inch rims on the empalla

2007-12-21T22:14:00Z

What am I doing with my life?
I am watching a show on VH1 about Realitity TV that I ahve already seen before..thats embaressing.
Being Home is really great, but I don't know what to do with myself. Everyday since I got home I have been keeping myself pretty busy, basically regementing my time and making lists in my head. On Wednesday I was suppose to go to New York with Colgan and Elisa but my alarm didn't go off, so that didn't end up happening. After driving around and doing some things I went to Joshs house with him to help him babysit his little brother adn sister, but his mom was not around adn niehter were his siblings. That moment (well those next few hours) were the first time that I didn't have anything planned out as to what I was doing, and I felt super wierd.
But I got over it and I am just trying to relax for now. Even though I really miss Lani!
I have found that in my spare time I basically jsut eat..I have been eating nonstop since I returned.
Since ebing home I have:sat-shopping at providence place mall with the fam, saw Joshy and watched Terrorvision
sun-hung out with CorCor, jsut chilled at his house
mon-hit up the town with Cor, Elisa, and Colgan..drove to Groton, then to Mystic-hung around there a long time, then went to Waterford and hit up the mall, best buy, Toys R us, and the per store. Saw Spencer and Joe there, which was awesome. We then went home and had a great night iwth IP-Relay. That was a very day/night
Tues-Woke up at one to Colgan and Elisa stopping buy to get some things they left here, then they had to go and run a bunch of errands, I asked if I could go with them becasue I love car rides! our first stop with Friendlys where Colgan offered to pay for me adn Elisa, what a sweetheart! I told the wiatress it was Colgan's sweet 16 (even though he is almost 21) We then went a bunch of pther places adn ahd a fun fun day. I thought that I hated shopping, but I guess when Iam with my firends and I am buying presents for other people I ahve a lot of fun. That night I went to Dannys house to visit Josh, Julia and Warren. Josh and I went swimming in Dannys pool and in his sauna..it was pretty nice, then we tried to make belgium waffels from scratch. I guess that we subsituted to many ingrdients and they were not able to cook. Josh then came and slept over my house
Wed-This was suppose to be the New York day, but it didn't happen casue my alarm randomally did not work and It would ahve taken too long to drive josh home and meet them in the morning. I was kinda bummed. The night turned out to be really good though. Seth came home from Philly, and Elias was home from NYC so we all watch Erotic Night of the Living Dead, and there was hilarious commentary. It was a lot of fun.
thurs-Left Joshys house at about 2, Went to Devins house at 4 and caught up with her all about our college experiences and such. we had a really fun time, and didn't need anyhting to enterrian us for like 5 hours becasue we jsut had so much to say. Came home and played with Saspy and read Rules of Attraction-werid how much it describes Bennington still, same traditionsadn lingo.
Fri-I was going to be productive during the day. Thus far that has not happened. I need to stop waking up at one, and going to sleep at three. I am hanging out with Justin at his apartment in Mystic at 6, it should be a good time, I miss him a lot. right now Ia mwatching Made. I really love this show, and this Asain nerd on it right now. I really wanna learn to break dance. I wanna be a b-boy!!!!!!

and all the puzzle nerds would spot the acronym

2007-12-15T01:00:34Z

I am writing this in my last hour this term at Bennington. Sasp is slithering up my sleeve and it tickles. This place is pretty incredible. Yet, I feel as thought I am just having a bunch of crazy and random and amazing experiences, as opposed to this being my new life and my new home. I look at the kids who are not freshman here, and completly associate this as thier life, and the peoplpe they hang out with as thier friends, and where they came from is part of thier past. For me I feel the people in North Stonington are my friends, and thats where live. I know that is already going to start to change next term, which is kind of scary and kind of exciting. I have a lot Iwant to detail right now, just about my feelings on the whole college experience and a bunch of gay emotional crap like that-but I kind of also don't feel like writing it out either. Instead, becasue I did not really get the chance to write about actual events I am going to name a few memorable times that stuck out when reflecting on the term.

Jumping in lake Parin at 4:00 in the morning-actually the whole night which also included Transvestite Night, walking to North Bennginton, 10 fingers, and such.
When dylan walked into our room at 5 in the morning.
The first time Lani, Blake, Katari, and I stayed up all night.
Me and Manos' Dining hall thanksgiving
The Booth 120 minute dance party, and before and after in Kilpat
oh my god-Greg Stroud's dessert get-together
Meeting and becoming friends with Monte, my first thirsty thursday with him and Katari
Watching videos of people falling with Lani
Healthy dinners with Sam
Nervously hanging out in Ian's room
The snowstorm-hanunted basement, near death experience with Manos, Lani and Katari
The first Thursday that Lani and I went from house to house.
All of my wonderful tlaks with ELisa
Violets dance parties
Swanoween
Me, Lani and Monte's 2 hour talk about "anything with a beat"
Midnight movies!!!
Gummo...
"honey nut sCOOTers" and "Sexy Leopard" notes with Lani
Manos playing guitare adn singing me to sleep
The night me Lani and Manos went into town and Lani drove really funny and the tacobell guy winked at Lani
Dan Deacon! amazing!
Brattleboro trip and Difience Ohio
Midnight Breakfast
Hnaging out with Jake, Martin and JCR that nigiht in Johnnys room
the Storage room withLani Mike Bike
The 3:00 am car ride to Mount Holyoke with Lani, getting lost alone for an hour in Amherst, and the ride back up after long weekend with Lani and Joshy
Being kidnapped and dirven to Tacobell/KFC on my birthday
the 24 hour plays
Me and Lani's hollaween Coffee Hour
Chris Crooker video extravaganza with Lani
The night Manos was making me half so incredibly hard and Lani played Buzz Ballads and we drew portriats of Manos with our eyes closed
All the Pagasissy shows

I am sure I could think of more...It was kind of funny doing that becasue I feelthe majority of my time here was class, work, and homeowrk, but I guess I have done a lot more than that. Monte says the reason you go to Bennington is the spring semister. That makes me very exciteid to come back. and I am also very excited to be home and do my field work term..so I guess overall life is really good right now. During "finals" I hated everything, and have been hainvg a "I don't know what Iam doing with my life crisis", but for right now I feel really good. aaand I can't wait to see Joshy and all my firends!

A DAY IN THE LIFE

2007-11-29T06:34:25Z

So I realized that since I have came here I have not had time to do any updates where I just go through the events of my day, so today is that day.
I started my day by going ot psychology class. (actually I went to the dining hall first and got egg yolk all over my face). Psychology was awesome today-and it always seems to capitvate my intrest to an intense level the whole two hours. We got an assiagnment for a 10 page paper though, which is stress causing. It is due the last week(on man thats in two weeks!) and has to be about anythign to with the secondhalf of the class and the idea of gatekeepers(i.e who decides standards on which people are judged by in pyschology) I decided I am going to take this chance to write a huge research paper on why the feild of psychology is awful (basically discussing the ivy tower, need to create normal standards, and how in the end its all about marketing). I will inlist the help of Warren and my Sister who both hate what American psychology really is, and incidentally my sister is graduating this term as a psych. major. Sadly, this is a dillemma in a way for me now, as I am poundering daily what I want to do with my life I keep thinking about how much I love learning about people and the mind-how why they act-I love learning baout 'insanity' and daily issues everyone faces. So basically I love the study of psychology of a pure nature(although that might nto even exist) and I defintly want to take more classes, but I would never want to pursue a career in it.
Okay, I ramble, this entry will be long.
Anyway in class we talked about creativity. We did an exercise in the beginging where we all anonamously wrote down all the uses we could think of for a chopstick in the span of one minute. My teacher is so so funny. Anyway, at the end of class we discussed the results and among many many funny adn bizarre ones the best one was "use it to convince a friend you went to Asia" haha. At the end of class I volunteered to be part of a seniors thesis involving hypnosis and subliminal messages. I will report on that after I do it.
I came back and lani woke up. We talked about our dreams and played with Saspy. MY SNAKE!!! Yes, mine-Manos starting having nightmares about here and gave me his snake. so now the cage and all that is in my room and I get to have her for the rest of her life. Me, Lani, and Manos' attempt to feed her a frozen moue last ngiht was sooo hilarious. Oh, she is sucha sweet snake, I can't wait for everyone to meet her.
I tired to do some homework and then Josh called. Everything was fine, then we got into a disagreement, and I felt really really awful and Katari came in and I was trying not to cry but it was really hard, and I feel like I am always upset over Josh issues and it seems like I am seekign attention or osemthing so I was trying not to say anything but I completly want to jsut eat alone and cry adn not talk to anyone.
Luckly my mood shifted to its previous happy state at Lunch. There was lots of food I liked and Lani and I were being really silly while getting our food and it made me happy. I sat with Lani, Manos, Katari and Amealia-then Blake, Erin and Maymee came at the end. It was an all Swan table except for Amealia.
Next we all (minus Manos, Maymee and Erin) headed to downstaris to the protest. We participated in the a protest to not cut the union workers pay(and a bunch of other crap related to the college not treating the union workers well) We(a gruop of around 50 people) marched to the faculty meeting and caused a rucus. We (or I atleast) was all about the casue, but the protest was still kind of comical to me. On the walk everyone was chanting Support Union Workers so Lani started chanting Pork and Burgers. Yeah that whole experience was just kind of really funny.
Next event was registration. I was preregistered for three classes-Literature of Dreams, Existenstialism and Phenomonology, and American Thather Now. I went to the horrifying huge registration in Greenwall, where you have to run aorund adn get signatures to be in classes adn they fill like whoa. I needed 4 credits so I planned on taking a dance class and this human rights class. I got the dance class adn the human rights class filled, so I signed up for another dance class "Dance on Film" its kind of a history of dance through film class-easy. I have three easy classes-the actual dance class being the easisest, the other two electives have writting assianments adn hoimework but nto nearly as intense as what Ihad this semister. I am very content with my schedule next term.
I had about two hours before my next class. I should have read for class but I didn't, instead Lani and I looked up pictures that scare us-like centipedes and milipededs an d spirders. We clicked on this awful picture of a scary huge spider and the picture was the size ofthe screen. Lani and I both screamed, she threw her computer and I jumped off the bed. she then put her pillow over the screen and we made Ian come in and close the picture so we didn't have to see it again. You woulodn't get it unless you were afreiad of spiders-and multiple legs.
Blake camei n and was being funny for while and-oh I forgot this weekend is Midnight Movies where they bus anyone who wants to go to the cinema can go for free at midnight this firday and our choices are Beowolf, Fred Claus, adn Mr. MAgoriums Wonder Emporium. so obvously every single person is getting drunk and seeing beauwolf but I refuse to see that and Lani already saw it adn thinks its awful. Thus I made her get the trailer for Wonder Emporium. oh man, it looks sooooo good. ITs like a G rated fantastical movie. We were laughing so hard during the trialer, its gonna be even funnier in the theathre with like 5 of us in there. can't wait!
State, Market and Society was meh. out of our 15 person class 5 people were absent, so it was awkward ad nb oring for a while, but then the discussion became a bit interesting.
Then dinner.
Then jsut a bunch of procratinating with Lani and Tara via LAni's computer an phone.
This night and last have been the calm before the storm. I don't have my cities class at 10 tomorow but I am hopefully going to wake up 8:45 and go to the dining hall, read some for my class at two, come back adn take a shower, finsh all my work for my class at two adn start some other work.
This weekend till the end of term is going to be soooooo intense. SO MUCH WORK. the last week I have a 6 page paper due monday for cities, a 5 page paper due teusday for lit, a 10 page paper due wednesday for pysch. and two essays 2-3 pages each for State, MArket that day.
All ofthese I need to reserch hardcore, plaus I ahve all my normal work due each day that takes me all night. Ah! nooo fun.
Oaky, back to homework and soon sleep.

this magnificent bird will rise

2007-11-15T22:18:06Z

This weekend is going to be INTENSE-100percent like Degrassi
but not in a good/interesting way like Degrassi, in a boring homework way.
I have to read two books plus other research in order to write a 12 page miniumum paper. I don't know how I am going to manage..but I will try.
There is like 3240923 interesting things going o nthis weekend too. But instead of being sad(although I proabaly will have several breakdowns this weekend) I am going to focus on things I love
1st- Manos' snake Sasperella. He named her Sophie, but thats boring, so I named her Sasperella(Saspy for short). She is the most beautiful and sweetest snake I have ever met. She is an albino King Snake, menaing she is very litght pink with darker pink circle strips on her, and red eyes. She is extremly playful and friendly, and I really love love love to play with her.
2nd-Philip Roth. We have started reading his stories for my class "Malamud, Bellow, and Roth:Stories and Novellas." I really enjoyed the other two authors, Malamud more than Bellow-but I have found that I absolutly love Roth. I think "Converstion of hte Jews" is one of my favorite stories now.
I could list more but I have to go to work very soon.
Last night I had this crazy dream where I knew I was dreaming so I was trying to wake myself up, and I could see myself..and I was trying to yell Lani and move but I couldn't. then I woke up from my dream(except I was still i na dream) and I went and got into bed with Lani because I was scared. Except then I woke up for real in my own bed and was confused. Lani said I was making whining nioses in my sleep last night.
I tried to write a poem today when I was bored in class. It took me like a minute to don't expect much:

Philosophies spinning in our head
Your transcendental eyes see through my
existential pose
cutting off the metaphsyical tone
of our falsely imposed
connection
You want more
always more
but what can I offer to appease any hunger
distant childhoods affecting this exchange
how can I rearrange
my thoughts to please?
never beg
you won't beg
to show desperation, where the flow of words won't go
stop
just stop
change the time, fix our flaws, then alter the mind

gayyyyyyyy

one week later it was melodies

2007-11-09T06:16:09Z

I felt as though I was doing really well with the whole college/ anxiety about being home thing, but I guess it just hits people at different times. Most people right away, then they get use to it. Not I. When I first got here, up until like now, I was thinking that I had a great experience in life thus far and now is the appropriate time to move on, and now I am ready and excitied for what my future holds. Of course I missed everyone, but not in any sort of desperate or sad way. I had to read Peter Pan for my Cities of Fantasy, Ctiies of Fear class last night. I finished it at 4 in the morning and was crying really really hard. For some reason the idea of obligatory maturing made me over whelmingly sad. Tonight I went back and looked at some old myspace comments becasue I was really trying to procrastinate, I then followed that up by going back into my livejournal. I am having such a overwhelming sad, nostalgic feeling right now. I really really miss my friends. Terribly bad. I very much want to be back in high school at this moment, and knowing that I can't be is a sad and scary thought.

It's just like..you have these times where you are sad about stuff that later becomes trivial, and only upon reflection do you see that these are the times that you were the happiest.

All the sudden I feel not ready to move on, and I feel like time is moving too fast, and I am feeling really really nervous.

. Everything that's born has to die, which means our lives are like skyscrapers.

2007-11-07T02:12:21Z

Ever since I realized it was the 10 year anniversary I have been thinking about it so much more, and appropriatly so becoming even more senstive to the issue. What was I to do to commerate it? Not go to any classes or work-spend the day mourning? Where all black? Set aside a time for reflection?

10 years ago at this hour he was gone, but I was still unaware. I was laying on the couch watching nickolodeon wondering why it was taking my mom so long to get back from the hospital, and getting worried that maybe he was more severly hurt then the phone call intailed, while my moms friend assured me "He's going to be fine, don't worry" I wonder if my brother and sister knew what my mom was going to tell us when she lead us up to her room, because I had no idea.
No idea that after the walk up those stairs my life would be forever changed.

The smoke rises at different speeds, but they're all on fire, and we're all trapped.

I guess it is just the fact that certain year anniversaries (10,15,25,75..) are hyped by the media. Convience of thier divisibilty maybe? I am not quite sure, but really it shouldn't matter whether its been 9 years, or 11 years-or even 10. It is still just as sad..and no more heartbreaking on a publicized anniversary year.

I really wanted to find the ending of Extremly Loud and Incredibly Close because I like to put my emotions into other peoples words, whether it be songs or peoms or excerpts of books. The end of that book evokes a sadness that is nothing short of a profound experience. However, I don't have a copy of the book and could not find that excerpt online. I will end with another qoute that found that embodies a sad and nostalgic yet warm and sweet feeling that are often attached to my memories of my dad.

I read the first chapter of A Brief History of Time when Dad was still alive, and I got increadibly heavy boots about how relatively insignificant life is, and how compared to the universe and compared to time, it didn't even matter if I existed at all. When Dad was tucking me in that night and we were talking about the book, I asked if he could think of a solution to that problem. "Which problem?" "The problem of how relatively insignificant we are." He said, "Well, what would happen if a plane dropped you in the middle of the Sahara Desert and you picked up a single grain of sand with tweezers and moved it one millimeter?" I said, "I'd probably die of dehydration." He said, "I just mean right then, when you moved that single grain of sand. What would that mean?" I said, "I dunno, what?" He said, "Think about it." I thought about it. "I guess I would have moved one grain of sand." "Which would mean?" "Which would mean I moved a grain of sand?" "Which would mean you changed the Sahara." "So?" "So? So the Sahara is a vast desert. And it has existed for millions of years. And you changed it!" "That's true!" I said, sitting up. "I changed the Sahara!" "Which means?" he said. "What? Tell me." "Well I'm not talking about painting the Mona Lisa or curing cancer. I'm just talking about moving that one grain of sand one millimeter." "Yeah?" "If you hadn't done it, human history would have been one way..." "Uh-huh?" "But you did do it, so...?" I stood on the bed, pointing one of my fingers at the fake stars, and screamed: "I changed the course of human history!" "That's right." "I changed the universe!" "You did." "I'm God!" "You're an atheist." "I don't exist!" I feel back onto the bed, into his arms, and we cracked up together.

dance hall hips, pretenious quips

2007-10-13T18:53:08Z

This weekend is oh so exiciting.
First! Thursday night I checked my mail before I was ready to sit down and start some serious work on my Feild Work Term-as in figuring out what the heck I wanted to..andcould actually do (a very daunting task). In my mail was a replied email that I sent out a month ago not expecting a reply.
I got an internship at the Cosmis Society for Paranormal Investagation!!!!!

Hello and welcome to the website of the Cosmic Society of Paranormal Investigation (CSOPI). Our team of investigators, researchers, writers, and psychics invite you to join us on our journey into the unknown. The paranormal is a fascinating field of study for people from all walks of life and is growing in popularity.

Founded in 1995 by Donna Kent, Cosmic Society of Paranormal Investigation is highly regarded amongst today’s leading edge paranormal groups and researchers. Our primary objective is to investigate and provide assistance to people who believe they’ve experienced a psychic event or paranormal crisis through information, consultation, psychic intervention, metaphysical services, film documentation and complete investigative techniques.

It is in Connecticut so I can live at home for the whole time, which I am actually pumped about. Thus I will be home from December 14th to February 16th. However this place is in Stratford, which is an hour and a half from No Sto. A long drive seeing as how I need to work 210 hours there (30 hours a week about). Still I am super excited, and Josh was so happy for me that it made me even more overjoyed. It was be amazing if Josh was living at home for my FWT, but if he is in philly we would still visit eachother so its cool.
So thursday I celbrated by the news by building a fort in the common room of Swan and watching Are You Afriad of the Dark. A bunch of us hung out in the fort, including people who just stopped by. Everyone was making the funniest commentary on it. I loved the fort so much I slept in it.
Friday I jsut worked all day-the only interesting thing that happened was happened was hanging out with people on drugs. The film society (but kind of just Monte) showed the Dark side of Oz-Wizard of Oz sinked with Dark on the Moon. I have already seen this a few years ago via Sean Leverault, so I didn't go, but it was a big event I guess. This is the letter Monte sent to everyone:
RAINBOWRAWKUSRAMBUNCTIOUSRIDICULERAZZMATAZZRIKITIKITAVIREIHNQUEST
9:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:309:30
KINOTOCAKINOTREKAKINOMECCAKEYNOTECHUH

THE STREETS NO JUST WHAT THIS IS GHOST RIDE THE WHIP UP AND DOWN THE STRIP THE GHOST BUSTAHS THEY THE POLICE ALWAYS TRYINTOPULLA

WHEN YOU GET A NEW CAR AND YOU'RE FEELING LIKE A STAR
WHACHU GONNA DO?
GHOST RIDE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
GHOST RIDE YOUR WHIP

DARKSIDE OF THE NEW RADIOHEAD ALBUM
DARKSIDE OF THE SOULGLOW
DARKSIDE OF THE SANYO
DARKSIDE OF THE DAVE BOW
DARKSIDE OF THE OLD CROW
DARKSIDE OF THE STAGE TOE
DARKSIDE OF THE UMBRELLAZOMBIES
A A A A A AA A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A

DATA OVERLOAD

FILM SOCIETY

CRAZY MESSAGE

DON'T READ FURTHER

*
He is saying Kinoteca 9:30, which the time and place..along with nonsensical things.
Well Elisa and Todd went to it after smoking opium..and Katari took acid for it. I spent the night with Katari after it. Okay, best part of my night- Katari said "Blake came in, cut the acid, dropped it on my desk, and then bent down and ate it.......obvuosly not the desk" I laughed for 20 minutes at that. no lie. I kept stopping and then her and Manos would look at me and I would just start again. I thought it was really really funny for some reason. I guess I just have a weird sense of humor.
Today is very very exciting because I am seeing Defiance, Ohio! yayyyy. They are one of my very favorite bands right now, and they are playing an hour away..aaand I don't even have to drive, other people who I am friends with are driving! I am really pumped-I know all the lyrics to every song. eeeee.
And then tommorrow I am going to Six Flags Fright Fest all day!! It was like a 25 dollars adn transporation for all Bennington students deal. I don't think too many people are going, but I know that most of my friends in Swan are going and all the coolest girls in Dewey are going, so I am very much excited to hang out with them, aaand also six flags is fun, I ahven;t been there in a while, so it tiight-but, its all decked out in halloweenness so that makes me estatic (ecspecially since I missed the trip last year with my grade for my tonsils)
On the down side, I have 2 papers to do for monday and about 12 hours of reading (that was a serious estamation not an exxgeration) and I have no timeat all to do it.
This next week is midterms. Then friday is Dan Decon fo freee in the student center, then I am coming home for long weekend.
I am SO excited to lay on my couch with Tigre and Pepperann and many pillows and blankets next to my fireplace watching 13 nights of Halloween on ABC family. that is my defintion of comfort.
Well I am glad that in my 4 hours of time to 15 hours of homework I used my time wisly to make this update.
I have so much excitment in meee. I am not ogign to see Lani for like three days over Long weekend. Last time I went home I didn't see her for saturday and most of Sunday and I was texting her becasue I really missed her. I really really really love her.
okay homework! :(

Tara s my d

2007-10-09T21:20:14Z

I hate anything impersonal. With a student teacher ratio of 9 to 1 you would think I would not be having a problem with this.
Today is a day of low self esteem. Generally weekdays are really high stress causing an overwhelming feeling-its sad the extent of awesome things here I am missing.
But I seem to have pretty wonderful weekends. This weekend was amazing. It was nonstop excitment and adventure, including jumping into this lake in Norht Bennington at 4 in the morning with Katari, Monte, Violet and Ameila-all people who I have formed an awesome friendship with Ifeel.
hahaha Lani and I just got in a fake fight about me writing in my Livejournal about her and we started yelling at eachother. it ended with us screaming fuck you really really loud
but I must eat now.
Happy birth day to my lovely Elisa
yay Tara is back in our room again for a few days,
aaaand I love Devin for sending me a letter
okay bye!

loved it more than anything, loved it more than anything, loved everything more than it

2007-10-03T05:00:23Z

My adress, for those of you who wish to please me =), is
Renee Gavitt
Bennington College,Swan 12
One College Drive
Bennington, VT
05201

I have been wanting to make an update for so long, but sadly I feel like I never have time. There is so much that I love about this place, needless to say the one word to best describe my situation would be "drowning." As in, I am completly over my head with the classes I am taking and the balance of my crappy job at the Dining Hall. I am suffering the most by lack of sleep-I sleep excellent here...when I get the chance, its just I always have to stay up later than I want, and wake up earlier than I desire to do homework.
I am sorry this post is depressing-there is so much excitment and greatness here at the same time. It is not Bennington at all that is causing me so much stress and sadness, it is myself. I have been a bad friend to everyone I care about and pretty much just stopped talking to everyone (except Josh who is too persistent to let it happen) I miss everyone so much, but feel to sad and/or occupied to talk to them.
What I need to work on is my self esteem-greatly. It has become much worse in the past few days and preventing me from getting anything done as I am constantly telling myself I am not intelligent enough, or suck too much at writing, or just pale in comparison to everyone else at everything. I know I need to get over myself, but its been ecspecially difficult lately.
I am completly comfortable being here, but nto comfortable with myself here-if that makes sense. I am in love with my surrondings but insecure as crap about myself.
As always, I will be okay soon enough. And then I will call all of my friends, and update about how insane and amazing this place is.

I love you all.

You want everything everything everything everything outta me now

2007-08-29T03:52:40Z

I get this feeling sometimes. I feel like I want to disapeer, or cease to exist. It always occurs when I am with one or more people. Seeing as how I can not magically disapeer, and dramatic exits are not my thing I just kind of go within myself. I guess it is impossible to describe in words-and really that is my problem at these times..I can never get out what I want to say. I think about things so much, over analyze until things become nonsensical, yet when it comes to vocalizing it, the words are gone, and the only comfort is hide away with my thoughts. However, comfort might not be the best word as although it is the only thing I can do in certain situations I can't help but think why am like this, and, how can I expect anyone to ever understand me when I can't say what I feel.
It only really happens when I feel hurt or embaressed. But of course I am way to sensitive for my own good, so it happens far too often.
I have cried too much today. I am afriad to speak at times because I don't want to give to much of myself away. I fear I will not be understood, or it will leave me in vunerable poistion. I am so deathly afriad of not being understood that I don't give people a chance to understand me. Why am I so afriad?

Our petty problems, so American, we’re caught up in own little worlds

2007-08-07T01:40:07Z

Today was an interesting day. It was pretty random therefore I would consider it a good day. It’s funny because the type of events surrounding would make anyone be like “Damn, that sucks” but to someone like me or Laura it would be like something to reflect upon and laugh-we are all about memorable moments, good and bad. I woke up at Josh’s this morning feeling very uncomfortable because I had to pee so badly. As soon as I sat up I felt very nauseas, I tried to play it cool and act like everything was fine but after my walk to and from the bathroom, I was feeling ready to puke. I was just lying in the bed moaning and feeling like crap and then Josh nursed me back to health, no lie. He was soooo caring and showing me so much attention, it was really nice. I felt very sick for an hour, in which I could not leave the bed, and then slowly recovered in the next few hours after drinking lots of water, eating chicken noodle soup and having a wet rag on my head. Thank goodness I did not even puke, even though I was close. It was so random because I rarely get sick, and the few times I have gotten sick in my life its been violently throwing up all day and wanting to die. I still feel a little lightheaded and dizzy, and the thought of food makes me cringe right now, but other then that I am okay.

Elias came over before I had to leave for work. It made me happy because Elias is wonderful. He came on the loft with Josh and I as we discovered that the Are You Afraid of the Dark DVDs I got on EBay a few years ago and never watched because my crappy DVD player won’t play them works on laptops. Yay! So am very excited to watch every episode of it, and would be happy if anyone was interested in watching it with me.

I left for work around three and was very into the 40 minute ride as it had started to rain, and then downpour, and I do very much love the rain, and being in a car in the rain.

I was supposed to work with this girl Stephanie from 4-6, then 6-9 on my own. I knew that because of the rain it would be so slow, so I was happy about being alone for three hours. When I came in I saw Stephanie and her boyfriend in here, and as I shut the door she told me to lock it behind me-odd because we have inside seating. She then told me that she called her boyfriend and locked all the doors because there was a random weird man harassing her earlier. Not only that, but the past two nights there has been a random car just sitting in the dark area where the employees park their cars. In addition, Brooke complained of some guy creeping her out the other day while she was here, his description happened to match the creepy guy from today. Incidentally, there is another guy here who comes every night who is starting to weird me out. At first, he would just say things like “pretty sundae from a pretty girl” and call me cutie and stuff. Then one night when I was alone, he came three times in the course of three hours, which made me a little nervous. Then last time I worked with Devin he came and brought us a really big pretty flower-nice, but a little odd. The following night he came and gave me two roses. So now I am a little creeped out. After Stephanie tells me not to let anyone come in and sit inside or use the bathroom and to call the cops if anyone comes back here and acts weird she bid me farewell. I guess she thought it was appropriate to leave two hours early and let me be alone the whole time. I feel as though I am in no danger though, I just kind of have this excited and feeling haha.

I say all of this in the present tense because I am writing this entry from work right now. I had my laptop in my car and so I brought it in and now am sitting on top of the freezer in the back of the store. Stephanie cleaned the whole place today and refilled everything, and there are no customers, so pretty much there is nothing for me to do. Because I still feel a bit sick and thus do not feel like doing anything it is awesome. Now I think I am going to watch some more Are You Afraid of the Dark. Why must laptops be so awesome?

I wanna see movies of my dreams

2007-08-04T04:30:59Z

whoa-oh-oh-oh.
One month, minus 3 days, left of summer.
I'm on the desktop right now becasue my laptop is being a jerk currently.
my mom is in the other room with this other lady who I strongly dislike. she's part of my moms new family-she's Toms sister. There are drinking wine and talking about stressful things. My mom has dropped the f bomb a few times, weiiird coming from her. On the otherhand I could choose to not easedrop on there conversation. nah.
I wish I had time to write about my summer in this livejournal-well I wish that I had been making updates all along. I was writting down breifly what I did everyday in the beging of the summer, but then I lost the piece of paper it was all on, and thus did not continue. to make it worse I lost my camera in june and did not get a new one till 2 days ago so I have no pictures of july. :(.
right now it is Seths birthday. I remember this day last year. I was at a party at laura's house, and it was filled with drunken drama, so I jsut spent all night texting Seth, who was on his way to Cali at the time. thats funny both years I texted him at midnight on his birthday. He is moving to Philly and I will miss him so very much.
Thats something I can remember about the begining of July-late night conversations with Seth after Josh passes out early.
For most of July I just have been at Joshs. Except every single night with him has been extremly good. I feel so very very much in love with him. honestly, my feelings for him are so strong that it is making me a little apprehensive to go to B'ton (as its called on disscussion boards). I have not really physically prepared, and I certainly have nto mentally prepared.
I have so much I want to do this August. Many places I want to go to, many books I want to read, people I want to spend lots of time with. ahhh.
Tomorrow I will see everyone at Coreys house and that will be good. haha I think Corey changed my profile song to that "you're way too beautiful girl" song. I saw that today when I checked my profiel in the first time in liek a month, so I dunno how long it has been like that.
This entry is too random to read over.

calling old friends to make sure they're real

2007-07-21T07:10:36Z

Ah, I knew there was some downfalls to summer that I had forgotten about it...the insomnia I get which causes me to get annoyed-which makes me look at things in a negative way, which causes me to start analyzing all the things I don't like about myself, which puts me in an incredibly depressed mood.

Well hey summer is almost over and this is one of the first nights it's occuring..I guess its best that I am with people-Joshyyyy-when I am up this late, rather than alone in my living room with Degrassi. Nooo Craig became a rockstar and now he is doing coke, and him Manny and Ellie are caught in this love triangle. It's funny that I try and relate my life to such exgerrated dramatic TV shows.
the idea of drugs that are done through the nose makes me angry and sad at the same time.
My summer has been very nice so far. A little bit too busy with having two jobs and all, but I guess if it wasn't that way It wouldn't feel right.
I want summer to be longer. I am very excited for Bennington, but also slightly nervous. It really is a big deal. I will be on my own, away from everythign that gives me comfort and security. I felt so ready to go before, but now I am just comfortable with everything in my life.
hm, I hope I feel better in the morning.

most likly Ima die with my finger on the trigger

2007-06-30T16:30:47Z

Today is the one year anniversary of one of the best nights of my life. My road trip to hartford, I never had time to write about it, so now I am going to include Laura's myspace comments about it.

Jun 29, 2006 12:15 PM

RENEE! my number one friend out of my top 24! haha FUCK YEAH!!! uh yeah i miss you too and my life has not been the same without you. we need to hang out tonight, and i am SO pumped for our road trip tomorrow..its gonna be nuts..getting lost in hartford..i mean wtf. even johnny said he gets lost every time he goes there HAHAHA WE'RE FUCKED! whatever it will b the best. you need to call me right when you get this cuz i think we definately have to hang out tonight or else i might sufficate without you:( hope everything is going good..call me immediatly..URGENTTTTT

spsppeeeeeeeNNN i wont finish haha

RENEEEEEEEEEEE WE BETTER HANGO UTTOTNIGHTTTT~!!!!!!!!!!!!

<33333333333333333LAURAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jul 1, 2006 11:17 AM

ok...i will try and write this..
-STOP SIGNNN! haha i damn near killed that man but it was his fault..that fucker
-post office, actually lets make that plural..post officeS..HA stupid sluts tellin me that i cant cash my check cuz i dont have an account ya fuck me shut up haha
-haha me chokin on my teenie weenie and having to pull over cuz i couldnt breathe for about 20 minutes hahaaa
-comin up to hartford all pumped only to drive around the city for about 3 hours asking about 18 different people how to get to the webster and getting directions but forgetting them everytime or going the wrong way or...talking to fucks who mislead us like that one asshole UGHHH
WE WERE RIGHT THERE..one stop light away..and he sent us all the way back to friggen east hartford or some shit
-FINALLY we make it to the show...AFTER johnnys band ALREADY played cuz we suck at life, hahaha paid 20 bucks for ur stupid ticket..chilled, BUT WAIT! we met friggen cuties! oh yaaa
-we leave webster at 11...thinkin hey! we'll be home at like 12!!! so we get directions head on out..take 84 EAST!!! oh ya we're headin home i mean look coventry connecticut..we're goin the right way!...
-an hour later "WELCOME TO MASSACHUSETTTS!!!" WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!???????
-so this is when i began to bust out in multiple swears hahahahah
-we get off at friggen OLD STURBRIDGE VILLAGE! oh my god..WORST EVER. stupidest place ive ever been i never wanna go there again. ha
-so we drive for a little and we end up comin to a gas station..oh hey were in willimantic!!! RIGHT?!!? YEAAA
-we frollick in goin to ask the man how to get bak to stonington, i mean its only 40 min from willimantic!? and then..the guy goes "willimantic?!!? ur about 20 minutes from there..ur in willington!"

WHAAAT?! WILLINGTON!? FUCKIN WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?

Jul 1, 2006 11:18 AM

read the one underneath first hahaha then go up...

hahahaha this is when we squandered to the corner and began to open up maps..hardcore big maps with 2348320948230948230 roads that we dont know and we're like pointing and ranting and raving hahah and we began to think the only way to go home was to go back to hartford..fucking hartford..where we were at originally...
then an angel flew toward us, what a beautiful sweet angel she was..and told us to take 32 and friggen get on the froggy bridge and head on our way..

HAHA OMG..WOW..I COULD WRITE SO MUCH MORE AND IN SO MUCH MORE DEPTH BUT THIS IS MYSPACE...HAHAHA NOT SOME JOURNAL SHIT SO

WOW I LOVE YOU FUNNIEST NIGHT EVER I CANT EVEN TAKE IT, SO MANY MEMORIES, RENEE WE ARE AMAZING!

Can you tell me 10 words that you'd use to descrie the world to people

2007-06-26T20:03:05Z

I am reading this book right now..not right now as in the present-general span of time-but right now as in I just started it about 45 minutes ago and a few seconds ago Iput it down to write this entry. I am in the mood to write, although I have nothing particular in which I feel I need to tell.
This book is really good so far, I very much like the way it is written. My problem with books is that certian sentences cause this rapid association in my head. so I go off on tangents, and yes I can use that word becasue I am really just talking to myself, only not out loud. I think too much about things. It holds me back, it pushes me away from people, and prevents my ability to commincate. This qauility kind of makes me feel self centered, as if I am so wrapped up in my own affairs that I can not read about other peoples lives for long periods of time. that makes me feel bad.
But I could not help myself in one part of the reading, becasue it is something I had thought about freqeuntly but never discussed with anyone, so it was very odd reading abouta similar experience in this book.
This kid in the story is talking about his dads death and he starts off the paragraph saying "I have only ever been in a limousine twice. The first time was terrible.." He is reffering to the ride the family takes from the funeral home to the graveyard.
I think about this often becasue I have only been in a limousine once, but I have no recolection of this expereince at all. I remember everything about my dad's death in perfect detail. Everything about the wake and the funeral, things that I was thinking and feeling, thingsthat people said. I remember getting my first ever pimple the day after it happened..I get acne when I am stressed out, no lie. I almost always have acne. But in general I just ahve areally good memorey, and I have made a point ot rememebr things of importance in great detail, so to me the fact that I compleltly blocked out a part of that day (so much so that a few years later I made a remark to my mom about never having rode in a limo and thats when I found out that I had indeed done so).
I think I am going to get back to reading/overanalyzing things about life and my own world now though.

I'm okay I'm okay, alive I'm alive, the same, I'm the same

2007-06-17T03:10:49Z

It takes celebrations and diasters to bring a family together.
Yesterday was full oif rejoice as my family came to my graduation. I talked to my brother a lot before it, and my sister a lot of the phone. Then my mom texted me after while we I was on my way to the all night grad party (my moms texts are so awkward, as is the idea) tellign me "your siblings and I are eating dinner, where are u?" HA.
Then today my brother got hurt very badly at work. 10 broken vertibrae, most all of his ribs broken, a collapsed lung, some form of punctures, and his ear was..off of his head. After getting lifestared to Providence he recieved enough treatment to be "okay", but I was certianly worried all day wondering if he could..if it could have become fatal at somepoint. scariest thought ever.
But he will be "okay" I am confident in that now, after spending all day on the phone with my mom and sister.
I am visiting him tomorrow and bringing him up my laptop incase he becomes conscious and wants to watch movies. So I will nto be online for a few days.
Please do as Corey and send some agonstic prayers. thankyou.

Whats Gods name I can't remember

2007-06-14T19:43:34Z

Last night of being a highschooler-weiiiird. I would write about it in detail, but I know that this feeling is nothing orignal, only to be expected, so I wont bother.
oh bittersweetness.
the Martha's Vinyard trip was so incredible. It was serously so much fun for pretty much the entire trip. The whole time I just kept having these moments where I would just smile upon the realization that I was sincerly and fully happy-that nothing could make me anymore happy. This I also wish I could write about in, however with the amount of detial Iwant ot use it would end up taking way too many hours. Its okay..I enjoy retelling stories to myself in my head.
I have been having so much fun these past two weeks, so much I want to write about and remember. Last night was ecspecially nice. After tearing up over Class night, Me, Spence, Corey, Eric(Vito), and Sean all went to Billings and jsut tlaked for abotu two hours. We talked about tons of random things, movies and drugs in particular, but it was nice because we were all equally in the conversation. It was a good feeling.
I stumbled across this really funny movie on TV right now. its called "All I Wanna Do" about these girls in a boarding school in the 60s. I really like it. I think I am going to end this entry in order to pay attention to it.